Epiphany00

Hi everyone, I'm new to SR and I need some help. I've been clean and opiate free for almost a year now, all because my fiance moved me out of state. My fiance is an alcoholic. He admitted it to me once but otherwise won't admit it to me. I haven't asked him to. He is a manager at a liquor store and comes home with a new kind of beer every night. He gets paid good there, so he won't quit. When he drinks, he gets mean and I don't know how much longer I can deal with it. He stood by me and helped me get clean and I don't wanna give up on him. If I mention him even cutting back on the beer he gets mad and says he is who he is and he won't change for anyone. What do I do? If he could just admit that he'd have a problem we could go from there but he won't. He's been to meetings, had sponsors and everything else and nothing's worked. I know he won't quit for anyone but himself, and he says if he wanted to quit drinking he would. He has no desire. I don't want to leave him... He's a great person when he's sober. Awesome to be around, fun, and easy going. When he drinks I have to walk on egg shells to avoid him getting mad. Any advice would be appreciated!! Thanks!

Pelican

Congrats on your clean time!

FYI, I am married to my drinking partner of 14 years.
I also was a manager of a liqour store.

I am happy that your fiance was so supportive of you when you got clean. But you must have wanted that change in your life. You have seen how good your life can be without the drugs and that will help you to make better decisions for the rest of your life! Good for you.

Now for the bad news....I am sorry, but I do not think you will be able to get your fiance to quit drinking. You are not his savior or his sponsor. He will get sober when he is ready. You can not love him into sobriety or nag him into sobriety.

You will need to decide how you want to spend the rest of your life.
As for me, my husband still drinks. He has cut way back.

I have boundaries to protect myself from his drinking. Like, no open containers while I am driving, and no intimacy after he has had a few...etc. Our situation is what it is.

Check out our forum for friends and family as they will be able to help support you also.

CarolD

Hi...
Not all loves are forever.

I did dump my still drinking lover to protect my new sobriety
My goals and lifestyle had chagned for the better.

The smell of beer...fresh or stale...completely ruined our
sex life. The drunken snores kept me awake.
.
He flat out said what yours said.. way will I quit..
Jim was never mean to me...yours is.

He survived...I've thrived.

Congratulations on your clean time...

yeahgr8

Hi there

My advice would be to split up and say that you would consider getting back together with him when he gets himself sober, otherwise you are just allowing him to keep doing what he is doing, I've been him and i guarentee this is your only option unless your relationship is the exception to the rule, you might be lucky and something will change, it's unlikely but if you want to keep going and take the slim odds then it's up to you.

I was great fun to be around when sober, more than most and in my long term relationships all the women hung around hoping that i would stop and the good times sober were obviously enough for them to stay with me, it was only the last 2 years that i stopped dating because i did not want to see another woman come into a relationship with me smiling all the was at the start and then that smile over the months/years turn into heartache. i've only been sober 40 days+ but i would have given you the exact same advice when i was drinking.

Obviously there may work, social, financial, responsibility issues stopping you from doing the above but only you can put a level of importance on this problem.

I hope this helps and good luck:-)