How long do you have to drink before you're an alcoholic?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Springfield, MA
Posts: 36
How long do you have to drink before you're an alcoholic?
Just wonderling, when do the unacceptable symptoms appear with chronic drinkers? After 10 years...20 years???
I'm not talking about binge drinking or that one night drunk, but the drinkers who have been drinking every night for years. I mean those drinkers who held down a job and on the outside world, seemed "normal". I remember being told that I could never make my husband not drink, but someday he would realize it (perhaps when his health began to fail), and then, only then, would he quit. That was 30 years ago. Noone told me that his characacter would change and he would leave me for another woman!!!??? I'm still not sure if the alcohol changed his character, but perhaps he was always a womanizer of sorts.
I go to Alanon....I'm learning to be good to me and have moved on, but I still am curious about how alcohol affects and changes people after years of drinking.
Thanks!
I'm not talking about binge drinking or that one night drunk, but the drinkers who have been drinking every night for years. I mean those drinkers who held down a job and on the outside world, seemed "normal". I remember being told that I could never make my husband not drink, but someday he would realize it (perhaps when his health began to fail), and then, only then, would he quit. That was 30 years ago. Noone told me that his characacter would change and he would leave me for another woman!!!??? I'm still not sure if the alcohol changed his character, but perhaps he was always a womanizer of sorts.
I go to Alanon....I'm learning to be good to me and have moved on, but I still am curious about how alcohol affects and changes people after years of drinking.
Thanks!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 666
I think it took me about 5 minutes to become an alcoholic... one beer and I was hooked.
That being said... it took me about 20 years of misery before I got to the point where I was beaten into a degree of reasonableness. I'm sober 12 years now...
Sorry about your husband... my wife goes to both Al-anon and AA. I didn't know her when I was drinking...keep going. It's a great program.
Mike
That being said... it took me about 20 years of misery before I got to the point where I was beaten into a degree of reasonableness. I'm sober 12 years now...
Sorry about your husband... my wife goes to both Al-anon and AA. I didn't know her when I was drinking...keep going. It's a great program.
Mike
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Hi
IMO you are an alcoholic or not, i remember my first real drink when i was 16 and it was 3 cans of fosters my mum bought for me, i never felt better and it was the most fantastic feeling in the world. I then spent the next 21 years chasing that feeling and self medicating on alcohol. There is a history of alcoholism in my family so that was lucky too;-)
Drinking along the way, i started off as you say binge drinking then taking up to 2 weeks off, then most weekends then gave up for a while as a dry drunk then at the end was drinking everyday. So it is quite irrelevent the amount you are drinking, as i said you are either an alchie or not and only the person can decide that...
I know people that say they are an alchie and still drink so please don't get the wrong impression that there is a sudden realisation and everything is great from that point on, I watched a 54 year old guy drink himself to death over a 2 year period and, although i was drinking too, tried to get him to go to AA etc to no avail, even the docs said if you keep drinking you will die in months not years and he did. he would come to the bar, a well read guy and in a good job and seemingly in good health and then one night he literally coughed himself to death and was found on the end of his bed in his, what was, unkept but not cheap 2 bed flat! He had been drinking all his life, had ruined a marriage through cheating etc and left 2 young sons.
The more you drink over time the more 'nuts' you become and although drink is no excuse for your actions, it definitely affects you and everyone about you.
Also there are functioning alcoholics out there, like i was, i was drinking 2 bottles of wine and 8 beers a night minimum and i held down a well paid senior management position in a foreign country with ease.
One thing you can guarantee though if he is an alchie and keeps drinking he is in for a miserable existence that is certain! Alchies and addicts, with regard to relationships IMO, should be avoided at all costs so I hope you don't get caught again and get support from Alanon. I know a few guys that have done AA and, speaking from personal experience, when the alchie sobers up that becomes the absolutely most important part of their lives and you find that previous relationships, even if the friend/partner does not drink, will go by the wayside or at the very least be strained as the alchie will want to have little ior nothing to do with any people that they have been involved with whilst drinking.
I am certain that other people will have less radical views on the subject though, but coming from a household where my dad drank heavily and had numerous affairs on my Mum it sucks for you and i hope you have a better life without him!
No more alchies/addicts:-) and welcome to SR:-)
IMO you are an alcoholic or not, i remember my first real drink when i was 16 and it was 3 cans of fosters my mum bought for me, i never felt better and it was the most fantastic feeling in the world. I then spent the next 21 years chasing that feeling and self medicating on alcohol. There is a history of alcoholism in my family so that was lucky too;-)
Drinking along the way, i started off as you say binge drinking then taking up to 2 weeks off, then most weekends then gave up for a while as a dry drunk then at the end was drinking everyday. So it is quite irrelevent the amount you are drinking, as i said you are either an alchie or not and only the person can decide that...
I know people that say they are an alchie and still drink so please don't get the wrong impression that there is a sudden realisation and everything is great from that point on, I watched a 54 year old guy drink himself to death over a 2 year period and, although i was drinking too, tried to get him to go to AA etc to no avail, even the docs said if you keep drinking you will die in months not years and he did. he would come to the bar, a well read guy and in a good job and seemingly in good health and then one night he literally coughed himself to death and was found on the end of his bed in his, what was, unkept but not cheap 2 bed flat! He had been drinking all his life, had ruined a marriage through cheating etc and left 2 young sons.
The more you drink over time the more 'nuts' you become and although drink is no excuse for your actions, it definitely affects you and everyone about you.
Also there are functioning alcoholics out there, like i was, i was drinking 2 bottles of wine and 8 beers a night minimum and i held down a well paid senior management position in a foreign country with ease.
One thing you can guarantee though if he is an alchie and keeps drinking he is in for a miserable existence that is certain! Alchies and addicts, with regard to relationships IMO, should be avoided at all costs so I hope you don't get caught again and get support from Alanon. I know a few guys that have done AA and, speaking from personal experience, when the alchie sobers up that becomes the absolutely most important part of their lives and you find that previous relationships, even if the friend/partner does not drink, will go by the wayside or at the very least be strained as the alchie will want to have little ior nothing to do with any people that they have been involved with whilst drinking.
I am certain that other people will have less radical views on the subject though, but coming from a household where my dad drank heavily and had numerous affairs on my Mum it sucks for you and i hope you have a better life without him!
No more alchies/addicts:-) and welcome to SR:-)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Springfield, MA
Posts: 36
Thanks for your responses, Yeahgr 8 and Mikel60. I come from a family where there was absolutely no alcohol in the house. I knew that alcohol was sort of a tabu and should be handled with care. I therefore, at first, drank with my husband, but not much. I liked the feeling, but I knew when to stop.
After 20+ years I realized that we weren't sharing a wonderful bottle of wine together, I noticed that he didn't even care about the quality of the wine. He'd buy the cheapest wine and that was good enough for him. That's when I thought, "He needs the alcohol, not the taste or the "stimmung" of the evening. I simply wanted to enjoy each other and relax. I didn't want to get high or drunk. BUT I was in deniel....because then I'd think, "My thoughts that he's an alcholic are incorrect."
See, I had no experience with alcohol. My parents simply had no alcohol in the house and I wasn't really educated enough about the consequences of alcohol. I simply knew that there was a sort of tabu on drinking lots of alcohol.
I love hearing from everyone. I really have moved on, but haven't totally broken the ties, as you can see. See, how alcohol affects others in a relationship!!
THANKS for your comments.
After 20+ years I realized that we weren't sharing a wonderful bottle of wine together, I noticed that he didn't even care about the quality of the wine. He'd buy the cheapest wine and that was good enough for him. That's when I thought, "He needs the alcohol, not the taste or the "stimmung" of the evening. I simply wanted to enjoy each other and relax. I didn't want to get high or drunk. BUT I was in deniel....because then I'd think, "My thoughts that he's an alcholic are incorrect."
See, I had no experience with alcohol. My parents simply had no alcohol in the house and I wasn't really educated enough about the consequences of alcohol. I simply knew that there was a sort of tabu on drinking lots of alcohol.
I love hearing from everyone. I really have moved on, but haven't totally broken the ties, as you can see. See, how alcohol affects others in a relationship!!
THANKS for your comments.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
Jewels,I believe it is different with every drinker.Sooner of later the symthons show up.
In my case,the longer I drank,the more my morals eroded.The mental deteroation can`t help but come.Thats part of the mental illness of alcoholism.Booze affects the alcoholics judgement first if I remember correctly.Sober,I would not even think of driving drunk,but let me get drunk,and off I went.
As my morals eroded,I did things.Guilt,remorse and shame soon filled me and it was piled upon more guilt,remorse and shame and that led to more drinking which led to more guilt and shame etc.A cycle in my case mostly.My drinking and the things that went with it was unacceptable to a lot of folks years before I got sober,but Drinking was the most important thing in the world to me then.
Jewels,you can be the best woman or best wife in the world,and your husband would have done excally the same thing.The more we try to fix one the sicker we get.
In my case,the longer I drank,the more my morals eroded.The mental deteroation can`t help but come.Thats part of the mental illness of alcoholism.Booze affects the alcoholics judgement first if I remember correctly.Sober,I would not even think of driving drunk,but let me get drunk,and off I went.
As my morals eroded,I did things.Guilt,remorse and shame soon filled me and it was piled upon more guilt,remorse and shame and that led to more drinking which led to more guilt and shame etc.A cycle in my case mostly.My drinking and the things that went with it was unacceptable to a lot of folks years before I got sober,but Drinking was the most important thing in the world to me then.
Jewels,you can be the best woman or best wife in the world,and your husband would have done excally the same thing.The more we try to fix one the sicker we get.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
Hi Jewels, there really is no specific time frame that a person must drink to become an alcoholic. I have known alcoholics all over the spectrum, we all self-destruct at a different rate. As far as personality traits or character defects I don't think alcoholics have any special monopoly over those either.
Because alcohol relives inhibitions the alcoholic may do or say things that he normally wouldn't do. There are also functional and non-functional alcoholics. The functional variety may live out their whole life with a relatively good degree of functionality.
Because alcohol relives inhibitions the alcoholic may do or say things that he normally wouldn't do. There are also functional and non-functional alcoholics. The functional variety may live out their whole life with a relatively good degree of functionality.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Springfield, MA
Posts: 36
I really have learned to focus on myself. Alanon has really helped me. I wish the alcoholics would one day realize how much they have hurt people, who truly care, along the way. I accidently bumped into my ex a few days ago. His eyes were so empty and he looked so unhealthy. It was hard to simply say hi and walk away. I did it, but it stirred up the want to rescue him. Thank you, Alanon, for helping me with that!
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
I wish the alcoholics would one day realize how much they have hurt people, who truly care, along the way.
Alanon is a fantastic program that helps many deal with the harm that comes from sharing ones life with an alcoholic be the alcoholic recovering or still practicing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Springfield, MA
Posts: 36
Tazman, thanks for your message. Please stay sober....think of that alcohol as the devil. It changes you without you knowing it. That alcohol takes over your brain and twists your thoughts so much that you don't even realize it. That's denial. In addition to making your thoughts warped, other innocent victims suffer too. They then have their own kind of denial about what is happening. Good luck on your journey!
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
I think it comes down to how soon a person is displaying addictive behavior. It didn't take long for that to happen to me...a few months and I was done for. I'm sure the time frame varies from person to person.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I quit drinking in middle stagge alcoholism.
I consider I drank alcoholically for 5 years.
Depression is why I decided to stop.
Tis is from my files..
I consider I drank alcoholically for 5 years.
Depression is why I decided to stop.
Tis is from my files..
Here's how alcoholism typically progresses:
SOCIAL DRINKERS — Most Americans are characterized as social drinkers. Statistics indicate, however, that one of every 16 drinkers will become alcoholic.
WARNING SIGNS — The individual begins to drink more frequently and more than his associates. He drinks for confidence or to tolerate or escape problems. No party or other occasion is complete without a couple of drinks. Driving and drinking become routine.
EARLY ALCOHOLISM — With increasing frequency, the individual drinks too much. "Blackouts," or temporary amnesia, occur during or following drinking episodes. He drinks more rapidly than others, sneaks drinks and in other ways conceals the quantity that he drinks. He resents any reference to his drinking habits.
BASIC ALCOHOLISM — The individual begins to lose control as to the time, place and amount of his drinking. He gets drunk unintentionally. He hides and protects his liquor supply. He drinks to overcome the hangover from his prior drinking. He tries new patterns of drinking as to time and place of drinking. He attempts cures by moving to new locations or by changing his drinking companions.
CHRONIC ALCOHOLISM — The individual becomes a loner in his drinking. He develops alibis, excuses and rationalizations to cover up or explain his drinking. Personality and behavior changes occur that affect all relationships — family, employment, community. Extended binges, physical tremors, hallucinations and delirium, complete rejection of social reality, malnutrition with accompanying illness and disease and early death all occur as chronic alcoholism progresses.
Source: American Medical Association
SOCIAL DRINKERS — Most Americans are characterized as social drinkers. Statistics indicate, however, that one of every 16 drinkers will become alcoholic.
WARNING SIGNS — The individual begins to drink more frequently and more than his associates. He drinks for confidence or to tolerate or escape problems. No party or other occasion is complete without a couple of drinks. Driving and drinking become routine.
EARLY ALCOHOLISM — With increasing frequency, the individual drinks too much. "Blackouts," or temporary amnesia, occur during or following drinking episodes. He drinks more rapidly than others, sneaks drinks and in other ways conceals the quantity that he drinks. He resents any reference to his drinking habits.
BASIC ALCOHOLISM — The individual begins to lose control as to the time, place and amount of his drinking. He gets drunk unintentionally. He hides and protects his liquor supply. He drinks to overcome the hangover from his prior drinking. He tries new patterns of drinking as to time and place of drinking. He attempts cures by moving to new locations or by changing his drinking companions.
CHRONIC ALCOHOLISM — The individual becomes a loner in his drinking. He develops alibis, excuses and rationalizations to cover up or explain his drinking. Personality and behavior changes occur that affect all relationships — family, employment, community. Extended binges, physical tremors, hallucinations and delirium, complete rejection of social reality, malnutrition with accompanying illness and disease and early death all occur as chronic alcoholism progresses.
Source: American Medical Association
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Springfield, MA
Posts: 36
Thanks Carol, I appreciate your information. I guess what I see most is the depression. Then comes the blaming. That seems to be the denial in the alcoholic. It's not the alcohol, it's the job, the situation or the marriage. The marriage was the reason in my case and I suspect his buddy is also a functional alcoholic. No proof, but the pieces fit!
This place is so good. I can't believe how many people are affected by alcohol!!!
Thanks again!
This place is so good. I can't believe how many people are affected by alcohol!!!
Thanks again!
former walking pharmacy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Watertown, CT
Posts: 146
I really don't think there's any set period of time. I turned 21 a couple months ago and have only been drinking since about the age of 18 or 19 and I definately show signs of alcoholism. Heck, even when I first started drinking I could hold unbelievable amounts of alcohol, and I have never, ever thrown up from drinking. Ever. Blackouts, hangovers, idiotic things when drunk, and a DUI are under my belt but no throwing up. Kind of scary. It's almost like I was built for alcoholism, though my family has no history. Everyone is different.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
My "drinking career" was three and a half years. When I first started it was because I was tired of trying to control my then-husbands alcoholic drinking. When I failed at that I was pretty much ready to kill him. Since I had to coexsit in the apartment with him, I decided if you an't beat them join them so that is what I did.
By the time I stopped 3.5 years later I was so physically addicted to alcohol that stayed either constantly drunk (preferred), hungover of detoxing (hell on earth).
This is not a cookie-cutter disease. Different things get us in here at different times and under different circumstances. Not all of us cheat and plenty of sober people cheat.
Hope you find the answers you need,
Kellye
By the time I stopped 3.5 years later I was so physically addicted to alcohol that stayed either constantly drunk (preferred), hungover of detoxing (hell on earth).
This is not a cookie-cutter disease. Different things get us in here at different times and under different circumstances. Not all of us cheat and plenty of sober people cheat.
Hope you find the answers you need,
Kellye
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Originally Posted by Jewels 
Just wonderling, when do the unacceptable symptoms appear with chronic drinkers? After 10 years...20 years???
I'm not talking about binge drinking or that one night drunk, but the drinkers who have been drinking every night for years. I mean those drinkers who held down a job and on the outside world, seemed "normal".
I'm not talking about binge drinking or that one night drunk, but the drinkers who have been drinking every night for years. I mean those drinkers who held down a job and on the outside world, seemed "normal".
But I have not been drinking alcoholically or problematically for 10, 20, or 30 years. I am 38 years old and only in the last 2 - 2 1/2 years has my drinking slowly spiraled out of control.
I could tell it was changing me and it started to scare me. I still feel pretty lost but at least I don't wake up every morning anymore wanting to cry and stay holed up in bed, wondering why the hell I keep doing this to myself.
And even though I was hiding everything and my husband had no clue what was going on with me, what my problem was, or exactly how bad it was, I KNEW I was hurting him. He would very often tell me that I had said some very mean/ugly things to him the previous night (which I would have NO memory of), and that just broke my heart. I knew I had to stop my downward spiral but I felt so scared and confused and alone and I just didn't know how to do it.
Then I found SR, then I got the courage to tell him what was going on with me. I'm now 94 days sober, and he's VERY supportive of me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Basingstoke UK
Posts: 139
Alcohol makes depression even worse. youll gett induced pyschosis worst thing; your friends family are all your enemies worst feeling I ever had 
My head good now and no tablets neither loving it
My head good now and no tablets neither loving it
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
For me it came down to me not wanting to give up everything else I loved and everyone that loved me for the drink.
Lot of alcoholics, given the choice will give up everything for the drink.
I was given grace.
In the end, might have been love was stronger then the desire for alcohol.
Thank God when, it all came down to it, I chose not to drink.
If, no one has put this on ahead of my post, this sums it up pretty well
A.A. Recovery - The Missing Piece: The Spiritual Malady
Lot of alcoholics, given the choice will give up everything for the drink.
I was given grace.
In the end, might have been love was stronger then the desire for alcohol.
Thank God when, it all came down to it, I chose not to drink.
If, no one has put this on ahead of my post, this sums it up pretty well
A.A. Recovery - The Missing Piece: The Spiritual Malady
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Springfield, MA
Posts: 36
Captainzing 2000,
Thanks so much for your response. I read the piece you sent...The Missing Piece: The Spiritual Malady. The longer I'm around this disease, the more I see this selfishness....this preoccupation with ego. It's a vicious circle. The ego is so fragile and if it is deflated, and alcohol is used, the alcoholic thinks he/she is feeling better about themselves as they run away from their deflated ego. I agree....a higher power has to be involved in the road to being healthy. Spiraling into that hole with alcohol can come quickly. Some people simply don't want to admit (ego) that they need help....or in other words, they are in denial. Is this a reasonable interpretation of what you sent me to read? Thanks so much for responding....alcohol has surely had an affect on me and I've become a bit stronger with Alanon. However, I have a way to go!
Thanks so much for your response. I read the piece you sent...The Missing Piece: The Spiritual Malady. The longer I'm around this disease, the more I see this selfishness....this preoccupation with ego. It's a vicious circle. The ego is so fragile and if it is deflated, and alcohol is used, the alcoholic thinks he/she is feeling better about themselves as they run away from their deflated ego. I agree....a higher power has to be involved in the road to being healthy. Spiraling into that hole with alcohol can come quickly. Some people simply don't want to admit (ego) that they need help....or in other words, they are in denial. Is this a reasonable interpretation of what you sent me to read? Thanks so much for responding....alcohol has surely had an affect on me and I've become a bit stronger with Alanon. However, I have a way to go!
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