how to snap into not wanting it
trying to get it right
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: globe, AZ
Posts: 243
how to snap into not wanting it
am struggling today again, day 2? why do i want to drink and kill myself? all i can think about is a drink? what is wrong with me? i know i am alcoholic? i know i cannot drink! but when does the happiness come.....when do i feel better about me? i have been to 2 AA meetings, and they help, but i am so embarressed to say i messed up, but i know i have to! everyone is nice, i am the one not nice to me? i do not understand this, as i know i have to change my negitive thinking and i am trying
my thoughts about me, (dumb, stuipid and ugly) haunt me? maybe i am just too old to change or do not want to do the hard work it requires?
maybe i just do not want to live anymore w/booze? i am pretty screwed up sorry
my thoughts about me, (dumb, stuipid and ugly) haunt me? maybe i am just too old to change or do not want to do the hard work it requires?
maybe i just do not want to live anymore w/booze? i am pretty screwed up sorry
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Hi jow,
What's wrong with you that all you can think about is a drink? Well, you're addicted to alcohol. It's to be expected. The good thing is that you are recognizing this, you're asking some really good questions of yourself, and you're posting here.
When do you start feeling better about yourself? Well, I'd have to say that varies from person to person. I personally am still struggling with that but I have depression issues as well. Either way, Day 2 is certainly too soon! Don't be so hard on yourself or have unrealistic expectations. First things first. Your body has to get used to doing without the booze. It will take a while for your mind to clear, but it WILL happen.
You don't have to say a word at meetings if you don't want to. Go, sit, listen. You say that the meetings have helped make you feel better in the past. No reason not to give it another shot!
You DO have to change your negative thinking and quit being so hard on yourself, but let's just take things one step at a time, ok? Start with not drinking right now. Keep posting here, go to a meeting, watch a movie, go for a walk, take a nap or a hot bath... ANYTHING, but don't drink. Ok?
What's wrong with you that all you can think about is a drink? Well, you're addicted to alcohol. It's to be expected. The good thing is that you are recognizing this, you're asking some really good questions of yourself, and you're posting here.
When do you start feeling better about yourself? Well, I'd have to say that varies from person to person. I personally am still struggling with that but I have depression issues as well. Either way, Day 2 is certainly too soon! Don't be so hard on yourself or have unrealistic expectations. First things first. Your body has to get used to doing without the booze. It will take a while for your mind to clear, but it WILL happen.
You don't have to say a word at meetings if you don't want to. Go, sit, listen. You say that the meetings have helped make you feel better in the past. No reason not to give it another shot!
You DO have to change your negative thinking and quit being so hard on yourself, but let's just take things one step at a time, ok? Start with not drinking right now. Keep posting here, go to a meeting, watch a movie, go for a walk, take a nap or a hot bath... ANYTHING, but don't drink. Ok?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Definitely keep going to meetings, as many as possible and be honest, i don't think anyone at AA would be too critical of you keep turning up and trying ever?! I don't think they would appreciate you going pissed and im not suggesting that hehe but keep going!
When you think about having a drink, have that obsession, what do you think the outcome of you drinking will be, do you see it as a quick fix, do you have the first drink with the intention of just having a few?
When you think about having a drink, have that obsession, what do you think the outcome of you drinking will be, do you see it as a quick fix, do you have the first drink with the intention of just having a few?
trying to get it right
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: globe, AZ
Posts: 243
thanks to trying, yea and dec!
ty for the insight, YES i am too hard om myself! that is what gets me back into drinking, thinki ng i am worthless?
i need to learn how to love myself and respect me? gosh that is a big order for me!!! but i will try, and use you guys for help, k?
thanks for being so kind and loving! i wish all peace and self-love!
:praying
i need to learn how to love myself and respect me? gosh that is a big order for me!!! but i will try, and use you guys for help, k?
thanks for being so kind and loving! i wish all peace and self-love!
:praying
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
jow
it is a typical alcoholic mental obsession to drink
if you have not gotten a big book,next meeting would be a good time to get one.In it you will read about the double edge sword of alcoholism (mental obsession-physical allergy to alcohol)and see what you need to do about it.Just going to meetings didn`t relieve mine.That is why I took the steps.They relieved the mental obsession to drink,and until it was relieved,I could not stay sober,I almost drank myself to death.
As far as killing yourself,maybe you need to see a Dr about that if you don`t soon get over it.
I have noticed you do not think much of yourself because of the way you speak of yourself.I used to feel the same.I had a ton of guilt,shame and self hate.I looked in the mirror and I hated ...me.
That was because of the way I have lived my life and drank.The steps took care of that too.
Suggest you get a book,get to a meeting,grab a sponsor and get busy into the solution asap,your life may depend on it
it is a typical alcoholic mental obsession to drink
if you have not gotten a big book,next meeting would be a good time to get one.In it you will read about the double edge sword of alcoholism (mental obsession-physical allergy to alcohol)and see what you need to do about it.Just going to meetings didn`t relieve mine.That is why I took the steps.They relieved the mental obsession to drink,and until it was relieved,I could not stay sober,I almost drank myself to death.
As far as killing yourself,maybe you need to see a Dr about that if you don`t soon get over it.
I have noticed you do not think much of yourself because of the way you speak of yourself.I used to feel the same.I had a ton of guilt,shame and self hate.I looked in the mirror and I hated ...me.
That was because of the way I have lived my life and drank.The steps took care of that too.
Suggest you get a book,get to a meeting,grab a sponsor and get busy into the solution asap,your life may depend on it
trying to get it right
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: globe, AZ
Posts: 243
ty
no i do not like myself, never have, think it started in chilhood? i got out of myself long enough to raise 3 good kids, then when the last one left home i was lost....had no purpose in life
i am too i nto myself ........self pity, the victum thing? geez, just pull the plug, lol?
yes that is very good advice ty! i need to change, but it is so much easier giving up, sorry
i am too i nto myself ........self pity, the victum thing? geez, just pull the plug, lol?
yes that is very good advice ty! i need to change, but it is so much easier giving up, sorry
Helping Others, Helps Me
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Dakota
Posts: 481
Only you can chose if you want to live. But I mean even a crappy life beats no life, because it can get better and will if you let it. But you have to realize, positive thinking gets one a long way. Some say in AA "Fake it til' you make it" I try to tell my significant other that if you feel your life sucks ass and is crappy....well it probably is gunna suck ass and be crappy. Then she'll say, face reality....well reality isn't based off of things you can't do...it is was we can do! I know for a fact everyone has something they enjoy doing that does not involve drinking....do it....do it often.
Don't expect things to get better right away. I am 4 months sober and I am in the worst spot I have ever been in, life wise. But this spot is a direct result of my past drinking choices....and can only help me stay sober is the way I look at it
But I know this too shall pass, and I have my sobriety and no one can take that from me.
Best of luck. I am pulling for you, because I have been there....it does get better.
Don't expect things to get better right away. I am 4 months sober and I am in the worst spot I have ever been in, life wise. But this spot is a direct result of my past drinking choices....and can only help me stay sober is the way I look at it
But I know this too shall pass, and I have my sobriety and no one can take that from me.Best of luck. I am pulling for you, because I have been there....it does get better.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Originally Posted by jowinbo 
am struggling today again, day 2? why do i want to drink and kill myself? all i can think about is a drink? what is wrong with me? i know i am alcoholic? i know i cannot drink! but when does the happiness come.....when do i feel better about me? i have been to 2 AA meetings, and they help, but i am so embarressed to say i messed up, but i know i have to! everyone is nice, i am the one not nice to me? i do not understand this, as i know i have to change my negitive thinking and i am trying
my thoughts about me, (dumb, stuipid and ugly) haunt me? maybe i am just too old to change or do not want to do the hard work it requires?
maybe i just do not want to live anymore w/booze? i am pretty screwed up sorry
my thoughts about me, (dumb, stuipid and ugly) haunt me? maybe i am just too old to change or do not want to do the hard work it requires?
maybe i just do not want to live anymore w/booze? i am pretty screwed up sorry
Have to disagree. I can drink. You can drink. Everyone that posts here and has an alcohol/substance addiction can drink or use. If they choose to.
I didn't mess up, I am an alcoholic, I was born an alcoholic, and I made one mistake, choosing to take that first drink. Everything else followed that.
And trust me, the work isn't really that hard, just requires that you make one good decision today. Don't drink.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,385
jowinbo,
One of your posts includes something about feeling worthless. I have felt that way for most of my life. Only recently did I come to the understanding of why I felt that way. I was raised in a family that was very demeaning to me. My father ignored me. My mom shamed me. I grew up feeling worthless and unloveable. In my adult life that same lack of affirmation manifested itself in my marriage. I was happy the first two years but then it changed. The magic left and once again I felt unaffirmed.
In 2004 my wife sought a divorce. This after 23 years and 5 kids. It was a rude awakening. That was when I began drinking more. I also began seeking more about who I was. I learned several things. I learned that I was a pretty selfish person and that I was blaming everyone for everything wrong in my life. I learned that I did have shame and that it was me who was exasperating the problem by continually tearing myself down. I decided that I needed to do something about it so I did what I usually do when a problem confronts me. I learn about the issue in front of me.
I found a magnificent book that helped me to understand why I felt so worthless and unloveable. The book acknowledged the shame inducing things I experienced as a young boy and explained why I felt so worthless and unloveable. I strongly recommend it to anyone who thinks they are a worthless person.
Jowinbo you are not a worthless and unloveable person. Quite the opposite. You just need a little direction and affirmation to get you to believe in yourself once again. You need to stop telling yourself your worthless, that is step number 1. The book did that for me and I feel great about myself now. I use what I learned on everyone I know because we all just want to feel loved and worthy. That is a basic human need.
The book is called Soul Without Shame: A Guide to Liberating Yourself from the Judge Within and it's written by Byron Brown.
Sorry if this is a little off the topic of "how to snap into not wanting it" but some of the stuff you wrote reminded me of what I went through and I thought that maybe I could help with that part of your sobriety.
Ken
One of your posts includes something about feeling worthless. I have felt that way for most of my life. Only recently did I come to the understanding of why I felt that way. I was raised in a family that was very demeaning to me. My father ignored me. My mom shamed me. I grew up feeling worthless and unloveable. In my adult life that same lack of affirmation manifested itself in my marriage. I was happy the first two years but then it changed. The magic left and once again I felt unaffirmed.
In 2004 my wife sought a divorce. This after 23 years and 5 kids. It was a rude awakening. That was when I began drinking more. I also began seeking more about who I was. I learned several things. I learned that I was a pretty selfish person and that I was blaming everyone for everything wrong in my life. I learned that I did have shame and that it was me who was exasperating the problem by continually tearing myself down. I decided that I needed to do something about it so I did what I usually do when a problem confronts me. I learn about the issue in front of me.
I found a magnificent book that helped me to understand why I felt so worthless and unloveable. The book acknowledged the shame inducing things I experienced as a young boy and explained why I felt so worthless and unloveable. I strongly recommend it to anyone who thinks they are a worthless person.
Jowinbo you are not a worthless and unloveable person. Quite the opposite. You just need a little direction and affirmation to get you to believe in yourself once again. You need to stop telling yourself your worthless, that is step number 1. The book did that for me and I feel great about myself now. I use what I learned on everyone I know because we all just want to feel loved and worthy. That is a basic human need.
The book is called Soul Without Shame: A Guide to Liberating Yourself from the Judge Within and it's written by Byron Brown.
Sorry if this is a little off the topic of "how to snap into not wanting it" but some of the stuff you wrote reminded me of what I went through and I thought that maybe I could help with that part of your sobriety.
Ken
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 57
I don't know if this helps, but please realize that a lot of that negativity and lack of happiness is simply b/c the parts of your brain that generate happy feelings are not working properly. This is purely the result of alcohol's damage/imbalancing of your brain neurotransmitters. You could have the most fulfilling and perfect life possible, but if your brain neurotransmitters are not functioning properly, you would be depressed. This is what causes withdrawal and PAWS. You need to give your brain time to heal before you start analyzing why you are not feeling happy. It takes many months and possibly years before your brain is back to normal. So your negative feelings aren't necessarily representative of the real you.
Originally Posted by jowinbo
am struggling today again, day 2? why do i want to drink and kill myself? all i can think about is a drink? what is wrong with me? i know i am alcoholic? i know i cannot drink! but when does the happiness come.....when do i feel better about me? i have been to 2 AA meetings, and they help, but i am so embarressed to say i messed up, but i know i have to! everyone is nice, i am the one not nice to me? i do not understand this, as i know i have to change my negitive thinking and i am trying
my thoughts about me, (dumb, stuipid and ugly) haunt me? maybe i am just too old to change or do not want to do the hard work it requires?
maybe i just do not want to live anymore w/booze? i am pretty screwed up sorry
my thoughts about me, (dumb, stuipid and ugly) haunt me? maybe i am just too old to change or do not want to do the hard work it requires?
maybe i just do not want to live anymore w/booze? i am pretty screwed up sorry
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,777
I am also too hard on myself and don't like myself much. But thinking I'm a loser makes it easy to drink, so I have to treat myself better so that my life is worth too much to throw away drinking.
You can do this. One day at a time, you can do this. Do you have anyone you can talk to about what's bothering you? Have you ever considered counseling? I have an addiction counselor who I really depend on. Look into counseling resources in your area. Might be what you need to feel better about yourself.
You can do this. One day at a time, you can do this. Do you have anyone you can talk to about what's bothering you? Have you ever considered counseling? I have an addiction counselor who I really depend on. Look into counseling resources in your area. Might be what you need to feel better about yourself.
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