I'll jump in here
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 22
I'll jump in here
Joined earlier today, and have been poking around a bit. Feeling like I need to reach out and connect a bit.
I haven't had a drink since last Sunday night, so it's a few hours short of a week. So, I guess that's a good start. It's not the first time I've gone a week without drinking, but it's rare enough that I get this far that it merits a bit of acknowledgement... acknowledgement as an accomplishment (however small) and more importantly, acknowledgement as an opportunity.
I'm not generally a daily drinker, and I've never been one who drinks early in the day. More commonly, over the past couple years, I've been a 2 - 3 days a week drinker. The issue is that, when I do drink, I don't stop. I drink until I pass out. It takes a fair amount to get me to pass out. If I don't have enough, I'll find myself walking to a liquor store late at night to make sure that I do have enough.
I travel for business, often for a week or more. When I'm gone, I WILL commonly drink nightly, although I tend to more commonly keep it to a pint of liquor (usually brandy). Sometimes I'll get a pint and a baby bottle, because I know that a pint probably won't be quite enough.
I have some experience with addiction recovery. I haven't ever used hard drugs. I did quit smoking, however. In that process, I joined a support group like this, and was quite active for a couple years. During that time, I learned a lot about the nature of addiction in general, and to speak eloquently and persuasively to others who were going through the process of escaping that addiction. So, I feel that I come to this with the advantage of at least understanding some important general principles.
I've realized I have a problem for several years now. There's a cycle with which I'm sure many of you are familiar, of waking up feeling miserable, ashamed, and desperate after a night of drinking. Of persuading myself that I needed to stop. Of walking myself through what I believed the course would be. Of committing to that course...
... of bargaining my way out of that course one or more days later, drinking myself into a slump on the couch and waking up in my own urine. Somehow, putting it that starkly seems to clarify the nature of my problem.
I've spent great resources of mental energy on this problem. I believe I understand some of the physical reasons why I can't stop once I start. And, I believe I also understand some of the physical reasons why it's getting harder to keep it to 2 or 3 nights a week. I think I have a tenuous grasp on some of the mental reasons I've refused to break the cycle to this point.
One thing that was vitally important to my recovery from nicotine addiction (over 6 years smoke-free now) was having some insight into the road ahead. Quitting was really hard at times. Having voices there to tell me how the hard times were temporary, how to cope with them, and most importantly, in concrete terms, what I could expect down the road in terms of comfort (as it applied to nicotine).
I'm at a pretty crucial point in the process right now. I made it to 11 days back in July (aided by a stomach flu that made it easier to turn away from alcohol temporarily). It's been nearly 2 years since I made it more than 2 weeks (16 day), and that's the only time I've gone 2 weeks in probably 5 years. I'm fearful of the days ahead. I really feel like I need some positive visions of life after alcohol. I need to hear that there really is comfort beyond quitting.
My wife doesn't have the same problem I have. She has a problem, but it's not nearly as severe as mine. She can stop... but she has a hard time going more than a couple days without though. We really do have a pretty classic co-dependency relationship. She's the enabler/instigator. I'm the willing participant when she pushes the "go" button.
We both made a commitment to not drink until Thanksgiving. I figured that was a start. But, we've made these commitments a hundred times, and we rarely last very long before one of us uses the other's weakness to jointly break the compact. Tonight, I felt like it was happening. I saw her at work (she works in a pub) and she said in a tone of voice we both recognize, "I don't want to stay in tonight, what'll we do?" I didn't have the strength to shoot her down, but went home, and worried about what fate would bring me. Was just about at the point of resignation that I'd end up losing my week of sobriety once she got home.
She got in, and there was a sporting event on TV that she was interested in. She watched it for an hour or so, and both of us avoided the elephant in the room. I worked on some stuff for my job, and she watched TV. I started cooking something, and that seemed to be enough of something for her to grasp onto that she no longer seemed to be pushing (without saying so) for a night out. I focused on the meal, and by the time we ate, both of us seemed to have recommitted (again, without saying so) to at least making it through today. We won't drink tonight.
That's the basics. As I say, I've thought about my problem a lot. I could probably keep writing for hours. But, I'd rather post what I've written, and pray that some of you have some encouraging glimpses at life without alcohol to offer me. The week hasn't been easy. I gather there are harder things, but part of the insidious nature of addiction is the fact that difficult times are obscured by moments of ease. We then cling to those moments of ease to convince ourselves that maybe it wasn't so bad after all... and so forth...
Thank you for your help.
RP
I haven't had a drink since last Sunday night, so it's a few hours short of a week. So, I guess that's a good start. It's not the first time I've gone a week without drinking, but it's rare enough that I get this far that it merits a bit of acknowledgement... acknowledgement as an accomplishment (however small) and more importantly, acknowledgement as an opportunity.
I'm not generally a daily drinker, and I've never been one who drinks early in the day. More commonly, over the past couple years, I've been a 2 - 3 days a week drinker. The issue is that, when I do drink, I don't stop. I drink until I pass out. It takes a fair amount to get me to pass out. If I don't have enough, I'll find myself walking to a liquor store late at night to make sure that I do have enough.
I travel for business, often for a week or more. When I'm gone, I WILL commonly drink nightly, although I tend to more commonly keep it to a pint of liquor (usually brandy). Sometimes I'll get a pint and a baby bottle, because I know that a pint probably won't be quite enough.
I have some experience with addiction recovery. I haven't ever used hard drugs. I did quit smoking, however. In that process, I joined a support group like this, and was quite active for a couple years. During that time, I learned a lot about the nature of addiction in general, and to speak eloquently and persuasively to others who were going through the process of escaping that addiction. So, I feel that I come to this with the advantage of at least understanding some important general principles.
I've realized I have a problem for several years now. There's a cycle with which I'm sure many of you are familiar, of waking up feeling miserable, ashamed, and desperate after a night of drinking. Of persuading myself that I needed to stop. Of walking myself through what I believed the course would be. Of committing to that course...
... of bargaining my way out of that course one or more days later, drinking myself into a slump on the couch and waking up in my own urine. Somehow, putting it that starkly seems to clarify the nature of my problem.
I've spent great resources of mental energy on this problem. I believe I understand some of the physical reasons why I can't stop once I start. And, I believe I also understand some of the physical reasons why it's getting harder to keep it to 2 or 3 nights a week. I think I have a tenuous grasp on some of the mental reasons I've refused to break the cycle to this point.
One thing that was vitally important to my recovery from nicotine addiction (over 6 years smoke-free now) was having some insight into the road ahead. Quitting was really hard at times. Having voices there to tell me how the hard times were temporary, how to cope with them, and most importantly, in concrete terms, what I could expect down the road in terms of comfort (as it applied to nicotine).
I'm at a pretty crucial point in the process right now. I made it to 11 days back in July (aided by a stomach flu that made it easier to turn away from alcohol temporarily). It's been nearly 2 years since I made it more than 2 weeks (16 day), and that's the only time I've gone 2 weeks in probably 5 years. I'm fearful of the days ahead. I really feel like I need some positive visions of life after alcohol. I need to hear that there really is comfort beyond quitting.
My wife doesn't have the same problem I have. She has a problem, but it's not nearly as severe as mine. She can stop... but she has a hard time going more than a couple days without though. We really do have a pretty classic co-dependency relationship. She's the enabler/instigator. I'm the willing participant when she pushes the "go" button.
We both made a commitment to not drink until Thanksgiving. I figured that was a start. But, we've made these commitments a hundred times, and we rarely last very long before one of us uses the other's weakness to jointly break the compact. Tonight, I felt like it was happening. I saw her at work (she works in a pub) and she said in a tone of voice we both recognize, "I don't want to stay in tonight, what'll we do?" I didn't have the strength to shoot her down, but went home, and worried about what fate would bring me. Was just about at the point of resignation that I'd end up losing my week of sobriety once she got home.
She got in, and there was a sporting event on TV that she was interested in. She watched it for an hour or so, and both of us avoided the elephant in the room. I worked on some stuff for my job, and she watched TV. I started cooking something, and that seemed to be enough of something for her to grasp onto that she no longer seemed to be pushing (without saying so) for a night out. I focused on the meal, and by the time we ate, both of us seemed to have recommitted (again, without saying so) to at least making it through today. We won't drink tonight.
That's the basics. As I say, I've thought about my problem a lot. I could probably keep writing for hours. But, I'd rather post what I've written, and pray that some of you have some encouraging glimpses at life without alcohol to offer me. The week hasn't been easy. I gather there are harder things, but part of the insidious nature of addiction is the fact that difficult times are obscured by moments of ease. We then cling to those moments of ease to convince ourselves that maybe it wasn't so bad after all... and so forth...
Thank you for your help.
RP
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Welcome RP and thanks for sharing your story. It would be very hard to quit with a spouse, but not impossible. Could you two maybe find a support group that meets face to face? That would give you something to do that would definitely encourage sobriety and you might even pick up some pointers from others that have a relationship similar to yours. I would look for something like that, but I would definitely sit down with her and tell her you want to take the road to recovery (if you do) and she can either join you or not. You can't be responsible for her drinking as she can't for yours. Just my 2 cents.
Any ways, welcome again and I am sure you will find many helpful people here on SR. I have and its a great place to come.
Any ways, welcome again and I am sure you will find many helpful people here on SR. I have and its a great place to come.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Glitzville
Posts: 334
Thanks for posting, repec86. You are bright and erudite and appear to somewhat have a grasp of the "elephant in the room." There are others with a lot more sobriety than me, and I'm sure that more support will be along soon or in the morning.
I can most definitively state that living without alcohol has proved to be far superior and richer to any day that I was imbibing. Each of us are different, some notice improvement in their lives within a week or two. Some of us struggle or suffer longer as was the case for me. It would likely depend on your age and usage. It took a good three months for my neural synapses to settle into their normal rythyms. The resultant anxiety ebbed incrementally over those months. This may or may not be the case with you.
I am alcoholic and have embraced the concept that permanent abstinence is the only solution for me.
I enjoy and appreciate life more now. I laugh every day, something that had become a rarity for me. I'm more open and more sociable. I have more of an interest in trying the new. I rarely think of drinking, and if I do it's a thought that fades quickly. I even went to a very sophisticated party with nice wines and champagne the other night. It didn't tempt me and I had a great time. But I know I have support, here and elsewhere. I wouldn't be where I am without it.
There are a lot of wonderful people on this site that understand exactly what you are going through. Please use it, or any other programs that seem right for you. Some kind of support, I believe, is crucial. Nicotine is a bugger, to be sure. Alcohol is a beast.
You say that you and your wife have made these commitments in the past and they have fallen through. I think that you must make the firm commitment for yourself, even without your wife or whether she drinks or not. We can only get sober for ourselves. One issue at a time.
Good luck, and we'd love to hear more from you.
Donna
I can most definitively state that living without alcohol has proved to be far superior and richer to any day that I was imbibing. Each of us are different, some notice improvement in their lives within a week or two. Some of us struggle or suffer longer as was the case for me. It would likely depend on your age and usage. It took a good three months for my neural synapses to settle into their normal rythyms. The resultant anxiety ebbed incrementally over those months. This may or may not be the case with you.
I am alcoholic and have embraced the concept that permanent abstinence is the only solution for me.
I enjoy and appreciate life more now. I laugh every day, something that had become a rarity for me. I'm more open and more sociable. I have more of an interest in trying the new. I rarely think of drinking, and if I do it's a thought that fades quickly. I even went to a very sophisticated party with nice wines and champagne the other night. It didn't tempt me and I had a great time. But I know I have support, here and elsewhere. I wouldn't be where I am without it.
There are a lot of wonderful people on this site that understand exactly what you are going through. Please use it, or any other programs that seem right for you. Some kind of support, I believe, is crucial. Nicotine is a bugger, to be sure. Alcohol is a beast.
You say that you and your wife have made these commitments in the past and they have fallen through. I think that you must make the firm commitment for yourself, even without your wife or whether she drinks or not. We can only get sober for ourselves. One issue at a time.
Good luck, and we'd love to hear more from you.
Donna
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
For me to actually quit...and stay quit
I had to want to more than I wanted to drink
Well done on your sober beginning ..
Blessings to the two of you
....Welcome to our recovery community
I had to want to more than I wanted to drink
Well done on your sober beginning ..
Blessings to the two of you
....Welcome to our recovery community
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by Horselover 
Welcome RP and thanks for sharing your story. It would be very hard to quit with a spouse, but not impossible. Could you two maybe find a support group that meets face to face? That would give you something to do that would definitely encourage sobriety and you might even pick up some pointers from others that have a relationship similar to yours. I would look for something like that, but I would definitely sit down with her and tell her you want to take the road to recovery (if you do) and she can either join you or not. You can't be responsible for her drinking as she can't for yours. Just my 2 cents.
Any ways, welcome again and I am sure you will find many helpful people here on SR. I have and its a great place to come.
Any ways, welcome again and I am sure you will find many helpful people here on SR. I have and its a great place to come.
As for face-to-face support, I just don't think it's for me. I'm a lot more comfortable sharing my recovery, (if that's what this is), and seeking support in a place where I can maintain a certain amount of anonymity. I'm not closed off to the concept; just don't think it's in the cards at the moment.
Thanks again for the welcome and support. Aside from my regularly doomed efforts with my wife, this is the first time I've reached out for support. It helps knowing there's others who have walked this path before me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by desertdonna
Thanks for posting, repec86. You are bright and erudite and appear to somewhat have a grasp of the "elephant in the room." There are others with a lot more sobriety than me, and I'm sure that more support will be along soon or in the morning.
I can most definitively state that living without alcohol has proved to be far superior and richer to any day that I was imbibing. Each of us are different, some notice improvement in their lives within a week or two. Some of us struggle or suffer longer as was the case for me. It would likely depend on your age and usage. It took a good three months for my neural synapses to settle into their normal rythyms. The resultant anxiety ebbed incrementally over those months. This may or may not be the case with you.
I am alcoholic and have embraced the concept that permanent abstinence is the only solution for me.
I enjoy and appreciate life more now. I laugh every day, something that had become a rarity for me. I'm more open and more sociable. I have more of an interest in trying the new. I rarely think of drinking, and if I do it's a thought that fades quickly. I even went to a very sophisticated party with nice wines and champagne the other night. It didn't tempt me and I had a great time. But I know I have support, here and elsewhere. I wouldn't be where I am without it.
There are a lot of wonderful people on this site that understand exactly what you are going through. Please use it, or any other programs that seem right for you. Some kind of support, I believe, is crucial. Nicotine is a bugger, to be sure. Alcohol is a beast.
You say that you and your wife have made these commitments in the past and they have fallen through. I think that you must make the firm commitment for yourself, even without your wife or whether she drinks or not. We can only get sober for ourselves. One issue at a time.
Good luck, and we'd love to hear more from you.
Donna
I can most definitively state that living without alcohol has proved to be far superior and richer to any day that I was imbibing. Each of us are different, some notice improvement in their lives within a week or two. Some of us struggle or suffer longer as was the case for me. It would likely depend on your age and usage. It took a good three months for my neural synapses to settle into their normal rythyms. The resultant anxiety ebbed incrementally over those months. This may or may not be the case with you.
I am alcoholic and have embraced the concept that permanent abstinence is the only solution for me.
I enjoy and appreciate life more now. I laugh every day, something that had become a rarity for me. I'm more open and more sociable. I have more of an interest in trying the new. I rarely think of drinking, and if I do it's a thought that fades quickly. I even went to a very sophisticated party with nice wines and champagne the other night. It didn't tempt me and I had a great time. But I know I have support, here and elsewhere. I wouldn't be where I am without it.
There are a lot of wonderful people on this site that understand exactly what you are going through. Please use it, or any other programs that seem right for you. Some kind of support, I believe, is crucial. Nicotine is a bugger, to be sure. Alcohol is a beast.
You say that you and your wife have made these commitments in the past and they have fallen through. I think that you must make the firm commitment for yourself, even without your wife or whether she drinks or not. We can only get sober for ourselves. One issue at a time.
Good luck, and we'd love to hear more from you.
Donna
I guess for me, here at a week, I'm probably feeling a bit better in some respects. I mean, I'm primarily dealing with physical issues right now. Difficulty concentrating, mood swings, the feeling like I'm crawling out of my skin at times... I'm feeling like maybe these types of things are abating a bit. It was definitely difficult earlier, when it felt like there was going to be pressure to drink, and I wasn't sure I was up to resisting it. That came with a ton of anxiety. I know what tomorrow feels like if I yield to it, and I don't like the picture. But, once that passed, I've felt pretty okay this evening.
I guess that not-fully-realized test is what finally pushed me into getting off my duff and posting here. I felt like I've failed countless times on my own; it was time to seek some help.
You're absolutely right about not depending on my wife's behavior to guide my own. I've always known that, and I've allowed it to be a convenient excuse.
I'm having plenty of trouble seeing beyond the next day or two. A lifetime of sobriety seems really frightening. Drinking has been my escape from stress and anxiety for a good while now. It probably became moreso when I removed nicotine use as another escape.
Fortunately, I am familiar with the one day at a time approach. I understand that it's not necessary to commit to a nebulous future without alcohol; just to today. At least for this day, that's manageable. I'll count that as a blessing, and look forward to being grateful that I didn't capitulate when I wake up without a hangover tomorrow.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by CarolD
For me to actually quit...and stay quit
I had to want to more than I wanted to drink
Well done on your sober beginning ..
Blessings to the two of you
....Welcome to our recovery community
I had to want to more than I wanted to drink
Well done on your sober beginning ..
Blessings to the two of you
....Welcome to our recovery communityAsk me the same question at 5:30 this evening, and the angel's voice was competing pretty strongly with the devil's on the other shoulder. I guess the part of me that desperately wants to escape this addiction wanted to badly enough to register here and to make an introduction. That was enough to get me through today, so I guess that's evidence that the part of me that wants to be sober more than I want to drink is gaining a foothold.
I'd be lying through my teeth though if I said the other voice wasn't there. And I feel pretty vulnerable knowing that I'm probably going to be hearing from that voice more loudly than now in the future. I don't know right now how I'm going to cope with the next situation that presents itself. I know that, right now, I want to be sober. I know that posting here, even before there was a response, helped me to get through today. I know that I got through the previous week.
I guess I'm planning to stick close by here, in hopes that being here can provide a little backup strength the next time I need it.
I guess part of me, right now, knows that there's going to be a time when I'm going to want to drink more than I'm going to want to be sober. In fact, right now, I'm sure of it. So, while I know that the me that is the deep inside of me me wants to escape more than anything, I've been through the cycle enough to know that the other part of me is going to be the louder voice at times (although I hope that, over time that voice becomes less frequent).
So, I'm feeling like, rather than declaring that "I want to be sober more than I want to drink," and trusting in that to carry me through, what I really need to do is to prepare myself, while I'm in my right mind, to deal with the times when I can't honestly say that. Come Thursday night (or some other night) when I temporarily really want to drink more than I want to be sober, how am I going to confront it.
I'll try to answer that for myself right now. I want to see what's on the other side. I know it's going to take time, and some difficult nights to get to that side. But, I (the real me) really really want to know. I really want to get there, and have the clarity that comes with at least knowing what I've been missing. I'm willing to suffer in the short term if it means that I get to have that perspective. So, come Thursday night, that's what I'm going to tell myself when any honest answer to the question would be that I would prefer to drink.
I guess that's a little bit like studying for a final exam. I don't want to study, but I want the degree. So, I'll study.
Does this make sense? I feel like it does to me, but I also feel like I'm typing a lot, and I'm bordering on stream-of-consciousness. I guess that's also part of what I feel I need to be doing to get this degree... I need to talk it out. Put my strategy in writing. Make it more concrete than the vague "I've got to do something about this" approach I've taken in the past.
Okay, I'm going to stop typing now. I feel like your post has made me think, and that that thinking has been productive. Thank you.
R
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Here is a link to excerpts from the book
that convinced me to quit.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
To stay quit..I use God and AA.
Regardless of the urges or voices or complsions
from my early sobriety...I have won over alcoholism.
This can be true for you as well
that convinced me to quit.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
To stay quit..I use God and AA.
Regardless of the urges or voices or complsions
from my early sobriety...I have won over alcoholism.
This can be true for you as well
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 22
Only rarely, however, will a normal, nonalcoholic drinker take in enough alcohol to lose consciousness. This is fortunate, for alcohol taken in large enough quantities to cause unconsciousness is dangerously near the amount needed to paralyze the respiratory center, shut off the breathing aparatus, and kill the drinker.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 22
In summary, addiction to alcohol may, in part, be traced back to a liver enzyme malfunction which results in a buildup of acetaldehyde throughout the body. In the brain, these large amounts of acetaldehyde interact with the brain amines to create the isoquinolines. These mischievous substances may trigger the alcoholic's need to drink more and more alcohol to counter the painful effects of the progressive buildup of acetaldehyde.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 22
Just ordered "Under the Influence" from Amazon. It'll be here on Tuesday. Thanks again for the recommendation. No-BS education is fundamental to succeeding in a journey like this. This is exactly the type of educational material I've been seeking.
judge only yourself
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: osaka, japan
Posts: 67
first week and second weeks were super hard for me too, but the farther you distance yourself from your last drink the easier it gets. Even if you havent made it through a few tries the fact is you keep trying and that is what counts. Eventually you are going to find what works best for you. For me it was replacing my addiction to drinking with a healthy addiction to working out instead. to each there own. Good luck on your journey through sobriety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 22
Day 8:
Slept well again, with (as far as I can remember them) pretty vivid dreams. Did wake up a bit early, and unable to get back to sleep. Familiar feeling of just feeling kind of electrified.
Finally quit trying, and got up a bit earlier than I wanted. After some reading here, I made sure to take some b-complex, as it seems that's a casualty of heavy drinking.
Feeling characteristically positive about sobriety this morning. Looking forward to getting my new book in the mail. I do have a challenge on Thursday, when I'm meeting some clients at a local pub. Planning to spend as much time on here as necessary preparing myself to meet that challenge, and leave it behind as a sober person.
That's it for now. Back to work.
Slept well again, with (as far as I can remember them) pretty vivid dreams. Did wake up a bit early, and unable to get back to sleep. Familiar feeling of just feeling kind of electrified.
Finally quit trying, and got up a bit earlier than I wanted. After some reading here, I made sure to take some b-complex, as it seems that's a casualty of heavy drinking.
Feeling characteristically positive about sobriety this morning. Looking forward to getting my new book in the mail. I do have a challenge on Thursday, when I'm meeting some clients at a local pub. Planning to spend as much time on here as necessary preparing myself to meet that challenge, and leave it behind as a sober person.
That's it for now. Back to work.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by rpec86
...and pray that some of you have some encouraging glimpses at life without alcohol to offer me. The week hasn't been easy. I gather there are harder things, but part of the insidious nature of addiction is the fact that difficult times are obscured by moments of ease. We then cling to those moments of ease to convince ourselves that maybe it wasn't so bad after all... and so forth...
one-day-at-a-time and it got easier for me each day.When I tried to apply this same strategy to quitting drinking, I found that it got harder each day. Time did not seem to be able to heal this wound.
I than experimented with dozens of psychological tricks & tips to stay sober. None of them worked for more than a few weeks. It was until I learned that I had a threefold disease that I began to make progress at staying stopped.
My disease is three-fold in that I have a physical allergy, a mental
obsession and a spiritual malady. If I take one drink, I will lose
all control of my liquor consumption (Big Book page 21). If I dwell
on the "good old" drinking days, I will be obsessed with re-living
them. If I attempt to choose not to drink "one day at a time", I will
find that my "so-called willpower becomes practically
nonexistent" (Big Book page 24).
My problem was not just alcohol. For me "not
drinking" did not treat my alcoholism. I was uncomfortable in my own
skin before I took my first drink as a teenager and I returned to
being uncomfortable in my own skin after I took my last drink.
Alcohol was my solution for 30+ years and did not become my problem
until my final years of drinking when it failed to give me comfort
before it made me blackout.
It was not until I recognized and addressed my "real problem" that
sobriety became comfortable. My real problem was in the form of the
"Four Horse-man of the Apocalypse " (Terror, frustration, bewilderment
and despair). Until I found a way of chasing them away, sobriety was
not worth having.
What keeps me sober today is what allows me to be comfortable in my own skin; serenity, humility and benevolence. I find that if; I practice these principles in all of my affairs (step 12B), God does for me what I cannot do for myself (12th ninth step promise). That’s the deal (literally). It is truly a simple program.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
Welcome rpec86 - in your first post you said "The issue is that, when I do drink, I don't stop."
Well, I totally relate..it's certainly a trait of alcoholism.
What is gonna happen on Thanksgiving? Is it a four-day weekend for you also? Maybe I just don't understand rewarding oneself with something they are trying to rid themselves from...
This problem can be removed, completely. It will be more about what you are willing to do, rather than what you aren't.
I was willing to do whatever it took. Are you?
Well, I totally relate..it's certainly a trait of alcoholism.
What is gonna happen on Thanksgiving? Is it a four-day weekend for you also? Maybe I just don't understand rewarding oneself with something they are trying to rid themselves from...
This problem can be removed, completely. It will be more about what you are willing to do, rather than what you aren't.
I was willing to do whatever it took. Are you?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 22
Howdy folks,
Quick thanks to Boleo and sugErspun for your posts. I read them earlier today, and I have thought about them during the day. I have some thoughts that I will share eventually.
For now, however, I'm going to sign off, and celebrate another day of sobriety. My laptop took a dump this morning, and I've been breaking my back sitting at this desk all day, and just need to head over somewhere more comfortable.
All in all, a good day. A bit of a roller coaster. At times, feeling calm and focused (moreso than I've been in a while). At other times feeling hyper-energetic, and wishing I could slow myself down... like would SOMEBODY STOP THIS THING SO I CAN GET OFF FOR A BIT. But, it's acceptable, and I'm feeling comfortable and confident in my sobriety for the time being. Successful day. Will tackle tomorrow when it gets here.
Quick thanks to Boleo and sugErspun for your posts. I read them earlier today, and I have thought about them during the day. I have some thoughts that I will share eventually.
For now, however, I'm going to sign off, and celebrate another day of sobriety. My laptop took a dump this morning, and I've been breaking my back sitting at this desk all day, and just need to head over somewhere more comfortable.
All in all, a good day. A bit of a roller coaster. At times, feeling calm and focused (moreso than I've been in a while). At other times feeling hyper-energetic, and wishing I could slow myself down... like would SOMEBODY STOP THIS THING SO I CAN GET OFF FOR A BIT. But, it's acceptable, and I'm feeling comfortable and confident in my sobriety for the time being. Successful day. Will tackle tomorrow when it gets here.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 22
Day 9:
Going strong. Posting on here, and reading around has definitely made a difference in my confidence going forward. I won't drink today. That's all that matters at the moment.
Slept well last night (deep sleep, vivid dreams... something I wasn't getting so much of when I was drinking). Woke up a bit early, and had the buzzing feeling start up, and couldn't get back to sleep. Alternating between feeling calm and feeling like I'm hyped up on caffeine. Dealing with some fairly compulsive and neurotic behavior... binged on some food yesterday. Wondering if this is indicative of underlying issues that I've been covering up with alcohol, or indicative of adjusting to an alcohol-free body. Wondering at what point I should start considering the former as more likely than the latter.
Anyhow, 9 days. Still reading. Looking forward to getting "Under the Influence" in the mail today, and having some good reading for bed.
Going strong. Posting on here, and reading around has definitely made a difference in my confidence going forward. I won't drink today. That's all that matters at the moment.
Slept well last night (deep sleep, vivid dreams... something I wasn't getting so much of when I was drinking). Woke up a bit early, and had the buzzing feeling start up, and couldn't get back to sleep. Alternating between feeling calm and feeling like I'm hyped up on caffeine. Dealing with some fairly compulsive and neurotic behavior... binged on some food yesterday. Wondering if this is indicative of underlying issues that I've been covering up with alcohol, or indicative of adjusting to an alcohol-free body. Wondering at what point I should start considering the former as more likely than the latter.
Anyhow, 9 days. Still reading. Looking forward to getting "Under the Influence" in the mail today, and having some good reading for bed.
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