Is the world against me or what??
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 758
Is the world against me or what??
Been about 40 days sober now, and I swear everything that "could" go wrong to make me slip is going wrong.
Had some problems I talked about over the past couple weeks which I appeciate all the help I had here. Now tonight... I got a call about 2 hrs ago at 1:30am...my uncle just died. Which really hurts because my family is VERY close, and my Aunt just died last August and my uncle was in good health then. But after 52 yrs of marriage....I really think he just finally gave in and died of a broken heart.
I know I shouldnt make this about me, and I dont want to do that. But I just cant believe everything that is going on in the past month that I have finally got sober. Its like someone is trying their best to make me give in!
I've been strong the past 40 days....but I really dont know how much more I can take. Seems like every day there's something else.
Steve
Had some problems I talked about over the past couple weeks which I appeciate all the help I had here. Now tonight... I got a call about 2 hrs ago at 1:30am...my uncle just died. Which really hurts because my family is VERY close, and my Aunt just died last August and my uncle was in good health then. But after 52 yrs of marriage....I really think he just finally gave in and died of a broken heart.
I know I shouldnt make this about me, and I dont want to do that. But I just cant believe everything that is going on in the past month that I have finally got sober. Its like someone is trying their best to make me give in!
I've been strong the past 40 days....but I really dont know how much more I can take. Seems like every day there's something else.
Steve
lunarlovelunar
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 674
I am so sorry about both of your losses. It must be hard. Sounds like you are proud of what you have accomplished in the last 40 days, I would meditate on that if you can. Life isnt fair, its not always happy, and sometimes we get more than we would like of trouble and heartache...but...I think that we arent given any more than what we can handle. I am NOT saying "get over it", Im just saying that this time and these hurts will pass and you will keep on, but how you keep on (clean or sober) is up to you....I wish you the best.
Jaclyn :ghug3
Jaclyn :ghug3
Living in sobriety
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 3,870
Yes I noticed life was inclined to happen when I got sober too. Your right its not about you..... I don't know why I thought life should be sweet and rosy when I got sober, it wasn't....... I still had bills to pay, work to do, ass..... to deal with. It still rained some days, I still got sick sometimes, some of my loved ones got very sick, People died. there was one big difference though, in getting sober, I was able to go to work , pay my bills,and be there for people who were mourning or sick and support them instead of adding to their pain etc.....Life is life. I had to accept life on life's terms before I could move on. The world did not revolve around me.....There are good days and bad days. I have had some crap to deal with since I got sober, but a drink wouldn't have made any of it any better. The opposite in fact. I like being responsible adult today. I had to throw the teddy bear in the corner and grow up....it was hard for me, but such a satisfying journey. So sorry for your loss, I hope you have the strength to get through it and perhaps be of service to the family. There will be good days to come too. You don't mention if you have a support network besides SR. I use A.A and find f2f contact with strong supportive members, coffee, chat invaluable in times like this..
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,756
All I can tell you is - hang on! It's difficult dealing with life sober but drinking makes life so much harder. Do you have friends you can call for support? Just remember this: there is nothing so bad that drinking can't make it worse. Stay sober one day at a time. You can get thru this and come out stronger for it.
:ghug3
:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,385
Sorry to hear about your recent losses Steve. Hang in there, life is hell sometimes. You have done well with your sobriety. Being sober through these times is way better than being drunk through them. As you well know, alcohol would only compound the problems. Be proud of yourself and stay focused.
maklay
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 120
Hang in there Steve... You can do it. Just focus all your energy on eating healthy, and working out. Those 2 helped me keep my mind off of problems and drinking. I haven't had quite the issues you've been dealing with. Mine were new job resposibilities, buying a new house and moving in @ about days 35-50 of sobriety.
stay with us..
stay with us..
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Hi Steve,
I know it seems that way at times - that Life or Fate or God or The Universe (or ALL of them!) - are "out to get us" and dead-set on breaking us and getting us to drink again. But you know what? The only person/thing that can make us drink again is US. You have that power over yourself and no one else does.
It's hard to deal with life on life's terms. Sometimes it downright SUCKS. But it's what we've got to do, eh? You're learning (or re-learning). And you're doing a GREAT job. Least was absolutely right with everything she said. Go read her post again.
Hang in there. I'm truly sorry for your loss,but I have faith that you will continue to find the strength to keep doing the next right thing. Hugs, friend.
I know it seems that way at times - that Life or Fate or God or The Universe (or ALL of them!) - are "out to get us" and dead-set on breaking us and getting us to drink again. But you know what? The only person/thing that can make us drink again is US. You have that power over yourself and no one else does.
It's hard to deal with life on life's terms. Sometimes it downright SUCKS. But it's what we've got to do, eh? You're learning (or re-learning). And you're doing a GREAT job. Least was absolutely right with everything she said. Go read her post again.
Hang in there. I'm truly sorry for your loss,but I have faith that you will continue to find the strength to keep doing the next right thing. Hugs, friend.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: ca
Posts: 214
Originally Posted by DayWalker 
Been about 40 days sober now, and I swear everything that "could" go wrong to make me slip is going wrong.
Had some problems I talked about over the past couple weeks which I appeciate all the help I had here. Now tonight... I got a call about 2 hrs ago at 1:30am...my uncle just died. Which really hurts because my family is VERY close, and my Aunt just died last August and my uncle was in good health then. But after 52 yrs of marriage....I really think he just finally gave in and died of a broken heart.
I know I shouldnt make this about me, and I dont want to do that. But I just cant believe everything that is going on in the past month that I have finally got sober. Its like someone is trying their best to make me give in!
I've been strong the past 40 days....but I really dont know how much more I can take. Seems like every day there's something else.
Steve
Had some problems I talked about over the past couple weeks which I appeciate all the help I had here. Now tonight... I got a call about 2 hrs ago at 1:30am...my uncle just died. Which really hurts because my family is VERY close, and my Aunt just died last August and my uncle was in good health then. But after 52 yrs of marriage....I really think he just finally gave in and died of a broken heart.
I know I shouldnt make this about me, and I dont want to do that. But I just cant believe everything that is going on in the past month that I have finally got sober. Its like someone is trying their best to make me give in!
I've been strong the past 40 days....but I really dont know how much more I can take. Seems like every day there's something else.
Steve
I am sorry to hear about all of what is happening in your life. Maybe it would be good to look at it this way....if you were drinking through all of this the pain would just be magnified way more than it already is, and we all know dealing with alcohol detox is depressing enough. You are dealing with this stuff sober..which may seem incredibly difficult....but you are at your strongest with a clear head/system. Things would be soooo much worse if you grabbed the bottle.
Stay strong man.....you will get through all of this and be stronger for it.....ESPECIALLY after you feel the pride of handling the situation without the devil poison.
Man I love the Evan Tanner avitar......miss that guy. Here is a link for you that I came across, hope you enjoy...
YouTube - Evan Tanner Unreleased Video - For a better world. Part 1
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Steve,
I can SO relate to this! When I got sober, SO many things happened around me. It was if I was holding up this house of cards when I was drinking and then when I quit they came tumbling down. Since I have been sober, I had several relatives die, my dog got cancer and we had to put him down, I rear ended someone, my company closed down after not being able to pay me for over a month, and on and on. But you know what? I did not pick up and boy did that give me hella confidence! There is nothing in your life that could not be made worse by drinking. Just one moment at a time, one day at a time, you can do this!
I have only been sober 10 months and the one year anniversary of my Dad's unexpected death is in two weeks. It hurts but I will get through it, sober. You are 40 days in, don't leave before the miracle happens!
I can SO relate to this! When I got sober, SO many things happened around me. It was if I was holding up this house of cards when I was drinking and then when I quit they came tumbling down. Since I have been sober, I had several relatives die, my dog got cancer and we had to put him down, I rear ended someone, my company closed down after not being able to pay me for over a month, and on and on. But you know what? I did not pick up and boy did that give me hella confidence! There is nothing in your life that could not be made worse by drinking. Just one moment at a time, one day at a time, you can do this!
I have only been sober 10 months and the one year anniversary of my Dad's unexpected death is in two weeks. It hurts but I will get through it, sober. You are 40 days in, don't leave before the miracle happens!
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
I don't have any brilliant words of wisdom but I can understand what it feels like to be completely overwhelmed.
I've had many "tests" since I have been in Recovery. There have been many times that I think that I just can't handle one more thing and wouldn't you know, three more things would happen. At times like that, I have to just ask my HP to help me get through each situation.
I hope you will understand what I am about to say, with your Uncle, he is now with his love, his wife of, what, 52 years? I'm sure he's happier now with her. I also believe that some can actually die of a broken heart.
Four very powerful words have gotten me through so many different situations (I am not refering to the passing of loved ones) This Too Shall Pass. There is no feeling that is permanent. When I feel like I could easily throw in the towel and say f*ck it, I have to remember that every feeling will pass.
I am really big on gratitude lists and appreciating the simple things that when I was drinking and getting high that I never paid any attention to . . . the birds singing in the early morning, listening to a child's laughter, having my cat look at me with his unconditional love. Do you have a pet? There are times when I feel overwhelmed and I just shake the can of cat treats and my cat comes running. It's very relaxing to just pet him. And times when I am mad at the world, he'll do something goofy and I can't help but laugh. He's also pretty darn cuddleable.
Hang in there, things will get better.
Peae & Hugs,
Judy
I've had many "tests" since I have been in Recovery. There have been many times that I think that I just can't handle one more thing and wouldn't you know, three more things would happen. At times like that, I have to just ask my HP to help me get through each situation.
I hope you will understand what I am about to say, with your Uncle, he is now with his love, his wife of, what, 52 years? I'm sure he's happier now with her. I also believe that some can actually die of a broken heart.
Four very powerful words have gotten me through so many different situations (I am not refering to the passing of loved ones) This Too Shall Pass. There is no feeling that is permanent. When I feel like I could easily throw in the towel and say f*ck it, I have to remember that every feeling will pass.
I am really big on gratitude lists and appreciating the simple things that when I was drinking and getting high that I never paid any attention to . . . the birds singing in the early morning, listening to a child's laughter, having my cat look at me with his unconditional love. Do you have a pet? There are times when I feel overwhelmed and I just shake the can of cat treats and my cat comes running. It's very relaxing to just pet him. And times when I am mad at the world, he'll do something goofy and I can't help but laugh. He's also pretty darn cuddleable.
Hang in there, things will get better.
Peae & Hugs,
Judy
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Pugetopolis
Posts: 2,384
Sorry for your losses. That's a tough thing, especially in early recovery. I wish I could say something to lessen your grief, but I can't. But you're in my prayers. Sometimes it does seem like the whole world is against you and you are the only one going through what you're going through.
Feel free to contact me via private message if you need to talk. But find some good f2f real live human beings too.
Several years ago, I went through the toughest time of my sobriety. I was ten and half years sober at the time and my whole world fell apart. It began with the woman I loved walking out of my life and leaving for another guy. It devastated me. And then it was one thing after another. Life got real bleak for a while and I went into real mourning. I was hurt, angry, and full of self-pity. I felt like a fraud, because I worked a good program. I isolated and withdrew. I entertained thoughts of suicide. Never thought about drinking though.
This went on for about a year and a half. But I learned a few things from it. I learned that there is no way around, only through. No amount of steps or meetings will stop the pain. In fact, to resist it or to avoid it, only increases it. I learned that there is no time limit. Give yourself time. One day you will realize that it doesn't hurt like it used to.Do what you know to be good for you. Don't isolate, but don't depend on people to say or do the right thing, because more often than not, they don't know what to do or say. I learned how insensitive I can be. That's why I don't try to make people feel better. A lot of my so-called friends left. But a few hung in there and they knew to leave me be and when to be there. One thing sticks in my mind the most. One of my women friends asked me one day "What can your friends do for you?" I said that I didn't know. She told me that if I needed to cry, she could put her arms around me while I cried. Don't be afraid to let your friends be there for you.
Jim
Feel free to contact me via private message if you need to talk. But find some good f2f real live human beings too.
Several years ago, I went through the toughest time of my sobriety. I was ten and half years sober at the time and my whole world fell apart. It began with the woman I loved walking out of my life and leaving for another guy. It devastated me. And then it was one thing after another. Life got real bleak for a while and I went into real mourning. I was hurt, angry, and full of self-pity. I felt like a fraud, because I worked a good program. I isolated and withdrew. I entertained thoughts of suicide. Never thought about drinking though.
This went on for about a year and a half. But I learned a few things from it. I learned that there is no way around, only through. No amount of steps or meetings will stop the pain. In fact, to resist it or to avoid it, only increases it. I learned that there is no time limit. Give yourself time. One day you will realize that it doesn't hurt like it used to.Do what you know to be good for you. Don't isolate, but don't depend on people to say or do the right thing, because more often than not, they don't know what to do or say. I learned how insensitive I can be. That's why I don't try to make people feel better. A lot of my so-called friends left. But a few hung in there and they knew to leave me be and when to be there. One thing sticks in my mind the most. One of my women friends asked me one day "What can your friends do for you?" I said that I didn't know. She told me that if I needed to cry, she could put her arms around me while I cried. Don't be afraid to let your friends be there for you.
Jim
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
My condolences in your loss, congrats on staying sober. Emotions were darn tough in early sobriety for me, what I can promise you is that things will get better far quicker by staying sober.
One of the awesome things about you staying sober through this is instead of being a drunken burden to your family, you can be an asset to them at this time of mourning.
One of the awesome things about you staying sober through this is instead of being a drunken burden to your family, you can be an asset to them at this time of mourning.
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