shugabooga

i was shocked to learn that i took my shirt off, while wearing no bra, in front of two men i barely know! for no good reason! i thought i had just flashed them a little bit as a joke but i asked them to tell me the truth the next day because i had to know if i really blacked out for a few minutes and apparently i did. this is so out of character for me. i am not a show off and not that pround of my breasts....

so apparently i blacked out when fighting with my boyfriend because he accused me of hitting him in the head with a plate and sure enough he has a lump on his head because the police officer told me she saw it and it is written in the paperwork. there was no plate within reach or on the floor where we tussled.......when i got home from being arrested there was nothing on the floor, no broken anything! maybe he blacked out too? maybe it happened some other way? he bloodied my nose but doesn't know how he did it. he knows how to throw a punch and he said that if he'd thrown a punch at me my nose would have been broken and teeth missing. so it must have been a shoulder or maybe we knocked heads? i had tried to feed him some dinner about a half hour before the fight but he was too passed out to eat so maybe that's where he got the idea of the plate?

i just want this to be OVER! i am hanging in there but he is falling apart and i don't know where he is!

shugabooga

thank you! no drinking here tonight! it's nuts what alcohol does to people, how can it be legal? i'm a bartender and i've checked the alcohol content on all the booze....some are much higher than others but i don't think people realize it...........i watch the people who are drinking the high alcohol drinks and make them with more mixer or if it's a martini i shake it about 50 times to break down the ice and water down the drink. but some people just want it neat all night long, and they never really act drunk....except for sometimes....crazy women making out at the bar........i get so tired of it but the money is good. good food too!:chatter

walt55054life

[QUOTE=shugabooga;1996593]thank you! no drinking here tonight! it's nuts what alcohol does to people, how can it be legal? i'm a bartender and i've checked the alcohol content on all the booze....some are much higher than others but i don't think people realize it...........i watch the people who are drinking the high alcohol drinks and make them with more mixer or if it's a martini i shake it about 50 times to break down the ice and water down the drink. but some people just want it neat all night long, and they never really act drunk....except for sometimes....crazy women making out at the bar........i get so tired of it but the money is good. good food too!:chatter[/QU
Alcohol does do the same thing to non alcoholic as it does to alcoholics that's why it is legal! and I would quit being worried about other peoples soberity and how much or how little or how strong people want their drinks and concetrate on MY soberity because these other people won't keep me sober only me w/ the help of my higher power because I'm powerless over that first drink...FIRST STEP FIRST STEP

shugabooga

i know, you are right. but as a bartender we can be held liable if we overserve people and then they step in front of a bus. one customer was actually overserved at my bar and fell off the train platform and lost his leg. we found out two years later. obviously he didn't sue us but could have.

but i am just posting continuously here tonight to reach out and talk to people because i am so worried about my boyfriend. i am sober tonight. i want to stay that way. it is the only way i can be safe and sane.

psuge47

Shugabooga, I have had the blackouts too. Pretty sure I never flashed My pecks but I have been in a few fights that i dont remember how they started. Probably from Me talking $hit and trying to be tough guy. I won most of them but got my tooth knocked out on the second to last one. Being toothless and all banged up and being a mortgage broker doesn't quite work. Tried to slow it down many times.

I wasn't able to just have a couple drinks then go home. Once the train got moving it was game on. I have been good for 15 days and hope to keep going.

It must be tough for you pouring drinks all night watching everyone partying and having fun. Just remember the bad times, well if you were in a blackout you cant remember but remember the after math. Everyone says try an AA meeting, maybe that would be a start. I havent been to one so I wouldn't know.

Hang in there and be strong.

shugabooga

honestly, it gets annoying watching people want to get wasted before they go to a concert. they aren't going to remember it and in manhattan at madison square garden, tickets cost up to $600!!!! we are so glad when they leave............

walt55054life

I worked as a chef for 6 years and I get drunk b/c of my job/atmosphere of it!

I now work retail because I know at 6 months sober I cannot work it a bar/restruant because Ill end up getting drunk not today not tomorrow and I also have broken up with my girlfriend of 3 years because in our active drinking/addiction I found out when I got sober they weren't ready to sober up and I was!

I also was told something in treatment:
"When Tom Cruise says 'you complete me' all the girl melt but that is BS because no two people can complete each other and be happy and have a lasting relationship. In other words two complete people make a complete relationship not two halves making a whole"

Make sense? hope it helps and Trust me I understand and relate completely and for me the only way I have stay sober is because I change not only playgrounds and playmates I make changes to myself everyday....it's progress not perfection!

psuge47

IS your BF wanting to quit drinking?

CarolD

Well...
I did quit bartendering to protect my fragile sobriety.
I worked in hotels/restaurants/lounges and
off the union board for many years.

And I only shook a martini if the customer requested it.
....That started with the Ian Fleming/Bond books.

The lifestyle and ambience were not conducive
to my healthy sobriety. The stress level was also high.

Sooo...I took an office job...normal hours..no stress
less money but it worked out to my advanage.

I did stop seeing my still drinking lover
of 5 years. We no longer had anything
together that I wanted in my new life.

I finally quit drinking ..my primary goal

shugabooga

he never said he wanted to quit. he was drinking more and more recently as i was drinking less and less and then earlier this week we had a fight which escalated into us both being arrested (we were both drinking). now we have a court order to be 100 yards away at all times with no contact whatsoever until our court date dec. 15. so he is homeless, penniless, friendless.........it is raining tonight and i hope he has found somewhere to stay, even if he is back in jail or in the hospital or hooked up with another woman. whatever it takes to keep him safe and dry and from getting sick. he has collapsed lungs, scoliosis and asthma and a serious drinking problem. i fear that he will get the pneumonia...sp??

i get our apartment and i still have my job, food, friends...and two days of sobriety under my belt.

psuge47

Well as rough as it sounds, maybe this is the wake up call he needed. It sounds like your ready and are trying to take the right steps to stop.It's tough to work on you when the one you love needs work as well and together you do things that keep bringing you down.

shugabooga

he's definitely hitting rock bottom right now.

but with the Atlantic Ocean two blocks away, he could easily drown himself and never get to come back to real life. tonight it is raining and he is homeless and it would be the perfect night for him to give up.

that is what is worrying me.

he is scared to death of going to prison. he other prior offenses (not domestic abuse) but it's not looking good. and all of his friends have turned him away because he's been such an ass.

and i still love him? yes. love the person, hate the disease and this man is deeply disturbed. i must be too if i attracted him. but at least i have a steady job, same job for over five years. thank the good Lord for that.

psuge47

shoogaboog, how are things tonight? have you heard from your man? Are you hanging there?

shugabooga

i know through friends that he started his new job monday. but i am still scared that if he comes home after the court date, we will fight, even without me drinking.

i just can't take it anymore.

psuge47

I am thinking you may want to step away from that situation for a while and get yourself re focused and back on track. This may sound tough but he ,ay have to get through this on his own and you cannot feel guilty about that.

shugabooga

i am blessed to be with my neice and sister-in-law, a non-drinker, in a hotel in manhattan. my neice is performing in the macy's parade tomorrow. i don't know where he is, i am not supposed to know.

i dropped my cell phone and for some reason (a higher power intervening?), the # key on my phone number stopped working so now i can't even call his cell phone (which he lost) to see if he is checking messages remotely (i know his pass code, by his choice, because i bought the phone) (can anyone say enabler?) (but i did it because he fractured his patella moving furniture for me and needed to go to the doctor a lot, and for us to communicate).

so, since i am with my family, i can't just stop at a pay phone and call his number......i am trying to let go and being with them is helping.

last night before i left work i talked at length with three co-workers (the bar was closed) and discussed strategies for me to get out of the apartment and find a safe place for me and my cat while i wait and see if he tries to dry out. i think it is hopeless that he will try. i just don't think he wants it bad enough. either way, if i move, or leave him there to pay the rent (which he will not be able to afford), i lose my $1,400 deposit.