why are alcoholics so cold.
Ph.D in insanity!!
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 698
I did the exact same thing with my best friend. She was gorgeous. A model and very thin. She was where your friend is. She made it about a year after that and passed away. There wasn't anything anyone could do. Alcohol became medically nessasary and she just wasn't strong enough with the enablers around her and she went home. My friend had burdens as well and cried and hated what she had became. I had to limit my time with her because I knew she was killing herself. I was fortunate to say good bye to her and tell her I loved her.
Unless she puts herself into a hospital it's not a good outlook. She has to want it for herself and have medical intervention.
Unless she puts herself into a hospital it's not a good outlook. She has to want it for herself and have medical intervention.
No Codie No More.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 155
she tells me alot, that I'm a great guy, I'm a beautiful person, I'm not a average guy etc. It took alot for her to tell me she loves me. at first it was "I kinda love you" then it was I love you. I had to earn it and she made me know it which I think is why I care about her so much.
we used to have fun together, she told me she really liked hanging out with me but since I been distancing more and putting more heat on her, it hasnt been pleasant. I took her to the vineyards and she really enjoyed it. none of her guy friends take her anywhere. they just are localized to bars and what not.
I want to take her to the city to go see a play because thats the kind of woman I see, I don't like taking woman to bars. I think its low class. obviously she disagreed. she got as close to saying she excessively drinks but that was right after I picked her up and was drinking a 9% Alc vol. energy drink in my car.
we even have fun at wendys, when its late at night, we used to goto wendys around 11 and eat and I have the most amazing time with her, I never had that with one else.
we used to have fun together, she told me she really liked hanging out with me but since I been distancing more and putting more heat on her, it hasnt been pleasant. I took her to the vineyards and she really enjoyed it. none of her guy friends take her anywhere. they just are localized to bars and what not.
I want to take her to the city to go see a play because thats the kind of woman I see, I don't like taking woman to bars. I think its low class. obviously she disagreed. she got as close to saying she excessively drinks but that was right after I picked her up and was drinking a 9% Alc vol. energy drink in my car.
we even have fun at wendys, when its late at night, we used to goto wendys around 11 and eat and I have the most amazing time with her, I never had that with one else.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 469
Hi, Drained, I just finished reading all the posts. While I agree with most that is being told to you, which is alot. The bottom line is, she is probably an alcoholic (the writing is on the wall), BUT she is the only one who can decide that, she is the only one who can decide to get help. You can do nothing really until she admits it and seeks help. Her parents could try an intervention, but I am not sure how well those work, never looked too much into them, but I think that would be up to her family.
Being an alcoholic myself, I can relate to reasons for drinking to numb, to fit in, to be social, that was me..first to be social and fit in..then to numb. When you have little coping skills to handle life, alcohol seems to be the cure.....I think that it curing her life problems is not probably happening anymore....she seems to be far in the disease. She can handle alotof liquor so she has built up tolerance. I always bragged how I could drink most men under the table, and I am not a huge person, but now I feel how horrible to try to be proud to outdo a man in this area.
I truly believe that an alcoholic will not seek help until they hit their rock bottom, now that is my opinion, but I know that is the only thing that made me seek help. I had to do this for me, not for my husband, not for my kids, not for anyone but me. No one could make me stop, my husband been complaining about it for years..i made broken promises to stop.....so in a nutshell it is completely up to her..the more you interfere the colder she will be, the more you make it easier, you become her enabler. You seem to care deeply for her..but do you want this?? You should seek al-anon, people going thru the same stuff as you, alot of support there. You have to decide what to do with your relationship with her..just when you do,realise you cannot change her or save her..it is up to her. Sometimes you have to give tough love. I wish you luck and hope you seek help for yourself. I hope she seeks help before she ends up in a very bad place, or possibly dead..this disease is that, a disease that kills
Being an alcoholic myself, I can relate to reasons for drinking to numb, to fit in, to be social, that was me..first to be social and fit in..then to numb. When you have little coping skills to handle life, alcohol seems to be the cure.....I think that it curing her life problems is not probably happening anymore....she seems to be far in the disease. She can handle alotof liquor so she has built up tolerance. I always bragged how I could drink most men under the table, and I am not a huge person, but now I feel how horrible to try to be proud to outdo a man in this area.
I truly believe that an alcoholic will not seek help until they hit their rock bottom, now that is my opinion, but I know that is the only thing that made me seek help. I had to do this for me, not for my husband, not for my kids, not for anyone but me. No one could make me stop, my husband been complaining about it for years..i made broken promises to stop.....so in a nutshell it is completely up to her..the more you interfere the colder she will be, the more you make it easier, you become her enabler. You seem to care deeply for her..but do you want this?? You should seek al-anon, people going thru the same stuff as you, alot of support there. You have to decide what to do with your relationship with her..just when you do,realise you cannot change her or save her..it is up to her. Sometimes you have to give tough love. I wish you luck and hope you seek help for yourself. I hope she seeks help before she ends up in a very bad place, or possibly dead..this disease is that, a disease that kills
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
drained22....
It's not that you were wrong....you tried to help.
Your a good friend to try. It did not work.
I pray you will find peace
and the strenght to let her go.
It's not that you were wrong....you tried to help.
Your a good friend to try. It did not work.
I pray you will find peace
and the strenght to let her go.
No Codie No More.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 155
I don't have the strength but I think I will have to. some way or another. I've been ranting on here for some time, I know some people are tired of hearing my stories.
I'll think of a way to do it.
I'll think of a way to do it.
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