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just looking for a shoulder to cry on

Old 12-17-2008, 07:34 PM
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just looking for a shoulder to cry on

So I am here at my computer in my dark basement crying. I am sad. Certain things on my mind and I have a boyfriend whom I have felt in the last three days has pretty much ignored me. Maybe I am just a little more sensitive but I think that I deserve at least some decent conversation from another human being. I am tired of talking to the back of someones head while they are on the computer. I really have no friends as all my friends were pretty much drinking buddies. I had one of those tonight tell me that I just have to drink that if I drank I wouldn't be angry at the stuff I am angry at. But you know what- she is right. I would just let it blow over and get all tipsy and stupid. And MAYBE I DESERVE TO BE ANGRY! So I am glad that I am not drinking so that I can really feel my feelings and not cloud them with booze.

Guess I just wanted to vent and feel that someone maybe cares. Thank you all for reading.
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Old 12-17-2008, 07:43 PM
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Hey bsst good work denying that drink and going home. It does suck sometimes not being able to go out and have fun and having to go home to a lonely place. i know, all my friends drink too, so I often come on here to talk, vent, express, just feel i guess. The great thing is so many people here are in your exact situation feeling lonely and frustrated that you just can't be a normal drinker, or for whatever reason. But, hey we arent normal drinkers, but that doesn't make us any less of a caring or good person. You were right drinking would just take your feelings away from you and make you act out in probably stupid ways that really don't solve anything at all. Im glad you chose the harder route, and were here for ya. Keep your head up and stay strong :ghug3
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Old 12-17-2008, 08:24 PM
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It says in the Big Book that we find a sufficient substitute for alcohol in the fellowship of other alcoholics (paraphrased here). Do you go to meetings? Even for those who aren't keen on the whole spiritual aspect of AA there is the fellowship with others who also have lost the ability to drink like normal people. It also says we are not a glum lot and I can verify that because the people in AA I know are crazy and like to have fun!

There is also the fellowship aspect of SR too but virtual does leave something to be desired because you can't look them in the eye and you talk but it is a fantastic resource.

As for your boyfriend, that is a toughie and I agree that I would be frustrated too. It is no fun to be ignored. It hurts. Have you tried talking to him about it?

Do you have any hobbies or anything you would like to learn how to do? Something to fill some of the free time you have now that you're not plastered or hungover? Sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zones to find new interests and new friends.

I'm happy to hear that you did not heed your drinking friend's advice. To counter their logic I would also say that misery loves company too. I know when I was drinking I wanted to be around people who drank as much as me if not more. That way I didn't feel bad about my own drinking. Make sense?

Hang in there. Keep talking to us. Hopefully there will be others who have some other suggestions or words of wisdom but I know that sometimes all we need is just to have somebody hear us and validate our feelings. You have that.

Hugs,
Kellye
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Old 12-17-2008, 08:36 PM
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Congratulations to you for being strong and taking the correct (albeit harder) path tonight! I know it sucks being ignored but maybe you can try channeling your energy to be productive. Perhaps ask to have a chat with your boyfriend and explain to him (happily, sober) what is bothering you and why. It is quite likely that he doesn't even realize how you feel. Men can (no offense guys!) be very clueless sometimes about a woman's feelings. We might think we are giving off major hints and how could they be missed, but guys are more receptive to directness. They don't get hints oftentimes!
Perhaps this will help?
Also, good for you on being sober, you can keep doing it, we're all here in this together and you're never alone!
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Old 12-18-2008, 02:13 AM
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thank you all for kind words. I did infact talk to him last night and he pretty much patted me on the back rolled over and went to sleep. didn't even ask what I was so worried about. So that did not get far. Guess he just figures, hormones or something - not the case! So here I wake up still angry with lack of sleep - but no hangover anyway! Thank you all for the kind words. This place is great!
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Old 12-18-2008, 06:15 AM
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Recovery is very hard work, but so worth it. Keep moving forward one day at a time. Congrats on your wise choice not to drink. And keep on venting your feelings. It really helps to let them out so they don't blow up inside you.
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