FightingIrish

Giving myself a break was one of the hardest things I have had to learn to do in sobriety.

I somewhere picked up the idea that if I wasn't keeping all my ducks in a row, wasn't in peak physical condition with exercise and diet, wasn't totally up on housekeeping and cleaning, that I was undeserving of love or affection.

I had to realize that these thoughts that were so much a part of me my entire life are simply lies, plain and simple.

Eclipse

Hey TSH, I didn't know you where having such a hard time. I am not one with any expertise, but I think you just need to be easy on yourself and take it one day at a time. I am so proud of you for you sober time and it doesn't come without some difficulties. I also saw a counselor a few months back, but after a few visits I hated it and didn't go back. It was just too much foo foo crap for me. I didn't feel like she really wanted to know what was going on in my life.
. PM me anytime, you know I am here for you.

CarolD

From our SR Policy Rules & regs... Please do follow our guidelines when sharing.
thanks!

Jomey

Hey TSH - I am sorry you are feeling low. In addition to whatever decision you make about doctors and therapists, I would recommend a book called "Hope and Help for your Nerves" by Dr. Claire Weekes. It's a pretty old book, but it helped me a lot with my anxiety. It actually tells you how to cope with anxiety and panic...it gives examples of everday situations and it is worded like the doctor is there with you experiencing your feelings. Like I said, I've read my copy to rags!

Also, if you are looking for friends, have you considered the possibility of doing some volunteer work? I help out at a food pantry and a shelter for pregnant teens. I took my kids to the shelter with me before they were school aged, and there was always a little something they could do there - help sort the donations, give a baby a bottle, clean up toys, etc. They still come to the food pantry with me and my husband every Saturday morning. Both the pantry and the shelter are run by Catholic churches, and the people I have met and been befriended by there are awesome! So filled with hope and thanksgiving, yet very humble.

I know that these suggestions won't be able to cure a clinical depression, but they will make you feel good about yourself and your day! Also, like Serenity Queen said, ease back into those good habits one at a time! No need to start everything all at once.

Sorry this is so long and rambling....It's just that I relate to everything you said in your first post on this thread so much that I feel as if I could have written it!

Good luck!

Bamboozle

Hello, TSH.

Most of the time I'm not motivated to do anything. I don't like it...I just sit around and eat and play video games or spend time on the computer...and then I sleep, wake up and repeat.

I've lost all interest in my art work...my room is a mess right now. I want to make art, but I'm coming up with a blank. It feels like a part of me died long ago and I don't know how to revive it. Drinking or no drinking...it doesn't matter. I'm the same, except I feel maybe a little more in control sober...but not enough to improve my life at this point.

I really don't have any friends anymore. After I moved from a crappy town...I find myself in another crappy town. The friends I had anyways were really aquaintences/drinking buddies. I feel lost right now and I'm hanging onto a few threads of hope/sanity. Most of the people in my life right now are either neutral or positive people...there is one person, however, who is constantly negative (my father) and I cannot get away from him. He really pisses me off sometimes. I wish he would get help. He doesn't think he has a problem...and when I'm around negative/miserable people it brings me down. He is lost in his own miserable world and he is not willing to pull himself out of it at all. It's sad.

I don't have any advice for you...just wanted to say you're not alone.

Philly

Hi TSH

I'm sorry you are feeling so down. I hope you are feeling better today. I really didn't get a chance to read all your responses so I may be repeating. I don't have any friends. I do have my daughter but I really don't discuss how I am feeling. Can you try to go to the gym? The only high we can get now is from our endorphins (sp?). If you can run it is great. It really does make me feel so much better. I also have aquaintances there. I go everyday after work and don't know what I would do without it. Prior to my drinking career I was very heavy. I went back to school in my early 30's and by the time I was done I was 200lbs. I joined the gym and lost the weight. Then my drinking career started.

Since I stopped drinking I gained about 10lbs. I just joined weight watchers and was excited about it. I have lost a few pounds but counting points keeps my head busy.

Good luck and try to find something that will excite you. I wish I could start over either with a hobby or a career. I have a one year old granddaughter who I would like to spend more time with so don't want to start something that would take away from her.

Mariposa18

TSH~ I understand how you feel and feel that way a lot myself as well. Feel free to PM me if you want, I"m a good listener =)

The feeling depressed, overwhelmed, knowing what you need to do but not doing it, I do it too. Beating myself up? Yep, on a daily basis and over the DUMBEST things! I've also gained back 15lbs of over 30lbs that I lost since I quit drinking...yep, trust me when I say I understand.

We drank for a long time and We treated ourselves badly for a long time. Now we are getting ourselves back together and I think at times we just want to say "I'm not drinking anymore dang it, can I just feel like ME again! Why is this taking so long!?" We didn't become alcoholics over night, and we won't become US again over night, does that make sense?

nowinsituation

TSH - I am not an A; but an ex-spouse of an A; and erstwhile lurker from the F&F forum. But, I can really relate to everything you said! I don't know where my energy and my focus has gone? I am also an "anal-accountant" and I can't even fathom looking at starting my own tax return for this year. In fact; I called in sick to work today knowing that if I went I would not really get anything done. Sometimes I feel like I lost my best friend (my AH) and all of our mutual friends in my divorce; and it's hard to start over at this stage of my life. I work on my own recovery, but I could use a friend, too.

TSH - I have read lots of your posts and I admire everything you have done for yourself. I would love to be your friend! PS -- I love your avatar, The Office is one of my favorite shows!

zoomer

I see a nurse practitioner that works under a shrink. I was upset at first because I did not have the real deal and still paid the co-pay for the shrink,but after 7 years it has turned out well. I spend about 15 minutes with her every three months now. I catch her up on my life and she writes me scripts and thats that. I think we put too much exspectatons on the medical professional to fix us. I'v been to so many therapist,but none have help as much as AA and taking my meds. I was ready to get well and stop living my life depressed or manic,so I took advice and stopped messing around thinking I could get well without meds or AA. I needed help because my way was not working. BTU, I'm fatter now than I ever was,but I'm also the most healthy than I ever was. Not that I eat right,but because of a healthier life style like not drinking. I say give the medical community another chance. What do you have to lose? Not saying you need meds mind you. I use to "fall in love" with my therapist thinking they had all the answers and would cure me only to be disapointed. I think that is common though. Good luck and try one small thing at a time.

TryingSoHard

Ok, I just have to say...



I am speechless. Y'all are so freaking wonderful!!!! I had to bring my son to the doc this morning and then we went shopping so this is the first time today I've gotten to turn on my computer and I am SHOCKED at how many people have responded since I went to bed last night!! And with so much love and support and understanding... y'all have made my day, seriously.

I never imagined so many others would be able to relate to what I'm feeling and going through.

I don't really have any words of wisdom or extra insight today... the kids are home from school today so I'm trying to just make it through the day! LOL I just wish I could give each and every one of you a great big hug. Thank you so much for being here for me.

TryingSoHard

Oh, and just for the record...

I don't have very many friends. I have one best friend who lives 3 hours away; she's great and I love her to death but her life is CONSTANTLY filled with drama and her drama is always more important than any drama I might have. I'm there for her; she is almost never there for me. I do not consider her a source of support. And also, she drinks and she just doesn't understand what I'm having to do. When she asked me if I was going to have to quit "like - for good?" and I said yes, she said, "Bummer" and grabbed a beer. She still texts me to tell me she's going to get drunk.

I have 2 other girlfriends who I consider to be very good, close friends but one lives in Mexico and one lives in Canada. We see each other once a year at best and because of our schedules and time zone differences we just don't get to chat as much as we'd like to. So that's difficult.

Yes, my husband is a dear friend to me and a very good source of support, but I'm hesitant to talk to him about some things because I know what his response is going to be. "You're not fat, you don't NEED to work out, you're beautiful and I love you just the way you are." Ok honey, I appreciate that very much and I'm glad you feel that way, but yeah - I do need to work out again. I HAVE gained weight since I quit drinking and I DO feel worse about myself now. And as for the other stuff, he'd say similar things, like "don't be too hard on yourself" or "well, just tell me what I can help you with." Please don't misunderstand me - I LOVE that he is kind and willing to help and supportive. But I don't need someone to just tell me something to coddle me. If I'm coming to you for help on how to get back into the good routines that I used to have, it's not going to help me to hear, "But you're fine just the way you are." Does that make sense?

So it's not that I don't like talking to him, but the kind of support he gives me isn't always what I need at the time. I hope y'all know what I mean.

I do not have any friends locally. I have a couple of casual acquaintances... no one that I hang out with on a regular basis or feel comfortable enough with to try to discuss serious life issues.

So I really appreciate y'all. A lot.

Sugah

I searched back through your posts to see what your stand was on AA. It seems you don't have an aversion but have just chosen not to go? Keeping in mind that those who attend might be at different places along the recovery path, I've no doubt that you could find some other women you can relate to and who would be happy to be part of your sober support network. A sponsor, if you seek one out, can help you to take the steps and move beyond the place you've found yourself today.

Didn't I read a little while ago that your husband was considering Al-anon?

Peace & Love,
Sugah

TryingSoHard

I'm not sure what my stance on AA is, to be honest. Back in September and very early October, I went to a total of about 6 or 7 meetings over about a 3 week span. I liked the group a lot - very nice people, very supportive people, welcomed me with open arms with no hesitation whatsoever - and I felt better after I left than before I got there every time but one (and that was not their fault). What I DO have a problem with is the thought of actually getting a sponsor and working the steps because I honestly, in my heart, do not believe that I could fully commit to and embrace the "higher power" concept. I don't want to turn this into a big AA/HP debate, I'm just saying - that's my hesitation with AA. I could see myself going back to meetings and using it as a support tool, I just don't ever see myself being 100% committed to THEIR program. It's why I've been buying books that expose me to other recovery programs. I want to find what works best for me.

My husband told me ONCE that he was considering Al-Anon. We discussed it pretty briefly that night; I brought it up again a few days later and his response was that he was feeling better now and that he thinks he was just having a bad day that day. I told him that I still thought it was a good idea for him, but I wasn't going to push him. I don't want him pushing me to go to meetings so I'm certainly not going to do it to him. He knows my opinion on it now, so if he wants to go all he has to do is go. *shrug*

I don't think he'll go, though. If he thinks that it will hurt me, scare me, freak me out, or ANYTHING even REMOTELY close to any of those, he won't go. Actually I probably ruined it when I told him that it surprised me that he wanted to go... that was probably all he needed to hear. He keeps saying that it's not about him, it's about me, so we need to focus on getting ME better.

FightingIrish

Actually, Al Anon would be for him, not you. That is what my counselor emphasized to my family when she recommended it for them. It is something to help them to cope with someone like me in their lives.

TryingSoHard

Yeah, that's what we were discussing: HIM going to Al-Anon.

coffeenut

Hey, tsh.....your original post sounds a lot like me. I thought when I quit drinking I would lose all kinds of weight and my life was gonna be a cake walk. I seriously thought that!

I've found, of course, that I still have the same life (I even still weigh the same)....it's just I like myself and my life a whole lot better, now.

I think one thing I did is to allow whatever happens to me this first year, to just happen. I need to work on staying sober, then I'll worry about my thighs.

I always enjoy reading your posts, and I would consider you a friend, anyday.

TryingSoHard

That means a great deal to me, coffee. Thank you. :ghug3