tjhook

Two friday evenings ago I got back from a road trip and somehow convinced myself I could have one night of fun. That one night LITERALLY lead to TEN days of staying drunk the whole time, even worked while drunk (real smart). Sunday was my last bender day and for the last 2 days I have felt all the normal withdrawal effects to the fullest. The worst is some of the things I said and did to loved ones, and the shame I feel is unbearable.....but I deserve it all.

They say alcoholism is progressive and it IS.....I can never do this again or something terrible will happen.

Off to meetings I be going...

Bamboozle

Hey, tj.

Hope you're feeling better...don't give up and keep moving forward.

I know this is going to sound stupid ...but you can be your own best friend instead of your own worst enemy. It's taking me a long time....and it's difficult for me to grasp the concept (I have a lot of pessimism that I'm working on leaving behind)...but every now and again it makes sense. Hang in there.

lunarise

Bam said it...hang in there..start over with the new knowledge you have gained and leave it at that..no guilt. I wish you the best! :ghug3

charisma

huh seems that we have something in common (shame and guilt)....I say the same thing you know...Don't really know how to call it just crazazed. Wish I can get it right and not worry so much on what I messed upon and hold the furure on my hands!! These DEMONS seem to how ever convinice me otherwise, u aren't alone!!!! Stay strong

RightAngled

I can relate to you TJ - I satyed off the evil juice then relapsed at the worst time and upset my family - as I was babysitting my neice at the time and effectively passed out after downing a bottle of port I had hidden in about an hour. My nice thought I was ill as she could not wake me, became upset and phoned my sister who had to come home early. I got a right dressing down and rightly so. In 10 years of babysitting this has never happened and I doubt I will be trusted again for some time. That hurts. There is no excuses and my sister has helped a lot when I have been in a bad way. All I can say is like the others, stay strong - this is part of your own journey. Hopefully something good can come out of this.

Take care

firestorm090

Hey tj,

Guilt, shame, remorse, puking our guts out, opening our mouths and sticking both feet in them, hurting loved ones and ourselves, going broke, getting money, then going broke again, staying in a state of total bewilderment for days on end, popping massive amounts of aspirin to ease our mind-blowing hangovers, getting the shakes, mumbling when we talk, wondering where our cars are, oh, and wondering who is this stranger beside me when we wake up, Gosh, how much more fun can we take?

Today I did not drink and that's the best start I can make. Hope you hang in there and start fresh tomorrow morning with the rest of us. That's the only path toward health that I know.

nelco

I second that!!

PinkClouded

I completely understand that! Every time I thought I was RECOVERED - had this thing DOWN - I relapsed.

CarolD

Good to see you here again ..

When I finished my formal AA Steps 4 & 5..
my guilts from the past were removed.

I consider starting the Steps to be
the beginning of my solid recovery.

Keep in focus...we do understand..