this is SO hard.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 29
this is SO hard.
i'm three months three weeks sober. right now the only thing i can think about is a drink, i feel like i want it more than air, i can barely breathe. this staying sober is so ******* hard i can't see straight. i go to meetings, work the steps, have a sponsor, all of it, but right now i'm completely freaking out. i am so miserable. more than that, i'm scared, i'm terrified. it's unbelivable. i need this to stop happening, i feel like i can't take it. i'm scared to just be alive right now. fear. god this fear. and this overwhelming desire to just get so ******* wasted i pass out. oh my god. just needed to vent, i'm sorry.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Tulsa, OK
Posts: 17
HAng in there:)
Originally Posted by eeb26 
i'm three months three weeks sober. right now the only thing i can think about is a drink, i feel like i want it more than air, i can barely breathe. this staying sober is so ******* hard i can't see straight. i go to meetings, work the steps, have a sponsor, all of it, but right now i'm completely freaking out. i am so miserable. more than that, i'm scared, i'm terrified. it's unbelivable. i need this to stop happening, i feel like i can't take it. i'm scared to just be alive right now. fear. god this fear. and this overwhelming desire to just get so ******* wasted i pass out. oh my god. just needed to vent, i'm sorry.
I know exactly how you feel. I have been clean before and have just returned from another relapse about 1 1/2 months ago. I get cravings and i can taste the drink, feel it and it consumes me completly. I've started meditating and am going to try to exercise to vent the internal explosion that comes along w/those urges. Glad you feel you have a place you can vent. I like this place as well. Keep coming back. I hope to visit withyou more on our road to recovery. Des.:praying
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 29
no, i don't have any friends. nobody to call and hang out with. i need to call my sponsor now, i'm trying to get up the courage that isn't there. i don't really feel like i have a place to vent as much as the internet is the only place i know to come to when i don't have the courage for anything else.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
I have an old friend who's fond of saying, "If you don't like what you're thinking about, think about something else." I used to think of it as a trite and naive thing to say, but he has a point.
Yes, yes, please call your sponsor. At nearly four months sober, it's time to build a network. Reach out to those other same-sex folks in your recovery community and talk, talk, talk. Let them distract you. Ask how they're doing. Anything to get out of your head. Get ballsy and ask, "Can I come see you? Or can you come see me?" Go have a cup of coffee, go to the local toy store and play with all the toys that make noise, go to the kitchen and cook something (and, hey--take it to a shut-in who might not have the ability to cook something homemade).
In early recovery, even when you are working those steps, it's important not to find yourself alone too much with yourself in your head. Not before you've felt that spiritual awakening and the obsession to drink is gone. Program will save your life quite literally, teach you a new way to live, but fellowship plays an important role, too. Give someone the gift of being useful and dial some numbers. You'll be helping them as much as you'll be helping yourself.
The above is, of course, all suggestions. What are you willing to do to stay sober today?
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Yes, yes, please call your sponsor. At nearly four months sober, it's time to build a network. Reach out to those other same-sex folks in your recovery community and talk, talk, talk. Let them distract you. Ask how they're doing. Anything to get out of your head. Get ballsy and ask, "Can I come see you? Or can you come see me?" Go have a cup of coffee, go to the local toy store and play with all the toys that make noise, go to the kitchen and cook something (and, hey--take it to a shut-in who might not have the ability to cook something homemade).
In early recovery, even when you are working those steps, it's important not to find yourself alone too much with yourself in your head. Not before you've felt that spiritual awakening and the obsession to drink is gone. Program will save your life quite literally, teach you a new way to live, but fellowship plays an important role, too. Give someone the gift of being useful and dial some numbers. You'll be helping them as much as you'll be helping yourself.
The above is, of course, all suggestions. What are you willing to do to stay sober today?
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Drinking was hard, being sober is easy.
No more walking in front of judges, no more calling into work saying, you've got the flu, no more lying to family members about your drinking. No more floating checks hoping you have enough money to pay your bills, no more cars with, dents all over them from running into things when, drunk.
No more looking in a mirror when, you get up and seeing a shallow person staring back at you.
I've done so many wonderful things sober I could've never done while drinking.
Spiritually, emotionally and physically, I'm better off now then I was 9 an a half years ago.
The best advice I can offer you early in recovery is to get heavily involved in the program. Chair meetings, set up and clean up after meetings. Offer people a ride to a meeting if, you can if, you can't ask for a ride to a meeting.
Don't isolate, that's the worst thing to do. If, you cant get a hold of your sponsor, call other people in the program. eople will be there for you if, they know you want this gift bad enough.
Read your daily readings, the big book, the good book, go out for a walk that's good to clear the mind as well. Do have any family members for support?
Stay posting on here you'll get positive feed back
We'll all be pulling for you to get thru this
No more walking in front of judges, no more calling into work saying, you've got the flu, no more lying to family members about your drinking. No more floating checks hoping you have enough money to pay your bills, no more cars with, dents all over them from running into things when, drunk.
No more looking in a mirror when, you get up and seeing a shallow person staring back at you.
I've done so many wonderful things sober I could've never done while drinking.
Spiritually, emotionally and physically, I'm better off now then I was 9 an a half years ago.
The best advice I can offer you early in recovery is to get heavily involved in the program. Chair meetings, set up and clean up after meetings. Offer people a ride to a meeting if, you can if, you can't ask for a ride to a meeting.
Don't isolate, that's the worst thing to do. If, you cant get a hold of your sponsor, call other people in the program. eople will be there for you if, they know you want this gift bad enough.
Read your daily readings, the big book, the good book, go out for a walk that's good to clear the mind as well. Do have any family members for support?
Stay posting on here you'll get positive feed back
We'll all be pulling for you to get thru this
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 29
called my sponsor. which was the next right thing for sure. now i'm about to eat a great deal of ben and jerrys.
like many of us, it has been really hard for me to be brave enough to interact with people. i'm so scared of making friends, i've never been good at it, and i talk to people at meetings and stuff. but it's just not natural for me, and until recently, i just haven't been up for it. last weekend, i said yes and went out after a meeting. it was okay, i didn't die! not that exciting, and i'm still waiting to click with people. but i know i need to be open and willing and put myself out there.
i'm chairing a meeting for the month of january and helping decorate for a christmas party next saturday, so i'm for sure trying to get involved.
like many of us, it has been really hard for me to be brave enough to interact with people. i'm so scared of making friends, i've never been good at it, and i talk to people at meetings and stuff. but it's just not natural for me, and until recently, i just haven't been up for it. last weekend, i said yes and went out after a meeting. it was okay, i didn't die! not that exciting, and i'm still waiting to click with people. but i know i need to be open and willing and put myself out there.
i'm chairing a meeting for the month of january and helping decorate for a christmas party next saturday, so i'm for sure trying to get involved.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 413
What you're describing could be PAW ... Post Acute Withdrawal
There's info about it [here]
Basically your body is freaking out. The bad part is, it sucks. The good part is, it's normal. And if you stay sober through this, it will go away.
I went through it almost constantly through my first 6 months. Small episodes hit at 1 year, and again at 18 months. But it was never as hard as the beginning, and it's totally manageable now.
My advice is ... don't drink no matter what. It takes sober-time to make it go away. If you drink, you'd start over and prolong the process. It DOES get better.
I'm glad you called your sponsor and I'm glad that you're getting involved with your group. That will really help (it helped me). And I'm not a social person either. AA was my first venture into society ... I spent most of my life alone while I was drunk. I was scared. I'm still nervous sometimes, but it is getting better.
I hope you feel better soon ... please keep posting.
There's info about it [here]
Basically your body is freaking out. The bad part is, it sucks. The good part is, it's normal. And if you stay sober through this, it will go away.
I went through it almost constantly through my first 6 months. Small episodes hit at 1 year, and again at 18 months. But it was never as hard as the beginning, and it's totally manageable now.
My advice is ... don't drink no matter what. It takes sober-time to make it go away. If you drink, you'd start over and prolong the process. It DOES get better.
I'm glad you called your sponsor and I'm glad that you're getting involved with your group. That will really help (it helped me). And I'm not a social person either. AA was my first venture into society ... I spent most of my life alone while I was drunk. I was scared. I'm still nervous sometimes, but it is getting better.
I hope you feel better soon ... please keep posting.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 29
thanks, clutch. i completely forgot that this may well be PAW. I read the book Staying Sober while in rehab, but it's hard to remember much from those first weeks. it's nice to remember that though, half the time i feel so defeated when i feel like i'm doing all of the "right" things, the suggested things. and still i have these intense obsessions and cravings. but i know that's a very silly thought. i also know i'm very lonely, and that doesn't help in the slightest. at least know i've stuffed my face with ice cream, so the H in halt is non-existent!
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
I had friends in the program already when, I came to AA. I've made many new friends since being in AA.
We come from all walks of life. Not sure how big your meetings are but, there usually is someone that, has the same interests as you.
Be yourself, be nice to people, to have friends, you have to be a friend.
Coming into AA, I used people, now I want to help people.
We come from all walks of life. Not sure how big your meetings are but, there usually is someone that, has the same interests as you.
Be yourself, be nice to people, to have friends, you have to be a friend.
Coming into AA, I used people, now I want to help people.
Pure Radio Rental
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Off course, of course.
Posts: 952
Hang in there. The only thing that matters is the moment. There are so many other, much better things things to do!
Congratulations on getting this far. You're way ahead of me - this is my third time back. But I went to a holiday party on Thursday - terrified - but didn't drink. And last nite, my band played and every one was making merry and I didn't drink. We play again tonite and I do not want to drink. The longest I have gone since I can remember is 12 days. But right now I am only thinking about just that... right now.
Remember all the time you have vested in your freedom, and how good you will feel tomorrow morning. Keep going!
Congratulations on getting this far. You're way ahead of me - this is my third time back. But I went to a holiday party on Thursday - terrified - but didn't drink. And last nite, my band played and every one was making merry and I didn't drink. We play again tonite and I do not want to drink. The longest I have gone since I can remember is 12 days. But right now I am only thinking about just that... right now.
Remember all the time you have vested in your freedom, and how good you will feel tomorrow morning. Keep going!
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
this too shall pass
is a saying I used when I was new.It helped me survive some weird times.If you have a sponsor and are working on the steps,I believe the loniless will pass.Living with it untill it does is another story..you seem to be doing the best thing.
is a saying I used when I was new.It helped me survive some weird times.If you have a sponsor and are working on the steps,I believe the loniless will pass.Living with it untill it does is another story..you seem to be doing the best thing.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Ah Eeb 
I know the feeling. The loneliness. You can be in a room full of people, at a party, or even with a bunch of family and feel so alone. That was me to a T! I still have my moments like that, but not as often. I always refer to it as "A Stranger in a Strange Land." Its actually a science fiction book I read a very long time ago, but it had become my mantra for many, many years. I felt like the outsider in this world.
What I have found though is that this thought has become less and less often since I put down my wine glass and started forcing myself to interact with people. I mean really interact. When I ask the clerk at the store how her day is I am looking in her eyes and I wait to hear her response. Its not one of those robotically said comments or questions I used to make and then not even wait for the response.
I always felt people disliked me and I still hear that voice, but as I said not as often now. I think these self talk conversations we have that tell us we don't belong or we don't fit in are part of the disease. This is strictly my own opinion though. Its a conclusion I have come to since I decided to live soberly and I have been sober 6 months or so and so I am new in this.
My hope for you is as you progress down this road that the negativity you're being fed will become less noisy and there will be more positivity in your journey. I had to respond to this because after reading your last post I thought OMG, I could have written that awhile back. That happens to me on SR and pretty much only on SR. Hey I fit in here.
Oh and by fitting in and feeling a part of the world you feel less lonely and that's why I eluded to the above.
I know the feeling. The loneliness. You can be in a room full of people, at a party, or even with a bunch of family and feel so alone. That was me to a T! I still have my moments like that, but not as often. I always refer to it as "A Stranger in a Strange Land." Its actually a science fiction book I read a very long time ago, but it had become my mantra for many, many years. I felt like the outsider in this world.
What I have found though is that this thought has become less and less often since I put down my wine glass and started forcing myself to interact with people. I mean really interact. When I ask the clerk at the store how her day is I am looking in her eyes and I wait to hear her response. Its not one of those robotically said comments or questions I used to make and then not even wait for the response.
I always felt people disliked me and I still hear that voice, but as I said not as often now. I think these self talk conversations we have that tell us we don't belong or we don't fit in are part of the disease. This is strictly my own opinion though. Its a conclusion I have come to since I decided to live soberly and I have been sober 6 months or so and so I am new in this.
My hope for you is as you progress down this road that the negativity you're being fed will become less noisy and there will be more positivity in your journey. I had to respond to this because after reading your last post I thought OMG, I could have written that awhile back. That happens to me on SR and pretty much only on SR. Hey I fit in here.
Oh and by fitting in and feeling a part of the world you feel less lonely and that's why I eluded to the above.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Originally Posted by eeb26
i know what's wrong. i'm not hungry or angry or tired. i'm heart and gut wrenchingly lonely. and i just went to a meeting with my sponsor, talked to people. but still. i am so lonely.
I've never been alone since, I let God back into my life.
Hit the floor, if your knees are weak, wear knee pads.
Develop a relationship with the God of your understanding.
One of the first things I read in early recovery, " If, God seems distant, who moved"
It's hard for many of us in AA to go to a meeting and share what's on our minds. Many of us are real good at isolating our selves.
I don't think, any of us are so wretched coming into AA, that, someone wouldn't want us as a friend
Volunteer to take people to a meeting, or ask for a ride if, you don't have a car. You help someone stay sober, you keep yourself sober and you do a lot of good with windshield time to and from a meeting
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 29
thank y'all. i'm doing okay, slept boat loads which is nice. didn't have to drink last night, so thankful for that, and feeling a bit stronger this morning. i want this way of life, and i'm gonna do what it takes, even if it's like last night where every second is a chore.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
My plans for a good day....some I have done
some to be done....
Prayer...Breakfast...Check out SR...A meeting
Coffee after with AA friends
Enjoying TV... afternoon fottball game
alone in my warm cosy apartment.
Calling family and AA friends
This evening? not certain
but I will be sober....absolutely certain of that.
I hope you will also find today
one of peace and joy....
some to be done....
Prayer...Breakfast...Check out SR...A meeting
Coffee after with AA friends
Enjoying TV... afternoon fottball game
alone in my warm cosy apartment.
Calling family and AA friends
This evening? not certain
but I will be sober....absolutely certain of that.
I hope you will also find today
one of peace and joy....
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