I need to do this
 

I don't know how I got to the point of drinking every night, but I do, and so does my wife.

I started out about 7 years ago I would think. I am the stepfather of 2 kids that were fairly young at the time. Girl 9, Boy 5. My wife and I would have time to ourselves every other weekend when the kids would go to their dads.

Those of you with kids know that sometimes, it can be tough. Some nights we would have a drink just to mellow out from the day to be able to "deal with the kids better". Then on the weekend they went to their dads, we would have a few drinks because we had some alone time.

Over time, it got to where we would drink just about every night when we had the kids, to consistently "take the edge off". Then, we would drink even more on other nights when our favorite tv shows came on.

After a while, over time, it was every night. It has been that way for the past 5 years solid. Not drinking to pass out level, but sometimes, almost that level.

We hide our alcohol from the kids (now 16 and 12). They are not stupid when they see us drinking out of a cup at night. They have a clue what is going on. We hide our booze. Usually under the bed.

About a week ago, I was getting some out, yet again. I was getting on the ground to get it from under the bed. Right then and there I realized something interesting...I was kneeling to the alcohol - seemingly worshipping it. Worshipping alcohol? WTF? I reached a point after 7 years that I was finally through. A light bulb went off. I put it back under the bed and drank my usual mix with no alcohol in it.

I have come to the point now where I haven't drank for five days. It is not much, but it is something. Every night, I make my usual mix with no alcohol in it. It helps me do that instead of not holding anything in my hand. I think part of it was an addition to holding something. Sounds stupid but almost like a smoker's fake cigarette because they're used to the motions.

My wife still drinks but is committed to stopping. I do not press her hard yet because I know how difficult it is. We do talk about it. We have joined a gym where we are exercising now as a couple and having fun doing it. Hopefully, she will join me soon in sobriety.

Do not let it fool you into thinking it cannot happen to you. A few drinks here and there can lead to drinking every night. Please be aware of this and I hope my story can help even one person. During those hours getting wasted, you are missing life. It is passing you by and you are never going to get that time back. Grow sick of getting up exhausted. Grow sick of looking like you got hit by a bus in the mornings. Grow sick of not being able to look people in the eye.

I appreciate everyone's honesty on this board and everyone's supportive nature. This is such a great resource for people like me, which I had no clue there were so many of. Thanks for making me realize that I'm not alone.

Indeed, it creeps up on you and makes you feel creepy. Well done on your 5 days - the alcohol will now be out of your system completely.

Glad you are here.

Welcome to our recovery community..:wavey:

Thanks for sharing your new journey with us
Well done on your sober time...:yup:

Blessings to you and your family

"During those hours getting wasted, you are missing life. It is passing you by and you are never going to get that time back."

How true it is!

Welcome!

Your first post was very inspiring.
Thank you, and good luck!

I'm sure I speak for a lot of adult children of alcoholics when I say that the years you give your kids (or step kids) sober, will be invaluable. My parents didn't quit until I was around 18. They also hid it. (hilarious that they thought they were hiding it!). I wish so much that I didn't grow up around that. Pretty much the worst memories so far, in my life.

I'm an alcoholic, sober about 60 days now.

I'm proud of you for finally realizing that it's not all about you :) They deserve some of you (both) too!

There are so many beautiful people on this forum it's incredible! Thank you all for being so understanding and I hope you all fight this horrible disease like I will continue to do.

I was sitting in a room the other day and was looking at a guy. I don't know, maybe it was a look he had about him, but I just had a gut feeling he probably drank. I'm not necessarily friends with him, but you know if he had a problem with drinking and talked to me about it, I would try my hardest to befriend him and do all I could do to help him. So why does it seem some of us don't try the hardest we can to help ourselves? Is it because we don't love ourselves as much as we love others? I realize addiction is powerful, and sometimes love itself may not get you clean, but in the meantime, realize IT'S OK TO LOVE YOURSELF TOO.

Thanks again everyone and CarolD you are amazing.

Needtodothis,

I understand with the kids completely. I have two teens and one older (23) and I thought I was hiding things so well. I would mix in gatorade bottles, water bottles, coffee insulated mugs you name it. I wasn't practicing what I preached to my teens by any means. When I figured out they knew is when one of them asked me if this is plain gatorade or mom's gatorade. I guess we don't give them enough credit for brains! I still didn't quit at that point but wish I had.

Now I am on day 24 and I guess the catalyst was holding my newborn grandson for the first time and realizing that it was time.

I was a functional alcoholic not missing any football or other sports they were in but I wish it had been more clear in my head.

Enough about me this is your thread and I hope you remain strong and your wife chooses to join you. It will be so worth it to both of you and your kids! Sounds like you have a great start! Time flies and we can't afford to let any of it pass by in a haze. You have my thoughts and prayers!:c009:

Hi NeedToDoThis, congratulations on your achievement of sobriety. You seem to be a person with insight, integrity, and a strong will to find a better way. No matter what a person's situation, alcohol or no alcohol, those qualities can surely only lead to greater things. I wish you well.

I commend your actions to quit drinking! Yes!

Please keep reading and posting at SR. It's the Best.

NTDT,
Great post, especially about the worshipping part. It's so true that we alcoholics have worshipped alcohol like it's some sort of deity. You realization of this could have very well saved the lives of yourself and those you love. Thanks for being here and being so honest about this. Glad you're here with us.

Peace,
Ken

I always hid my drinking too, or thought I was... your observation on the 'kneeling', the 'worshipping' of alcohol really hits me hard. You put it very well. I can understand that all too well, and will use your analogy to keep me sober. I don't want to worship anything I have to hide.

:ghug3


Thank you again for your insight. I will say it again, it's my mantra: I don't want to worship anything I have to hide.

Thank you for that brilliant way of putting it in such perfect perspective. I need that incentive.

Thanks everyone. Keep fighting. We can do this together.