Work is harmful to sobriety!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Middle of Nowhere, USA
Posts: 210
Work is harmful to sobriety!
Hi,
I've got almost 30 days sober (2 more days!) however, I just started a new full time job and I just never realized how difficult it makes sobriety! I've been working a combination of 2nd's and 3rd's and it is just so difficult to work so much and not have that "I deserve a beer" feeling when I get done with the week. Not to mention working 2nds it's pretty much impossible to hit a meeting because I'm at work from 2:45-11:15 and I can't get up for the morning meetings because I need to keep myself on a late schedule to be able to switch easily to 3rds. Now when I go to the meetings and I haven't been there for a few days people look at me like...oh, she must've slipped and it pisses me off to be honest. I mean, I guess....I hate to feel this resentment towards this new job I just started but then again, I don't want to end up drinking because I "had a bad night" or whatever. Tomarrow I work 3rd shift by myself in charge of this entire hotel. It's so stressing on me it's hard to deal with. I just....I don't know how to handle the pressures of wanting to drink after working or whatever when I can't make it to a meeting because of work. It's a rough spot and I don't quite know how to handle it. There have been many times in the past week or so that I've almost submitted to not being able to be sober as long as I had a job. It's not so bad when I didn't have a job, no money coming in...I mean, I have enough control to not go blow my last dollar when I'm getting disconnect notices. But, now that I'm going to have a paycheck coming in and I'm so busy....I just want to get this straightened out before I have to go back to school and work in a month. I'll never hold up the way I am now.....
I've got almost 30 days sober (2 more days!) however, I just started a new full time job and I just never realized how difficult it makes sobriety! I've been working a combination of 2nd's and 3rd's and it is just so difficult to work so much and not have that "I deserve a beer" feeling when I get done with the week. Not to mention working 2nds it's pretty much impossible to hit a meeting because I'm at work from 2:45-11:15 and I can't get up for the morning meetings because I need to keep myself on a late schedule to be able to switch easily to 3rds. Now when I go to the meetings and I haven't been there for a few days people look at me like...oh, she must've slipped and it pisses me off to be honest. I mean, I guess....I hate to feel this resentment towards this new job I just started but then again, I don't want to end up drinking because I "had a bad night" or whatever. Tomarrow I work 3rd shift by myself in charge of this entire hotel. It's so stressing on me it's hard to deal with. I just....I don't know how to handle the pressures of wanting to drink after working or whatever when I can't make it to a meeting because of work. It's a rough spot and I don't quite know how to handle it. There have been many times in the past week or so that I've almost submitted to not being able to be sober as long as I had a job. It's not so bad when I didn't have a job, no money coming in...I mean, I have enough control to not go blow my last dollar when I'm getting disconnect notices. But, now that I'm going to have a paycheck coming in and I'm so busy....I just want to get this straightened out before I have to go back to school and work in a month. I'll never hold up the way I am now.....
Member
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: California, USA
Posts: 1,095
Hi Stacey,
I can empathize with you about the job situation. When I went back to work it was hard trying to get meetings in. Paricularly because I have children. In your case you have varying shifts.
It can be done though. Don't get discouraged and set yourself up for a fall, or use this as an excuse to relapse. Just get to as many meetings as you can, read the big book, and don't even trip on what other people may or may not be thinking. That's just adding fuel to your fire.
If this job is really threatening your sobriety, keep an eye out for something else that is more manageable for you, although I know jobs are hard to find right now.
Look at yourself in the mirror everyday and tell yourself that you can do it. You've been working hard on your recovery, and it feels so good when you start to reap some of the benefits and rewards.
Keep hanging in there o.k.?
Juls
I can empathize with you about the job situation. When I went back to work it was hard trying to get meetings in. Paricularly because I have children. In your case you have varying shifts.
It can be done though. Don't get discouraged and set yourself up for a fall, or use this as an excuse to relapse. Just get to as many meetings as you can, read the big book, and don't even trip on what other people may or may not be thinking. That's just adding fuel to your fire.
If this job is really threatening your sobriety, keep an eye out for something else that is more manageable for you, although I know jobs are hard to find right now.
Look at yourself in the mirror everyday and tell yourself that you can do it. You've been working hard on your recovery, and it feels so good when you start to reap some of the benefits and rewards.
Keep hanging in there o.k.?
Juls
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
I understand Stacey, but look what you have nearly accomplished! Several weeks ago you were being hard on yourself about reaching that 30 day goal! Your almost there. It takes time before those "I deserve a reward" feelings pass. I relate completely and because of my dedication and hard work those cravings are fewer and fewer. Don't forget your HP when you find yourself in that way of thinking, as him/her to take away the thoughts and don't forget your Serenity prayer! I am proud of you !
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Hi Stacey,
I was in the navy when I quit drinking. The first thing the navy did was to send me on a 3 month cruise to Europe. I had about 4 months sober. Not only did I feel alone on the ship I was riding but I had to leave my sponsor and the support groups I had grown to love and lean on. Well, I ended up searching out some drunks on the ship to talk to. Went to a meeting in Dublin, Ireland and did a lot of praying. I wanted to feel sorry for myself and cop a resentment toward the navy but I realized that not drinking had nothing to do with my job. Staying sober did. Being sober is the ability to deal with life, i.e. my responsibilities, my job, my family and my friends and learn through the working of the steps how to do these things happily while living in my own skin. I had to realize that using excuses(which came easy for me) was just another way of setting myself up for a resentment and the next drunk. Well, I made it! I'm better for it today 'cause I know that drinking is just a symtom of what's really the problem.....me! Hang in there Stacey. It's a growning process...:o
I was in the navy when I quit drinking. The first thing the navy did was to send me on a 3 month cruise to Europe. I had about 4 months sober. Not only did I feel alone on the ship I was riding but I had to leave my sponsor and the support groups I had grown to love and lean on. Well, I ended up searching out some drunks on the ship to talk to. Went to a meeting in Dublin, Ireland and did a lot of praying. I wanted to feel sorry for myself and cop a resentment toward the navy but I realized that not drinking had nothing to do with my job. Staying sober did. Being sober is the ability to deal with life, i.e. my responsibilities, my job, my family and my friends and learn through the working of the steps how to do these things happily while living in my own skin. I had to realize that using excuses(which came easy for me) was just another way of setting myself up for a resentment and the next drunk. Well, I made it! I'm better for it today 'cause I know that drinking is just a symtom of what's really the problem.....me! Hang in there Stacey. It's a growning process...:o
Digitally Remastered
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Samsara
Posts: 102
CSMcjewl-
I didn't have the opportunity of having to get back to work because I have my own independent contracting thing going on. But a serious trigger for me in earlier sobriety was this desk I'm typing at now. So, I went broker than ever. That's what it took for me to stay sober. I don't advise it at all...that's what worked for me.
When I finally did ease back in, I was still aware it could trigger me but by this time...3 months I think, it wasn't nearly as strong as I'd developed other habits that replaced the "habit" of getting drunk here.
I know that for some people, working is not an option - it has to be done...but if I had gone out and gotten *a job* I know I wouldn't be here. I was so tired of being drunk...My sobriety DID come #1 in my life...and it still does.
I believe I will lose everything that I put in front of it if it doesn't. As far as people thinking you've slipped...aka, worried about what other people think.... It's not your business what I think about you and it's easier to say than acknowledge I know. [But this is our goal nevertheless.] What if I thought you needed to get drunk? Wouldn't that pi$$ you off enough to NOT get drunk? SO...let these folks think you slipped. What program are they working? And if they ask you can say, "Would knowing I slipped help keep you sober today?"
It took my sponsor to teach me...and I DO slip back into my old way..but it took my sponsor to teach me that people aren't OWED explanations by me. Matter of fact, Friday night, some guy asks me: "Who's your sponsor?" I said, "Not going to tell you." He said, "Come on..." I said, "Nope." It's not a lot but it's something...When a woman asked me this on Saturday I did offer to her, "She's anonymous." So you see...two people, two different answers...based on the information I wanted each one to have. So, no longer am I the open book I used to be - My sponsor would say that being an open book, kept me hurt, scared, and drunk. Now I take responsibility for that part and am not as open as I used to be with the whole world.
Hence, it's no one's business. If you want to get drunk, that's entirely your business. If you want to not drink that's [AA's] my business and the people who will help you not drink.
NOW...."deserving a beer." Amen. I know where you're coming from. I always felt like I deserved one ESPECIALLY after a job well done. Now go ahead and play that tape through ["Think Think Think"]
...you have a beer after a job well done. You congratulate yourself on getting through that first beer....No...the alarms didn't go off and the lights didn't flash...and wouldn't you know it? Even the AA police didn't bother you tonight! Well...you just have to have one more and REALLY enjoy this one since you now know they will NOT be coming to *get ya.* But two's never really done it for you...Make it three and keep it worthwhile.
Now you go home, congratulating yourself on stopping at three. "Ha. I must not be an alcoholic after all. I must have learned some stuff in AA. Thank goodness, that was close." SO the next night, with memories of the prior night still fresh you buy a 6 pack...
When you play this tape through, what do you see happening? No, I'm not psychic...I'm an alcoholic who has tried everything... even drinking AFTER AA and these were the mental acrobats I went through. And since I am NOT so darn unique, I am oh so very sure I am NOT the only one who has thought these things when drinking AFTER or even DURING AA. [Never did quite understand these people who drank DURING AA....ruin a perfectly good drunk with AA?]
CSMCJewl- If you're sober today...you never have to get sober again. It's tough in the beginning to get new habits, just keep talking to sober alcoholics, hang on, grab for anything that even whispers sobriety and you'll make it.
Love,
Digits
I didn't have the opportunity of having to get back to work because I have my own independent contracting thing going on. But a serious trigger for me in earlier sobriety was this desk I'm typing at now. So, I went broker than ever. That's what it took for me to stay sober. I don't advise it at all...that's what worked for me.
When I finally did ease back in, I was still aware it could trigger me but by this time...3 months I think, it wasn't nearly as strong as I'd developed other habits that replaced the "habit" of getting drunk here.
I know that for some people, working is not an option - it has to be done...but if I had gone out and gotten *a job* I know I wouldn't be here. I was so tired of being drunk...My sobriety DID come #1 in my life...and it still does.
I believe I will lose everything that I put in front of it if it doesn't. As far as people thinking you've slipped...aka, worried about what other people think.... It's not your business what I think about you and it's easier to say than acknowledge I know. [But this is our goal nevertheless.] What if I thought you needed to get drunk? Wouldn't that pi$$ you off enough to NOT get drunk? SO...let these folks think you slipped. What program are they working? And if they ask you can say, "Would knowing I slipped help keep you sober today?"
It took my sponsor to teach me...and I DO slip back into my old way..but it took my sponsor to teach me that people aren't OWED explanations by me. Matter of fact, Friday night, some guy asks me: "Who's your sponsor?" I said, "Not going to tell you." He said, "Come on..." I said, "Nope." It's not a lot but it's something...When a woman asked me this on Saturday I did offer to her, "She's anonymous." So you see...two people, two different answers...based on the information I wanted each one to have. So, no longer am I the open book I used to be - My sponsor would say that being an open book, kept me hurt, scared, and drunk. Now I take responsibility for that part and am not as open as I used to be with the whole world.
Hence, it's no one's business. If you want to get drunk, that's entirely your business. If you want to not drink that's [AA's] my business and the people who will help you not drink.
NOW...."deserving a beer." Amen. I know where you're coming from. I always felt like I deserved one ESPECIALLY after a job well done. Now go ahead and play that tape through ["Think Think Think"]
...you have a beer after a job well done. You congratulate yourself on getting through that first beer....No...the alarms didn't go off and the lights didn't flash...and wouldn't you know it? Even the AA police didn't bother you tonight! Well...you just have to have one more and REALLY enjoy this one since you now know they will NOT be coming to *get ya.* But two's never really done it for you...Make it three and keep it worthwhile.
Now you go home, congratulating yourself on stopping at three. "Ha. I must not be an alcoholic after all. I must have learned some stuff in AA. Thank goodness, that was close." SO the next night, with memories of the prior night still fresh you buy a 6 pack...
When you play this tape through, what do you see happening? No, I'm not psychic...I'm an alcoholic who has tried everything... even drinking AFTER AA and these were the mental acrobats I went through. And since I am NOT so darn unique, I am oh so very sure I am NOT the only one who has thought these things when drinking AFTER or even DURING AA. [Never did quite understand these people who drank DURING AA....ruin a perfectly good drunk with AA?]
CSMCJewl- If you're sober today...you never have to get sober again. It's tough in the beginning to get new habits, just keep talking to sober alcoholics, hang on, grab for anything that even whispers sobriety and you'll make it.
Love,
Digits
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Middle of Nowhere, USA
Posts: 210
Day 29, 4rd 3rd shift tonight.
Hi!
Well, the 3rd shifts are getting a little easier. I just await the day that these 5 in a row are over. I have been going over my schedule and seeing how I can fit in meetings. I think next week's schedule will be out today so I should be able to take a look at it. I was thinking...I do 3 2nds, I obviously can't make it to night meetings then so my only option on those days are morning meetings. I'll never make those because I need to stay in the habit of staying up late or I'll never make it on the 3rds. Unless it's a noon meeting, which is monday or Friday. So...thinking about it that way I have guarenteed for me to hit either 4-5 meetings per week. And that's only if I hit one a day...I could hit 2 on my days off. So....things were looking a little better that way. I went to the meeting last night, Jennie showed up. They broke up into two groups though and Jennie went to the other room. When we got out she was just totally pissing me off though. She's all of sudden got every single person in AA's name memorized like their old buddies from the fifth grade and she's telling me that a group of them are hanging out today around 2. Now, she knew I was heading to work last night, she knew I got up about 1-2pm everyday but at no time did she even think to invite me. I think she was just trying to make me jealous but part of me was just wondering if she was lying the whole time. The people's house she's "supposed" to be going over are this couple that just started coming to meetings. See, she knows that I've just about got 30 days in and I think she was jealous because of all the times in the past 30 days that she screwed up and I didn't. Last night apparently she spoke and was acting like...I haven't had pot in 9 days...I'm doing really well. Truth is, she got screwed out of $20 this weekend because her drug dealer didn't go through. I mean....I guess it pisses me off that she's trying to make me angry and stuff but...on the other hand I really don't care. My sobriety is what's important to me...whatever she is doing or saying has nothing to do with me. I'm not even going to the same meeting as her tonight...it's a smoking meeting anyways...so, I don't really care because I don't smoke. I just have to remember what is best for me. I have to just let Jennie go do whatever she wants to do...I mean, I'm not hanging out her everday now so she has to do something right? It's just annoying ya know? That I have to go to meetings and have to put up with Jennie being like...well, so and so and so and so are coming over to my house tomarrow and we're all hanging out and then we're all going to the meeting together. Which is fine..ya know? It's her motivation that bugs me. i don't know if it's even true and I really don't care...I just don't need someone purposly trying to make me jealous when I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in like 4 days...hehe. So, I'm going to the other meeting tonight and calling it good. Tonight is my first night alone at work so....I hope it all goes well. Last night we watched Jerry Springer at 4am....I didn't even know it came on that late! But, tonight...I'm alone. Whew....that makes me kinda nervous. I hope everything goes ok. Anyways, I'm glad for the time that Jennie isn't stuck up my butt....now I just wish she would fade out of my life and out of my meetings forever. I decided I'm going to take my diary with me to work tonight and the big book n' stuff and do a preliminary 4th step. I want to get it at least layed out and then get a sponsor really quick like here so I can start working the steps. Last night they were talking about the 5th step and this one lady talked about the 1,2,3 drink. I didn't get it for a long time because she didn't elaborate but now I do....Doing steps 1,2 and 3 and stopping. If you don't go any further, like I havne't...you end up drinking. So, I realized with a panic last night that that's what I've been doing for 6 months and realize that if I want to be sober, I need to do more. So, I'm going to at least sit down and think about it and write some starting stuff down. I want to do this, I'm serious about it and I don't want to screw up anymore. I've told everyone at my new job that I have just recently stopped drinking and I told the other 3rd shift lady last night all about my accident and AA and Jennie...just everything. She said she's on the phase of phasing herself out (again) like she did before...just be patient, avoid her when I can and let it go....which is exactly what I plan on doing. Ok...well, I've rambled long enough.....So...work is ok...I'm dealing with it...I can hit night meetings as long as I'm working 3rds so...I'm doing ok. I will be celebrating with a donut tonight when it hits tomarrow and I know I've made it 30 days.
Stacey
Well, the 3rd shifts are getting a little easier. I just await the day that these 5 in a row are over. I have been going over my schedule and seeing how I can fit in meetings. I think next week's schedule will be out today so I should be able to take a look at it. I was thinking...I do 3 2nds, I obviously can't make it to night meetings then so my only option on those days are morning meetings. I'll never make those because I need to stay in the habit of staying up late or I'll never make it on the 3rds. Unless it's a noon meeting, which is monday or Friday. So...thinking about it that way I have guarenteed for me to hit either 4-5 meetings per week. And that's only if I hit one a day...I could hit 2 on my days off. So....things were looking a little better that way. I went to the meeting last night, Jennie showed up. They broke up into two groups though and Jennie went to the other room. When we got out she was just totally pissing me off though. She's all of sudden got every single person in AA's name memorized like their old buddies from the fifth grade and she's telling me that a group of them are hanging out today around 2. Now, she knew I was heading to work last night, she knew I got up about 1-2pm everyday but at no time did she even think to invite me. I think she was just trying to make me jealous but part of me was just wondering if she was lying the whole time. The people's house she's "supposed" to be going over are this couple that just started coming to meetings. See, she knows that I've just about got 30 days in and I think she was jealous because of all the times in the past 30 days that she screwed up and I didn't. Last night apparently she spoke and was acting like...I haven't had pot in 9 days...I'm doing really well. Truth is, she got screwed out of $20 this weekend because her drug dealer didn't go through. I mean....I guess it pisses me off that she's trying to make me angry and stuff but...on the other hand I really don't care. My sobriety is what's important to me...whatever she is doing or saying has nothing to do with me. I'm not even going to the same meeting as her tonight...it's a smoking meeting anyways...so, I don't really care because I don't smoke. I just have to remember what is best for me. I have to just let Jennie go do whatever she wants to do...I mean, I'm not hanging out her everday now so she has to do something right? It's just annoying ya know? That I have to go to meetings and have to put up with Jennie being like...well, so and so and so and so are coming over to my house tomarrow and we're all hanging out and then we're all going to the meeting together. Which is fine..ya know? It's her motivation that bugs me. i don't know if it's even true and I really don't care...I just don't need someone purposly trying to make me jealous when I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in like 4 days...hehe. So, I'm going to the other meeting tonight and calling it good. Tonight is my first night alone at work so....I hope it all goes well. Last night we watched Jerry Springer at 4am....I didn't even know it came on that late! But, tonight...I'm alone. Whew....that makes me kinda nervous. I hope everything goes ok. Anyways, I'm glad for the time that Jennie isn't stuck up my butt....now I just wish she would fade out of my life and out of my meetings forever. I decided I'm going to take my diary with me to work tonight and the big book n' stuff and do a preliminary 4th step. I want to get it at least layed out and then get a sponsor really quick like here so I can start working the steps. Last night they were talking about the 5th step and this one lady talked about the 1,2,3 drink. I didn't get it for a long time because she didn't elaborate but now I do....Doing steps 1,2 and 3 and stopping. If you don't go any further, like I havne't...you end up drinking. So, I realized with a panic last night that that's what I've been doing for 6 months and realize that if I want to be sober, I need to do more. So, I'm going to at least sit down and think about it and write some starting stuff down. I want to do this, I'm serious about it and I don't want to screw up anymore. I've told everyone at my new job that I have just recently stopped drinking and I told the other 3rd shift lady last night all about my accident and AA and Jennie...just everything. She said she's on the phase of phasing herself out (again) like she did before...just be patient, avoid her when I can and let it go....which is exactly what I plan on doing. Ok...well, I've rambled long enough.....So...work is ok...I'm dealing with it...I can hit night meetings as long as I'm working 3rds so...I'm doing ok. I will be celebrating with a donut tonight when it hits tomarrow and I know I've made it 30 days.
Stacey
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
Originally posted by Chy
Congrats on 30 days! *big hug* you made it.!
Congrats on 30 days! *big hug* you made it.!
CONGRATULATIONS STACEY!
Remember when you didn't think you'd ever make 30 days sober?
Well, you did!
Don't worry about what other people are doing...
Don't worry about what other people might be thinking....
Stay busy, stay committed, and you'll stay sober.
Don S
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Middle of Nowhere, USA
Posts: 210
Thanks for the celebrations but....
Well, I blew it. All over. I got my 30 days yesterday and I'm supposed to get my coin tomarrow. I blew it today. Sigh...My old best friend of 12 years came back into town. I just found out that she's living about 2 miles from me. We met when I was 11. I mean, I got into all my trouble with her, we were inseperatable. Until the day we ran away with the fair. That was one of my really bad times. We ran away in 2000 with the fair, just left our b/f's behind and went. We both did things there we are totally ashamed of and wouldn't ever do again. Well, when we got back her b/f moved her out of town and she quit talking to me. Tonight was the first time I've seen her 3 years. It was great. I feel like a part of me is back. I mean, she's really the only best friend I've ever had. We've been friends for so many years. Well, I got there and she told me she drinks like a fish. In fact, her mom is worried about her. My triggers had been getting pretty strong. I'd planned on going to a different meeting than Jennie tonight but there wasn't really any. Just one other one that I really don't like going to. So, I decided to take a night off and go visit my best friend. Well, they mentioned drinking and we got reminising and one thing led to another. Next thing I know I'm tasting her banana mudslide to see if it had chocolate in it. (I'm allergic) without even making a second thought. It wasn't until afterwards I was like...oh Sh**! Aww well! I ended up drinking 1/2 a glass of that, I quit just in case it did have chocolate in it and 2 bottles of malt stuff. I wasn't drunk at all, just enough to get a buzz. But next week they want me over to try Coke or Oxycotten. I don't even know what oxycotten is! I dont' think I'm actually physically capable of doing anything harder than weed honestly. So...it seems as though my old best friends reappears in my life and I want to hang out with her but here, she's like totally bad news for me. I mean...I don't know. I've got to go...company is over...sigh....
Stacey
Stacey
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Oh Stacey
! Well you pick-up another 24 hour chip and start again! Please re-think you new old bestfriend. Really now! You know this situation should be avoided. You know what's going to happen, you have to decide for yourself obviously but re-hashing that relationship seems more harmful then Jennie!
Make the right choice girl!
! Well you pick-up another 24 hour chip and start again! Please re-think you new old bestfriend. Really now! You know this situation should be avoided. You know what's going to happen, you have to decide for yourself obviously but re-hashing that relationship seems more harmful then Jennie!Make the right choice girl!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Middle of Nowhere, USA
Posts: 210
Well, that's how things go isn't it? The more harmful they are to you, the more you want to do them. Sigh...it is a really rough situation because the difference between Christina and Jennie is huge. I mean, if I never saw Jennie again it really wouldn't bother me, we were never like...really good friends ya know? But Christina was my best friend. I met her on the playground in elementary school. I know I need to avoid the situation but in my head I"m still trying to figure out how I can strike a comprimise on the situation. I mean, obviously with Dave here n' stuff I'm not going to even be able to just go party at a whim so...that's not even an option. I'm going over in my head...if I only visit during the day for short periods of time...I could still see her but not at night when the kids go to bed and she grabs a beer ya know? As long as her kids are around, I'm safe. She knows that I quit drinking for awhile and she knows that I"m trying to cut back. She doesn't know I had quit. I guess I just need to be honest with her and tell her, I can't do this. Trying to juggle drinking and Dave just won't work. I need to committ to one thing. Sigh...it's just so hard. I asked her to be in my wedding tonight. More than anything I just want to plan my wedding with her and have her as my maid of honor ya know? Christina was my only best friend growing up. It was just the two of us for years....and when she was doing all the bad stuff, I was always the "good" one. When she was snorting coke in high school, I wasn't even drinking. When she was smoking pot every day after school...I just never took part. It just wasn't my thing. Anyways, so...it's a rough situation..I guess I'm just going to have to sit down and think about what's best for me. But whatever happens, it's not like I'm just going to give up on sobriety. I'm keeping in mind that I am an alcoholic and I know that messing with fire will only get me more pain. It's just rough to think about saying goodbye to my best friend. I'll really have to think about it before I take the leap...that's all.....
Stacey
Ps. Like I told Dave...I'd rather be a cokehead lying in a ditch than hang out with Jennie for much longer. With her whole clicky thing....I just relaly hate Aa lately. I need to get away from All meetings she goes to...not just some, she just keeps getting worse. I'm going to the noon meeting tomarrow. I'm going to try and talk too....I need it.
Stacey
Ps. Like I told Dave...I'd rather be a cokehead lying in a ditch than hang out with Jennie for much longer. With her whole clicky thing....I just relaly hate Aa lately. I need to get away from All meetings she goes to...not just some, she just keeps getting worse. I'm going to the noon meeting tomarrow. I'm going to try and talk too....I need it.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
Originally posted by Csmcjewl
I guess I'm just going to have to sit down and think about what's best for me. But whatever happens, it's not like I'm just going to give up on sobriety. I'm keeping in mind that I am an alcoholic and I know that messing with fire will only get me more pain. It's just rough to think about saying goodbye to my best friend. I'll really have to think about it before I take the leap...that's all.....
Stacey
I guess I'm just going to have to sit down and think about what's best for me. But whatever happens, it's not like I'm just going to give up on sobriety. I'm keeping in mind that I am an alcoholic and I know that messing with fire will only get me more pain. It's just rough to think about saying goodbye to my best friend. I'll really have to think about it before I take the leap...that's all.....
Stacey
Sometimes knowing the facts can help strengthen our commitment to sobriety and to avoiding experimenting with other drugs. So here's the lecture!
Oxytocin is a substance which is released in your body during breast-feeding and orgasm. It increases the effects of cocaine and alcohol, so some people like to use them together. Studies on the interaction of cocaine and oxytocin mostly focus on the bad interactions cocaine use has on natural oxytocin levels in the body during pregnancy. If you are sexually active and there is even the remotest chance you MIGHT get pregnant you SHOULD NOT MESS AROUND WITH THIS COMBINATION.
Do I need to tell you about the things cocaine can do to your body? Aside from being highly addictive, it is a major stimulant, which you are ingesting in doses that you don't control--you and your friend have no idea how much it has been cut or what it has been cut with. Serious side effects can occur any time you use it.
Here are a few quotes from a web site
(http://www.nida.nih.gov/ResearchRepo...e/Cocaine.html)
"There is no safe way to use cocaine. Any route of administration can lead … to acute cardiovascular or cerebrovascular emergencies that could result in sudden death. Repeated cocaine use by any route of administration can produce addiction and other adverse health consequences. As cocaine abuse continues, tolerance often develops. This means that higher doses and more frequent use of cocaine are required.
The short-term…effects … include constricted blood vessels; dilated pupils; and increased temperature, heart rate, and blood pressure. Large amounts … intensify the user's high, but may also lead to bizarre, erratic, and violent behavior. These users may experience tremors, vertigo, muscle twitches, paranoia, or, with repeated doses, a toxic reaction closely resembling amphetamine poisoning. Some users of cocaine report feelings of restlessness, irritability, and anxiety. In rare instances, sudden death can occur on the first use of cocaine or unexpectedly thereafter. Cocaine-related deaths are often a result of cardiac arrest or seizures followed by respiratory arrest.
Cocaine is a powerfully addictive drug. Once having tried cocaine, an individual may have difficulty predicting or controlling the extent to which he or she will continue to use the drug. Use of cocaine in a binge, during which the drug is taken repeatedly and at increasingly high doses, leads to a state of increasing irritability, restlessness, and paranoia. This may result in a full-blown paranoid psychosis, in which the individual
loses touch with reality and experiences auditory hallucinations.
Some of the most frequent complications are cardiovascular effects, including disturbances in heart rhythm and heart attacks; such respiratory effects as chest pain and respiratory failure; neurological effects, including strokes, seizure, and headaches; and gastrointestinal complications, including abdominal pain and nausea.
Cocaine use has been linked to many types of heart disease. Cocaine has been found to trigger chaotic heart rhythms, called ventricular fibrillation; accelerate heartbeat and breathing; and increase blood pressure and body
temperature. Physical symptoms may include chest pain, nausea, blurred vision, fever, muscle spasms,
convulsions and coma.
Regularly snorting cocaine… can lead to loss of sense of smell, nosebleeds, problems with swallowing, hoarseness, and an overall irritation of the nasal septum, which can lead to a chronically inflamed, runny nose. Ingested cocaine can cause severe bowel gangrene, due to reduced blood flow.
Research has revealed a potentially dangerous interaction between cocaine and alcohol. Taken in combination, the two drugs are converted by the body to cocaethylene. Cocaethylene has a longer duration of action in the brain and is more toxic than either drug alone. While more research needs to be done, it is noteworthy that the mixture of cocaine and alcohol is the most common two-drug combination that results in drug-related death."
--------------------
Doesn't all that sound fun? If you want to approximate the short-term effects of cocaine, go to your nearest Starbucks. Order four double espressos and drink them rapidly. Repeat in an hour. There'll be fewer side effects and it's legal.
There is nothing that says you MUST cut off all contact with friends from your past. But planning for urges is a basic part of early sobriety. You know you'll be tempted and the drugs and alcohol will be there. Your likelihood of remaining abstinent is obviously higher if you avoid her.
If you do decide to socialize with her, you should plan for the situations--and I mean do some actual role-playing, and figure out word for word what you are going to say.
She knows that her drug use is becoming a problem. I know you drank with her today, but it will be easier to refuse drinks and drugs if you tell her up front that you aren't doing that anymore. Today was a lapse, and you don't plan to repeat it.
Express your commitment to sobriety (plan what you're going to say!). A polite refusal after that should be enough to stop the offers of drugs. Refuse politely and persistently. You don't have to be rude, nor do you have to worry about what she thinks.
If you enjoy watching other folks get drunk and stoned, I suppose you could stick around. LOL. More likely, you can socialize for a little while, have a soft drink, and split when the other drugs come out. Have a way to leave so you aren't stuck there. That's part of planning: anticipate the whole situation, make your new lifestyle clear from the outset, plan for how to refuse offers, and have an exit strategy.
It sounds as though these are friends whose lives revolve around finding ways to get drunk or stoned. Unless they have other activities you can do together, it's hard for me to imagine that resuming this friendship will be good for you. It might be good for her to see your example, and in a convoluted way it might strengthen your own commitment. But you know you're playing with fire….
By the way, you mentioned that you quit drinking the first drink (what the heck is a banana mudslide?!) because you're allergic to chocolate. Is that because your body reacts to chocolate in an undesirable way? So maybe you could just decide you're "allergic" to alcohol. "No, thanks, I don't like the way I react to that."
Plan, practice, and keep us posted!
Don S
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Good post Don!
Stacey hang in there make good decesions based on what feels right for you and honesty is a good thing. Who knows maybe when you tell her your in recovery she'll join you and become your sidekick in the rooms! Keep going back you are doing good!
Stacey hang in there make good decesions based on what feels right for you and honesty is a good thing. Who knows maybe when you tell her your in recovery she'll join you and become your sidekick in the rooms! Keep going back you are doing good!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Middle of Nowhere, USA
Posts: 210
Wow...
Wow....after reading that I can't even imagine doing either one of those drugs! I've never really been a big drug person anyways, if that makes sense. I mean, alcohol has been my drug of choice ever since I started. Christina was always experimenting with different drugs all through high school but it never really phased me. Alcohol was what I considered to be the most "safe" and "normal" so i did that. I was never a big pot smoker or anything. It's always been about the beer. I feel horrible to be in this situation but I don't feel all that anxious because it's always been that christina was doing the harder drugs and she'll ask me once and if I say no...she knows I mean no. That's the beauty of her being my best friend, she knows I'm not "hardcore" and like to stick to the "lighter" stuff. I told her I go to AA because I partied too much and wanted to get out of the habit. I told her I still go because I've made friends there and it got me out of the party atmosphere so I could stay sober for awhile. So, I guess I was about half honest. Sigh...I don't know why I just didn't tell her. Maybe I will. My friend Shane from Tennessee who I haven't seen in 3 years is coming up to see me next Thursday. Which just happens to be the day I'm supposed to go to Christina's n' party. I can already see that that's not going to happen. If anything I will take Shane with me and we'll split when things start getting hairy. Thank you for that great post though Don. I never realized all the potential effects that coke can have! I mean, I know it's bad but that's about it. And if all gives you is this like really big caffine buzz...well, I'm not a big caffine drinker in the first place so...I can certainly do without that. As for the oxy-whatever. Well, that just doesn't sound cool to me at all. You know, I find myself amazing. I find it amazing that the power of my addiction is stronger than my love for my b/f. I mean, not by choice but it is. My addiction will not hesitate to break me up with my b/f and send me down the lonely path to death. It amazes me. Because my head tells me to drink and I go...well, Dave will be mad at me. and my head is already trying to come up with excuses or whatnot. My addiction has no mercy, it doesn't care about how I feel...I doesn't care about what repercusions it has...it just does whatever it wants, whenever it wnts to do it. What a selfish bastard! hehe...Anyways, I know coke and oxy are out for me. I mean, that's not too hard to say no to...I really don't like pills and I can't fathom snorting anything in my nose...that just seems silly to me. However, there will be pot and there will be alcohol. Those are my evil little playthings. I guess, you are right. I want to be able to hang out with her...thank goodness she has 3 kids and won't touch anything in front of them. They are my safeguard. When the kids go to bed, Stacey leaves. That's just how it's gonna have to be. Now....my question is....I've worked for 8 months to reach 30 days...and I did. However, I promptly drank, do I deserve to go get my coin tonight? I'm thinking no. I don't deserve it because obviously somethng was giong wrong before I hit 30 days that had already sent me down the wrong path. I told my b/f...maybe working 3rd shift just isn't for me. Maybe I just need more freedom than that. I know I have the need to be more a part of the world. Does that make sense? I want to be working when most people are working, I want to be sleeping when most normal people are sleeping. I don't want to keep partying hours when I'm not partying because to me, that's almost as bad as going into a bar. I mean, staying up all night everynight isn't going to lead to good things in my mind. I'm still considering taking the Barnes n' Noble job. It's 9-5 Monday thru Friday. My b/f complains and says that my hours are better with his right now and he hates it when I'm climbing into bed early all the time..blahblah. However, I'm bypassing that and doing whatever is best for me, screw him. I tell him over and over...if I keep working these hours and being so socially isolated, it's just not good for me. He just doesn't understand. He gives me this....it's a job. You work it attitude. Well, to me when I'm sitting here on a Thursday night when normally I would religously be at the bar, I'm sitting here at like 1:30am thinking about last call ya know? I want to sleep through that. I want to change my life, not keep the same hours and be socially desolate. I don't know. I guess I've got a lot going on right now....no coke for me though, or the other drug. I don't think so. I just need to get away from the alcohol too. I mean, it's easy for me to say no to the drugs, like...no thanks, i'll stick to my beer. That's easy...it's harder to say...no, I'm an alcoholic and I need to stay away from all drugs. Sigh....Well, I guess....do I deserve my 30 day coin? I think no but I also think it would empower me and remind me that I did do it and I can do it again. It does tell me not to give up. But just knowing I did 30 days reminds me of that anyways. I don't know....give me your opinions....if I don't get it I'm going to the other meeting and making it a point to tell eveyone that I had 30 days and I drank on #31. I might cry though, be warned....
Stacey
Stacey
It is what it is!!!
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Sobriety
Posts: 5,767
You slipped, it is okay, pick yourself up and start again. As long we are alive, we can keep on trying....practice makes better.
For me, I can't hang out with people that drink or use. I got sober when I was 31. I had to let go of the best friend that I had had since I was 14, that is a REALLY long time. She is still out there using, I have seen her 2 times I think in the 8 years I have been sober. The first time I had about 8 or 9 months clean and she asked me to come over and stay with her daughter during a slumber party cause she had to be at work at 5 in the morning. Of course I did it, I love her daugher and I had not seen her since I had gotten sober.
Everything was fine, I got there and she went to work. But when she got home she sat down with a friend that we used to party with all the time and smoked a joint right in front of me. Even though pot was NEVER my thing, I understood right then that she did not respect my sobriety. I left and since then when I have seen her it has only been by accident running into her somewhere in town. I say hello, hug her and move on.
This was really hard for me, we had been best friends, I mean practically inseperable since from 14 to 31!!! But i have to put my life first.
I have new friends now, friends that I have met in the program. I also have new friends that are not in the program that may occasionally have a recreational drink (no drugs) but they do not do it when we are out together. They respect me. Not saying that if I am out to dinner with another couple one of them may have a glass of wine but that it is.
You have to respect yourself first. Tell your friend that you do not drink and ask her if she will not drink when she is with you. You will learn alot about your friendship from her answer.
Good luck and keep up the good work, you can do this.
For me, I can't hang out with people that drink or use. I got sober when I was 31. I had to let go of the best friend that I had had since I was 14, that is a REALLY long time. She is still out there using, I have seen her 2 times I think in the 8 years I have been sober. The first time I had about 8 or 9 months clean and she asked me to come over and stay with her daughter during a slumber party cause she had to be at work at 5 in the morning. Of course I did it, I love her daugher and I had not seen her since I had gotten sober.
Everything was fine, I got there and she went to work. But when she got home she sat down with a friend that we used to party with all the time and smoked a joint right in front of me. Even though pot was NEVER my thing, I understood right then that she did not respect my sobriety. I left and since then when I have seen her it has only been by accident running into her somewhere in town. I say hello, hug her and move on.
This was really hard for me, we had been best friends, I mean practically inseperable since from 14 to 31!!! But i have to put my life first.
I have new friends now, friends that I have met in the program. I also have new friends that are not in the program that may occasionally have a recreational drink (no drugs) but they do not do it when we are out together. They respect me. Not saying that if I am out to dinner with another couple one of them may have a glass of wine but that it is.
You have to respect yourself first. Tell your friend that you do not drink and ask her if she will not drink when she is with you. You will learn alot about your friendship from her answer.
Good luck and keep up the good work, you can do this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Middle of Nowhere, USA
Posts: 210
It's so hard...
It's really difficult to think about giving up my friend. We've been best friends since we were 11. I mean, when she called me yesterday and said she'd moved back I was exstatic. A way to get away from Jennie! Yeeeah! But, then I actually went there. I understand what you mean though, I do need to stay away. It's wierd though because it's the same as it's always been since we've been kids, Christina doing drugs in front of me and me always being goody-two shoes. That was always just me. And I never minded. I try to convince myself that I could just go back to the same thing again but, that's what got me drinking in the first place...I was sick of being goody-two shoes. I wanted to go out and do Something wrong ya know? I think I will bypass the coin tonight and go to the other meeting. I think i need to speak up and get more friends in the program. I think a part of the problem is too is that I don't really have friends in the program. Plenty of aquantences but no real friends. Whenever Jennie is there I'm automatically silent. I've always been such a follower and whenever there is a "leader" in my presence, I'm automatically just...kinda shut down. Well, I'm gonna go rent movies and veg out. it's a chilly autumn day. Well, ok...maybe I'm just wishing it was autumn....I'm waiting for winter. I love snow. But, it is kinda chilly outside....maybe the leaves will start turning soon....I need to just get away. Ya know? I just want to run away and relax. Just get away from everything, from Christina, from Jennie, From my b/f from everything and everyone. You could say it's isolation but...I don't know. I've always been a very big private area kind of person....I haven't had that for a long time. I don't know if it's a good feeling to want to run away from everyone but...I guess that's just how I feel. I want to run away from my alcoholism and pretend it doesn't exsist. I don't want to drink, I just don't want to have a problem drinking. sigh.....life is just so damn hard.
Stacey
But, then I actually went there. I understand what you mean though, I do need to stay away. It's wierd though because it's the same as it's always been since we've been kids, Christina doing drugs in front of me and me always being goody-two shoes. That was always just me. And I never minded. I try to convince myself that I could just go back to the same thing again but, that's what got me drinking in the first place...I was sick of being goody-two shoes. I wanted to go out and do Something wrong ya know? I think I will bypass the coin tonight and go to the other meeting. I think i need to speak up and get more friends in the program. I think a part of the problem is too is that I don't really have friends in the program. Plenty of aquantences but no real friends. Whenever Jennie is there I'm automatically silent. I've always been such a follower and whenever there is a "leader" in my presence, I'm automatically just...kinda shut down. Well, I'm gonna go rent movies and veg out. it's a chilly autumn day. Well, ok...maybe I'm just wishing it was autumn....I'm waiting for winter. I love snow. But, it is kinda chilly outside....maybe the leaves will start turning soon....I need to just get away. Ya know? I just want to run away and relax. Just get away from everything, from Christina, from Jennie, From my b/f from everything and everyone. You could say it's isolation but...I don't know. I've always been a very big private area kind of person....I haven't had that for a long time. I don't know if it's a good feeling to want to run away from everyone but...I guess that's just how I feel. I want to run away from my alcoholism and pretend it doesn't exsist. I don't want to drink, I just don't want to have a problem drinking. sigh.....life is just so damn hard. Stacey
It is what it is!!!
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Sobriety
Posts: 5,767
Stacey -
Sometimes it is hard you are right, but learning to live it on its terms is a huge relief. You will make friends in the program, you will. Involve yourself with them. The ones that you say aquaintennces, invite them out for a cup of coffee or something, and instantly you will be friends, that is how easy it is.
I think before you walk into a meeting you should tell yourself the following -
What jennie or anyone thinks of me is none of my business!!!
Becuase it really isn't what is important is how you think of yourself.
Have you found a sponsor yet? That is really important. Listen to people talk, when you hear somethiing that you like talk to that person - it does take an effort to get a sponsor, but it will really help you.
Have a good autumn evening!!!!
Sometimes it is hard you are right, but learning to live it on its terms is a huge relief. You will make friends in the program, you will. Involve yourself with them. The ones that you say aquaintennces, invite them out for a cup of coffee or something, and instantly you will be friends, that is how easy it is.
I think before you walk into a meeting you should tell yourself the following -
What jennie or anyone thinks of me is none of my business!!!
Becuase it really isn't what is important is how you think of yourself.
Have you found a sponsor yet? That is really important. Listen to people talk, when you hear somethiing that you like talk to that person - it does take an effort to get a sponsor, but it will really help you.
Have a good autumn evening!!!!
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