Work is harmful to sobriety!
Digitally Remastered
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Samsara
Posts: 102
Re: It's so hard...
Originally posted by Csmcjewl
I just don't want to have a problem drinking. sigh.....life is just so damn hard.
Stacey
I just don't want to have a problem drinking. sigh.....life is just so damn hard.
Stacey
NOW I am uncovering them, looking at them for the ugly they are and having to deal with them. The bright light, for me, is knowing that when I'm finished with them, I'm done. THEN, next problem and so on and so forth. And because I am sober, hopefully I can deal with them more quickly and efficiently than I did NOT deal with them before...if that makes sense. In other words, maybe in 5 years I will have progressed 10 years worth of drinking time as long as I stay sober.
Maybe?
Diggity,
Digits
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
"Wow....after reading that I can't even imagine doing either one of those drugs! "
-->>Good!
"... it's always been that christina was doing the harder drugs and she'll ask me once and if I say no...she knows I mean no. That's the beauty of her being my best friend, she knows I'm not "hardcore" and like to stick to the "lighter" stuff."
-->>A friend who knows you mean "no" is a good start. So now your commitment is to sobriety, and she can understand that. If you can remain friends with that understanding, and avoid getting yourself into situations where her drug use is likely to tempt you to break your own commitment, then perhaps you can re-establish your friendship on a new basis.
"I told her I go to AA because I partied too much and wanted to get out of the habit. I told her I still go because I've made friends there and it got me out of the party atmosphere so I could stay sober for awhile. So, I guess I was about half honest. Sigh...I don't know why I just didn't tell her. "
-->>Probably because you were anxious about how she would react. People very often express fear of how others will react to our new sobriety! What are your thoughts about this? Can you dispute those thoughts?
Example: people will think I'm stuck up if I don't drink or use drugs with them.
Answer: not necessarily; some people are perfectly comfortable with others NOT using when they are.
Plan: act natural, avoid the situation if possible, avoid sounding judgmental when you say "no, thanks, I'm not drinking now."
Example: I can't have fun if I don't join them.
Answer: Is that really true? What else is going on? If drinking and drugging are the only activities, then the statement may be true! But if there's a video on. or music, or some game--then there are other things to focus on.
Plan: Have an activity planned, or bring one. Have a graceful exit strategy if using is the only activity.
snip
"I find it amazing that the power of my addiction is stronger than my love for my b/f. I mean, not by choice but it is. My addiction will not hesitate to break me up with my b/f and send me down the lonely path to death. It amazes me. Because my head tells me to drink and I go...well, Dave will be mad at me. and my head is already trying to come up with excuses or whatnot. My addiction has no mercy, it doesn't care about how I feel...I doesn't care about what repercusions it has...it just does whatever it wants, whenever it wants to do it. What a selfish bastard!"
-->>The desire to drink can be very strong. If you like to "personify" it and argue with it that way, some folks find that very helpful. But in my opinion these really do amount to decisions you are making--unhealthy decisions, based on irrational beliefs or poor judgments about the consequences. I think you demonstrate this when you say...
"Anyways, I know coke and oxy are out for me. I mean, that's not too hard to say no to...I really don't like pills and I can't fathom snorting anything in my nose...that just seems silly to me. However, there will be pot and there will be alcohol."
-->>So, what is the difference? And how can you get to the same conclusion about alcohol that you've come to about coke and oxytocin? Would it be helpful to read about the longterm consequences of drinking? Most of us here have concluded that the consequence of ONE drink is that we'll keep going. The idea of moderation isn't rational for us, while it may be for some people. I guess one of the keys to my own sobriety is that Ino longer consider drinking an option at all. It's just something I don't do, and I believe that emphatically. I don't say that to belittle anyone else or how they came to sobriety. It isn't a choice I make every day. It's a choice I made one day, and now I don't look back.
snip
"I've worked for 8 months to reach 30 days...and I did. However, I promptly drank, do I deserve to go get my coin tonight? I'm thinking no. I don't deserve it because obviously somethng was giong wrong before I hit 30 days...."
-->>Well, I'm not in AA, so my answer is just my own opinion. You did 30 days, you get the pin. Something went wrong at the moment you chose to drink on the 31st day, and it doesn't negate the 30 sober ones. What went wrong? You didn't plan for the urge when it was suddenly there. That's pretty common!
snip
"I tell him over and over...if I keep working these hours and being so socially isolated, it's just not good for me. He just doesn't understand. He gives me this....it's a job. You work it attitude."
-->>He's right. I'm also not sure what your work hours have to do with your desire to drink, and that is what I would focus on.
snip
" I mean, it's easy for me to say no to the drugs, like...no thanks, i'll stick to my beer. That's easy...it's harder to say...no, I'm an alcoholic and I need to stay away from all drugs."
-->>Beer is just another drug. You don't need to say to them that you're an alcoholic, or explain anything. There can be a lot of baggage and misunderstanding when you say things like that. Just stick to the plain truth and keep it simple. "I'm not drinking now."
"... I did do it and I can do it again. It does tell me not to give up. But just knowing I did 30 days reminds me of that anyways....if I don't get it I'm going to the other meeting and making it a point to tell eveyone that I had 30 days and I drank on #31. I might cry though, be warned.... "
I'm guessing they've heard that before! and probably seen the tears, too.
Remember: " I did do it, and I can do it again. I did do it, and I can do it again. I did do it, and I can do it again."
Thanks for posting, Stacey.
Don S
-->>Good!
"... it's always been that christina was doing the harder drugs and she'll ask me once and if I say no...she knows I mean no. That's the beauty of her being my best friend, she knows I'm not "hardcore" and like to stick to the "lighter" stuff."
-->>A friend who knows you mean "no" is a good start. So now your commitment is to sobriety, and she can understand that. If you can remain friends with that understanding, and avoid getting yourself into situations where her drug use is likely to tempt you to break your own commitment, then perhaps you can re-establish your friendship on a new basis.
"I told her I go to AA because I partied too much and wanted to get out of the habit. I told her I still go because I've made friends there and it got me out of the party atmosphere so I could stay sober for awhile. So, I guess I was about half honest. Sigh...I don't know why I just didn't tell her. "
-->>Probably because you were anxious about how she would react. People very often express fear of how others will react to our new sobriety! What are your thoughts about this? Can you dispute those thoughts?
Example: people will think I'm stuck up if I don't drink or use drugs with them.
Answer: not necessarily; some people are perfectly comfortable with others NOT using when they are.
Plan: act natural, avoid the situation if possible, avoid sounding judgmental when you say "no, thanks, I'm not drinking now."
Example: I can't have fun if I don't join them.
Answer: Is that really true? What else is going on? If drinking and drugging are the only activities, then the statement may be true! But if there's a video on. or music, or some game--then there are other things to focus on.
Plan: Have an activity planned, or bring one. Have a graceful exit strategy if using is the only activity.
snip
"I find it amazing that the power of my addiction is stronger than my love for my b/f. I mean, not by choice but it is. My addiction will not hesitate to break me up with my b/f and send me down the lonely path to death. It amazes me. Because my head tells me to drink and I go...well, Dave will be mad at me. and my head is already trying to come up with excuses or whatnot. My addiction has no mercy, it doesn't care about how I feel...I doesn't care about what repercusions it has...it just does whatever it wants, whenever it wants to do it. What a selfish bastard!"
-->>The desire to drink can be very strong. If you like to "personify" it and argue with it that way, some folks find that very helpful. But in my opinion these really do amount to decisions you are making--unhealthy decisions, based on irrational beliefs or poor judgments about the consequences. I think you demonstrate this when you say...
"Anyways, I know coke and oxy are out for me. I mean, that's not too hard to say no to...I really don't like pills and I can't fathom snorting anything in my nose...that just seems silly to me. However, there will be pot and there will be alcohol."
-->>So, what is the difference? And how can you get to the same conclusion about alcohol that you've come to about coke and oxytocin? Would it be helpful to read about the longterm consequences of drinking? Most of us here have concluded that the consequence of ONE drink is that we'll keep going. The idea of moderation isn't rational for us, while it may be for some people. I guess one of the keys to my own sobriety is that Ino longer consider drinking an option at all. It's just something I don't do, and I believe that emphatically. I don't say that to belittle anyone else or how they came to sobriety. It isn't a choice I make every day. It's a choice I made one day, and now I don't look back.
snip
"I've worked for 8 months to reach 30 days...and I did. However, I promptly drank, do I deserve to go get my coin tonight? I'm thinking no. I don't deserve it because obviously somethng was giong wrong before I hit 30 days...."
-->>Well, I'm not in AA, so my answer is just my own opinion. You did 30 days, you get the pin. Something went wrong at the moment you chose to drink on the 31st day, and it doesn't negate the 30 sober ones. What went wrong? You didn't plan for the urge when it was suddenly there. That's pretty common!
snip
"I tell him over and over...if I keep working these hours and being so socially isolated, it's just not good for me. He just doesn't understand. He gives me this....it's a job. You work it attitude."
-->>He's right. I'm also not sure what your work hours have to do with your desire to drink, and that is what I would focus on.
snip
" I mean, it's easy for me to say no to the drugs, like...no thanks, i'll stick to my beer. That's easy...it's harder to say...no, I'm an alcoholic and I need to stay away from all drugs."
-->>Beer is just another drug. You don't need to say to them that you're an alcoholic, or explain anything. There can be a lot of baggage and misunderstanding when you say things like that. Just stick to the plain truth and keep it simple. "I'm not drinking now."
"... I did do it and I can do it again. It does tell me not to give up. But just knowing I did 30 days reminds me of that anyways....if I don't get it I'm going to the other meeting and making it a point to tell eveyone that I had 30 days and I drank on #31. I might cry though, be warned.... "
I'm guessing they've heard that before! and probably seen the tears, too.
Remember: " I did do it, and I can do it again. I did do it, and I can do it again. I did do it, and I can do it again."
Thanks for posting, Stacey.
Don S
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Middle of Nowhere, USA
Posts: 210
Don,
You have helped me so much the past couple of days! I was thinking things were getting so easy too! I mean, here I was going..Being sober isn't hard, it's just a matter of taking care of all the things that were making me not sober before. Lol...Well, Jennie showed up at my house at like 7pm and we ended up going to the meeting together. I told her i didnt care if I went or not tonight...I kinda just felt like getting away from it all. But, her crush guy was there so we went. At the end I watched everyone else getting their coins and almost started crying so I just said..."I can't watch this crap, I'm going downstairs." Well, a guy that I've occasionally talked to heard me say it and I felt horrible. After the meeting I went up and tried to explain to him ya know...I had 30 days, I blew it and here I am. His response was...."At least you came back." Which was true. I never thought about actually quitting going to AA. It wasn't even an option. It was just...I screwed up...let's get back to it. Well, we went over to Christina's again tonight and I ended up drinking one. Jennie was high on Cory's...I"m not exactly sure what they are...some cough medicine or something. She' not counting that in her " getting high" time, which I think is ******** but...whatever she wants to do. I'm supposed to go over to my friend Vickie's house tomarrow...she's throwing a party. I'm not sure if I'm going though. It's another high school friend I haven't seen in years. (I don't know where these people are all of a sudden appearing from!) But, she warned me there would be drinking but there are also little kids n' stuff so it's not a big drunken bash. I would like to at least stop in and say hi to her. I havne't seen her in like 2 years. I don't know though. I do know that I'm not getting any farther off the wagon than I already have....I love sobriety and I'm not going to let myself get lost in this because I screwed up. However, I do need to take care of the Jennie problem. I'm just floating in lingo right now. I think I'm just going to walk up to someone and say...hey, I had 30 days under my belt and I drank on day 31, a big reason for that is I think because I don't have a sponsor...will you be my sponsor? I know a lady I would like to ask, just because she's really outgoing and talks all the time. The complete opposite of me but maybe she'll get me out of my shell. I think it would be good for me. Anyways, don...you've really helped me put things into perspective. I don't really think of my addiction as a seperate entity...it just really has seemed that way the past couple of days. It's like when 99.9% of me doesn't want to drink and I do...I can't help but think something possessed me to act in a manner I didn't really want to. It's easy to think of as something that's not actually a part of me because it really doesn't feel like it is. Anyways, it really helped. I'm gonna try to drag myself up tomarrow morning and hit the 11am meeting because I work 3-11 tomarrow night. Thank you for the great guidance...I know I'm not out of the water yet until I change something but....I'll get there.
Stacey
You have helped me so much the past couple of days! I was thinking things were getting so easy too! I mean, here I was going..Being sober isn't hard, it's just a matter of taking care of all the things that were making me not sober before. Lol...Well, Jennie showed up at my house at like 7pm and we ended up going to the meeting together. I told her i didnt care if I went or not tonight...I kinda just felt like getting away from it all. But, her crush guy was there so we went. At the end I watched everyone else getting their coins and almost started crying so I just said..."I can't watch this crap, I'm going downstairs." Well, a guy that I've occasionally talked to heard me say it and I felt horrible. After the meeting I went up and tried to explain to him ya know...I had 30 days, I blew it and here I am. His response was...."At least you came back." Which was true. I never thought about actually quitting going to AA. It wasn't even an option. It was just...I screwed up...let's get back to it. Well, we went over to Christina's again tonight and I ended up drinking one. Jennie was high on Cory's...I"m not exactly sure what they are...some cough medicine or something. She' not counting that in her " getting high" time, which I think is ******** but...whatever she wants to do. I'm supposed to go over to my friend Vickie's house tomarrow...she's throwing a party. I'm not sure if I'm going though. It's another high school friend I haven't seen in years. (I don't know where these people are all of a sudden appearing from!) But, she warned me there would be drinking but there are also little kids n' stuff so it's not a big drunken bash. I would like to at least stop in and say hi to her. I havne't seen her in like 2 years. I don't know though. I do know that I'm not getting any farther off the wagon than I already have....I love sobriety and I'm not going to let myself get lost in this because I screwed up. However, I do need to take care of the Jennie problem. I'm just floating in lingo right now. I think I'm just going to walk up to someone and say...hey, I had 30 days under my belt and I drank on day 31, a big reason for that is I think because I don't have a sponsor...will you be my sponsor? I know a lady I would like to ask, just because she's really outgoing and talks all the time. The complete opposite of me but maybe she'll get me out of my shell. I think it would be good for me. Anyways, don...you've really helped me put things into perspective. I don't really think of my addiction as a seperate entity...it just really has seemed that way the past couple of days. It's like when 99.9% of me doesn't want to drink and I do...I can't help but think something possessed me to act in a manner I didn't really want to. It's easy to think of as something that's not actually a part of me because it really doesn't feel like it is. Anyways, it really helped. I'm gonna try to drag myself up tomarrow morning and hit the 11am meeting because I work 3-11 tomarrow night. Thank you for the great guidance...I know I'm not out of the water yet until I change something but....I'll get there.
Stacey
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Middle of Nowhere, USA
Posts: 210
Taking a short break...
Hello,
I am taking a little time off....just a little...until i can get back on my feet and really devote myself to the program. I cannot go 30 days again and drink on day 31. That was so disheartening to me...I just don't really want to even try anymore. I've drank on two occasions...a total of 3 beers...I mean, I'm keeping things in mind it's just..when i think about going to meetings everynight again and trying...I just don't feel like I can do it yet. I'm disspirited from losing the last time. I was really trying and I failed. I just need a little time to gather myself before I try again. The county fair is in town...I've just been hanging out with my family, going to work...but not drinking. If things start to slip out of control to where I think I might get drunk I will run to a meeting as fast as I can....so...we'll just see where it goes. I don't want more pain but I know I'm not ready to try again already. Sigh.....
Stacey
I am taking a little time off....just a little...until i can get back on my feet and really devote myself to the program. I cannot go 30 days again and drink on day 31. That was so disheartening to me...I just don't really want to even try anymore. I've drank on two occasions...a total of 3 beers...I mean, I'm keeping things in mind it's just..when i think about going to meetings everynight again and trying...I just don't feel like I can do it yet. I'm disspirited from losing the last time. I was really trying and I failed. I just need a little time to gather myself before I try again. The county fair is in town...I've just been hanging out with my family, going to work...but not drinking. If things start to slip out of control to where I think I might get drunk I will run to a meeting as fast as I can....so...we'll just see where it goes. I don't want more pain but I know I'm not ready to try again already. Sigh.....
Stacey
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