tjhook

4 day bender (morning to night), then had to stop as work appointments this week with my manager. Crushing anxiety, severe depression, disorientation/confusion, no appetite and zero self esteem, plus the insomnia, restlessness, noticeable shaking, clammy skin/sweaty face,

Might be fired after this week as I am noticeably a wreck and it hasn't let up for 4 days.

Will some of us ever learn? I literally have not been able to feel comfortable on any level 4 days running.....a living hell.

Will some of us ever learn?

Ago

I never did.

I quit drinking though.

I had to go until the wheels fell off though, sounds like you're about there.

takes what it takes, and usually what it took for me was a little more.

Sucks to be there, I forgot what that was like after quite a few years so took it for a spin.

No worries remembering now though, it doesn't get much worse.

try a meeting?

worked for me.

We are here for you

Stimmed

Hey folks :-)

I remember those benders like yesterday, thing is they just too good at the time. Been sober 3months now and i miss drink like hell, but i wanna live more than get smashed.
Iv tried for 4yrs to quit, a year my longest, and my head was just cookoo. I have a prob taking meds and cant get my head round them so i suffer with little or no confidence. Takes me all my time to post! Id still rather live tho :-)

Kellye C

I also remember those days, except at the end I woke up every day feeling like that and couldn't go more than 2-3 hours without a drink or withdrawals would set in.

I worked during this time which meant lots of shaking and puking on the job, followed by a mad dash home at lunch, then slurring just a bit in the afternoon and then back to shaking and frantically watching the clock.

Want to see this alkie panic? Tell me I had to work til or past 9 when the liquor stores close. I would invent an excuse to run a quick errand so I would have my precious bottle for the night.

Add to all this constant pain in the liver, an abnormal grayish color to my skin, huge amounts of swelling and hardly no urine output with the massive amount I was drinking. My kidneys and liver were screaming and even then I couldn't stop.

You do not have to go that far. You can jump off anytime you want but some (or most?) Of us are hardheaded and continue to try to find ways to do the wrong thing right rather than just surrendering and admitting defeat. I will tell you that for me once I finally fully admitted powerlessness I felt like a weight had been lifted.

I wish you well and hope you choose to jump off the downward spiral sooner rather than later but regardless we are here for you.

Take care,
Kellye

Pam08

I believe we will do something when we in our minds and lives have hit rock bottom..if you are not there now, you seem to be getting very close. Keep posting here..look for AA, go and listen, you would be amazed how you will connect...When you are ready you will find the way.....As I hear in AA, there are two diffferent outcomes, quit or die...that simple...I was so close to the dying, I choose to quit and do anything that I have to do to stay sober..

tommyk

Keep coming back.

Tazman53

tj I spent years and years fighting it and always going back to it and every time it got worse, NEVER better!!!!!

We all have our own bottoms, we just need to quit digging the hole, drop the shovel and decide not dig anymore.

tj are you ready to do what ever it takes to stop drinking and stay stopped?

I had to hit that point, I was hopeless, I had tried for many years to quit my way and all I succeded in doing was reaching the point where I had to drink to simply function, there was no joy left in drinking for me at all! I was living in a hell where I saw no escape!

I found a solution, but in order to win I had to surrender!

problemchild

Been there done that, used to drink everyday i was healed and thought 14 days without drinking then a good long bender was better, ha was i wrong. It progressed to the point that not so long ago a good 10 day bender almost cost me my life. Please get help,those hangovers will only get worse and the amount you drink will only increase, trust me i know it from horrifying experience, also if i can stay sober you can also if you want it.

Take care,
John

CarolD

Welcome back TJ...

This time can be your final de tox.
Do you have a plan for staying sober?

Boleo

Sounds like you have crossed into DT territory (Delirium Tremens)

Delirium tremens - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

hughs dad

Dude I just came off a 4 day bender which ended with me throwing up in a parking lot of a bar, getting a cab home, and coming home at 1am after a 1pm football game. Hang in there. I have kind of been a wreck the last 4 days as well. I feel better now than I have all week, but guess what, I'm ready to drink again... I'm not going to do it, but my body is ready. Stay strong!!!

Clutch B

Hey TJ

If it gets bad enough, you may want to see a doctor.

Carol mentioned a "plan" for staying sober. This is a really good idea. For me, I went to AA and used that plan to stay sober.

I felt so demoralized when I couldn't stop drinking. But things got better when I started working on that plan.

I hope you feel better soon. There is help for you, and you don't have to keep drinking if you don't want to.

tiburon88

I can relate to the "benders". I found vitamins, gatorade, hot showers ect... seem to help with the withdrawal. For me the anxiety is the worst. I have panic attacks and the "shakes."


tib

tjhook

Thanks for the replies....today I felt pretty much normal again and had some confidence. I think AA is in order pronto to set up my lifeline for not falling into the alcohol trap again.This last detox was unexplainable..........just pure nightmare, never have considered suicide but death seemed like a comfortable option.

When I go hard I go HARD.....as in vodka shots, more vodka shots, rum shot, more vodka shots, no food. Literally for 4 days I did this, so that is why the detox was SO intense. But I am here and ready to fight. I know you all have my back, and I have yours' as well. Thanks......

tjhook

Must have been, a few times I literally was curled up in a ball gritting my teeth damn near in tears, I almost took myself to the hospital.

tjhook

I remember reading about your last one...........we can make it our last ever. I am game if you are.

Stimmed

Thats the spirit, i like the sound of that a lot. Good luck to you both... Yes you kneed it, but you know that, but at the same time you know you can do it too. All the best guys :-)

Kellye C

Just remember guys you don't ever have to go through this again, IF YOU DON'T CHOOSE TO. For both your sakes I hope and pray you don't choose to.

Withdrawal was pure hell for me and the last one was the worst. The only way I got through it was with AA and telling myself what I told you guys in my first statement. It has now been a little over 4 years ago and I haven't CHOSEN to relive that experience again and thanks to newcomers such as yourselves I am reminded of how grateful I am.

There is hope, there is a solution and there is support both in person and here at SR. I hope you will avail yourselves of as much support as you possibly can. This will be one of the hardest yet most rewarding things you ever do for yourselves.

Major hugs,
Kellye

tjhook

Thank you all for the words and support, I am sober and clear-headed finally. Alcohol has beaten me and I admit it, so now......even though I still fear my job is about done due to my last bender (messed many things up), the most important thing now is staying sober.

Back in the gym and eating/living again...........need to keep it that way now.

barb dwyer

I think y'all would benefit from starting a binger's thread - where bingers can get back up when they feel it coming on....

we're all in this together.

While I realize SR in general is oriented that way - there's a lot of 'binge' drinking posts lately. Maybe speaking directly with each other - you can say what needs to get said and help each other not pick up that first drink when your urge hits.

Just a thought.

I have 'em alla time.

Thoughts, that is.

Had a binger in my living room for about ten hours yesterday.
I'll tel you what I told him (over and over)

The panic
is your body reacting to the poison you just injested.
Your organs are freaking out
trying to process high levels of toxins
they weren't designed to process.
So they freak.
Your brain hears that.
And translates that as an emergency.
Because it IS an emergency.
IT's telling the MIND
which is not the BRAIN
that there's imminent danger.
That's it JOB.

So YOU
(which is somewhere in between your brain and your mind)
jump at every car door
and phone ring.

Every auto system
has its attention on the emergency at hand.

When I explain it that way to people
it seems to really help.

There are those who will tell you
'well the adreanals are bla bla bla'
which is about all you can hear when you're IN that state.
Thos types tend to forget that part.

I strongly recommend the book 'Under the Influence' as well.