stonehenge

I just thought about what you said there, and I realised that when I consider a drink, and it drags me into it's snare and wont let me alone till i give in, it's always because that one drink ALLOWS me to indulge in other behaviors i'm also trying to avoid.

Binge eating, becoming an arrogant uncaring sod, excusing my lack of responsibility, etc... Drinking lets me ignore the bad habits I only notice when I'm sober.

Not today...

bstt03

"there is more to it than just a few drinks tonight and then tomorrow life is grand again."
Well said bballdad. I am going to remember this and your story of mac when I think about picking up a drink again.

vegibean

I'm with TommyK. I would rather learn from others. I've heard way too many stories about relapsing and I came out the gates of the treatment center keeping all that I knew right there in the front of my mind. I haven't heard from anyone yet that all is well after picking up anything.

Pam08

I had a few relapses since the first attempt at being sober. Each affected me worse and worse, this last one I said was going to be my final. I have to remind my of what it was, and I dont' want to hit that low again. I think of drinking, but not of being a normal drinker, having one or two, my reality is to get drunk. I know what I really would want, I never drank to be social- one or two like "normal" people, I thought I did, but that was my head trying to convince myself I was like every one else. I drink to get hammered, never will drink for any other reason. I know that and have to remind myself of that. And that my friends is the ultimate death wish for me.

Ananda

I thought about having a drink a number of months ago...i was in some pain.

one thing came through to me that night as i sat in a hotel parking lot considering my options....

If I drink it isn't just one .... it is a commitment to the bottle, to years and years of drinking and misery....a long term commitment that may not have an end....

I drank after 7 years sober and stayed drunk for 8 years...I'm very very lucky I even made it back, that i even stayed alive.

thanks.

Theresa

Good grief, Stonehenge, that is it, isn't it? When not drinking, I take care of business. Drinking allows me to slough off my responsibilities. How sneaky of me: don't do what I know I need to be doing and blame it on drinking.

SeekSobriety

Well it is not a patch but Addiction Psychiatrists and any physicians for that matter do have some medications that do make you feel much sicker then a standard hangover if you were to slip and drink alcohol. There is also trials going on for other medications that reduce the cravings for alcohol.
For some background on what I am talking about.
Quote:
"Researchers have long sought a medication to treat alcoholism. Only two medications are currently approved for treating alcoholics in the U.S. -- disulfiram (Antabuse) and naltrexone. Antabuse does not reduce cravings, it merely makes a drinker feel sick if they consume alcohol. Naltrexone has been shown to reduce cravings in alcoholics who have already quit drinking.

Another medication, acamprosate has proven to be more effective than naltrexone, but it has yet to be approved for use in the United States, although it has been used for years in Europe. Acamprosate is also designed to reduce cravings after the person has stopped drinking.

Topiramate is the first medication that has been shown to be effective for persons who are still drinking. Drinkers get pleasure from alcohol when it releases the chemical dopamine in the brain, researchers say. Topiramate works by "washing away" the excess dopamine. In other words, alcoholics no longer get any pleasure from drinking."

Interesting.

stonehenge

It seems to be the case for me, for sure ! And when I thought about it, it was thinking about how my day would have gone had I started drinking that made it dawn on me.. Suddenly I had all these thoughts (negative ones I now realise) of what I would have done and been like, and it made sense. My drinking gives me that excuse, something that I've been doing for so many years that it was just second nature.

but now it's day 8. <-- I managed to knock another day on the head without booze !!

Steve.

stonehenge

I'm actually currently on Naltrexone 50mg a day, have been for about 3 months now, but the initial effects - while very promising - made me realise my drinking was more about my life than the cravings. I realised that due to the fact I have used alcohol in every aspect of my life since I was about 15 years old (I'm 37 now), I felt that without it, I had nothing. So up until just over a week ago, I was still falling back into the trap.

But the thing that's changed that, is since I am seeing a clinical psychologist and am in treatment with a place here called Next Step, which is helping me in areas of my life that I'd neglected since I was a teenager (which only exacerbated my drinking in adulthood) things have taken an almost 180 degree turn, and Im able to see a future. So, it dawned on me that while I'm fixing my mind, I should start to fix my body also. Exercise (even the small amounts I'm achieving) are making such a difference !

That's where the though I had came to me; there was a point a few days ago as I was taking a walk, that I thought about having a drink - just popped into my head. It was then that I thought about how it feels to be hungover and how it is usually then that I make a stand against my demons and refuse to allow them to control me. It's usually when I'm feeling healthy and well (a few days after the hangover) that the thoughts of drinking creep back in, till I can't hear anything but them screaming in my mind, drowning out any rational thoughts...

That's when I thought about something like a patch, somehow impregnate a patch with a very small dose of disulfiram and an alcohol base which would cause a short lived hangover just to remind me how ill and sick I feel when I am firm with myself. Almost like a nicotine patch, but that causes all the negative hangover symptoms without the need to drink.

When I first started with Next Step, it was my intention to ask to be prescribed Antabuse too, but as it turns out, they are very reluctant to prescribe it here and it's about $80 for a months supply with no pharamaceutical benefit scheme to cover it, whereas Naltrexone *IS* covered under the PBS but only if you are not in anyway dependent on opiates. Strange policy..

I was also prescribed campral a few years ago, twice. And for me, it had absolutely no effect on cravings at all. Naltrexone otoh, has been something that really has offered a chemical helping hand up from the mental gutter I've been in.

And while it's certainly not a magic pill, nor a life long crutch, it's definitely a welcome addition to my counseling and treatment!!

Whew, I still rant when I am tired!! lol..

Cheers SeekSobriety,

Steve.

LosingmyMisery

Life has been a whirl wind of obstacles that I've had to face lately. It is safe to say that life is a challenge and I'm definitely going through a bad patch. Not once have I considered alcohol as a solution to my problems. My last drink was 4 1/2 years ago. I relapsed from 60 days of abstinence and the progression of the disease came at me like a hurricane. I certainly was not prepared for what happened, nor could I ever imagine what would happen, would happen. It still astounds me. My binge lasted 9 days. At the end of it there were 36 empty bottles of wine ending with a fifth of vodka, which I drank within minutes. I was lucky to survive and I knew that I would die from alcoholism if I didn't get serious and quit. That binge scared the h#ll out of me. It brought me to a point of being ready to put forth the effort and to heal and get better. Sobriety is a process. I went through the process and I'm now free from the compulsion of alcohol. I can't even fathom the thought of drinking again. I'm lucky to have escaped and nothing is worth drinking over. I like my sober life.

CAPTAINZING2000

We call them scouts around here.

The people that come into AA go back out and look like they were attacked by the enemy when, they come back thru the doors. The lucky ones that make it back..

I've suggested at our meetings we should start off reading the arrest reports before we start any meeting.
Mostly, You have to ask yourself, what are you willing to give up by going out and drinking again??
Everything that, I value in my life today I'll surely lose if, I ever pick up again.

I've always got another drunk left in me. I don't know if, I've got another recovery though.