espresso

It really depends on the people, circumstances and situation. It's not just a question of stating Sober OR in Recovery, in a public social setting where there are people I don't know I'm more likely to say I don't drink, Thank You.

Latte

I took my youngest to a lot of AA meetings when I first got sober and her first day of Kindergarten she got up and said her name and that her Mom is an alcoholic. The teacher called me in a few days later for a chat.

I tell people if it comes up. I just take it as it comes.

TonyB

I tell people as the opportunity presents itself, but I don't try to hide it from anyone. I have actually had many blessings by having people know that I'm in recovery. I've had people that I don't really know approach me in private and ask me how I "got it together" because their brother, sister, mom or dad MAY have a drinking problem.
When I was actively drinking "booze" defined the person I was. Today, recovery defines me as a person. Experience, strength and hope, these are not just attributes that I need to carry to other alcoholics. I should carry them to the world. How can I do that if they don't know what I'm about? As far as work goes, I feel the exact same way. I tell them as the opportunity presents itself. I'm of the mind that if they have a problem with it... It's their problem. I just have to trust my God and live to the best of my abilities.
Just my .02...

Mark75

Mostly, I tell only those whom I'm close to. Non-A's or people unaffected by A's don't get it. I want to relate to people on equal footing - sometimes that may mean telling them, sometimes not.

Sugah

We had a NYE party at my house a few years back, and one of my sons invited a female friend. Her parents called to check it out and be sure that there would not be alcohol available to her, and we assured them that there would not be. My kids, too, have always known that they can share what they want about us with their friends, so I just assumed that this young woman (19 yrs old) knew that we were in recovery--and so were the folks we had over.

Well, I walked into the living room to the sounds of some of the guys swapping the "Dumbest thing I've ever done drinking" stories, and there sat this young woman, obviously confused. Not a drop of booze present, but there sure was talk about it!

I took her aside, explained the situation, explained anonymity (she didn't know anyone else, but still), and when we said the Serenity Prayer at midnight, she joined right in.

Anyone I know more than casually knows I'm in recovery, and I've revealed that publicly when appropriate and useful (though not my affiliation with AA).

Peace & Love,
Sugah

theaocp

The only person i've told so far (it's only the beginning of day 2) is my wife. She's still hurt by the lies and the only response so far has been that the lying and drinking are a personal choice. I wonder if she believes me when i say i am an alcoholic or just believes me to be a generally mean person. This is why i quoted you above. She's Non-A.

Since it's only into day 2, i don't think a judgment can be made on that front just yet, but i hope she comes to realize the truth slowly, as my recovery shows none of the signs of my former abuse.

As for anyone else, i'm not sure yet what i'd tell them. If someone proves themselves to be a royal pain, i'd have no problem telling them off, but for most people, it might be hit-or-miss. I'm going to see Metallica here in Detroit on Tuesday with my best friend since 1993, so perhaps i'll know better then when we have us a little "chat." I think he deserves to know a potential reason why we live only 20-30 minutes from one another, yet hardly see or talk to one another. I can't believe booze hasn't affected my interaction with him. BTW, we're not drinking buddies and never have been. I miss him. :ghug3

splendra

You know something after 20 odd years of not drinking I have found that most people don't even ask why I am not drinking...

I just order a ginger ale when I am out nobody seems to care at all....

Astro

Oh my, from the mouths of babes!

Sugah, thanks for your share. I've had a couple experiences like that myself.

chip

This is a very interesting thread. It's funny how I sensitive I can be about my life situation.

I went through a whirlwind of a drinking career, where I pretended not to care about what other people thought. Often, later, I'd worry about what I did the night before etc.... A couple drinks could often take away the shame.

When I first got sober, I REALLY worried about what other people thought. I didnt' want other people to know about my weakness. I wanted them to think I didn't drink because I was some sort of moral role model. This is laughable when I think about it.

When I first got sober, I felt like all eyes were on the drink in my hand. I worried about how I would tell other people I dont' drink etc...

The book "Living Sober" really helped me get through these early & awkward social situations.

Later I realized that most people are too self exorbed to even care what's in my glass (or not in my glass for that matter).

Today, I tell people if they need to know. My HP helps me make the right judgement of who to tell and when to tell them. I believe in the AA responsibility declaration, and if someone needs help, I MUST make sure the hand of AA is there for them.

Most people who know me have figured it out...or not. I can't spend time thinking about it.
chip

tiburon88

I find that there is still a great social stigma towards Alcoholism and very rarely tell people about my situation.


tib 6

Tazman53

When I first really realized I had a serious drinking problem I suffered a great deal of guilt and shame and did everything in my power to hide my problem........... the problem only got worse, not better.

I can honestly say that I can understand how a person who is gay but in the closet feels like, once they come out of the closet they are free, yes there are the ignorant few who will thinnk and say some hurtful things, but that is thier problem and not the gay persons problem.

When I was finally able to admit openly that I was an alcoholic was when the process of recovery and becoming free of alcohol's grip on me became possible. Funny thing, but if I am asked if I want a drink and I tell them "No thanks" and they want to know why I simply tell them "I no longer drink, I am a recovering alcoholic" at a minimum one thing happens, they do not offer me any more drinks, in some cases I am asked about how I quit.

I do not advertise my alcoholism or recovery to the world, but I do not hide it either. Why would I hide the solution I have found for a problem that kills thousands every day. Today I have no shame about being an alcoholic, when I was a drunk alcoholic I did.

TryingSoHard

Wow, Taz. That is EXACTLY where I am right now.

I look forward to the time when I can join you in feeling free and no longer ashamed of myself.

theaocp

Agree 110% with Trying ... that's exactly how i feel/felt, Taz. When drinking, i felt shame and guilt and my addiction felt like it was being dealt four aces at the poker table every damn day. Both of these led to being a hider (trademark? lol). Lies upon lies build a card house of deception that will come crashing down and mine did in spectacular fashion. I can only hope i won't ever forget it. Here's to day 5 and doing ok.

The gay analogy was spot-on, afaict. While not gay myself, it's gotta feel tough to deny your true self to the world, whether people accept you or not. Besides, any moron that wants to belittle you for finding a solution to a serious problem doesn't deserve the time of day.

Man, it feels good to come here after an infuriating afternoon at work! I feel better already and the visions of liquor stores dancing in my head are shrinking away. Yowza!

NewDayNow

If I were asked, I would answer honestly.

Tazman53

TryingSohard keep in mind that the truth will set you free, I found that until I honestly admitted to myself that I was an alcoholic I made no progress at all towards sobriety, once I got hinest with myself, I got honest with a doctor who put me into medical detox. Today thanks to my HP, the fellowship of AA, and the program of AA I am free. I see you have been sober over 2 months, that is awesome, what are you doiing to stay sober?

Theaocp as I have recovered I actually have found most people who I tell I am a recovering alcoholic look to me as an inspiration for them selfs in dealing with thier own problems. Most educated people today are well aware that alcoholism is a disease and that very few alcoholics ever find long term sobriety, they are aware that for an alcoholic to recover is no small task, they do not view me as less than, but instead as someone who has been capable of doing something that most can not do.

TryingSoHard

It's so ironic that you say that, Taz. This is exactly what I've been working on lately. I've been actively AVOIDING calling myself an alcoholic - it's hard for me to even type that word in a sentence about myself! But the past few days I've really been doing a lot of thinking, reflecting, and reading and trying to come to terms with my situation. I've been thinking a lot, too, about the subject of telling other people - who to tell, how to tell them, when to tell them, all that kind of stuff - and trying to come to terms with that also.

It's a lot to swallow.

And, like I said in a different thread yesterday, it makes it REAL on a completely different level when you admit it to someone else. Pretty scary stuff.

I've been sober now for 3 1/2 months and I'm still trying to figure out how to BE sober. Sure, I'm not drinking... but otherwise, I'm lost. I've been thinking about that a lot, too. I have about 5 or 6 recovery books and I've recently started reading a couple of them again.

Tazman53

Trying the way I learned to be sober and happy being sober was from other alcoholics who had been sober and happy for a lot longer then me, I found tons of them in the rooms of AA.

I must say I found a lot of hope in those rooms, I personally know of doctors, lawyers, policemen, a minister (retired), real estate agents, electricians, plumbers, businessmen, business owners, laborers, college students, & even a HS student who are all staying sober and happy using AA. In other words once sober we can do what we wish to do, as recovering alcoholics we are free of the bondage of alcoholism and can live life on lifes terms.

kelsh

When I still worked I was a Geriatric Mental Health Counselor...started working at Mental Health about 1 1/2 years after I was sober. I was finished with both counseling sessions for my depression & alcoholism. I attended AA the first year every night.

Around AA it was easy to tell others for me...I looked like a bottomed out drunk with a severe red face & depressed-flat affect. I didn't talk much at first.

On my job I did work with people that were dual dx & depending on their history & if they were male or female...I did share some brief experience, strength, & hope with those that were stuck & it seemed like it would help them to open up to me. I seemed to have this "gut feeling" when I knew it was time to share. :ghug2

A lot of my amends were made by the new me the longer I stayed sober & building up trust again helped me a lot. It took nine months for my red face to go away...just as my doc told me....one of my most loved kudos being sober again...it has lasted 20 years now on July 10, 2008.

I had one daughter still home that was 12 & had just been diagnosed with Juvenile Diabetes...in fact this was one factor that made me realize that I had to be okay with myself to be able to help her. Most nights she would be standing on the porch waiting for me to drive up from my meeting.

When she felt she could trust me again...she would be doing her thing while waiting for me to get home. Sometimes I took her to the meetings with me.

The one person who knew I had quit drinking for sure was my garbage man!

kelsh

Texasblind

I'm pretty open about it to friends and family. Not so much to employers and coworkers, although I do have to disclose the DUI.

I look at it as "do you remember me a few years ago? This is what happened and why you should never fall into my trap"

My friends have been so much more supportive than my family though. I guess that's what I get for growing up in a 100% Scandanavian home. No mercy, no display of emotion, no sympathy.

LaDita

I haven't yet "come out" yet, mostly because the opportunity really hasn't presented itself yet. But I have found during past attempts at sobriety, the people I have told seemed to have a greater respect for me regardless if they had prior knowledge of my drinking problem or not. To some it's inspiring and I can see a glint in their eye and it feels really good.
And I have found that there are negative consequences to telling people as well. When telling certain people (especially old drinking buddies) they seem to get nervous because -I think- it makes them look at their own drinking behavior and feel some shame, and some others have been like "Well you're no fun anymore! See ya!".
It's those people's reactions who I could care less about, not that they were my real friends to begin with.
There are also a couple of people I have chosen not to tell as they have tried to jeopardize my sobriety when I told them (i.e., pull me back down to "their level").

I really think it's on a case-by-case basis. Just trust your intuition and if someone reacts negatively, then they aren't worthy of you to begin with.