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Uncomfortable at AA

Old 12-16-2008, 08:07 AM
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Uncomfortable at AA

Does anybody besides myself find AA meetings to be depressing?

I don't at all mean to sound shallow and maybe it's the area I live but most of the people at the meetings I attend like to discuss their current situation which is often times dire and hopeless.

Quite a few a people that attend live very unhealthy lifestyles (even without alcohol) such as smoking 2 packs a day, spending there last dollar at the casino, only attending because of probation, anything to get their mind off drinking and I always leave the meeting feeling very uncomfortable and dirty.

I realize that this may the point of these meetings but I was wondering if anybody has these same feelings?

I will no longer attend meetings in my area because I usually leave feeling worse because of my exposure to these other people than when I arrived.

Once again, please do not take this as me being shallow as it is just my personal experience and opinion.

-Brandeeno-
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Old 12-16-2008, 08:15 AM
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You just sit and listen?

What are you bringing to the meetings other than (in my opinion) your judgement? Perhaps sharing what you shared here might get some thinking twice about what recovery from alcoholism is all about, what message they are presenting to the newcomer, etc.
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Old 12-16-2008, 08:24 AM
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Originally Posted by sugErspun View Post
You just sit and listen?

What are you bringing to the meetings other than (in my opinion) your judgement? Perhaps sharing what you shared here might get some thinking twice about what recovery from alcoholism is all about, what message they are presenting to the newcomer, etc.
Thanks for responding,

To answer your question, when it is my time to speak I take the time to explain my situation in detail and end the conversation with reason of me showing up in the first place.

I like to respond to questions and am very open to advice.

The problem I have is that after attending the meetings, I often drive home disgusted with myself and the meeting in general and find myself not wanting to go back.
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Old 12-16-2008, 08:28 AM
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Can you check out a different meeting? I'm not sure how large of an area you live in, but hopefully you have some different meeting times and locations to choose from. I've noticed in my town that different groups are REALLY DIFFERENT! LOL I might feel incredibly comfortable at one and totally out of place and awkward at another.

I'd say if you feel bad when you leave, try to find another group. Does your area have recovery groups other than AA? That face-to-face support can be OH SO HELPFUL sometimes. It can't hurt to explore all your options. But I say definitely don't continue if it's making you feel bad. That's defeating the purpose.
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Old 12-16-2008, 08:31 AM
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Brandeeno how many meetings have you been to? If I want to hear laughter or joking around I go to a meeting! Yes I agree that sometimes the actual topic of the meeting at times can revolve around some very serious and sometimes depressing topics, but when someone brings a problem to the meetings in my area they walk away at a minimum with support and understanding but many times they also walk away with a solution to thier problem or how to find a solution.

Life is life, sober or drunk people do have problems, the difference is one makes a decision, do I get drunk over this and the problem gets worse, or do I go to a meeting, share the problem and find a solution to it by sharing the problem and listening to people who have had the same problem before and learn how they over come it.

Yes there are people with major issues that attend AA, if they continue to attend meetings, get a sponsor and work the steps with thier sponsor things get better. Better.... but not perfect!!!

Being sober does not lead to a perfect life with no worries, but it does led to a life with fewer problems and ways to deal with them rather then drinking or drugging them away.

Tell you what, next meeting you go to when they ask for a topic, why don't you bring up the topic of "Gratitude". If you do you will hear the great things that sobriety and the program bring into peoples lifes.

There are what I refer to as whiners meetings, these are meetings where everyone whines and no one presents solutions, I quit attending those, if I want to whine and beaotch I can go to a bar and get drunk doing that.
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Old 12-16-2008, 08:51 AM
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Witnessing people that apparently live in their problems is tough on me too. I like to share about my problem solving efforts. If I share about a difficulty I face, I also include the possible solution I'm applying to the problem. Then continue sharing about hows that working or not. I found that being an A.A. member is not a given that everybody is willing to work for solutions. The best I can do is be an example of someone willing to work on my difficulty and support others trying or not to do the same.
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Old 12-16-2008, 08:57 AM
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Hello All,

I will say this about meetings they can at times be emotional and hard to understand the format or the content. I will further say that different meetings are like anything else in life "different" I go to a meeting in my area nearly every day because I feel better every time I go. I feel better when I share and I feel better being there for others to share with. I have been to other AA and NA meetings until landing on this one and yes there is a difference in meetings one should check out a few and see what feels better. Keep in mind however these are made to be close to the heart and honest and open so with that being said one has to be prepared to listen and share at that level at times to give and get the most out of the time invested.
JT
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Old 12-16-2008, 09:03 AM
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Originally Posted by Brandeeno View Post
Thanks for responding,

To answer your question, when it is my time to speak I take the time to explain my situation in detail and end the conversation with reason of me showing up in the first place.

I like to respond to questions and am very open to advice.

The problem I have is that after attending the meetings, I often drive home disgusted with myself and the meeting in general and find myself not wanting to go back.
If you are not being offered a solution to your problem - or being assisted in finding out what your problem is, find a new group. I am too well aware of these groups (as if getting together with a bunch of 'understanding' folks will lead to recovering from alcoholism).

What you describe, especially when you reach out and aren't being offered a hand to - is not AA, at least AA as I know it. Perhaps I am fortunate, that geographically, there are more meetings within 20 miles of my home than I could ever possibly attend - but I am sure a group that carries the message that the real alcoholic needs to hear to recover, is available to you. If not a group, than maybe a single person.

The meetings I regularly attend - you hear very little drinking stories (drunkalogs), complaining about life, circumstance etc. There is hope, joy, freedom -and a very clear message about what it takes to recover from this, to have the problem 'removed'. I go to other meetings (like those you describe) for a few reasons - one of which would be to find people who are dying and not being offered a solution (I think a lot of people are sold short on 'suit up and show up','dont drink no matter what' and other such generalizations with nothing backing it up).

Keep seeking - your answers will come.

~a
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Old 12-16-2008, 09:27 AM
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Brandeeno,
This is me Im not saying its your deal also. When I find meetings boring and feel worse than when I got there it is all because of the mood Im in. I get like you said or what I'm thinking you said kinda bored with meetings and some people rub me the wrong way. I think it is true that to keep this you have to give it away and that was a mistake I made took from meetings and didnt give back and I left AA. I stayed sober a while but went back out. If you stay at a small group and dont go anywhere eles you hear the same stuff over and over and I get bored easily. I have strong opinions on court ordered people. I try to go to different meetings and hear new people to keep fresh and its helped me.
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Old 12-16-2008, 10:36 AM
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Originally Posted by Brandeeno View Post
I don't at all mean to sound shallow and maybe it's the area I live but most of the people at the meetings I attend like to discuss their current situation which is often times dire and hopeless.
Maybe try to do something about it?

Steer it back to the solution.. Give it hope.. You might be amazed if you can help turn it around how attractive it can become.

Ive seen it happen ..

Andy
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Old 12-16-2008, 10:41 AM
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AA would be really neat if it weren't for all those ........ people! lol. Sorry ... bad joke.

Let's look at this from another angle ... what step are you on B?

The three most important words in the big book, can be found at the top of page 112.

It took me a lot of years in AA to figure that out. Once I did and once I began applying it in ALL my daily affairs, it really made it easy to decide what meetings I would attend and which ones I wouldn't.

As sugErspun said ... keep seeking - your answers will come.
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Old 12-16-2008, 11:48 AM
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My sponsor likes to tell me that there are meetings that focus on the solution, and group therapy meetings. Personally, I prefer the solution type meetings. I find that at Step meetings and Big Book meetings. I have a few friends and SR of course, to bitch about what's wrong in my life lol.

I'm currently without transportation, so I can walk to a few meetings that are here downtown . I'm not crazy about them, but as my sponsor suggested to me isn't it about time that I attend those meetings and share my ESH which is solution based? She has a point. There might be someone else there who has no car and needs to hear about the solution.

Like everyone has said, find another meeting. It wasn't until I found that Big Book meeting that I found my sponsor and started working the steps and my life has changed for the better.

Karen
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Old 12-16-2008, 12:45 PM
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Does anybody besides myself find AA meetings to be depressing?
Sometimes, but its the only place I have been anle to see some of the most depressive, mal-adjusted people re-join society
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Old 12-16-2008, 12:53 PM
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Of course meeting can be depressing sometimes.

It's a roomful of alcoholics trying to get sober, what do you expect.
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Old 12-16-2008, 01:31 PM
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Brandeeno, I agree with the replies you have been given its worth trying lots of different meetings to see what you think about AA before you decide its not for you.

However although face to face meetings seem to help most people, it is not the only way, I only go to AA every now and again and thats to see the people I have made friends with there.

I am also aware of many others who are remaining sober whilst not going to AA or practising the program.

Finding out what works for you is the most important thing, it might be AA, or a closeknit support system around you, posting and talking online or therapy, religeon or just doing it yourself(very hard).

Dont give up on anything without giving it a real go but be aware there are always other options.

Look after yourself.
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Old 12-16-2008, 02:33 PM
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I dont know yet, the only time i went to AA's was when i was 19 and had to because i got a minor. Didn't really care about them then. Thinking about going to one around my parts to give em a try since i live alone, but I'm really looking for people close to my age that do the same things i do like go out to bars, etc, that i really can relate to. I dont know if im going to try one out-im gonna use this site for now and see how far i can get-i have confidence for now.
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Old 12-16-2008, 02:46 PM
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Here is a list of recovery programs for you to explore
Please click on the line below

The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com

AA?
I suggest you do Big Book and or 12 & 12 meetings
as they tend to be more focused on the AA program.

Hope you can find a way to stay sober..

Last edited by CarolD; 12-18-2008 at 04:01 AM.
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Old 12-16-2008, 03:43 PM
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I would say try other meetings. The meetings I go to are far from depressing. The meetings i attend stay in then solutions, out of the big book. They are not meetings of people moaning and groaning. They tell their experience with big book, steps etc. The new comers like me throw in stuff about the steps, how we are feeling etc. and we get alot from the ole timers.
AA is keeping me sober, helping me grow, and a place that I can feel safe to be me.
I hope you don't think all meetings are bahaa for me meetings, there are good ones. Try another.
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Old 12-16-2008, 04:09 PM
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Ever think to yourself, what can I do to improve the meeting?

Some topics, I can't share any experience strength or hope to.

I'll agree, it's nice to not always be attending a whine and cheese meeting.

On the other hand, I think to my self, glad it's them and not me that's feeling that way or, that's acting that way!


After a lot of 24 hours, my main purpose to attend a meeting is to offer insight. That helps to keep me sober. Granted, there are those we cant help. But, if, something I say clicks with someone new to the program and they stay sober and pass it on in due time to someone else, it's worth it.


It never hurts to go to a lot of different meetings, it helps keep us from getting stagnant. Still a good idea to have one as a home group though.
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Old 12-16-2008, 04:18 PM
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i personally dont believe in aa.

i dont believe alcohol is the problem, it's the mind pattern of the person that needs correction.

if aa works for someone that's fine, but it aint for me.

when you're in such close proximity with so many people, your aura overlaps theirs and you absorb their energies. all of their negative emotions, problems, worries are passed onto you. that is why you feel crappy when you leave.
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