ElChupacabra

Just curious. It seems that I, and other new members, are on here trying to do their first withdrawl with help for the the first time. But how many members on here have been through it already and come out the other side....only then to hit the bottle again?

Reason I'm asking is that I'm finding it really tough right now to get to grips with this particular withdrawal, which is supposed to be the be the all and end of of my heavy drinking. Yet I have failed before when fighting it on my own, so I'm always thinking in the back of my mind that I may fail this time around. I don't know, but maybe its a gradual fight? Oh, and I'm not posting this to find an excuse to go to the pub. I'm just wondering if I'm a fruad having tried before and not succeeded.

Pam08

Relapses are not a necessity to recovery, I have relasped f ew times, and I am still early in recovery. I have heard of people in my AA who who have what they call..went back out!! They leave the rooms of AA, start the old life again, and this after years of sobriety. They also tell of people who "go out" (relapse?) and never make it back, they end up dying of the disease. I have realised that this is something we have to work on daily, we are never cured, relapse is always a drink away. I also know from my own experience- relapses get worse and worse.....
I go to AA with people who have been sober for 15/25/30 plus years, yet they make a meeting daily....it is for life.

nandm

As Pam said relapse does not have to be part of recovery.

My personal experience is that prior to working a program of recovery I had many "relapses". I would wake up every morning after a hard night of drinking and swear off alcohol. I sometimes could stay off it for as much as a week in the end but ultimately I could not stop completely without outside help. Today, through the program of A.A., I have been sober nearly 8 years.

I hope that helps answer your question.

espresso

I agree with nandm. Since I started working a program properly and got really honest with myself and others ( I was in and out of AA for almost 4 years and kept relapsing because I wasn't working the program) I have stayed sober one day at a time. I'm sure I have another drunk or relapse in me somewhere but do I have another Recovery? By the grace of my HP and the actions I know I need to put in a day at a time, I hope I never find out.

justanothrdrunk

I've relapsed. But my M.O. is to stay sober for over a year first.

3 times - sober at least 16 months - 2 times relapsed.

I'm on the third...

Freedom1990

I relapsed once after 4 years in the program. I was already screwed in the head a good 90 days before I picked up that first drink.

There were a lot of things in that Big Book that I can look back on now and say are 100% true like 'half measure availed us nothing'.

I quit doing a lot of the things that had kept me sober. Those doubts began to creep in that I was truly an alcoholic. I started hanging with the chronic relapsers, and not the ones who were working a strong program. The alcoholic in the back of my brain had come forward and was driving the bus all the way to hell, shrieking wildly with glee when I picked up that first drink.

I actually thought I was just going to go out one night, get totally wasted, and hop right back into the program!

You see, I completely and conveniently forgot about the craving and compulsion.

So off I went for two hideous, horrible, and insane months of binge drinking.

I was never a blackout drinker prior to recovery the first time around. That came to fruition for me during my relapse.

A lot of those 'yets' came to be for me during my relapse.

I thought my sobering up was hard the first time around, but it was a walk in the park compared to the second time around.

Today I am convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am a real alcoholic, and that for me, to drink is to die. Today I am grateful to be sober.

Lily

I relapsed after almost 8 years! I had quit going to meetings though. Meetings REALLY help me as well as working my steps with a sponsor.

Tommyh

I went to AA for 1 year once and could not stay sober for any extended period of time.They kept getting worst.I just suffered thru it all,and the last time it happened,I gave up the fight.I came back to AA determined to do what ever it took to stay sober.Sobriety was my first and main priority.I got into the steps in the big book and have been sober ever since.

problemchild

My relapse was almost my death, huge amounts of booze, 24 beers + 100 proof vodka how much i do not know,160+ heart rate in detox and bp gone wild this was a 10 day bender, my advice is get involved in AA or some program before this sh@% KILLS YOU.

Take care,
John

nolawench

Lost count of relapses.. just plain lost count. This last one was actually the easiest detox I've done. But the consequences if not successful were far more dire. I'm pretty sure If I hadn't spent 18 days at Mom's I would be dead now.

Kellye C

I remember having feelings like that too when I was first sobering up. I could not get sober on my own no matter what I tried. I had developed a very horrible physical dependency on alcohol so at the end if I went more than about 3 hours without a drink the shakes would start and if I didn't do something about it quick withdrawals would start. I was TERRIFIED of going through the entire withdrawal process so I kept trying to taper which never worked either.

Once I made the commitment that I was ready to do this thing for real I gritted my teeth through a week of withdrawal. The only thing that got me through other than meetings was telling myself over and over again that I never had to go through that again if I didn't CHOOSE TO. So far nothing has happened to convince me that I want to choose a drink over the life I have now and risk certain death. I had organs that were close to failing by the time I got sober so I truly believe that for me to drink is to die.

As others have said, relapse is not a requisite of recovery. You might think that from reading on here about how many do or seeing it firsthand in the rooms but you don't HAVE to relapse. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, especially your disease! When I was about 6 months sober it seemed like lots of people both here and at my group were relapsing and my alcoholic mind tried to feed me a huge load of bs. It said that if everybody else is doing it then why not? After all, I could just turn around and get right back on the wagon. Bullhockey!

Please don't feel like a fraud and please try not to look at the longterm picture. Just focus on today. Just stay sober today. That's all you need to worry about. You can deal with tomorrow when it gets here.

One thing that I found to be very helpful was to write out my drinking history start to finish. I started with the first time I ever took a drink and continued on until I quit. I wrote about the things that happened when drinking, the problems it caused me and my loved ones, what I lost as a result of drinking, any attempts to control or stop drinking and what the results were My first sponsor had me do this as part of my Step One work but it could be helpful to anyone regardless of if they are working a 12 step program or not.

As I was writing I was reflecting on being powerless over alcohol and how unmanageable my life was as a result of alcohol. I ended up with 9 pages. I then held onto that and each time my disease tried to convince me that it wasn't "that" bad when I was out there drinking I could pull out my written list of facts (reality) to combat those thoughts.

I have seen lots of people relapse. Some are able to immediately get back in. For some it creates a viscious cycle of drinking and sobering up. And sadly, for some it results in death. This was the case for my first sponsor. She got her one year sober and immediately went back out. We buried her 10 months later.

With all the relapsing going on, my suggestion would be to try to learn something from their stories and apply it to your own sobriety rather than allowing it to make you feel like a fraud.

From what I have heard in meetings the relapse happens long before they take a drink. They stop making meetings, stop calling their sponsors, stop praying, stop reading the Big Book, they allow old thinking to creep back into their lives.

I hope this helps some. You do not have to relapse if you are willing to put as much effort into your recovery as you did into your drinking.

Big hugs,
Kellye

Zencat

For me the the main purpose is to treat my addiction. Relapse's can and do happen in recovery. Is it a necessary part of recovery? I would hope not. Having relapsing an essential part of recovery would seem to give one a confusing message about recovery. I think the implication is that a relapse is an expected certainty of recovery and that may confuse some people including me. Having a relapse in recovery is unfortunate but it can be informative as well. A relapse may point to a segment in ones treatment plan that needs reevaluation and change. I have relapsed and I do not allow it to detour me from continuing my addiction treatment. I don't feel like a fraud. I feel like I'm in recovery.