Nashville

Hello Everyone! I am typing this while under the influnence. I am at my wit's end. My family on my father's side has a long history of of alcoholism. I know I need help but I'd like some insight into how bad I am compared to others. I am a 46 year old female. Started drinking in my mid 20's but never drank at home...only on weekends at the bar. I was a singer and the weekends turned into weekdays and still only drank at the bar. Mostly beer but shots were always the "dessert" at the end of the night. By the time I was in my mid thirties I was buying liquor and bringing it home to drink. Over the last ten years I have drank morning, noon and night. Progressively worse. I haven't "lost" a job over it but I've "pissed" away two because my alcohol abuse made me irrational and I quit. I'm probably what is considered a "high functioning" alcoholic (never missed a day of work for it). All I can say is that is the WORST kind of alcoholic of which one can be...it makes you delude yourself! I can hide it for the most part but it has REALLY affected my decision making. Anyway, at this point...on a good day I drink a pint of vodka only. On a not too bad day I drink a pint of vodka and a some beer or no vodka and a 12 pack of beer. On a good day I drink a half a pint of vodka and a 6-8 pack of beer. On a bad day I drink two pints of vodka. Bad days happen 2-3 times a week. :-( I DO drink in the morning (pretty much every day if I have it...it's like coffee to me. I have panic attacks on a regular basis and sleep disorders, both of which I am sure are from the alcohol abuse. Just today I have drank a pint and a half of vodka in 10 hours. How bad am I? Can you help??

Fubarcdn

If you want to quit people here can and will help by giving you moral support and advice.
I think you realize that this is what is best for you.
With the amount and frequency of your drinking it would be a good idea to see a doctor before attempting to quit. Good luck.

Nashville

Thank you Fubarcdn...it's ironic that your signature is "what it is is what it is. My favorite saying is a play on that..."it is what it is". I guess it's pretty much the same. I think you're right about a doctor (obviously you do think I am severe) but I'm afraid. I guess that's normal. I just wonder if there's anyone out there like me that can tell me what to expect...

lunarise

Nash, Welcome! There is alot of support here so stick around. I also visited this site while three sheets before I quit. Guess I had to test the waters. I agree with Fubarcdn, I would definitely see your doctor about quitting. I was nervous when I quit so I signed into a detox center. I was petrified of going, of getting clean, my fears were unfounded. It wasnt the ritz but it was safe and friendly even. Really try not to work yourself up about quitting...since it sounds like your ready you will come out the other side with a new slate just keep that in mind. I cant tell you what to expect because every person is different but that is something that you can discuss with your doctor about. If you need support though, this place is great....
Nice to meet you :ghug3

Richard54

Hi there Nashville!

I don't know about the severe label but hey,

Welcome!!

This place is filled with alcoholics, just like you.

I'm only 28 days sober and I drank a lot, daily, just like you.

Finally something snapped inside and I am determined to remain sober.

The first few days are rough, you might be wise to get your doctors help.
I did it on my own and it was not very nice.

But, the rewards of finally living life sober are far better than the effect of any drug on earth.

You will feel significantly better in a matter of days if you quit.

Stick around, post away, read .
I think I was glued to this site for the first two days.

Nashville

But there are so many factors working against me now...job loss, my alcholic, delusional father, estranged family members...sometimes it seems like alcohol is my only friend...

Nashville

Richard...I'm afraid. But I'll try to be here tomorrow with a progress report!

CarolD

Welcome to SR and our Alcoholism Forum

A medically survised de tox is usually 4 dys at most.
It's dangerous to do alone because there are so many
things that can go wrong...no way to predict how you will react.

Please read this link about withdrawal

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

Why would you lose your singing jobs if you are sober?

nelco

Hi nashville, Im female recovered alcoholic, 47. Stopped drinking because I was severly depressed and my nerves were shattered. why ask are you severe?? How bad does it have to get? Maybe your question could be,,,,..why are you drinking these large quantities of alcohol?? Your liver must be taking a severe blow. This ia a progressive illness It gets worse never better... and the progression in women can be rapid. Dont throw any more of your life away chained to a bottle, get help. see your doctor. This disease kills I was a slave to a bottle once too but I got sober through alcoholic anonymous and the 12 steps.. it was there I met people just like me. Be kinder to yourself ....you deserve a better life.

Taking5

It really doesn't matter how "high functioning" you are or how you haven't missed work because of you drinking. I think you are simply pointing out these facts because you are looking for someone to tell you that you are not too bad, that way you can go on drinking. Am I right?

IMHO you are as serious as it gets, but you can always go lower. Alcoholism is progressive and even a "severe" alcoholic can experience progression and become "more severe". Do you really want that?

You also have something else working against you - your gender. Studies have shown that you take a 6' 200# woman and a 6' 200# man drinking the same amounts, and the woman's health is affected more than the man's. It's not fair, but it is true.

Why not just quit? You should read the sticky posted by Carol and you should most definitely see your Dr. if you decide to quit.

bovinePieBear

Welcome Nashville. SR is full of people who have found ways to stop drinking alcohol, all willing to help you. Stick around, read and post. I joined here early January, scared and drunk. Now I have seven days sober. If I can do it, you can too - you just need to be honest with yourself, and decide that you want the madness in your life to stop.

least

Please do talk honestly with your doctor about your need to stop drinking. With the amount you've been drinking for so long, medical supervision is a good and safe thing to do before you detox.

Alcohol may feel like your only friend, but it's a 'friend' who will kill you every chance it gets. Please get medical help detoxing. Welcome to the site!

ericamay

Yes, it is severe. VERY severe. Anyone, ever, who feels the need to drink in the morning (minus random aunt or grandma's bloody mary's at your 4th of july bbq) has a drinking problem. You obviously want some sort of help... Just starting to post here is a step... If you think the drink is more fun and more important than you and family's life- go for it! But since I am sure you don't feel that way- just be honest with yourself. Say hey, " I am a raging alcoholic, and look at my life! Argh!!" Hey, I know its blunt but really, do you want to be dead in 10 years?

yeahgr8

Yes it is severe, you can do something about it though:-)

Theresa

RE: "it seems like alcohol is my only friend..."

Nashville, you are being so honest that I think you will do well in recovery. I came to the conclusion above as well, and realized that that was a big part of my problem--I needed new friends.

I will be honest with you. I would drink a lot of wine maybe once a week or once every other week, and I KNEW without a doubt that I was killing myself. My liver clearly was saying, "Hey, you can't do this anymore." Listen to your body. And welcome!

flutter

I was incredibly high functioning, didn't lose jobs, relationships, no duis.. whatever. I did drink in the morning towards 'the end' of my drinking career. I was also a vodka drinker. After a night of drinking heavy, I woke up, hungover as hell, needing those 'few shots' to calm my body and mind. Not sure what happened after that, ended up in the ER with a BAC of .568... a lot of people die around .30... The docs there couldn't believe that I was alive, for one, and for 2 since I was, it meant I had been maintaining a level of alcohol in my blood so high, for so long they then wondered why and how my liver could have possibly metabolized it and didn't have a very good prognosis for my future.

Looking back, I honestly had no idea how close I was to killing myself.. sure I heard the "alcohol will kill you" bit, but of course.. not me, not yet, I'm *kinda* young (33 at the time), my parents drank for decades longer and didn't die, my neighbor is 50 and drinks blackout drunk all day every day, I'm not that bad.. I go to AA, I'm not as 'bad' as them... OH YES I WAS!! I was dying, and quick...

This isn't about severity, but since you asked I'll tell you. Yes, I think your situation is severe and life threatening. A lot of people come to this board with their reasons for drinking (excuses), the list of typical amounts they drink, to find comparison to other people 'worse' than them. This will kill you, and I hope it doesn't soon.

Edit: That wasn't enough for me to quit drinking. I put 3 weeks of sobriety under my belt and figured if I could go THAT long, I could drink moderately again (I know several of you are laughing.. sh), and yes, a few times I did drink moderately.. but within a week I started buying vodka, drinking in the morning, and eventually got 'found out' (thank GOD) at work by my boss who ordered mandatory counseling, hubby then almost left me scared to watch me die...That was 12/17, I haven't touched alcohol since. This is not a game, it's death, and it's inevitable.

shaun00

hi nashville and welcome to sr........i reckon your in just the right place.

A few things if it helps...

I have been diagnosed with chronic alcoholism some years ago.

I got to the stage where i couldnt cope without alcohol in my system.

So id wake up and drink and continue to drink till i passed out.....then the whole cycle started again..i wasnt fussy what it was or where i got it.
if i went without alcohol for too long id get very sick.

Detoxs were done under medical supervision mostly.....and the bits i remember were not nice....sedated .....and restrained at times.

To me none of that really matters......

What really matters was........I DRANK AND I COULD NOT STOP....

Thats the place we all end up at and thats what matters..

I used to think that alcohol was "my only friend"... once i was free from it for a while....i realized that in fact it was the opposite.

Please seek medical advice before stopping.........it can be dangerous to some...

I found the solution to contented sobriety in AA and i continue to remain happy and free from the stuff.

It is POSSIBLE for you to recover from alcoholism

And reaching out here is a great START.

Please let us know how your doing.........and god be with you.....trucker

1963comet

Hello

I had anxiety also. Not sure if the drinking caused it. But I did drink to lower it. When I quit drinking I had to see a doctor for it because I knew it would be harder to quit. Was on medication for a while.

I was pretty much drinking like you in the end. In Dec of 2000 I quit and have not touched it since. The anxiety is gone.

I tell you every day got better and better without drinking. It is so nice to live everyday without depending on a bottle to get me through.

onecat65

Hi ... You sound similar to me. I'm 44, female, have anxiety problems (likely because of the drinks), and I have been a drinker for many years .. especially the most recent years ... and often had (until last week) a drink first thing in the morning to get a "calm head" ... and then throughout the day until bedtime. I never really get drunk, never have a hangover ... but I keep enough in me to keep the buzz / calm going throughout the day.

I knew it was getting out of hand .. I was going through a quart (750 ml) of hard liquor a day. Sounds like a lot, but when you space it out from, say 6:00 a.m. until 10:00 p.m., having a drink every 1-2 hours, that's how much I was going through per day. (I hid most of it, to make it seem like I was only having a couple each evening.) ... upwards of 10-14 mixed drinks per day. Yikes.

Then, I got the flu for the first time ever in January, and had it for the full month. (Didn't make me stop drinking though.) I decided to go to my doctor when I wasn't really getting better .. (sick, queasy, dizzy, shakey, sniffles, sinus, cough, sore throat - I have to wonder if it wasn't just the booze making my body angry?)

So, I went to the doctor and talked to her about some of my concerns (the flu, my anxiety, and I mentioned I used alcohol to take the edge off, but didn't tell her how much). She sent me for blood work. (I am ashamed to say that not only did I drink the night before my blood work, I actually drank two drinks the morning of - How stupid was that? sheesh.)

The results came back (last Tuesday) and my liver enzymes were nuts. My doctor called me back and had a "talk" with me, showed me my enzyme levels compared to what was normal, and told me what they may mean. It scared the heck out of me.

I stopped drinking that very afternoon. However (alcoholic that I am), I haven't quit completely. I have, however, cut down to two beers before bed (versus 10-14 "hard" drinks). NO morning drinks. NO daytime drinks. She scared me straight(er).

I'm also eating good foods, guzzling lemon water, taking vitamins, and drinking coffee (apparently coffee has been studied to help the liver - if you google the words Coffee Alcohol Liver, there are lots of articles). I'm going to get some milk thistle too, as that's supposed to be pretty good.

Hopefully there's no liver damage. The doctor was pleased that my blood pressure was perfect, and my cholesterol and blood sugar are great too.

As for cutting back that much alcohol "cold turkey" -- just one week ago -- I have had no withdrawal symptoms at all. I feel great. My anxiety is gone. I'm mad at myself, and maybe that's why - something new to focus on?

Anyway .... I hope all goes well for you. I just wanted to share my "story" and say that maybe you should make an appointment with your doctor for some liver enzyme blood work .. it might scare you straight too.

*hugs* and best of luck with everything.

CarolD

onecat65....
Welcome to SR and our Alcoholism Forum

Good to know you are heading into better health.