TryingSoHard

bball - the "just for today" thing usually works for me. It's a great concept and it breaks something that seems immense and unmanageable down into a realistic chunk.

I guess there have just been some things going on lately that have got me thinking about the future - I can't avoid that ALL the time - and inevitably I think about how alcohol will NOT be a part of it. For example, New Year's Eve. NYE without champagne? Really?? Then in April, we have to go to a big wedding for a family member. A rich family member. A rich family member whose family drinks. So on the wedding schedule is half a night for cocktails.

We have a wine fridge (with about 12 bottles still in it, some VERY good stuff that it breaks my heart to know I can't have). We also have a mini keg fridge (keg has actually been empty for months... the distributor is far away LOL). What do we do with these? They weren't cheap and they aren't things that we can just "throw away". They are like pieces of furniture.

And to top it all off, I had another damn dream about drinking last night. That's two nights in a row. I'm sick of it.

There's just so much swimming around in my head right now, and none of it seems to be good. Thanks for letting me hash it out here, though.

YaySartre

TSH, last summer, I went to a cousin's wedding and came into contact with a side of my family that had more or less been completely estranged. There wasn't going to be a cocktail hour, there was to be a cocktail evening.

Egads. I actually got admonished for not drinking enough. (Now I know, despite all the denial, that my family history has a lot of alcoholics, past, present and probably future. Saw some disturbing stuff.)

In cases like these, I suggest you indulge in a fun drink, and by that, I mean a Shirley Temple, or a plain seltzer with lime or lemon. It's not the same, I know, but nursing something a little out of the ordinary and doing whatever you can to enjoy it in that setting has helped me.

It's hard when we devise or purchase little accouterments that relate to drinking. I'm sure your fridges can go to better use elsewhere, have you any friends who can imbibe and would be willing to take them off your hands? If not, surely somebody else may have a suggestion. Does it bother you to have them in the house, to the point that you get irritated over it?

Drinking Dreams: Had my first the other night. Maddening stuff. My sympathies and best wishes for restful sleep tonight go out to you.

Keep us updated, it's helpful for everybody, especially YOU, when you work your stuff out.

TryingSoHard

We'll probably try to sell the keg fridge on ebay. Not sure yet about the wine fridge. Might sell it, might give it away (if I can find someone who will honestly enjoy it). The keg fridge doesn't bother me so much because 1) it's been empty for a while now and 2) it's in a room I don't go in too often, but the wine fridge is starting to get to me. There are 4 really good bottles of champagne in there, and some really nice '97 cabernets that we were saving. Plus the other bottles of wine that we just had on hand. The way my cravings and thoughts have been lately, I'm surprised I haven't busted one of them open.

I'm not worried about the wedding yet, but it's out there... hanging there. Ya know what I mean? Worst of all... it's my birthday weekend. *sigh*

I actually went to the grocery store today and bought a bunch of stuff for making "mocktails". We have some friends coming over tonight who don't know I've quit drinking and I want to be prepared. They don't have to know my drink doesn't have the vodka in it... My hubby sent me a list of mocktail recipes when I was in NYC with my mom a couple of weeks ago and I still had the list with me so I stocked up. Hopefully it will help me feel a little better. Have that little something colorful and fizzy... I dunno. I guess it could backfire and just make me want the real thing even more.

I'll let ya know.

HideorSeek

Amen Brothers and Sisters! I'm grumpy TOO! Who knows why, well maybe for me because the holidays are like pressure cookers. I do do do do, then resent that I'm doing doing doing. I don a martyrdom hat like a crown and then get po'd that nobody appreciates me WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (baby wailing), soooooooooooooo a drink would be good, right?????

Wrong.

A drink will do me no good at all because tomorrow will come and I will feel awful physically and emotionally. And I've got to remember that it's me making me do do do, no one else.

So I won't drink *sigh*, but it sure sounds good in theory.

Thanks for posting this thread TSH and everyone for contributing. I need to remember that I'm not alone in this.

YaySartre

We'll post for you on birthday/wedding weekend, whether you're online or not, TSH.

See, though, you're thinking things through, and that almost always indicates to me that you are living up to your username.

I am a little cranky today, so I'm drinking as much water (and diet orange soda) as possible. Might as well indulge my sweet-tooth a little. I'm pretty darn cantankerous that my family is so far away, and that most of my friends jumped ship before I stopped drinking, so I'm looking into volunteering for the holidays lest I spend them in my own head. (Hey, at least I stopped, maybe that's one aspect of what it took to wake me up.)

Bamboozle

I'm drinking club soda and a bit of cranberry juice right now. I've been drinking a lot of club soda lately. Sometimes I'll drink it plain.

So far it hasn't made me want booze. I like to drink bubbly things...this does the trick. Best of luck, TSH.

YaySartre

Before I started drinking regularly, I'd have intermittent, self-imposed bouts of being utterly alcohol-free, and as a regular thing when I was the designated driver or going out alone. The only thing I'd ever have at a bar was a Shirley Temple. I didn't even think of the term, "mocktail", but I see how that could be, that could potentially make for a visceral reminder for a person who feels that way. Yikes, thanks, TSH, really didn't make the connection.

Recent events have lessened my appetite considerably, so here's to staying hydrated. A nice change!

TryingSoHard

Forgive the double-post, but I'm going to repeat something here that I posted in Newcomers just in case someone missed it there. And to give this thread the closure it needs for today.

Our friends never made it over to our house tonight. The girl had been at a bunco party earlier in the evening and her boyfriend was supposed to pick her up and the two of them come to our house. We got an email from him about 45 minutes after they were supposed to be here saying sorry, she puked in the car on the way to your house... she had been doing shots and was drunk and got sick!

What a timely reminder!! How freaking IRONIC is that?!

I do feel bad for her and I hope she feels better soon... god knows I've been in her shoes more than once... but... *whew* I tell you what, I feel like a weight has been lifted. I needed that. Call it a sign, call it divine intervention, call it finding what you need when you need it. I don't care. I needed it. Funny how things work out sometimes.

p.s. I'm sippin' on some o.j. & ginger ale with a splash of grenadine and I am liking it.

CarolD

Hmm..
I sold my bar and bar stools.
I wrapped my crystal glasses in sets
gave them as gifts to drinking friends.
I also gave away unopened bottle.

I told my still drinking friends I was now keeping
my apartment a no drinking zone.
No alcohol allowed.
Some drifted away...some honored my wishes.

I know you don't live alone TSH
and I did so perhaps my way
won't work for you. I

You did not think you were ever going to quit
You did.
You did not think you'd stay sober in NYC
You did.

Yes! you can....Your stronger than you think.



Merry Christmas to you and your family



:

Horselover

This thread spoke to me TSH. I too have been feeling the urge to imbibe, but after reading this in its entirety I honestly don't have the urge. I was that girl that drank too much and got sick in the car. I also was TSH in wanting to hold onto the alcohol past, BUT I can't or I should say, husband and I cannot. He's not alcoholic, but he is diabetic and its a death sentence for him as much as it is me. He feels awful physically right after the first drink and his blood sugar goes crazy. I feel awful because of the shame and the thought of not being around for him or my son. It would definitely kill us both and who knows which one of us would be first.

He was a homebrewer by the way and had tons of expensive equipment. He has been selling it off and on since he was diagnosed with diabetes. He was keeping some of it for the day he would make "root"beer with his son. He's decided against that and is trying to get rid of it all. Probably over $1000 in equipment in supplies, but nothing compared to his life.

I know you have rethought this TSH and you have already decided sober is better then the alternative, but I wanted to post this for others and mostly for myself. I need to make some serious proclamations and here's my start. Thanks for your thread. Hope I didn't steal anyone's thunder or stray from the purpose of this thread.

NoMoBeer

Wine fridge? That's what I am looking to buy my wife for Christmas! I know, it sounds crazy for a recovering alcoholic to buy that for his wife, but she enjoys her wine, and if Momma ain't happy, ain't no one happy.

Read through your thread, and can totally relate. I get that way now, after a few years sober.

Do you attend AA? Do you have a sponsor and/or list of friends you can call when you feel like this? We call it the RIDs... Restless, Irritalbe and Discontent.

I remember one time calling my sponsor from work.... I was completely UNWINDING -- coming apart at the seams. He told me to go outside, look up at God's beautiful sky and say the Serenity Prayer as many times as necessary to feel better. That prayer is simple, but it works.

One Day at a time! Forget New Year's, next April.... just focus on TODAY, tomorrow will take care of itself....

Happy Holidays...

NMB

TryingSoHard

Absolutely not, Horsey. I'm glad you posted, and I'm glad you felt the thread helped you.

TryingSoHard

LOL! Maybe we should talk in PM about you buying my wine fridge? :P

Restless, Irritable, Discontent... yep, that certainly sums up how I was feeling. I have attended a handful of AA meetings in the past, but not since early October. I do not have a sponsor. I enjoyed the meetings I went to but I am not 100% that AA is totally for me. Although I have been thinking lately that I need to get to a meeting again soon... And yes, I like the serenity prayer very much. I do NOT have a list of people I can call or contact when I feel that way. I wish I did. It's why I vented here instead. But I'm glad I did that.

Thank you, NMB, and Merry Christmas.