DayWalker

Well I'm closing in fast on 3 weeks sober. But the past 3-4 days have been rough to say the least.

I've been having some real hard urges to drink again the past few days. I really don't know how I have managed to NOT drink today, it's been that rough.

I've been to a few Meetings the past week now, but I just am having trouble getting the whole AA thinking back in my mind. I did it fine for the first "go round" which lasted in almost 6 yrs being sober, but this time AA is just rubbing me the wrong way (and I hate to say that). But staying sober has been tough the past 3 days or so now.

Anyway....don't really know where I'm going with this. But just reaching out before I end up doing something really stupid I guess.

Steve

ANGELINA243

Keep posting. Glad you are here. 3 weeks sober--Awesome!

DayWalker

Hi Phaleron......Well without AA was not my plan this time, but it's somewhat getting there. AA helped me a lot the first time and I appreciate all AA did for me back then, but this time, it's just not working for me how I want. It might just be me, but for some reason the whole "breaking me down to build me back up" this time is just rubbing me so the wrong way. Because that's the exact words some one used at a meeting the other day was "breaking me down". Maybe its my ego..and it did work for me the first time. But breaking me down?? this time around I think I have already been "broke down" and I dont want/need to have anyone break me down anymore than I already have been/am. I'm just not comfortable with that this time.

Far as the plan...that's my problem today. AA was my plan, but now that I really don't see that happening. Not having a real "plan" is scaring me and feeding these thought's now.

Steve

Bamboozle

Hello, DW.


SR is my only real source of support for my alcohol problems...people in my family care, but for the most part they can't relate. They're good for hugs, though.

Stay on SR and read all night if you have to.

December15

Hi Daywalker, Im on week 6. I can tell you that I really suffered just before the third week finished, but after I was through that it seemed to get alot easier. Hang in there.

crypticpoet777

Hi Daywalker, just want to wish you all the encouragement
and good vibrations I can send your way.....all the best to you.

stone

Hi DW, well coming here and sharing your feelings and admitting your urges is a good move in my opinion. Keeping the urges to yourself makes us more likely to act on them IMO.
I call it grassing myself up, a UK colloquialism, lol.
If Aa is annoying you then it is probably best avoided but I do find it useful.
Congrats on your sober time, you are doing great!

CarolD

Hmm...
AS you are allowing 1 persons remark in a meeting to give you
such distress....I suggest you read the last page of
"Freedom From Bondage" Heck...read the entire chapter...

Back to basics is hard to do when you've already been thru the
program steps....but I so hope that will be your choice.

Prayer helps me immensley Steve ...sending some your way.

collinsmi

I didn't like AA at first, but kept at it this time out of fear and not having anything else in the toolkit I had any faith in at all. Was in and out for about 14 years before it finally stuck (in a jam > AA > heat's off > out of AA). A lot of the time I saw it the way you do now, kind of like some non-drinking bootcamp.

What I didn't see was how screwed up my thinking and living had become. My perceptions, ideas, and generally the way I went about living my life guaranteed I'd drink again, no matter how unacceptable previous experiences were. I was stuck that way and on my own couldn't escape. Without some tools, unconsciously I was moving toward that next drink. I never saw that at the time. Suddenly I wasn't an alcoholic any more, thank God! Time for a beer!

Also the output of the step process was a lot better than I'd imagined. I couldn't see that before because I had no experience to compare it to. Somewhere along the line too I made a connection between not feeling good and doing step work for relief, as unlikely or irrelevant as that sounded at first.

My advice, for what it's worth, is to read the first paragraph on page 30 of the big book. That stuff still apply? Then work a little bit on whatever step you're on today, go about your business and try not to worry about how it feels. You don't have to rebuild Rome in a day and you have to give the process a chance to work.

Going through the same thing myself. Hooked up with a new guy to work the steps with. What this guy wants for the 4th column of the 4th step is just flat out crazy. And I damn sure don't like raking around in that old muck anyway. But today I'll do a little because I'm convinced the outcome will be good.

LSU25

131 days here... SR some books and alot of personal writings have helped me

Welcome aboard !!!

webslave

Congrats daywalker.
I just got here. Have 5 months sober without AA, but funny thoughts lately,,so, here I am.
I have no answers. Sobriety this time around,,,just a gift I believe. Maybe time to start doing something now to stay sober.
Best to you.

DayWalker

Haven't been around for a few days but just wanted to let everyone know I do appreciate all the thoughts & help/well wishes.

Haven't been around because of work being so busy, but that's kind'a been agood thing because it keeps my mind off of things ya know.

Still been having some urges, but haven't gave in yet and tryin my best not to do so!. A really hard thing for me lately though has been an inability to sleep. No matter what time I get up in the morning I can't go to sleep untill about 6am..even if I get up at 9am. Kind'a weird and a bit hard to deal with but right now thats one of my biggest problems. But besides that doing "okay" I guess. Not "great" but not drinking so "okay" works for me right now.

Thanks everyone!

Steve