shaky
 

Wat can i say.... the last few weeks have been long n painful. My mums been really ill n has been hospitalised which has lead me back to comfort of the bottle which then drags me down n depresses me like nothing else n even contemplated doin something dumb on my bday . I feel really bad that ive let myself go while alot of u guys r doing so well n staying so strong, it almost feels like ive let u guys down........


weeach fight our own battles but were all still fighting the same war

hi rjw
sorry to hear your mom is ill.
I have a story about my mom.
In 1979 she was in the hospital with cancer. One day before she died I went by the hospital,stay a short time and lied to her and left.I had already started drinking before I went and I wanted a drink bad.I just could not seem to be able to stay at that hospital room.I left and was leaving the hospital.I stopped and looked back at the hospital.There she was,looking out her window at me,and she waved bye.I waved bye and went to the bar and got plastered.I used her illness to gain symphony from others so they would buy me drinks.Thats nights memory was a night mare for me for many yrs.I see now I did not know how to be a good sober supportive son.I hope you do not do what I did.You still have a chance to be there for her.Take it,you won`t regret it.

You haven't let anyone down, we're all in the same boat, and almost everyone here will have had things go wrong... don't let this be the end of the world.

I'm sorry to hear about your mum, it's never easy when someone in the family gets ill, especially when you are close to them, as I'm assuming you and your mum are. But, you are going to be more helpful and supportive when you are sober, right? You have eloquently described the effects of alcohol on you, and you are aware that it's not the road you want to be taking. So, make the first step and decide that you will try again. You are stronger than alcohol is, and you can beat it... I'm in no doubt that this illness can be beaten, and in no doubt that you are capable, especially with others around you to offer the support and encouragement you need. Don't give up :o)

Sorry about your mom, rjw. Please don't give up. Post as often as you need to.

What a powerful post, bball! Powerful.

rjw, it isn't easy. Sometimes it's hard as nails. But, I'll tell you what, I've never once regretted my sobriety. Not once.

I can't tell you how many drunken things I still regret.

rjw...hang in there...no, it is not always easy...and if anyone tells you different...don't believe it (imo)....but what it is...a hell of alot better than where i was when i was drunk...i like the me i am becoming...takes alot of hard work and self-reflecting but you can do it!!! i just remember how i felt when i was hungover or puking (every day) and that reminds me that i don't want to be back there again...easy...not on your life...better...DEFINITELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hang in there...my thoughts are with you & your mom!
Big Hugs,
Lisa

That alcohol depression you mentioned is why I began AA.
:yup:
Prayers for you and your Mom going out.

thanx guys 4 your support n your stories it helps me realise im just bein alil selfish n very weak........ your support is helping me wake up n realise the lil things again