I liked it better when you were drinking
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: aground
Posts: 102
Yeah..I got this one too. After 8 months of hard work getting sober, my s/o said she "missed the old me". My response should have been "I don't", but like an idiot I caved in. Well I guess she really didn't miss the old me that much ,beacause shortly thereafter the conversation was "your gonna get help, or your gonna get out"
Had to climb the mountain all over again. Lesson learned. I'm sober again,and what you see is what you get,and let the chips fall where ever. Becoming a different person is one of the points of recovery.Not everyone is gonna like it, but THEY are not the ones who are going to die if "I" pick up again... Keep looking out for #1.
Had to climb the mountain all over again. Lesson learned. I'm sober again,and what you see is what you get,and let the chips fall where ever. Becoming a different person is one of the points of recovery.Not everyone is gonna like it, but THEY are not the ones who are going to die if "I" pick up again... Keep looking out for #1.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: IL
Posts: 108
Couple things went through my head.
First, when I was newly sober & my wife was earning her black belt in Alanon, (kidding!) she used to whip out and throw "dry drunk" at me. Man ... it would honk me to no end, cause it hurt my feelings. As time passed and I got active in AA, I'd hear it less often, but still would occasionally. All I could say then, "you might be right" and then go about my business. Might sound callous, but I was taught I didn't have to own anyone's opinion ... only what I said & did to them.
The second thought I had, is that if I'm doing a good 10th towards the end of my day, God helps show me where my head & heart are. If I can place my head on the pillow at night with a clear conscious (and I REALLY like doing that today!), then like Carol said, about all I got for people who think something sour about me, is I'm sorry your feel that way and say a little prayer for them then let it go.
First, when I was newly sober & my wife was earning her black belt in Alanon, (kidding!) she used to whip out and throw "dry drunk" at me. Man ... it would honk me to no end, cause it hurt my feelings. As time passed and I got active in AA, I'd hear it less often, but still would occasionally. All I could say then, "you might be right" and then go about my business. Might sound callous, but I was taught I didn't have to own anyone's opinion ... only what I said & did to them.
The second thought I had, is that if I'm doing a good 10th towards the end of my day, God helps show me where my head & heart are. If I can place my head on the pillow at night with a clear conscious (and I REALLY like doing that today!), then like Carol said, about all I got for people who think something sour about me, is I'm sorry your feel that way and say a little prayer for them then let it go.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,056
Damn. Ouch is right.
And maybe she wants want you now have, or she's resentful of the life that you're living? Laurie really summed it up so well.
Just before I moved out of the home that my ex and I shared with our kids, she informed me that "she'd rather have a partner who could drink normally, that she could share a bottle of wine with". (She got what she wanted when she married her next alcoholic)
My boss reminds me almost every week that he misses our afternoon "happy hour" that we used to kick off at 4:00 every afternoon.
My Dad and one of my brothers still think I might've "overreacted" a little bit with the whole "AA thing" :wtf2
And then there are all the supposed "friends" who stopped calling when they found out I was in recovery.
The reality.....every afternoon I can't wait to see everyone at the AA club I attend. I live for the next time I have custody of my kids, we share such an amazing life together. I can't wait to see my fiance, her daughter, and granddaughter. These are the people who really matter in my life, and they support me in every step of my recovery.
((((hugs)))) going out for ya Karen.
Originally Posted by Impurrfect 
I still think it is that YOU are moving in a different direction, and she doesn't like it. Maybe you aren't as patient with her kids, now, because you're more aware of things you will tolerate and not tolerate than when you were drinking...this is a GOOD thing, but probably not from her standpoint.
Just before I moved out of the home that my ex and I shared with our kids, she informed me that "she'd rather have a partner who could drink normally, that she could share a bottle of wine with". (She got what she wanted when she married her next alcoholic)
My boss reminds me almost every week that he misses our afternoon "happy hour" that we used to kick off at 4:00 every afternoon.
My Dad and one of my brothers still think I might've "overreacted" a little bit with the whole "AA thing" :wtf2
And then there are all the supposed "friends" who stopped calling when they found out I was in recovery.
The reality.....every afternoon I can't wait to see everyone at the AA club I attend. I live for the next time I have custody of my kids, we share such an amazing life together. I can't wait to see my fiance, her daughter, and granddaughter. These are the people who really matter in my life, and they support me in every step of my recovery.
((((hugs)))) going out for ya Karen.
No more merlot, more mamma
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Thank you for all the wonderful responses! I am always grateful for my friends here and the terrific women at my homegroup who I saw tonight.
I spoke with my sponsor who said that I have to remember that A is still sick. And I can choose whether or not I take it to a place of hurt, or whether I can have compassion for her illness.
I spoke with my partner ( I guess I can start calling her ex) A tonight. She told me that she guesses that she's an ahole and she didn't mean it. I said, think about where your head is at, in order for that statement to be the first thing that comes out of your mouth without thinking.
It's really unfortunate that I think the biggest reason why we didn't work out is her decision to stop working a program. I will always be eternally grateful for the support that she gave me when I first got sober.
Now, on to the nuts and bolts of dividing a household.
Love to all..
Karen
I spoke with my sponsor who said that I have to remember that A is still sick. And I can choose whether or not I take it to a place of hurt, or whether I can have compassion for her illness.
I spoke with my partner ( I guess I can start calling her ex) A tonight. She told me that she guesses that she's an ahole and she didn't mean it. I said, think about where your head is at, in order for that statement to be the first thing that comes out of your mouth without thinking.
It's really unfortunate that I think the biggest reason why we didn't work out is her decision to stop working a program. I will always be eternally grateful for the support that she gave me when I first got sober.
Now, on to the nuts and bolts of dividing a household.
Love to all..
Karen
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Karen I see I came on the scene a bit late!!! LOL
I am sure that hurt like the dickens at first, but you shared it and as I have been told "A problem shared is a problem halved."
Karen be prepared, she could say some other things as the actual seperation happens, she is hurting and wants you to feel some of her pain. Sad thing about dealing with ex's and even people we are still with, when we are in pain because of them, we want them to be in pain also, and knowing them better then most we know exactly what to say to cut them to the quick.
Is it really meant? Usually it is not, it is simply lashing out, no need letting it get to you, pray for her and forgive her.
I am sure that hurt like the dickens at first, but you shared it and as I have been told "A problem shared is a problem halved."
Karen be prepared, she could say some other things as the actual seperation happens, she is hurting and wants you to feel some of her pain. Sad thing about dealing with ex's and even people we are still with, when we are in pain because of them, we want them to be in pain also, and knowing them better then most we know exactly what to say to cut them to the quick.
Is it really meant? Usually it is not, it is simply lashing out, no need letting it get to you, pray for her and forgive her.
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