He said "I am sick and tired of being sick and tired"
Helping Others, Helps Me
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Dakota
Posts: 481
He said "I am sick and tired of being sick and tired"
How do you approach someone who says this, without them taking it personal? I mean I was visiting with this guy while I was in jail this week. After talking with him for 30 min or so and hearing about his life and the parties and the drugs and drinking....he said "I think I should quit... you know. I am to the point where I am sick and tired of being sick and tired" And he mentioned he has went to AA and is thinking about going again. Treatments and the like....
So I said "Yeah I quit drinking when I got my last dwi in october. I have not looked back since. And I have to say I am 100% a better person when I am sober. It feels great"
But then I get this feeling that I cannot really push anything on them, and they need to do it for themselves. But I donno, I feel I should have said or done something....Should I have offered to go to a meeting with him? Or got his number and hang out or something?
When I was leaving he was going out on work release and he was like "I will see you later." And I was like well I am leaving today....I feel I missed out on helping someone (maybe)
So I said "Yeah I quit drinking when I got my last dwi in october. I have not looked back since. And I have to say I am 100% a better person when I am sober. It feels great"
But then I get this feeling that I cannot really push anything on them, and they need to do it for themselves. But I donno, I feel I should have said or done something....Should I have offered to go to a meeting with him? Or got his number and hang out or something?
When I was leaving he was going out on work release and he was like "I will see you later." And I was like well I am leaving today....I feel I missed out on helping someone (maybe)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 812
Maybe you'll see him at a meeting. I mean he's been introduced to the program, right? He knows where to go. If so, you could approach him then and exchange numbers, but you've already helped him just by listening attentively and sharing your own experience.
Helping Others, Helps Me
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Dakota
Posts: 481
I hope so. I am jus kinda seeing what other people do when they experience something like this. I mean I am surprised when I mention I am in recovery a decent amount of the time someone will say oh yea my brother is or my husband is....etc
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Pugetopolis
Posts: 2,384
I ask them if they would like to be done for good. That they don't have too drink anymore and don't have to be sick and tired anymore. Then I tell them I know how that can happen, since it happened with me. If they want to know how, I tell them that I am a recovered alcoholic, and as part of my own recovery I'd be glad to share that with them if they have the time.
If they are interested I invite them to Denny's and then follow the rest of the directions in Chapter 7.
Jim
Big Book references from Alcoholics Anonymous, First Edition
If they are interested I invite them to Denny's and then follow the rest of the directions in Chapter 7.
Jim
Big Book references from Alcoholics Anonymous, First Edition
Helping Others, Helps Me
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Dakota
Posts: 481
true he is still locked up....so i could find his info....but i think like the others above said....when he said i will see you around i think he meant AA. As he praised me for figuring it out while I was so young....(getting sober)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 812
Originally Posted by MagicMan08 
true he is still locked up....so i could find his info....but i think like the others above said....when he said i will see you around i think he meant AA. As he praised me for figuring it out while I was so young....(getting sober)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: north yorkshire, england
Posts: 1,891
What is great about this story is that you are feeling compassion for others and wanting to help, Im sure that as you gain more sobriety and meet others in this same situation you will learn how to put your desire to help to good use.
Keep an eye out for this guy in aa and hopefully you will be able to help and learn from each other.
Keep an eye out for this guy in aa and hopefully you will be able to help and learn from each other.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Pugetopolis
Posts: 2,384
Not True
Originally Posted by Pagekeeper
Calling on this guy while you are new in sobriety is not a good idea, anyway. You never know what situation you're going to walk into. Having just got released yourself, you certainly don't want to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, if you know what I mean.
So what is the required length of sobriety to do Twelfth-Step work? It is these kind kinds of misconceptions that keep the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous sick.
I have sponsored guys that were working with others and going on Twelfth-Step calls at sixty or ninety days of sobriety. Hell, I take them with me into the de-tox meetings when they only have a few days. The only thing that keeps them from going into correctional facilities is that most facilities have guidelines requireing a year of sobriety and being a certain amount of time away from your last felony. Other than that these guys met all the criteria: Being recovered alcoholics with a message and experience to share.
As far as never knowing what kind of situations you are going to encounter that is true. But stay on the firing line of life with these motives (being helpful) and you can go into the most hostile or sordid places and God will keep you unharmed. Been my experience so far.
Jim
Big Book references from Alcoholics Anonymous, First Edition
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 812
Originally Posted by jimhere
So what is the required length of sobriety to do Twelfth-Step work? It is these kind kinds of misconceptions that keep the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous sick.
I have sponsored guys that were working with others and going on Twelfth-Step calls at sixty or ninety days of sobriety. Hell, I take them with me into the de-tox meetings when they only have a few days. The only thing that keeps them from going into correctional facilities is that most facilities have guidelines requiring a year of sobriety and being a certain amount of time away from your last felony. Other than that these guys met all the criteria: Being recovered alcoholics with a message and experience to share.
As far as never knowing what kind of situations you are going to encounter that is true. But stay on the firing line of life with these motives (being helpful) and you can go into the most hostile or sordid places and God will keep you unharmed. Been my experience so far.
Jim
Big Book references from Alcoholics Anonymous, First Edition
I have sponsored guys that were working with others and going on Twelfth-Step calls at sixty or ninety days of sobriety. Hell, I take them with me into the de-tox meetings when they only have a few days. The only thing that keeps them from going into correctional facilities is that most facilities have guidelines requiring a year of sobriety and being a certain amount of time away from your last felony. Other than that these guys met all the criteria: Being recovered alcoholics with a message and experience to share.
As far as never knowing what kind of situations you are going to encounter that is true. But stay on the firing line of life with these motives (being helpful) and you can go into the most hostile or sordid places and God will keep you unharmed. Been my experience so far.
Jim
Big Book references from Alcoholics Anonymous, First Edition
In all seriousness, though, I was sharing what I felt was common sense. I'm a 5'7 130 lb female. Surely you can't be suggesting that I go to the most sordid places in town and make 12 step calls?! I mean that's just plain stupid in this day and age and I don't care what color cape you got.
I do know a few men in the program who make 12 step calls, and yes, some of them bring along their sponcees. In fact it is recommended to everyone in my area that they not go alone. Again, seems like common sense to me. But we're just regular human beings around here. We're not invincible like you, Jim.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Pugetopolis
Posts: 2,384
The only suggestion I could make is to grow a little thicker skin. Usually the most hostile environments I've encountered are AA halls. precisely because of the reaction to the truth by emotional, uninformed people like yourself. I have been threatened with physical violence numerous times, a few times at AA meetings. Never been harmed, never had to defend myself. One time me and a guy I sponsor went on a Twelfth-Step call to this motel. The guy we went to see had a large sword. But you know, we went with peaceful hearts, spent several hours with the guy, made arrangements to see him the next day, and no one was ever hurt. That was eight years ago and after several tries, the guy with the sword is still sober. Don't know if he still has his sword or not, though.
By the way, I'm a 5'7" 145 lb. male. Not much of a fighter, not too tough.
Peace,
Jim
By the way, I'm a 5'7" 145 lb. male. Not much of a fighter, not too tough.
Peace,
Jim
God's Kid
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
I was raised in AA to believe it was my job to help the newcomer and to me, anyone newer than me, is a newcomer.
AA is a 12 step program and the 12the step is about carrying the message, not sitting round thinking about how doing so may get me injured.
And if my memory serves me correctly our book talks about not being afraid to visit the most sordid places on earth as God will keep us safe.
Obviously being a female I would not go and visit a male alone but I would go with a guy to visit a guy. I have and still would go visit a female alone. The book doesn't say, go off and be stupid and try and save the world but it does say we have to help others and that our recovery is dependent on it.
I have to agree with Jim on this one because it is comments like the previous one made that gives the impression AA is a form of therapy or something, and AA is not. It is a fellowship of men and woman who help each other stay sober.
Nothing cape wearing about the 12th step last time I checked.
AA is a 12 step program and the 12the step is about carrying the message, not sitting round thinking about how doing so may get me injured.
And if my memory serves me correctly our book talks about not being afraid to visit the most sordid places on earth as God will keep us safe.
Obviously being a female I would not go and visit a male alone but I would go with a guy to visit a guy. I have and still would go visit a female alone. The book doesn't say, go off and be stupid and try and save the world but it does say we have to help others and that our recovery is dependent on it.
I have to agree with Jim on this one because it is comments like the previous one made that gives the impression AA is a form of therapy or something, and AA is not. It is a fellowship of men and woman who help each other stay sober.
Nothing cape wearing about the 12th step last time I checked.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 812
one of those people
And as I recall, "The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking."
Frankly, I don't care if the big books says I have to go to the most sordid places on earth. It was written in the 30's, and things have changed drastically since then. Some of us are smart enough to recognize these changes. Besides, no one is forced to do any of the book's suggestions.
And by the way, if 12 stepping is so important, why do both of you have so many posts on here?? Shouldn't you be out making 12 step calls instead of trying to argue with "one of those people" who "uses AA as therapy"?
And don't worry, I'm not eagerly awaiting your reply or anything as I'm assuming you're both out on 12 step calls, walking the most dangerous streets in the city, searching for suffering alcoholics. I'm positive that two good AAers like you are not on the internet, and certainly not making blanket statements and judgements about people you've never even met. Neither of you would ever do anything like that. I mean, you're just not "one of those people."
And liz, with almost 1400 posts since June, I have a hard time believing you even leave the house.
Well, I'm off to a meeting. Got to pick someone up.
Frankly, I don't care if the big books says I have to go to the most sordid places on earth. It was written in the 30's, and things have changed drastically since then. Some of us are smart enough to recognize these changes. Besides, no one is forced to do any of the book's suggestions.
And by the way, if 12 stepping is so important, why do both of you have so many posts on here?? Shouldn't you be out making 12 step calls instead of trying to argue with "one of those people" who "uses AA as therapy"?
And don't worry, I'm not eagerly awaiting your reply or anything as I'm assuming you're both out on 12 step calls, walking the most dangerous streets in the city, searching for suffering alcoholics. I'm positive that two good AAers like you are not on the internet, and certainly not making blanket statements and judgements about people you've never even met. Neither of you would ever do anything like that. I mean, you're just not "one of those people."
And liz, with almost 1400 posts since June, I have a hard time believing you even leave the house.
Well, I'm off to a meeting. Got to pick someone up.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Pugetopolis
Posts: 2,384
Such hostility on these boards today. The venom literally leaps off of the monitor screen.
To tell you the truth, I haven't had a real live 12th Step call in a few years. Neither have most of the AA's I know here in town that make themselves available for that sort of work. Can't really say the reasons for the decline. Some blame treatment centers but I don't know.
The majority of the 12th Step work I do these days is either of the one-on-one sponsorship kind or taking meetings into the local de-tox. I also work at the de-tox, which affords me an occassional opportunity. There are many forms of 12th Step work. It can be as simple as pouring a cup of coffee for someone you've never seen at the meeting.
I have been on this computer more than usual today. I was up at 6am and met with a guy I sponsor at 8. Been sort of a lazy kind of day. So I decided to log on to SR and attack people I don't agree with. I could've went to the hall to a nooner and be attacked by people who don't agree with me. But then again I can get that here on SR and not even have to leave the house. Maybe that's why Liz stays home all the time too.
Got to run though. Home group is in a little while.
Peace,
Jim
To tell you the truth, I haven't had a real live 12th Step call in a few years. Neither have most of the AA's I know here in town that make themselves available for that sort of work. Can't really say the reasons for the decline. Some blame treatment centers but I don't know.
The majority of the 12th Step work I do these days is either of the one-on-one sponsorship kind or taking meetings into the local de-tox. I also work at the de-tox, which affords me an occassional opportunity. There are many forms of 12th Step work. It can be as simple as pouring a cup of coffee for someone you've never seen at the meeting.
I have been on this computer more than usual today. I was up at 6am and met with a guy I sponsor at 8. Been sort of a lazy kind of day. So I decided to log on to SR and attack people I don't agree with. I could've went to the hall to a nooner and be attacked by people who don't agree with me. But then again I can get that here on SR and not even have to leave the house. Maybe that's why Liz stays home all the time too.
Got to run though. Home group is in a little while.
Peace,
Jim
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 812
Jim, I apologize if it sounded like I was "attacking." I'm sure you do a lot of good work for your AA community and they are lucky to have someone so dedicated.
Liz, it's really none of my business how you spend your free time. Sorry for being snarky. I've gone through periods where I've spent days/weeks at a time on the internet, and I may not have as many posts, but I spend quite a bit of time here too. I just don't reply as often.
Also my apologies to OPer, who was really just wanting advice. Didn't mean to highjack your thread with negativity.
I'm bowing out of thread now. Hope each of you has a good week.
Liz, it's really none of my business how you spend your free time. Sorry for being snarky. I've gone through periods where I've spent days/weeks at a time on the internet, and I may not have as many posts, but I spend quite a bit of time here too. I just don't reply as often.
Also my apologies to OPer, who was really just wanting advice. Didn't mean to highjack your thread with negativity.
I'm bowing out of thread now. Hope each of you has a good week.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Pugetopolis
Posts: 2,384
Pagekeeper,
Apologies accepted and thank you for being a demonstration of graciousness.
Believe me, my big mouth gets me in trouble more than I care to admit. You have a good week as well.
Peace,
Jim
Apologies accepted and thank you for being a demonstration of graciousness.
Believe me, my big mouth gets me in trouble more than I care to admit. You have a good week as well.
Peace,
Jim
God's Kid
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
It's been awhile since I have had anyone talk to me that way but I am glad I have been sober long enough now to recognise that it is in no way a reflection of me, how I am or what I am doing but rather the attitude of the person doing it.
Take it easy, page
:ghug3
Take it easy, page
:ghug3
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