PTSD

I was sober over a year and it happened. I'm not surprised nor am I terribly distressed. I knew it would happen eventually and I'm not very scared that I won't be able to get past these first few days and get right back into my good rythmn. Things did pile up on me in some nasty injuries, battling an infection, and one hell of a bout with my post traumatic stress disorder, but what that did was show me that there is no such thing as an excuse for it as I went through some things that would make almost anybody pop open a bottle a couple dozen times but I didn't. But I am wondering a few things. I'm the grandson of an alcoholic who, while a wonderful guy, was a real fall down drunk. He didn't quit until after he was fifty and drank heavily since he served in WWII (his exact age I don't know). He fell off the wagon about once every five years I'd say after that. So I'm really curious to hear how many times others have slipped up and have climbed back up. I'm also curious as to how long others drank before they decided it was time to get better. That's mainly because I worry about the long term damage. I started drinking in my early teens from time to time with my brothers but as I was a boxer it wasn't all that often because I was usually in the gym and didn't do a single thing that went against training. I drank more often after my career ended due to injury and then really lost it after the incident which caused my PTSD for ten years. Now I'm 36 and after getting my second blood test a few weeks after sobriety things came out fine but still I worry. Any feedback I could get is great! Another good thing on my side, I honestly do not like the taste of alcohol anymore. I used to wonder if I was pushing by drinking things that tasted like what I used to drink but that wasn't it, I just flat out wanted to get drunk and pretty much held my nose to get it down!

gonzo9730

I drank consistently for roughly ten years before I decided it was time for a drastic change. I am still a work in progress, but I am proud of what I have acheived. Congrats on being able to go over a year. All you did is slip as far as I am concerned. Pick yourself up, dust off and go again. I'm on Day 19, and my best so far is 39 days. I think my mindset is prepared to crush that previous record. In the past six months I have cleared up many things in my foggy head. It feels great!!

Healthwise, I feel a lot better to. But, I know there's a ways to go in that department. I to also worry that I may have done some damage that might not be present had I not been an AH. It sounds encouraging that your blood test came out fine. I would try not to worry about things too much. Worrying is an "expensive" emotion.

Congrats again

sfgirl

I am no where near a year— total congrats on that (wow I think I even sound like a valley girl online)— but right now I am at four months sober. But two months ago or maybe even three months ago (see I didn't even keep track) I fell off the wagon for one night too. And I didn't care that much either, kind of like you are describing it. I just got back on the program the next day. I liked the fact that I didn't have to be perfect to be sober, I could "fail" and still succeed, whatever. I think that if you cling to sobriety too closely it could get dangerous which is why I barely count my days/months/whatever but I guess for everyone it is different. So basically I almost think it isn't the nature of the relapse itself that is important as much as the attitude surrounding the relapse right and basically yours sounds great and I hope that I too can be relaxed about it at a year, at five years, at ten years, whatever, because really one night doesn't erase the past time of recovery and as long as you don't let it (the trickier part but not all that tricky, at least not as tricky as the initial part) won't erase future gains.

I can't relate to the taste thing with the alcohol while talking about booze but it reminds me of cigarettes. I'm an ex-smoker (like 5 time ex-smoker) but the last time I took it up for a couple weeks right before I quit alcohol I had the same feeling like smoking is disgusting, it makes me feel slightly ill, it tastes gross, but hell I was not going to put it down, I was going to suck that thing. It had definitely lost the smooth tasty amazingness of when I was a two-pack a day smoker though. And now all I have is chocolate ice cream....

CarolD

hi PTSD....

Good to know you quickly stopped again.
Only your doctor can tell what damage is done
so I hope you continue getting regular check ups.

Well done on your sober time
Welcome back to SR....

coffeenut

Hey. I'm concerned that you are setting yourself up to be like your grand dad, falling off the wagon every year or so?

How did you 'know' it was going to happen? Just curious.

Welcome to SR. There is a lot of help, here. We're glad you're here.