I have no problem being sober. It's just... kind of boring. Now what?
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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I have no problem being sober. It's just... kind of boring. Now what?
This year has marked some attempts at permanent sobriety.
Jan-May: Sober
May-August: Got bored, wanted to enjoy Summer, drank.
September 26-now: Sober
The thing is, I have no problem quitting drinking. I am fully capable of going to bars, parties and outings without drinking. I can be surrounded by all my drunk friends and have people trying to buy me drinks, but I can deny them easily. During my sober months, I still go to parties every weekend and stay out real late. So what's the problem?
Being sober at parties isn't great. It's just "okay" or sometimes "boring." Don't get me wrong, there is the occasional amazing party but mainly my weekends aren't that "epic" anymore. I've lost motivation to go out. The thing is, I can't find something else to do because a lot of my friends' social life revolves around weekend partying, in fact my whole town is like that. Most people in my community drink, and drink till the early morning. A lot of the gossip or highlights are what happened during the weekend (sadly).
So my question is, how can I enjoy these weekend outings more? I've been trying to find things to perk up the nights so I'm not super bored and want to drink. I drink coffee or green tea so I can stay up till 3am with all my drunk friends. I bring a bottle of water so I have something to hold... I investigate each party/outing ahead of time to make sure I will be comfortable and won't feel shy. I don't know. Are there any other ways to stay linked to my friends who LOVE partying? Getting a new batch of friends isn't realistic...
Jan-May: Sober
May-August: Got bored, wanted to enjoy Summer, drank.
September 26-now: Sober
The thing is, I have no problem quitting drinking. I am fully capable of going to bars, parties and outings without drinking. I can be surrounded by all my drunk friends and have people trying to buy me drinks, but I can deny them easily. During my sober months, I still go to parties every weekend and stay out real late. So what's the problem?
Being sober at parties isn't great. It's just "okay" or sometimes "boring." Don't get me wrong, there is the occasional amazing party but mainly my weekends aren't that "epic" anymore. I've lost motivation to go out. The thing is, I can't find something else to do because a lot of my friends' social life revolves around weekend partying, in fact my whole town is like that. Most people in my community drink, and drink till the early morning. A lot of the gossip or highlights are what happened during the weekend (sadly).
So my question is, how can I enjoy these weekend outings more? I've been trying to find things to perk up the nights so I'm not super bored and want to drink. I drink coffee or green tea so I can stay up till 3am with all my drunk friends. I bring a bottle of water so I have something to hold... I investigate each party/outing ahead of time to make sure I will be comfortable and won't feel shy. I don't know. Are there any other ways to stay linked to my friends who LOVE partying? Getting a new batch of friends isn't realistic...
Thanks for your post. I think it is a really worthwhile post/question & I am interested to read the answers as well. I haven't really done anything since sober (8 days) because there is no point, everyone else will be trashed, and I will be bored!
I know what you mean, I too still go out and hang with my boyfriend and friends who are drinking. I do feel as though I am missing the fun sometimes, but you know what - I stop and then think wait, I am here in the same moment as them, just not drunk. And I also think what a shame it is that I feel that I cannot have fun unless I am drinking. Its a whole new way that I think we have to recondition thinking. I am learning. And the best part is knowing that when they all wake up in the morning, I will be the one without a hangover! And will remember everything too!
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Claymont, Delaware
Posts: 3
Yeah find something constructive to do, a good group of your friends perhaps in a different niche that likes to be adventurous, go hiking, snowboarding, even skydiving stuff like that. Dont let not drinking take away ur opportunity to get out there and live
My life wasn't too exciting when I was drinking but now that I'm sober I don't miss the drinking life. I don't miss the worries about driving drunk and hurting anyone. I don't miss my kids' hating my drinking all the time. My life may be boring but at least it's a lot safer and more secure now that I'm sober. I'll take safe over exciting any day.
I can relate a bit. A lot of my friends like to throw parties and get drunk. It's less a part of our lives since we've left college, got jobs, etc. but the parties still happen. I go to them sober and I always have a good time. There's enough laughter, card playing, etc. to keep me entertained without alcohol.
When you say a party is "boring" without being drunk, what I'm assuming is that the fun aspects of it: dancing, conversation, games, etc. are just difficult for you to engage in without the effects of alcohol in your system, is that right? I am a very shy person myself and I was never one to dance or get into loud conversations unless I was drunk to the teeth.
I enjoy parties now because I feel like I've found my social strengths (sober ones.) I know to look for the people conversing off to the side; to look for the deep conversations, which I enjoy and can do sober. I also like to flirt, which is more exhilarating and effective when you're sober. I can also be pretty witty from time to time, and rather than being the falling-slapstick joke of the party I bring humor in other ways.
When I was trying to reinvent myself through drinking, drinking until I became the boisterous, talkative and daring person (which I'm not) I paid the price for it over-and-over again with hangovers, embarrassment and worsening my problems with alcohol. It wasn't worth it in the end.
That's my story.
When you say a party is "boring" without being drunk, what I'm assuming is that the fun aspects of it: dancing, conversation, games, etc. are just difficult for you to engage in without the effects of alcohol in your system, is that right? I am a very shy person myself and I was never one to dance or get into loud conversations unless I was drunk to the teeth.
I enjoy parties now because I feel like I've found my social strengths (sober ones.) I know to look for the people conversing off to the side; to look for the deep conversations, which I enjoy and can do sober. I also like to flirt, which is more exhilarating and effective when you're sober. I can also be pretty witty from time to time, and rather than being the falling-slapstick joke of the party I bring humor in other ways.
When I was trying to reinvent myself through drinking, drinking until I became the boisterous, talkative and daring person (which I'm not) I paid the price for it over-and-over again with hangovers, embarrassment and worsening my problems with alcohol. It wasn't worth it in the end.
That's my story.
Man that post sounds like me. I came into AA didnt take advice and change people places and things. I wasn't sober a month went to a bar with same old crowd shot pool and stayed sober. I call it twisting the dragons tail an I got away with it for a couple of years. He turned around one day and I was right back out there. I would half way do meetings wishing the old timmers would hurry up I thought I knew as much as them and they could teach me nothing I was sober and it was a breeze. When I get bored or it gets easy it scares me. I got something to learn from everyone if I just will take the time and not be selfish. I was even so arrogant as to say at a meeting one night I was a person who came in and just got it! LOL I got it all right. Hope your different than me and the dragon never turns on you.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 381
I fear a very boring life as I get sober, but I'm trying to think of it as that a chapter in my life is over. It's now time to get to work, start working on me and becoming the person I want to be which is financially secure, entreprenurial, traveler and one day a mother.
The days of partying have long since been over (I just refused to go when the party ended) and it's still very very tempting. Probably because I haven't yet made the transition into a new and better life that I don't want that anymore.
Have you thought of having sober parties/get together's at your home? Maybe starting a club or say, starting a business? That will help you get the needed socializing but without the feeling like the 5th wheel at someone else's show.
The days of partying have long since been over (I just refused to go when the party ended) and it's still very very tempting. Probably because I haven't yet made the transition into a new and better life that I don't want that anymore.
Have you thought of having sober parties/get together's at your home? Maybe starting a club or say, starting a business? That will help you get the needed socializing but without the feeling like the 5th wheel at someone else's show.
I too am happiest when I am social and out and about. However, with me, it wasn't about the "fun" parties anymore. I had stopped going to those long ago as my sig. other didn't do it, and go out and be social. So I drank at home, and then when that wasn't acceptable by my loved ones I drank alone in secret, or at bars alone, talking to people I never met before. But it was being out and social. However, I would end the night being wasted, and not that much fun anymore, and having spent way too much money.
There was a party I wanted to go to two weekends ago really bad, as I had not seen any of these people in a long time. I know I would have had fun, but I had the days wrong and missed it. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise.
With over 50 days sober now, I must say my life is not more interesting, or even fun. Hell, I don't even have a license, as with my last and 2nd dwi, I have not picked up a drink. So how much fun can I have when I have isolated myself from all of my friends, or they aren't jumping at the bit to hang out with me because of the ass I made of me or them with my drinking.
But I am sober today, and that is better than what it used to be. I hope you can figure out exactly why you are sober and find happiness somewhere without drinking. I am having a hard time doing that, being fresh out of a 4 year co-dependent relationship. I feel very alone, and cannot even get to the gym to workout and better my life.
In the end, I wish I could still go out and be social and have a blast, but it is impossible for me to do that right now, as I have no one to do it with. All of my friendships in the last couple of years were based around drinking or getting high.
There was a party I wanted to go to two weekends ago really bad, as I had not seen any of these people in a long time. I know I would have had fun, but I had the days wrong and missed it. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise.
With over 50 days sober now, I must say my life is not more interesting, or even fun. Hell, I don't even have a license, as with my last and 2nd dwi, I have not picked up a drink. So how much fun can I have when I have isolated myself from all of my friends, or they aren't jumping at the bit to hang out with me because of the ass I made of me or them with my drinking.
But I am sober today, and that is better than what it used to be. I hope you can figure out exactly why you are sober and find happiness somewhere without drinking. I am having a hard time doing that, being fresh out of a 4 year co-dependent relationship. I feel very alone, and cannot even get to the gym to workout and better my life.
In the end, I wish I could still go out and be social and have a blast, but it is impossible for me to do that right now, as I have no one to do it with. All of my friendships in the last couple of years were based around drinking or getting high.
You know what I discovered is a couple of great things in sobriety.
1. If Iwant to have a good time sober, then I do things with people who are sober also!
Think about it, when you are drinking and every one else is sober, are you having fun or them?
2. I discovered that sober people have parties to, fun parties because everyone is sober.
Have you ever been to a party sober and tried to do anything mentally challenging with some one who is drunk like carrying on an intelligent conversation?
3. I discovered that I was dead wrong about "everyone" drinking, the first football game I went to sober I discovered that the line for sodas was longer then the line for beer!!
4. The main discovery I have made in sobriety is that I have fun with sober people and actually find drunks pretty annoying.
In a nutshell I will put it into mathmatical terms.
Sober + Sober = Fun
Drunk + Drunk = Fun (for a number of years, then it evolved into shame & guilt)
Sober + Drunk = BORING
AA showed me that SOBER alcoholics have far more fun then a bunch of drunks who never seem to remember the great fun they had the night before.
I also dicovered outside of AA there are far more fun things to do that do not involve any drinking at all then there are fun things that do involve drinking.
Have you ever been turned away from something fun you wanted to do because you were too drunk to do it? I have!!!
Have you ever sat on a bar stool drinking talking about all kinds of neat things you are going to do one day, yet never seemed to get around to doing them? I have, once I got my butt off of the bar stool and quit drinking instead of talking about doing things, I now do them!
1. If Iwant to have a good time sober, then I do things with people who are sober also!
Think about it, when you are drinking and every one else is sober, are you having fun or them?
2. I discovered that sober people have parties to, fun parties because everyone is sober.
Have you ever been to a party sober and tried to do anything mentally challenging with some one who is drunk like carrying on an intelligent conversation?
3. I discovered that I was dead wrong about "everyone" drinking, the first football game I went to sober I discovered that the line for sodas was longer then the line for beer!!
4. The main discovery I have made in sobriety is that I have fun with sober people and actually find drunks pretty annoying.
In a nutshell I will put it into mathmatical terms.
Sober + Sober = Fun
Drunk + Drunk = Fun (for a number of years, then it evolved into shame & guilt)
Sober + Drunk = BORING
AA showed me that SOBER alcoholics have far more fun then a bunch of drunks who never seem to remember the great fun they had the night before.
I also dicovered outside of AA there are far more fun things to do that do not involve any drinking at all then there are fun things that do involve drinking.
Have you ever been turned away from something fun you wanted to do because you were too drunk to do it? I have!!!
Have you ever sat on a bar stool drinking talking about all kinds of neat things you are going to do one day, yet never seemed to get around to doing them? I have, once I got my butt off of the bar stool and quit drinking instead of talking about doing things, I now do them!
I don't really ever go out at night. With the exception of one night last week, there has been at least one person over at night for the last three weeks. A lot of times, it's just my wife's sister, but either way, there is drinking in my home EVERY night, usually until around 1:00. I used to stay up with'em after drinking all day... it was just round 3 of the day.
For the past few weeks, I cut back a little on my drinking preparing for the stop. I was finding that staying up late and hanging out was not worth the crappy mornings (and the rest of the list too). I get my daughter up every morning at 7:00 and put her on the bus. Then, I go in the garage and work. I used to feel like crawling to the busstop. In the past few weeks, I started going into the bedroom at 11:00, even when they were still out there drinking. Just the extra sleep was worth missing those last few hours of BS tv and the gossip.
Today is the first day of not drinking that I felt pretty good, and at the busstop, I just watched my daughter racing raindrops against eachother on the windshield, and she was engrossed in it. I'm usually just in a stuper and "yes" and "uh huh" her. If you don't find pleasure in being sober at those late night parties with all the drinking (which is pretty much normal), find pleasure in other things. I spent years wanting to never miss anything. Last one to bed, first one up etc... So I was a good partier, but in reality, I've missed so much. Watching my daughter this morning meant more to me than all those 3am drunk barely remember babbling ranting roucus "fun" nights. You may not have to get a new batch of friends, but you also don't have to feel like you have to be at every event to be their friend. It definately sounds like a social area you live it, so it's got to be tough to just stay home. But life should be about your happiness also. I'm sure your friends want you there, but if it's boring, find something else to do? They will still be your friends, right?
edit: Sorry, that was a lot about me. But the point was that there are simple things in life other than parties and social events that are quite rewarding too.
For the past few weeks, I cut back a little on my drinking preparing for the stop. I was finding that staying up late and hanging out was not worth the crappy mornings (and the rest of the list too). I get my daughter up every morning at 7:00 and put her on the bus. Then, I go in the garage and work. I used to feel like crawling to the busstop. In the past few weeks, I started going into the bedroom at 11:00, even when they were still out there drinking. Just the extra sleep was worth missing those last few hours of BS tv and the gossip.
Today is the first day of not drinking that I felt pretty good, and at the busstop, I just watched my daughter racing raindrops against eachother on the windshield, and she was engrossed in it. I'm usually just in a stuper and "yes" and "uh huh" her. If you don't find pleasure in being sober at those late night parties with all the drinking (which is pretty much normal), find pleasure in other things. I spent years wanting to never miss anything. Last one to bed, first one up etc... So I was a good partier, but in reality, I've missed so much. Watching my daughter this morning meant more to me than all those 3am drunk barely remember babbling ranting roucus "fun" nights. You may not have to get a new batch of friends, but you also don't have to feel like you have to be at every event to be their friend. It definately sounds like a social area you live it, so it's got to be tough to just stay home. But life should be about your happiness also. I'm sure your friends want you there, but if it's boring, find something else to do? They will still be your friends, right?
edit: Sorry, that was a lot about me. But the point was that there are simple things in life other than parties and social events that are quite rewarding too.
Hhhmmm Boredom!
I am rarely ever bored. I was told that in French to translate "I am bored!" is said "I am boring!" I think of that when I am thinking about boredom.
For me, activities are so much more fun without being chemically enhanced. The bottom line is I didn't want to feel my feelings. At one time I was just positive that alcohol made me "prettier, wittier and tittY-er", but that was just another lie that the disease was telling me. I no longer listen.
Today my life is full of activities. I sponsor other women, I'm active in many AA functions that keep me intrigued. Alcoholics are usually very bright, clever people. Find some of them and your life will be full!
For me, activities are so much more fun without being chemically enhanced. The bottom line is I didn't want to feel my feelings. At one time I was just positive that alcohol made me "prettier, wittier and tittY-er", but that was just another lie that the disease was telling me. I no longer listen.
Today my life is full of activities. I sponsor other women, I'm active in many AA functions that keep me intrigued. Alcoholics are usually very bright, clever people. Find some of them and your life will be full!
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