drained22

I got the book "under the influence" today, found it on the stairs when I came home from work. I read about 70 pages of it. good stuff. especially with the myths and realities section yet I'm more interested in alcoholic behavior than what happens to them when they get alcohol dependence.

then I come on here reading alcoholics/recovered individual stories and I get sad because she hasnt even come to admitting she has a problem. she has when she is drunk but Its not for me at this point, Its for her well being and safety.

I will try to tell her what I like about her when shes sober, her dorky personality. I havent talked to her since thanksgiving day, I'm still deciding if I should.

CarolD

Drained...
Once again....Al anon is where you will find answers
to being involved with an alcoholic/addict.

Kellye C

As Carol has suggested, please find an Al-Anon meeting. You desperately need some support. I can feel your pain when you post and can relate. I was married to someone who was alcoholic and at the time I rarely drank. I hated the person he would become when drinking and tried every way I could think of to try and get him to stop. It did no good. Later I just said to heck with it and adopted an "if you can't beat em join em" attitude and ended up divorcing him but also ended up drinking alcoholically myself and found myself physically dependent on alcohol and unable to quit without horrible withdrawals. My mother did everything she could to try and make me stop as did my kids but it did no good.

I loved them and I felt guilty for what I was putting them through. But not guilty enough to quit. I had to get to the point where my kidneys and liver were almost failing before I quit. It had nothing to do with my loved ones. I hate saying that but it is true. I love them very much but I had to hit my personal bottom.

You can talk until you are blue in the face with this person. You will not change her. SHE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN DECIDE TO STOP DRINKING. YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER HER. Sorry for the all caps but it just doesn't seem to be getting through on the posts that I have been reading.

Please memorize the 3 C's.

You didn't CAUSE it.
You can't CURE it.
You can't CONTROL it.

You can control your own life and you can choose if you want to continue on as you are, hurting and watching this lady destroy herself. You can learn tools to help you stay sane regardless of what she ultimately decides to do.

I would highly suggest that you purchase the book Co-Dependent No More for yourself and get to Al-Anon. You seem to be making yourself crazy trying to find a way to control something that is not yours to control. You'd have a much better return on investment if you would expend that energy on something you can control - YOU!

I don't mean this to sound harsh. As I said, I've been in your shoes. But I also found a way out of them. I hope you can too.

Take care,
Kellye

drained22

I know what I must do but actually doing it is another question.

Kellye C

Been there done that too! I hope you get to that point soon for your sake.

Hugs,
Kellye