missy123

I don't really know what I am doing here. I have told myself I am not this person. But I guess I am.

I am an alcoholic.

I don't drink everyday. But I think about it. I find excuses to indulge whenever I can. And I drink ridiculous amounts whenever the opportunity is there.

And then it begins. The screaming, the tantrums, the blackouts. I lose people, I hurt people, I damage people.

I don't even know what I do.

I am at a stage where I am about to lose everything in my life.

I actually want to burst into tears. I have hidden it well from some people. Some people would be shocked.

Deep down I am a good person. But right now I am not.

I don't know what to do.

It has been 2 days since my last drink.

dirtyjerz08

Welcome. Admitting you're an alcoholic is a big step in the right direction. It doesn't matter how much we drink, or how often, but what happens when we do drink. There is a lot of support here, and a plenty out there in the real world as well. Just take a deep breath, and know that you never have to feel the way you are feeling again if you just stop drinking. If you haven't lost everything yet, be thankful, those things can be saved. Even if everything was gone, it's not too late to save yourself. God bless.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Hi Missy,

You don't have to live like that anymore. Admitting that you are an alcoholic is a huge step..good for you!

I'm more myself and a better person because I reached out for face to face help, with folks who've been there, done that. Would you be willing to try an AA meeting? AA isn't the only way, but it's worked for me.

Hang in there.

Karen

odhgabfe

best part about the forum - introduced me to the fact that i am not alone, and you for sure are not.

sicilia1414

missy, i was in your exact same shoes about a week ago. I found this forum, typed a post similar to yours, and have been on here ever since.

Continue to post and stay with us, if we can do it so can you.

CarolD

I too was shocked at the nutso things I did when I drank

Please read this link...it has info on why we are alcoholics

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Those are excerpts from the book that convinced me to quit.

Welcome to our recovery community...

TryingSoHard

Hi Missy, and welcome to SR.

I could have written those exact same words 4 months ago. Guess what? Today is my 71st day sober (after I don't know how many attempts to quit).

You are not alone. You have taken a huge step by coming here and writing down how you feel. It's very scary to be where you are right now - I remember exactly what it's like. But you're not alone. You will find a great deal of support and encouragement here, and you might even be shocked at how much it helps you.

2 days is a good start. What is your plan for quitting?

Read a lot of the posts around here, especially the Stickies at the top of each forum, and post as you feel comfortable.

TSH

least

When I first quit drinking I found AA meetings very helpful. I don't go to as many meetings any more but still try to get to my home group meeting once a week.

Just admitting there is a problem is a good start to solving it. Remember, you don't have to drink just for today! Take it one day at a time and it doesn't feel so overwhelming.

Glad you found us! We're here to support you in your sober lifestyle. Keep coming back, reading and posting.

Welcome!!

Jfanagle

Missy,

I am glad you have started down this path that we are on. I am working on my 10TH year of sober living and last night my daughter who works for Disneyland took time out from her employee’s party to call me at my home and let me know that she heard a Jimmy Buffet song playing in the park and she was thinking about me since I am a big fan. While this was a silly thing, it reminded me that I have been there for her, SOBER for these past 10 years. SHE WOULD NEVER HAVE MADE THAT CALL WHEN I WAS DRINKING!

The point is, WE CAN BECOME THE PEOPLE WE SHOULD BE, but not if we can't see who we are when we are drinking.

You have taken a huge and frightening step, but YOU HAVE TAKEN THAT STEP. Now that you have admitted to yourself that you have a problem, the rest is easier, hold on and let those of us who have gone before you help you.

I am not where I am because I suddenly got strong, but because I admitted to myself and others that I needed help. It is unbelievable just how many folks are waiting to extend their hands and give us their strength and hope and the support that we need.

I hope you stay around and accept our help. Congratulations on that 1ST step.

Jon

justanothrdrunk

Welcome!

Hey, me too! Meaning - definitely not alone. Early sobriety is tough. So feel free to give yourself a pat on the back for doing the right thing.

Interested in checking out AA at all? I love it and it's what works for me.

My first AA meetings were scary. And I didn't feel like I fit in at all. It took me a little while to be comfortable with myself and others in those rooms. It takes me 2-3 tries at a meeting for before I can really decide if it's the right meeting for me. And if not, I try another.

chick3

Missy, Your story sounds so much like mine. I have been sober now for 6 days...but mostly drank at home, hiding from friends and family. I have shared with a few good friends that I am trying to quit...but, I'm sure several others will be shocked when I tell them. Hang in there, I hear it gets better!

Pam08

Welcome to SR. I can relate, I didn't drink every single day, every other or third day, but if I had drank everyday I am sure i probably would have been dead by now, as I drank a 1/5 of hard liquor when I drank most of the time, and would eat little if anything. That would have destroyed my insides for sure after 11 years of this.

My family doesn't know I drink...my parents and most of my siblings. except a younger sister, as I have partied with her in the past. Amazing, but they live up north and I got out of hand with my drinking and took it to the level of out of control when i moved to Florida 11 years ago.

i am a blackout drinker alot of the time. My marriage is about over, although I am not ever gonna take all the blame for that. I have been hurtful in words to him, but he has lied, cheated and been physically abusive, i have not gotten to step 4, but I will be working thru this soon, 4/5 then 8 when I make ammends..whew..hopefully I can work thru all of this stuff at that time.

I suggest to keep posting and reading here..lots of support and lots of people with time behind them...

I would also suggest trying AA , go to a few meetings, just listen. I know that detox and rehab got me sober and educated me..but they didn't help me with sobriety. AA is keeping me sober, as I have connected with my higher power, found people who understand and care about me, so I no longer feel alone and not understood. :ghug2
I am sticking with AA, I want what they have, and that is a new life of sobriety and serenity.