dasani

I'm struggling with some issues with people calling me an alcoholic, or telling me that I have this disease of Alcoholism, and it has really begun to effect my friends and close relationships. I don't drink all the time, nor do I have the desire to. I do have trouble controlling the amount I do drink when I decide to, and I black out every single time. But I am also 23 yr old female, and I would think this is very normal. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 7 years, and for the last 5 he has asked me to quit drinking. Which feels like Im giving up whats left of my youth. I don't want to fully grow up yet..Anyhow, he says if I don't go to AA he won't stay with me. I'm really scared because I don't want to lose my boyfriend, but I think hes way too overly concerned, and I would be terrified to step foot in AA, feeling like I can't openly relate to anyone who may have had a more serious condition than I.

To be honest, I'm not even sure what I'm looking for out of this. I would maybe feel some comfort that maybe I don't share the same tendancies as an alcoholic, but just a young lady who can't handle her booze.

Anyways, I don't really know where else to express this..

mikel60

Hi Dasani,

Its not normal for a 23 three year-old girl to black out even once. Alcohol is stealing your youth, not prolonging it. I don't know you, but maybe your boyfriend is right. At 23 I thought I, too, was too young to get sober. At 36, I thought I was too old to get a life.

I was wrong on both counts. Why not give sobriety a week? A month? You might be surprised at what you find.

Mike

dasani

Thanks Mike, appriciate you listening.

Taking5

Dasani,

I agree with Mike, and I sure as hell wish I had found AA in my twenties instead of my forties.

I too had fears about AA, I think we all did. Almost every one of them was nothing to worry about. I think you owe it to yourself to at least give it a try, if you don't like it you don't have to stick with it.

Here is a link on what to expect at your first AA meeting:

Your First AA Meeting

yeahgr8

An alchie can drink infrequently and hold down a high paid job, family life etc. or they can drink a bottle of cheap borbon a day and live on a park bench. However it is a disease and will get progressively worse. At the very least you would be considered a abuser of alcohol and then you need to, as does the alchie, find out what is the underlying issue that is making you drink to this extent.

Maybe it is that you don't want to let go of your youth and you go to counselling and everything is fine, i hope that is what it is for you but odds are against it.

If you do not want to go to AA IMO spend some of the money you would have on booze to go to an alcohol counseller and get their opinion.

Also keep coming back here as you will find support and maybe someone you can really relate to:-)

dasani

Hey thanks guys, its hard to have to start taking it seriously, because it feels harmless to me. But it is ruining a very close relationship so, i will do what I need to...I have gone to counselling in the past, and to a doctor, for something unrelated. Both concluded that I had the disease. Regardless to say I got a new doctor and stopped going to counselling.. I think if you ask anyone they will tell you drinking is not good for you, and if you are a rebellious drunk, or can't tolerate alcohol, then sure you're an acloholic... why not right, it does more better than harm to come to that conclusion. I guess I'm a little frusterated and disappointed because I just want to be a normal person who can drink socially, I don't want to accept something I don't have to. I wish there was like a blood test that could just say yes you are or no your not, so that either can either deal with it or not have to.. as stupid as that probably sounds.

dgtrkt

Try an aa meeting first, without boyfriend..

yeahgr8

I think a few of us are making the same point, its not worth wasting your life over trying to find out if you are an alchie, honestly from experience it really is not! Although it may seem that if you were and had to give up the booze and that would lead to no more nights out etc. this is not the case and you can still get up to loads of mischief without it. Trust me i have 24/7 now, since becoming sober, to have loads more fun than i ever had when i was drinking!

Friends of mine came up to Barcelona, got lashed and we were out till 5am (me on diet coke and a pack of cigs only), at 5am i was taking the **** out of the ones that were going home and the rest of us did an all nighter having brekkie in the morning and hitting a sex shop bar at 9am (just cos it was open was actually quite dull actually!). Point being i am ready for whatever, whenever at 37 so imagine what trouble you can still get into at your age sober;-) And if i was drinking i would have been back home pissed latest at midnight!!!

Disclaimer - this sort of night out works for me as i am confident about not drinking at this stage, not recommended for everyone to put themselves in that position though

Stobert

Me too, or at least I used to, and spent years trying to prove to myself that I wasn't an alcoholic. What others have said, give AA a try, there are no rules that you have to stay if it doesn't fit. I went to AA 25 years ago, but I wasn't ready to quit drinking yet. When I tried again a few years ago it fit. If you take the AA message to heart and find it fits your needs and situation, the way you view your drinking will change and will never be the same again, whether you go back out or not.

Tommyh

the blackouts are a sign of the mental illness aspect of alcoholism.
the not wanting to give it up hoping things will get better is a sign of what our book calls
"the obsession of every abnormal drinker is that someday they will control and enjoy their drinking,many will follow it to the gates of insanity or death"

I suggest you get a copy of our book,Alcoholics Anonymous and read it over,looking for things you can identify with.

Or you can try some controlled drinking-just go to the nearest bar you like,drink one or two,and stop and walk away.Can you do that with it bothering you or going somewhere else to drink?


one good thing is you are still young and have plenty of good living left.If you quit drinking,your youth won`t be over,you will really enjoy it

Image101

I second this. I am also young, and was unsure of whether or not I was an alcoholic. I found a copy of the Big Book at my local library and it has really helped me in realizing that I am an alcoholic.

lisa t

hey dasani..welcome! i agree with all said by others here and i'll add this since your situation struck a cord with me...when i was in my early 20's i didn't drink all of the time either...i used to go out, hang with friends, get wasted drunk, blackout, wake up going WTF, etc. etc. you get the picture...what i know now after almost 2 yrs of sobriety is i was a train wreck in the making and i was just getting started...the downward slide over the next 20 yrs (i'm 44 now) was in hindsight..a slow progression but boy did it progress! i thought i had it under control...but i was SO wrong! as the others have said....try to got out on a Friday night with the gang and have 1 or 2 and go home...if you can do it...good for you...for this alkie...never could & never would!! go to a bar and drink a soda???...who the heck could do that..NOT ME!!! i know that my life now without the booze is the best it has been (bumps & all) since i was a teenager! i wish you strength & prayers as you try to figure it out...hugs! Lisa

least

Give sobriety a good try, at least a week or two, and see how you feel. Blacking out from drinking is not normal and is a danger sign that the disease is firmly entrenched. Give AA a good try too, they helped me a lot in my very early sober days. :ghug3

flutter

Just echoing what others have said. Blacking out is NOT normal. Alcoholics cannot drink socially.

Try the 'litmus' test.. for 30 days, no more than 2 drinks a day. If you have a problem with that.. well.. A non alcoholic wouldn't, and would likely not even desire the 2nd drink. Who knows. Try it out, but be safe.

You said "I would maybe feel some comfort that maybe I don't share the same tendancies as an alcoholic, but just a young lady who can't handle her booze."... what's the difference?

We'll be here

Oh, and PS... if you went to an AA meeting, and from what you've told us about your drinking.. I would be willing to bet that you'd find people with not as serious of a condition as yourself too . Many of them in fact.

FightingIrish

I blacked out the very first time I got drunk...at age 15. Took me 20 more years to be done. I wish I had gotten it earlier, but it took losing a few "externals" before I started paying attention, asked for help, and joined AA.

Taking5

I have been in AA 4 years and I have to agree with Flutter on this.


So, meant only to be loving and helpful, not to beat you up, lets recap what you have said about yourself:

1) You have trouble controlling the amount you drink
2) When you do you normally have blackouts
3) Your drinking has severely affected your relationships
4) You Dr and Counselor - Professionals who went to multiple years of college - have told you are alcoholic
5) You reject AA because (with no investigation on your part) you judge AAers to be worse off than you
6) You think your BF is over reacting and your actions are "normal"
7) You want validation that you don't share the same symptoms as an alcoholic, instead you just "can't handle your booze"

What else do you need to add to this list to consider that maybe, just maybe, your BF, Dr and counselor are right?

We have a thing in AA called a YET.

I haven't lost a job from alcohol.....YET
I haven't gotten a DUI.....YET
I haven't been hospitalized from alcohol.....YET

Trust me, as someone that has had all 3 of those YETS happen, you don't want to go there.

Alcoholism is progressive; an Alkie will need to drink more, and more often, to get the same kick out of the drinking. The YETS are also progressive.

OK I'll put away the whip now, but please go get help.

We're all here if you need us.

BP44

I do not know if you are alcoholic or not. That is for you to find out. Regardless of what others may think or tell you about your being an alcoholic, moderate drinker, or a certain type of heavy drinker, this is something only you can discover. I will say this, I have never, not once seen a normal drinker declare that people are complaining about their drinking habits. It just doesn't seem to occur. The best suggestion I can give you is to find a recovered alcoholic. They can sit down with you and help you answer that question .....are you or are you not? That question really has to be answered before any solution can be offered.

ControlledOne

Hi Dasani,

Welcome. I guess I would say maybe it doesn't really matter what the label is (alcoholic or not) - I think people in general try to figure out what they are because we feel more comfortable with definition. Maybe it's not about definition, maybe it's just about feeling better and living your life.

I'm glad that you're asking the question at 23. I was a strong drinker at 23, could black out and wake up without a hangover and do it again and repeat the next night etc. I'm a 'young' 35 now without the body to recover or the desire to not to remember and have decided to quit.

If I quit at 23 I would remember more of my youth, I do regret being drunk at a lot of the big events and not recalling so many of them. If you can, please try to stop now because at the end we just have our memories. You have a chance to keep them, many of us don't have them because we were drunk at the time.

No one should preach their approach, only you can decide what's right for you. This is a great place to stay grounded - it totally keeps it real.

CO

laurie6781

(((((Dasani)))))

Welcome to SR. You have found a really GREAT place with lots of folks who have been where you are now, myself included.

At your age, I was like you, but hadn't been told yet by anyone that I was an "alcoholic" just by husband and family that I should be careful about how much I drink as I was getting 'bad' when I drank.

At 3 weeks shy of my 36th birthday I was in my first AA meeting, still only thinking I was a "drunk" not an "alcoholic."

Something was read at that meeting, which really struck a 'chord' within me.

It is from Chapter 4, We Agnostics, of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, just one sentence that hit me like a lightning bolt:

"If when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic."

Well that got through to me. Until then I couldn't quit entirely, oh sure for a day or two or sometimes even three, and when I drank there was no OFF switch.

Now as said above, the term "alcoholic" was really only a term to describe where I was at. More important was what I was going to do about it.

Well back in '81 when this occurred, AA was really the only game in town, so not 'knowing' anything about any '12 Step Progam' I did go to meetings, however, it was because of the people in the meetings. I felt SAFE in those meetings. Here were people who drank like I did and some much worse, and they had found a way to NOT drink and ENJOY life. I wanted to know how they did it, so I stuck around.

There are many types of 'recovery' programs today, here's one of the "sticky's" to check out:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html

Read the "Sticky's" at the top of this forums, I am sure they will help you in your journey.

Please keep posting, let us know how YOU are doing, we do care so very much. You are not alone, we have been where you are now, some of us older than you, and some of us younger than you when we started questioning ourselves.

Love and hugs,

bstt03

I too did not drink everyday. I thought could not have a problem right. Then the blackouts started happening all the time and seemed like with even less alcohol. I knew I had a problem. Those blackouts alone are really really scary to me and I do not ever want to have one again. Only you can figure out for yourself if you are an alcoholic, but from my experience it sounds like you maybe are. Your drinking habits on the younger version of myself.