Ago

That was my experience

drinking made me feel "normal"

from age ten

You've gotten tons of great replies, a great resource for reading about alcoholism is AA Big Book - Chapter 3 written by alcoholics for alcoholics to recognize themselves.

What we perceive as "alcoholism", as in the symptom that alcoholics have in common that shows is "we drink too much" but the truth is, drinking is but a symptom, you mention the selfishness, the preoccupation with ego, read this from the same book AA Big Book - Chapter 5 Start reading after C God could and would if he were sought.

The entire 164 pages is full of insights, from "The Doctors Opinion", Bill's Story, etc.

We drink to "fix" the problem, which is us, then drinking becomes the problem, so the truth is, I was an alcoholic long before I picked up my first Drink.

I was always frightened, restless, irritable, discontent, selfish, and self centered.

The alcohol fixed that.

then it stopped working.

When I got sober there was a guy that used to tell us "I carry around a fail safe problem solver with all the time, whenever I have a problem, I whip it out, it's like a magic eight ball, it never fails!"

A pocket mirror.

his problem was never drinking, his problem was him.

It's a good lesson for alcoholics

Some never learn that lesson "sober" or not.

Jewels

Hi Ago,
Yes, I'm seeing that when we are disappointed in ourselves or we don't like what we've been dealt with (our fate), alcohol can be used to fix us (we think)...to make us feel better. After a while, we don't fix ourselves we just have another bigger problem, the alcohol. Then I guess we have to then deal with the negative results of drinking before we can deal with the underlying problem which is us...dealing with who we are.

Sill haven't read all you recommended yet. Will do...and then maybe things will be even clearer!

Wow, this journey living and now divorced from an alcoholic, has enlightened me on many things. On me too! I've been slick too because I put up with so much!

THANKS so much for taking the time to educate me!

CAPTAINZING2000

We're like tornadoes that, wreck havoc in all the people's lives around us.

Jewels

BUT doesn't the alcoholic see what she/he is doing (wreak havoc)??? Do they just deny things are happening to the innocent bystanders who eventually have to go to places like Alanon to learn to let go!???

I know....move on....I really am, but all this about alcohol interests me because it almost destroyed me too and I'm not the alcoholic!

Thanks for all your posts......it helps to hear from your perspectives!

least

My short career as an alcoholic started innocently with a glass of wine before the kids got home from school to 'relax' so I wouldn't fight with them. Six months later I was drinking all day every day and drinking in the morning to stop the shakes. I know deep down what I was doing and the damage it was causing, but couldn't seem to stop for long.

It took me over half a year to finally stay sober. It's not what or how much or when you drink - it's what happens to you when you drink. I'm glad I was able to stop before something really awful happened.

flutter

Active alcoholics maybe often 'see' the effects of what they're doing, in little glimmers of realization. I did.. but the power of the addiction was stronger than me, stronger than my marriage, stronger than my job. So I stopped, and for whatever reason it stuck.

I don't know about how alcohol may alter a person's personality (certainly while drunk.. I just mean overall).. In terms of your husband leaving you, this likely could have been something that happened if he never drank, does all the time unfortunately. I'm sorry that you're still having a difficult time, I hope you've got some good ideas and insight from all the great responses here.

I also believe I was an alcoholic before I ever started drinking. Drank "functionally" and not daily (EVER) until only months ago. I'm done now.

Bard

I was 12 the first time I got drunk. I remember hating the taste but loved the feeling. I can even remember thinking that when I get older this was going to be something I did all the time. Sometimes dreams come true. And sometimes you don't realize that those dreams turn into nightmares. And it all hit rather quickly rather then slowly over time.

Jewels

Thanks, Flutter....I guess I keep thinking that alcohol changes people in the long run(after drinking for years), not just after getting drunk after a one time event.....

I'm still getting responses on that topic...do people's personality change after drinking for years?

Ready to Change

I was 32 the first time I ever got drunk. I had a huge amount in one night and craved more every day since. But I "control" it. I always want it but I only binge drink. Once or twice a month, for a few days. Functioning alcoholic. But I think that phrase is an oxymoron.

If everything was functioning well I wouldn't be here right now looking for guidance as I detox from a few days of hell. Then spend the next month being normal.

PaulN

Only until you obtain the obsession of the mind and the allergy of the body.

Ready to Change

This might be the best answer I ever heard.

My mother smoked while she was pregnant. Back in the time, doctors didn't advise against it. My father and grandparents were alcoholics. It took exactly one cigarette to get me physically addicted and I've been battling it for 20+ years. I don't crave alcohol the way I crave nicotine. It's only a physical craving at the end of a binge and I get through it. It's a mental thing. Maybe that's worse. There's no alcohol patch or gum.

tellus

I drank for less than three years, from my first drink ever to my last drink almost a year ago. There were maybe a couple months right at the beginning where I wasn't drinking alcoholically, but for me it was pretty much written in stone.

Jewels, I saw that I was killing my relationship, my mother, all my friendships. I cared, and it hurt to see what I was doing to people who loved me. But what does an alcoholic do when she's hurting? I just drank more to try and block it out.

gerryP

Hi Mike,

Maybe you could answer a question for me please.

I have always been curious why a spouse goes to Al-anon when his or her spouse is no longer drinking. I ask because I met a couple while I was in AA, the fellow was 15 years sober (now 25 yrs sober) when he married his wife (social drinker). She became involved with Al-anon once she married him and is still actively involved. i never understood that. She didn't know him as a drinker.

Thanks Mike,
G

Jewels

That's a good question. I too go to an Alanon group where the spouse who drank has already died and their partners are still going to Alanon!! They told me that they still needed Alanon because they still need reminders on how to live the twelve steps and they also wanted to share with others what they have learned in Alanon. These "old timers" have reached their various levels of serenity. They don't preach, they model what Alanon has taught them. They also told me that when they hear the stories that new visitors to Alanon tell, it reminds them of what they went through with the alcoholic. They then are grateful for how they changed and appreciate where they are now. They tell me that it takes constant effort to maintain their serenity and they have their times of weakness when they get bitter and resentful....and what better place than at Alanon meetings to redirect their thoughts and get themselves back on the road to recovery. They say life is a journey....you're never through working on yourself. You're constantly in the state of becoming. They too feel that they need work on themselves and that's why they still come to the Alanon meetings. For me, the "old timers" were my angels during the time of my greatest need. They truly knew what I was going through. Hope this helps answer your question.

laurie6781

Hi gerry. Welcome to SR.

Jewels gave you an excellent answer. I will share what has happened with me. I stopped drinking in June of '81 (it was bad) and learned with the ongoing help of AA how to LIVE Sober. Got married to a sober alkie in sobriety. On my 3rd Anniversary in AA, my AA sponsor STRONGLY suggested that I start attending AlAnon, in addition to AA, IMMEDIATELY.

Trusting her judgment pretty much I complied even though I didn't see why I needed to go.

Well........................................I come from a long line of alkies, I was married to one, and I work with sponsees even to this day. I still go to both AA and Alanon, oh not near as often as I did years ago, but I go, especially when I need to 'fill the cup back up' and to see dear friends and JUST TO BE REMINDED LIVING my program.

Alanon did as much for me as AA and maybe even more so in some respects on applying those 12 steps TO ALL MY AFFAIRS of day to day living. Alanon came at those 12 steps from a different perspective than AA which helped me IMMENSELY.

Also, I M H O continued attendance in either or both groups is a way to show those just coming in that there is a way to live in peace and serenity. It takes work on one's self but there is a way.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Jewels

Just like the alcoholic, the codependent needs to recover. AA ,for the alcoholic and Alanon, for the codependent. We are both sick in,different ways, and we need support 'now and then' for some and for others, every week for years.

In my Alanon group the ladies, whose husbands have already died, feel a responsibility to help others. I think that is part of the 12 steps....to help others in need.

By helping, they receive so much in return....spiritual things.....

RufusACanal

Immediately; I found one answer to life with my first drink. Unfortunately, the answer I found quit working long before I realized it.

Jewels

So ...when did you realize that you couldn't go on drinking? Some on this forum say it's when they got really, really depressed.

Is depression the most common reason to quit?

Tazman53

Jewels the majority of alcoholics never stop drinking.

The ones that do quit have hit a bottom of some sort that is low enough for them to where the get into recovery.

For some their bottom is strictly mental, depression and the like, for others it is some tragic event, for others it is a DUI, or 2 or 3 or 4, for some it is jail, others prison, for some it is a mental ward, others it is health, for some they have to lose everything, family, job, home, vehicles.

Every alcoholics bottom is different, the worse thing a loved one can do for an alcoholic is to keep them from hitting bottom by constantly helping them out of jams that thier drinking got them into, things like posting bail when they get locked up, making excuses for them to friends and their jobs, giving them money when they lose thier job, putting a roof over thier head and food in their mouth when they are not contributing to the house hold, letting the alcoholics drinking effect the lifes of their children, etc.

TryingSoHard

Depression was one of the major reasons that I started drinking. It wasn't depression that led me to quit. It was the constant hate and shame I felt for myself. It went MUCH deeper than depression. I couldn't stand to look myself in the mirror anymore.

Drinking was no longer fun for me. Drinking was making me utterly miserable, but I couldn't stop doing it. That was when I knew I had to quit.