HLBlue

I am out of excuses and this evening was rough. I know its only a matter of days before, I just breakdown and walk to the ER. I was at my wits end, finally someone came over all I wanted was to go to the ER and they said, " You just need to calm down and relax. " Ha. So instead of the ER for help, they took me dinner. And, I of course I allowed it....If just one of them would listen to me. I have asked before, begged, and cried. Nothing like sitting in the middle of your kitchen floor crying for help and just being told to deal...

Omega Man

Please call the AA hotline. I promise you'll get someone who will listen and understands.
They can probably even arrange a ride to meetings for you.

Stick around here and keep posting; most of us have been right where your at. Not one of us has been able to do this on our own, so just know that your not alone in this.

SelfSeeking

Hi Chardoll... How much are you drinking every day and for how long have you been drinking? You might want to look at the stickies at the top of the alcoholism forum about alcohol withdrawal. If there's a chance you could go through it you're going to want to be in a hospital when it happens.

Welcome to SR BTW I'm an atheist. My sponsor is, hilariously, getting her doctorate in divinity (gonna be a minister!). She is fantastic, doesn't talk religion, I have found my higher power which may be an unconventional one but is helping me stay sober, and AA is a great support for me. It took some time for this to happen, though. No quick fixes on this road... but I hope that I appreciate it more this way than if there was a magic pill.

HLBlue

How much do I drink every day. Well I started taking opiates heavily about 5 years ago. I was up to 90 vicodin about every week to 2 weeks depended on how my days were. The pills started hurting my stomach bad and kept me nauseated I, found ways to deal with it for a while ( won't go into details on what I did ).

So probably a little over a year ago I started drinking heavily. Can't remember exact months or days. My memory is fried. But, I make myself wait to start drinking till around 3 or 4 in the evening ( like that makes it ok...). Some days sooner somedays later. But, I average over a 12 pack a night on a bad day a case.

I have been drinking and doing drugs off and on since I was 13. I am now 37.

SelfSeeking

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

This is a really, really good sticky. This is not an easy thing you're trying to do! I dunno if you've ever tried to quit before? I wish you the best.

HLBlue

I quit everything for 6 months while I was pregnant with my twins. Of course, I started again once they were born. Hospitals always have the best meds.

Ironically, I stopped again when I found out I was pregnant with my son but, during the 4th month my OBGYN started prescribing me pain meds for my back and other problems. And since he gave me an excuse. I took them. Luckily, I carried my son full term and he was born healthy. Since, his birth I have not slowed down. But, I think he is paying a price for my use. They are currently testing him for Asperger's. And I am sure, my addictions have affected my children.

Omega Man

Chardoll - how are you doing today?

HLBlue

So far its actually been a good day. No desire to drink atm. Taking one minute, one hour at a time. Actually got, out of the house, did a little Christmas shopping and grocery shopping. About to actually make some homemade soup and do a little laundry. Just trying to keep a handle on my triggers ( things that make me think, I need a drink ).

Thank you for asking.

Will be off and on here today.

Omega Man

Good for you and you hit on a key - at the moment. That's all we control, right now. I'm not drinking today, at least I have no intention or even thoughts of drinking today. Can't say about tomorrow but right now, I'm in a good place.

Keeping track of your triggers is an excellent strategy. If you feel yourself heading into a trigger, change directions quickly. Anything to break up the routine.

Your doing good, pop in from time to time today, your not alone in this.

CarolD

I am glad your making progress....

Something I did in early recovery....
I made a list of why I wanted to stay sober
and a list of all the messes I did when drinking.

When I felt tempted...I read the paper
and it did help me keep in focus.

That's how I began my sobriety journal...and
it was good to look back at my proress.


Please do drink a lot of water...it helps flush
the toxins from your body.

HLBlue

Starting to feel really fidgety (sp) so trying to stay busy. And I have a headache I can't get rid of. I never realized how many triggers I have??? Is that normal??? Seems almost like every little thing.

Brandeeno

I have lots of triggers myself : Football, Stress, Happiness, Sadness, Jealousy, Anger, Boredom, Thirst, Hunger, Headaches, poker, parties, holiday's, dinner, lunch, socializing, fatigue, etc., etc. etc., etc..............all could trigger me to want to drink if I really wanted to, so yes what you're going through is completely normal.

HLBlue

So many friggin triggers!!!.....Not doing so well atm. Think I am gonna go out for a bit, try to clear my head a little. Head won't quit pounding. Skin crawling, can't sit still.

HLBlue

oh God, I don't wanna drink, I don't wanna drink, I don't wanna drink....

doorknob

Hang on, Char. You can do it.

gravity

You know, these "triggers" are nothing more than thoughts (and the resulting emotions) in your head. I know it can seem overwhelming, the obsessive thinking. When I first quit, it helped me to stay really busy, anything to get those negative thoughts out of my head.

It does get easier, to the point where the "triggers" no longer exist. What remains is peace.

Take care Char.

HLBlue

I failed. sorry

Brandeeno

Im sorry to hear that, but I'm glad you're back and realise you want to change

What caused you to give in to the urge and triggered you if you dont mind me asking? Maybe it's something we can focus on fixing

HLBlue

The question should be what didn't trigger me.

Brandeeno

I hear ya,.....................time to find a different vice to respond to these triggers. Maybe we can work on finding one of those. For me, as with many others on this site it's been hitting the gym. Now lets try to find one for you.