A touchy subject.... Don't read if you don't want to.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Pugetopolis
Posts: 2,384
To quote my grandpa sponsor: "Truth without love is cruelty and confrontation without a real answer is brutality."
I'm not here to kick any one's ass. If you all are like me, you can do a far better job of kicking your own ass than I ever could. There is something that gave me an even better ass kicking that what I gave myself. It is called whiskey. Alcohol isn't called the great persuader for nothing. It is our friend. It gets more people to AA than anything else. Without it, I wouldn't be in AA.
I have seen a lot of the "I'm a victim of the mean old-school AA's and they drove me back out to drinking." To which I call ********. Until I was thoroughly whipped by our good friend Mr. Whiskey, there wasn't anything any one could say that was right. When I was done, there wasn't anything anyone could say that was wrong. Hell, if I would have ended up in the Baptist Church or Rational Recovery instead of AA, I probably would've listened to them.
In AA they say "Let us love you until you can learn to love yourself." We'll love you to death if you let us, and I don't know about anyone else, but I about loved me to death as well. Back in my revolving door days, many well meaning AA's would pat me on the back and say stuff like "Keep coming back, you are going to be all right," when in truth I wasn't going to be all right.
Thank God for the people who cared more about me than about hurting my sensitive little alcoholic feelings. The day after my last drink I was at a noon meeting. When they asked for newcomers I introduced myself and said "I'm back." There was a man there who was not afraid to take an unpopular position, and he said to me right across the table "When were you ever really here? I've been watching you and if you don't get your head out of your ass you are going to die a slow, undignified and ugly death." I HEARD him. I didn't make me feel real good, but I knew he was right. I went to that man's home group every year on his AA birthday and thanked him. He passed away in February of this year and I went to his memorial. He cared more about me than whether or not I liked him, and I grew to love him.
Jim
I'm not here to kick any one's ass. If you all are like me, you can do a far better job of kicking your own ass than I ever could. There is something that gave me an even better ass kicking that what I gave myself. It is called whiskey. Alcohol isn't called the great persuader for nothing. It is our friend. It gets more people to AA than anything else. Without it, I wouldn't be in AA.
I have seen a lot of the "I'm a victim of the mean old-school AA's and they drove me back out to drinking." To which I call ********. Until I was thoroughly whipped by our good friend Mr. Whiskey, there wasn't anything any one could say that was right. When I was done, there wasn't anything anyone could say that was wrong. Hell, if I would have ended up in the Baptist Church or Rational Recovery instead of AA, I probably would've listened to them.
In AA they say "Let us love you until you can learn to love yourself." We'll love you to death if you let us, and I don't know about anyone else, but I about loved me to death as well. Back in my revolving door days, many well meaning AA's would pat me on the back and say stuff like "Keep coming back, you are going to be all right," when in truth I wasn't going to be all right.
Thank God for the people who cared more about me than about hurting my sensitive little alcoholic feelings. The day after my last drink I was at a noon meeting. When they asked for newcomers I introduced myself and said "I'm back." There was a man there who was not afraid to take an unpopular position, and he said to me right across the table "When were you ever really here? I've been watching you and if you don't get your head out of your ass you are going to die a slow, undignified and ugly death." I HEARD him. I didn't make me feel real good, but I knew he was right. I went to that man's home group every year on his AA birthday and thanked him. He passed away in February of this year and I went to his memorial. He cared more about me than whether or not I liked him, and I grew to love him.
Jim
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
What I have seen is that different people require different things to get sober and find recovery.
For myself, I here the quiet voice and not the screaming in my ear.
I come here to hear others expereinces and when I relate, I look at thier answers in their own life.
I don't come here to have others take my inventory, and when they do...it has no value to me. The value comes from taking my own inventory.
As DK said, I would validate peoples feelings, not that it is a reason to drink or use.
I find SR very helpful to my recovery over all. I try to remember the test that I find valid for me...is it the truth, and is it helpful. Of course I sometimes get it wrong...but do the best I can each day.
For myself, I here the quiet voice and not the screaming in my ear.
I come here to hear others expereinces and when I relate, I look at thier answers in their own life.
I don't come here to have others take my inventory, and when they do...it has no value to me. The value comes from taking my own inventory.
As DK said, I would validate peoples feelings, not that it is a reason to drink or use.
I find SR very helpful to my recovery over all. I try to remember the test that I find valid for me...is it the truth, and is it helpful. Of course I sometimes get it wrong...but do the best I can each day.
God's Kid
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
Interesting thread and I have had similar thoughts to the orginal poster because it was my expereince that I believed 'conditions' drove me to drink. But then my drinking made those 'conditions' worse and it become hard to tell what came first, the chicken or the egg.
Alcoholism is a disease that tells us we don't have it, so we gotta blame our problems on something so we can keep drinking right?
I don't think this is limited to to the forum here either. I have been at many AA meetings where someone who was drinking the night before gets up and shares about how terrible their life is for 10 minutes, then at the end they slip in 'oh and I was drinking last night.' Then after the meeting everyone goes and offers them advice on how to correct their lives etc...rather than finding out if they have a sponsor and started on the steps etc..
But it's denial. It's part of the disaease. And despite the fact I have been sober awhile, I can still have this kinda thinking about my life. I.e. the problem is 'outside' myself, there's nothing wrong with me.....
Alcoholism is a disease that tells us we don't have it, so we gotta blame our problems on something so we can keep drinking right?
I don't think this is limited to to the forum here either. I have been at many AA meetings where someone who was drinking the night before gets up and shares about how terrible their life is for 10 minutes, then at the end they slip in 'oh and I was drinking last night.' Then after the meeting everyone goes and offers them advice on how to correct their lives etc...rather than finding out if they have a sponsor and started on the steps etc..
But it's denial. It's part of the disaease. And despite the fact I have been sober awhile, I can still have this kinda thinking about my life. I.e. the problem is 'outside' myself, there's nothing wrong with me.....
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,949
Originally Posted by Snoug 
My point is that at times people want to hear the sympathy to validate there own false perception that its others peoples fault. Or exp: because of such n such problems I have proper motive to lie and abuse.
As for 'sympathy to validate', I think it is appropriate to commiserate sometimes. I guess it could be seen as a harmful way to express sympathy because one is not offering a solution. But many times its better to sooth a sorrow than try to fix it right away.
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