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Can't overcome weekend drinking

Old 11-18-2008, 08:12 PM
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Can't overcome weekend drinking

Hi again. It's been awhile since my last post. Trying to stay sober on a consistent basis. Sometimes I can make it through the week without a drink but more than often I give in to the temptation on the weekends. I usually only drink in the evenings, but sometimes I get a early start if I'm really bored. I feel that part of them problem is that I relocated to a new city so I don't have a social circle I can kick it with. I hate to say it, but if it wasn't for alcohol, Fri-Sat evenings would really be depressing and boring. With a few drinks, I'm perfectly content at home watching tv or cooking.

I went to evening AA meetings during the weekends but it just made me more depressed going back home with nothing really exciting to look forward to. Tried a few meetup.com get togethers, but none of them meet on a regular basis and the one's that I was interested in were only held during the daytime.

I do have hobbies that I enjoy doing on the weekends, but nothing that can be done during the evening hours. I'd like to be able to just relax at home during the weekend evenings but I find that boredom sets in and next thing I know I'm heading to the nearby liquor store.
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Old 11-18-2008, 08:30 PM
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Yes, I've thought about becoming more socialable at the meetings. I have an introverted personality which makes it harder for me to meet new people (probably the reason why I haven't been able to make any new friends since I've moved here). I could make up a few excuses which prevents me from making new friends in the meetings and I can be pretty good at it too. So far, I've only been going to the speaker meetings and usually just take off right after the meeting. I do get there early sometimes and chit chat with a few people.
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Old 11-18-2008, 08:56 PM
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Tyates,
Not sure whether you are a man or woman but I would suggest getting to a same sex meeting, show up early and stay to help clean up. You will meet people with some quality sobriety that way. Take a volunteer position (setting up chairs or making coffee) so that people get to see you and know that they will see you once a week. Try out different meetings so you can find where you are the most comfortable. Keep coming back, it does work and you have an instant support group as long as you stick around.

Welcome to SR!!!
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Old 11-18-2008, 08:59 PM
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Welcome back...

This list was compiled by SR members
150 Things To Do Instead of Drinking

1. Read a book
2. Take a walk
3. Play a musical instrument
4. Knit
5. Clean your closets
6. Research your genealogy
7. Cook a gourmet dinner
8. Write an article for your local newspaper
9. Go take some pictures
10. Clean the mildew in your bathroom
11. Start writing that book you've been planning
12. Plan a garden
13. Plant a garden
14. Play with a pet
15. Read to a child
16. Visit someone in an old folks' home
17. Watch a news special on TV
18. Set up a family budget
19. Make a web site
20. Take up archery
21. Exercise
22. Go to an online recovery meeting
23. Surf the internet
24. Call your mom
25. Learn a foreign language
26. Write a poem
27. Play golf
28. Take a bubble bath
29. Draw
30. Teach a parakeet to whistle
31. Take a nap
32. Listen to music
33. Paint
34. Clean your desk
35. Start a stamp collection
36. Go window shopping
37. Browse in a book store
38. Go to an art gallery
39. Go for a drive
40. Paint a room
41. Watch the clouds go by
42. Play darts
43. Do target shooting
44. Do home repairs
45. Clean your garage
46. Sort your photographs
47. Make a scrapbook
48. Climb a tree
49. Plant a tree
50. Make marmalade
51. Make a list of things to do
52. Write a letter to the editor
53. Volunteer somewhere
54. Take a hike
55. Take a college class
56. Try yoga
57. Meditate
58. Get a massage
59. Make fruit smoothies
60. Bake cookies
61. Do a crossword puzzle
62. Go to the gym
63. Plant a color bowl
64. Sharpen your pruning tools
65. Change your engine oil
66. Sew
67. Groom your dog
68. Go see a play
69. Write a sonnet
70. Sort your recipes
71. Play solitaire
72. Go bird watching
73. Write a letter to a friend
74. Read a poetry book
75. Repot your houseplants
76. Go to a movie
77. Mow your lawn
78. Put up (or take down) your Christmas lights
79. Make pickles
80. Go jogging
81. Watch sitcoms
82. Plan menus for a diet
83. Do a jigsaw puzzle
84. Play chess
85. Write a country-western song
86. Watch a video
87. Go for a bike ride
88. Plant an herb garden
89. Start an online journal
90. Dye your hair
91. Go to a restaurant
92. Lift weights
93. Bake some bread
94. Learn a martial art
95. Polish the furniture
96. Make a flower arrangement
97. Read the newspaper
98. Start some seeds
99. Sort your magazines
100. Do some laundry.
111. Take a nature walk
112. Play with your kids
113. Volunteer at a homeless shelter
114. Volunteer at a school
115. Pick up garbage in a park
116. Tickle your kids
117. Play basketball
118. Volunteer at an animal shelter
119. Read to a child or pet
120. Sign up for obedience training with your dog
121. Take a walk and pick up litter you see on the way
122. Spend time at the library
123. Sort all your digital photos and make an album to print for holiday gifts to family.
124. Help your kid organize his closet.
125. Figure out the melody and chords to your current favorite tune on the piano.
126. Practice your holiday cookie recipes
127. Make crackers from scratch (that one didn't go so well).
128. Make tortillas from scratch (better).
129. Reread a book you haven't read for years.
130. Tango
131. Learn about someone else’s religion.
132. Reread one of your college textbooks.
133. Key out a wildflower.
134. Do your nails.
135. Do word puzzles.
136. Play a board game.
137. Burn CD’s of some of your favorite music for a friend.
138. Plant a bonsai.
139. Play Mad Libs.
140. Speak only in heroic couplets for an hour.
141. Read poetry online.
142. Ride a stationary bicycle.
143. Set up a domino topple.
144. Play backgammon.
145. Build a house of cards
146. Make an entry in Wikipedia.
147. Read a world almanac.
148. Publish a family newsletter.
149. Throw cards at a hat.
150. Go to bed.
__________________

Hopefully you will find some things of interest.

Your weekend seems boring to me..drinking is
often a reason to be inactive and isolating.

AA is an awesome adventure ...find a Newcomers
meeting instead of a Speakers.
Someone there is waiting to meet you...
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Old 11-19-2008, 03:43 AM
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Well it looks as though the consensus is to hook up with some of those AA folks after meetings.

Tyates I can assure you that if you go to a newcomers meeting or a same sex meeting you will find that you are not alone in your being introverted, that at least one person there wishes someone would say something as simple as "Hey you want to hang out for a while after the meeting?" Some one has to break the ice, go early and help set up, stay late and help clean up. I garauntee at a minimum a conversation will be struck up.
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Old 11-19-2008, 05:44 AM
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Sounds to me like you're not ready to stop drinking yet (no offense).

When you are ready though, there are a LOT of tools you can use to do it.

Keep coming back!
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Old 11-19-2008, 09:33 AM
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Seriously? You can't watch TV or play a video game or chat online? You HAVE to drive to the store to get alcohol.

You need to make a plan for the weekend. You need to plan what you're going to do, and then plan what you're going to do if you're bored.

Then you need to get a list of phone numbers from AA members and call them when you're bored. If the choice is driving to the store to buy alcohol or calling someoneso you don't feel lonely, call them.

I would also suggest hunting around for a sponsor or other members of AA who will let you hang around with them on the weekends. Just start asking people you like and you will find people who will go to movies with you or out for coffee or whatever. Ask them if you can get a standing appointment for Friday night or Saturday night or Sunday night until you have some time under your belt. Every night might be too much for one person, so you should probably line up 2 or 3 or 4 people to do stuff with.
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Old 11-19-2008, 08:10 PM
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Thanks for comments. I would agree that I need to be more social at these meetings.

TommyK, thanks for being honest. I do make an effort to not drink on the weekends. But like I said, boredom sets in and I usually give in to the need to try to salvage the weekends by drinking.

Kallista, what did you mean by standing appointment?
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Old 11-20-2008, 07:22 AM
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Hi, is it boredom, or is it addiction we can't control. there are many things to do to counter boredom..but addiction, now that is a different story...for addiction we have to make big changes if we want to fight it....have to think about why you drink..and if you want to quit and most of all..is it really just boredom....
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Old 11-20-2008, 07:40 AM
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tyates,

How badly do you want to stop drinking?

"Boredom sets in and I usually give in to the need to try to salvage the weekends by drinking."

Since you have a difficult time on the weekends with drinking, why not go to some AA meetings?
If I can help, please message me. Ron
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Old 11-20-2008, 11:56 AM
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A standing appointment is an appointment that occurs every week on the same day, at the same time. It's not an AA term, really. It's a business term.

For you it could work like this: You find someone who agrees to go to a Friday night AA meeting with you and then go out to a coffee bar with you afterwards every week for three months. This might be a group of someones. In my first three years of sobriety, my home group met on Friday night and then we went to a diner and food afterwards. Afterwards, you go home and go to bed, without going to the liquor store or drinking.

You could also find someone (AA or non-AA) who would agree to go with you to a movie on Saturday nights every Saturday for three months. Afterwards, you go home and go to bed, without going to the liquor store or drinking.


You could also find someone who would agree to go to the gym with you every Sunday night every Sunday for three months. Or find a bowling league. Or a book club. Or a Bible study group. Or a knitting club. Or something like that. Afterwards, you go home and go to bed, without going to the liquor store or drinking.


Whatever it is, you clearly need 1)to get more social life and 2) to stay out of liquour stores. The exact details, you'll have to figure out for yourself.

I know that if you approached people in my AA home group and explained what you needed and what you wanted to do, they'd help you find people who could keep you active and out of bars for 3 to 6 months, at least.

If you can't ask people to do that, you could make your own plan that keeps you from sitting at home alone and from going to the liquor store. You could go to a bookstore or coffeehouse and hang out. You could find someplace to volunteer, like a hospital. You could go to the gym and work out. You could go the movies, or high school sporting events. Get out of the house. Don't go the liquor store. You'll start making friends when you become a regular somewhere.
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Old 11-20-2008, 06:41 PM
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Thanks for the replies. I really would like to get out of the house during the weekend evenings but it's difficult to find things to do by myself. I'm going to make an effort to be more consistent with attending AA meetings on a regular basis. I guess it takes some time to become comfortable enough to ask people there if you can hang out with them after meetings. For me, this is the part that I feel uncomfortable about.
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Old 11-20-2008, 09:24 PM
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I know for me I had to force myself to step out of my comfort zone and ask for help. I went to open discussion meetings and when asked for a topic, I put it out on the table, "need help and friends from AA to teach me how to socialize with you." I got a bunch of phone numbers and was told how to use them and ask for help. It took courage but I knew if I was going to not drink, I had to do it. I then started to pass my number out and said I would appreciate anyone calling me as I am not sure if I can muster the courage to call you, so please call me. It amazed me when I realized so many were as afraid as I was, at one time, but did it because they were more afraid of drinking. So it was stepping out of my comfort zone and going to any lengths for me. It worked, still sober today.
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Old 11-21-2008, 05:04 AM
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I know for me I had to force myself to step out of my comfort zone and ask for help. I went to open discussion meetings and when asked for a topic, I put it out on the table, "need help and friends from AA to teach me how to socialize with you." I got a bunch of phone numbers and was told how to use them and ask for help. It took courage but I knew if I was going to not drink, I had to do it. I then started to pass my number out and said I would appreciate anyone calling me as I am not sure if I can muster the courage to call you, so please call me. It amazed me when I realized so many were as afraid as I was, at one time, but did it because they were more afraid of drinking. So it was stepping out of my comfort zone and going to any lengths for me. It worked, still sober today.
Terry it sounds to me as though you may have been blessed like I was in early sobriety with the "Gift Of Desperation'!!!!! I was desperate to stay sober when I went to AA straight out of detox, I was borderline insane wanting a drink, yet I wanted to not drink but I did not know how to not drink! I was DESPERATE!!!! I knew I could not stay sober alone! I went to an AA meeting, let it be known that I needed help, and I got help................. I was no longer ALONE in the battle! I had grizzled veterans who had found a solution to their alcoholism standing side by side with me showing me how they had got and stayed sober and were happy being sober!
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Old 11-21-2008, 08:11 AM
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Originally Posted by tyates View Post
Thanks for comments. I would agree that I need to be more social at these meetings.

TommyK, thanks for being honest. I do make an effort to not drink on the weekends. But like I said, boredom sets in and I usually give in to the need to try to salvage the weekends by drinking.

Kallista, what did you mean by standing appointment?
Hi tyates,

Maybe you're letting yourself be a victim here

"I do make an effort to not drink"

Take charge!! I've never made an effort to "not do" anything, effort means doing! Doing is action!

I do make an effort to stay sober!

Maybe if you look at this with a different perspective you can become better able to battle your alcoholism. Go get sober don't wait around to not drink!!

Peace
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Old 11-21-2008, 09:25 AM
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Originally Posted by tyates View Post
Thanks for the replies. I really would like to get out of the house during the weekend evenings but it's difficult to find things to do by myself. I'm going to make an effort to be more consistent with attending AA meetings on a regular basis. I guess it takes some time to become comfortable enough to ask people there if you can hang out with them after meetings. For me, this is the part that I feel uncomfortable about.
So? It's a feeling. No one every died because of a feeling. The way to get over that uncomfortable feeling when meeting new people is to start talking to new people. Everyone feels a little awkward when they're talking to new people. They just learn to work around it.
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Old 11-21-2008, 09:44 AM
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I know the only way I can help some1 is sharing my OWN personal ES&H not by telling anyone what to do, but making suggestions about what I did.
For me I found a temporary sponsor my first week just some1 who raised their hand to be a TS and thought they look trustworthy, didn't nessasacrily like them but now I have a sponsor with whom I asked to be after having a few more 24 hrs.
I called my sponsor everyday(well almost everyday) so that those times when I need him because I was thinking about that next drink it was a helll of a lot easier to call him them. Boredom kicks in and they tell me that if I put as much time and effort into my recovery as my drinking that I might just have a chance. So I do that because I'm frightened of my next drink. When I'm bored there is something about my self or my situation I don't like so I need to either call my sponsor of go to a meeting to help me figure out what it is.
See this alcoholic couldn't only drink on the weekends! I tried! But it's like the more about alcoholism I tried many other ways to control my drinking as well and everytime it lead to a still worse relapse. My alcoholism is progressive and if I could control drinking on weekends it would eventually ened up everyday all day again.
I drank because I need to fit in, I wasn't comfortable in my own skin. Through working the step of AA I found out who I was and why I drank and today drinking is a choice in which one day at a time I choose not to drink. When I was actively drinking I didn't have a choice I thought the only was to met people was to drink and be merry but I wasn't merry I was trying to love other people when I couldn't love myself, then I found AA and these people loved me instead of these drinking buddies I met at the bar. I found true friend and true hope for a better way of life. I found people who listened to me complain when that's all I knew how to do!
SO keep coming back and if you read that names walt and i'm an alcoholic and u can message me if u need anything

ONe other thing "fake it til you make it" when I first showed up in the rooms I thought I would never fit in with people becasue I had what we call termenial uniqueness! After a few weeks of helping set up chairs and finding a sponsor and a home group and truley working that 1 step I found that the more I stuck around the more firsts I had in soberity. IE going to eat at the Ale Houzse and actually eating and not drinkg w/ people from my AA home group who I call family
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Old 11-21-2008, 12:07 PM
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My first meeting with the new group ended in going out for coffee and an invitation to a barbecue. You'll find, as you open up, that AA members will open their homes to you, they will open their lives if you are serious. You are among friends there, and friends who understand everything you're talking about.
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Old 11-26-2008, 09:25 AM
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I have the same problem. Unfortunately I have screwed up my body just like an every day drinker because I drink so much on the weekends. The alcohol seems to be winning as I just don't care anymore. I don't feel great sober and the only relief I have is drinking on the weekends. That is when the pain physically and mentally goes away. Hang in there.
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Old 12-08-2008, 07:47 PM
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Originally Posted by tyates View Post
Hi again. It's been awhile since my last post. Trying to stay sober on a consistent basis. Sometimes I can make it through the week without a drink but more than often I give in to the temptation on the weekends. I usually only drink in the evenings, but sometimes I get a early start if I'm really bored. I feel that part of them problem is that I relocated to a new city so I don't have a social circle I can kick it with. I hate to say it, but if it wasn't for alcohol, Fri-Sat evenings would really be depressing and boring. With a few drinks, I'm perfectly content at home watching tv or cooking.

I went to evening AA meetings during the weekends but it just made me more depressed going back home with nothing really exciting to look forward to. Tried a few meetup.com get togethers, but none of them meet on a regular basis and the one's that I was interested in were only held during the daytime.

I do have hobbies that I enjoy doing on the weekends, but nothing that can be done during the evening hours. I'd like to be able to just relax at home during the weekend evenings but I find that boredom sets in and next thing I know I'm heading to the nearby liquor store.
I am new here, but your comment reminds me of five years ago. While I do not have much experience in being sober, drinking alone is an unfortunate specialty...I too was bored like you. Five years ago, I took a job where I had two days off during the week, and worked on weekends. Screwed up my social circle because when I was off they were working and vice versa. We lost contact.

Anyway, to pass time on my days off, I too would drink. First it was just at nights, then it gravitated to early happy hours, then I eventually went to get lunch and have a couple beers. Soon, I was drinking bloody marys or screw drivers when I woke up. In a couple years drinking became all day events on my weekends. I am talking 10am to midnight with a couple hours of a nap like coma mid-day. All I eventually did was rent movies, surf the internet and get smashed. Every now and then, I would call up a local talk radio station and argue with the host for amusement. Real productive stuff.

All I can say, is GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. Even if its going to movies alone or taking day trips to parks far away. Ideally the best thing to do is get a hobby, join a club of the hobby, and meet people.

I know it sounds like a pain and you may be rolling your eyes, but if you don't the boredom WILL win out and in five years you too might be waking up to screw drivers. I am speaking from experience.
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