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Barb Dwyer's boring life....

Old 11-21-2008, 09:20 PM
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same planet...different world
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Barb Dwyer's boring life....

I posted in the AA forum about my 'yesterday'.

And I'd like to share it here:

Got a friend who, in the past year has been 'in and out' of the Program.
Recently, he's been 'out'.

Yesterday morning, I get a call from him.

"*Barb* I'm in a bad way and I need a place to be..."
Any of you who've been to this point know the state I'm talking about.
The DESPERATION of being the one making the call
and the RESPONSIBILITY of being the one to GET the call.

So he gets to my house...

Man was a hurtin unit.
Shaking.
Sweating.
Panting.
Skwirming.
Hot. Cold.
Crying.

God I remember that.
I was every bit that bad when I sobered up.

I made him come totally clear about
what he'd been drinking.
how much.
How long.
When was the last time he ate.
Had he called a doctor.
Then I asked about other substances.
There were.

He wouldn't go to the hospital,
but agreed that if it got any worse than what it was right then ... or if anything happened he'd trust my judgement that the situation had become more than I could handle and
he'd do what I said and go. I'd stay with him, take him to and bring him back, he wouldn't be alone. I'd be there the whole time.
So once we got that established
I proceeded to babysit.

I trust my instinct.
This man didn't need a preachment.
He needed a place to feel safe.
He felt safe at my house.

I did a lot of thinking
while he went back and forth to the bathroom.
He jumped at every car that came down the street.
My phone rang and I thought he'd come out of his skin.
I reminded him that bill collectors won't be looking for him on MY phone.

It took a lot of calm talking.
All day long.

I mixed up a few 'Emergen-C' cocktails for him every couple of hours.
Found out how long it's been since he ate last
and orded some chinese food.
(my house is bare of food this time of the month)
He hid in my bedroom when the delivery came.

God, I remember that.
Maybe God thought I needed to remember it ... a bit more vividly.

I'm posting this here instead of the AA forum because

I want to make it clear to those of you who are lurking
probably still drinking
but don't know how to get out
that ...

My prayer for you is that when you make that decision
you have someone.
But you have to ask.
My friend knew
from my OWN recovery
the kind of person recovery has shaped me to be ...
that there was a 'safe' place for him to be.
To be sick
paranoid
crazy
... and not be judged.
Not be preached at.
Not be dragged off to a meeting
and paraded in front of anyone
not be made to do anything really but breathe.
He could just be sick
And not be alone.

I think we forget that aspect can be so ... precarious
when someone is JUST putting down the bottle and pills.

Today I'm exausted.

" I am responsible. Whenever anyone anywhere reaches out - I want the hand of AA to be there. And for that - I am responsible."

If I've *got* a motto... I suppose that's it.
It was Dr. Bob's... but I've adopted it.
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Old 11-21-2008, 09:43 PM
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We all think when we first get sober that our lives are going to be 'over'.
That we're going to be boring.
No one iwll want to be around us.
Or that we don't want anything to do with people who put all their energy into being sober.

We ALL have those thoughts early on.

This life...
this particular center of the Universe ...
has been ANYTHING but boring.

I read over and over people who say they want to quit but they don't want to go to AA.
They want to quit but they don't want anything to be different.
They want to quit but are afraid of being inconvenienced.

But there always comes a moment.

That one time.
That one time ... too many.

When it was MY time -
I reached out.
For the first time in my life.
And someone was there.

WHen YOU reach out
no matter who no matter where -
someone will be there as well.

THAT
and ONLY that ... if nothing more ever....
is what AA is all about in my Universe.
The absolute LEAST I can do
is be available.
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Old 11-21-2008, 11:22 PM
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Powerful share Barb...

My dear friend John came over to help me de tox.
He had recently been in a medically supervised center.
So Yes!
I felt safe with him...tho he had returned to drinking.

John found sobriety boring ...he would not try AA at all.
He committed suicide Dec. 19 ''05
with bourbon.. cocaine and pain meds.

What a needless death. My heart is heavy
for those who are losing to addictions.

I will not be one...today I am recovered.
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Old 11-21-2008, 11:50 PM
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where the heck's the thanks button????

Man, I gotta get online more often somehow.

Thanks Carol.
Sorry to blab so much - but I'm having a damburst cuz I've been gone so long - LOL
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Old 11-22-2008, 03:11 AM
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Wow....powerful stuff ladies....and this is so true:

"When it was MY time -
I reached out.
For the first time in my life.
And someone was there"

I humbly thank you.

Annie
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Old 11-22-2008, 03:56 AM
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Thank you for posting that account Barb. I've missed seeing you around SR - it sure seems like you've been busy sharing your strength with those in need.
Carol, your share is a terrifying reminder for those who are still flirting with addiction.
Compassion, selflessness and gratitude are words that come to mind right now
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Old 11-22-2008, 04:57 AM
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Powerful share ladies.

I'm sure you would have inches of "Thanks" under each of those posts if we had our thanks buttons.

Your post's leave me speechless and teary.

The reality of our addiction.

So for everyone speechless and truly thankful.

Thanks!
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Old 11-22-2008, 05:11 AM
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Thank you Barb and Carol.
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Old 11-22-2008, 05:25 AM
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Barb I love you, I too needed that vivid reminder......that times have been worse but now they are so much better thank you ( btw tounge in cheek thanks.....I have to go redo my make up now!)


Love and hugs,
Pamm Edward and da crew
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Old 11-22-2008, 08:14 PM
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Wow, very powerful stuff ladies, thank you for sharing ...Eye opener here to reality, we who are in recovery are miracles, we have been given a chance for life and we have to latch on and never let go for even a minute. How easy we can go down.
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Old 11-23-2008, 01:57 PM
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Thank you..it brings back yesterday in a second..

Thanks so much Barb.

Hugs

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Old 11-23-2008, 06:40 PM
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Thanks Button!

****{Babs}}}
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Old 11-23-2008, 08:50 PM
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Thanks!
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Old 11-23-2008, 09:19 PM
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thank you. god bless you and him. i know my boyfriend is with people who drink and do drugs right now and can't help him at all. he may be dead by the morning. i can't reach him and am not supposed to call him by court order. but when the time comes, if i have the chance, i will know what to do because of your story. i hope your friend is feeling better now.
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Old 11-23-2008, 09:45 PM
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WOW "I will not regret the past NOR WISH TO SHUT THE DOOR ON IT"
Also sounds like you had a successful working with others as long as your still sober!!!

THANKS
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Old 11-24-2008, 11:37 AM
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Thanks Barb, I always really get a lot from your posts.
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