Am I an alcoholic?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: N. Carolina
Posts: 5
Am I an alcoholic?
I'm reading the many experiences people on this site have had and i haven't had the traumatic events like DUI, job performance being affected or relationship problems but I think I drink too much. I can easily drink a bottle, sometimes a bottle and a half of wine, at night. I don't have to, or even want to, drink every night because of how I feel the next day. I also like margaritas (a lot) and won't go to restaurants that don't serve one or the other. Those are the only alcoholic beverages I like. I hate the taste of whiskey, most beers, rum, gin. I take that back, I do like the fattening cordials like amaretto and Bailey's.
When I tell my husband I think I have a drinking problem because I can't stop at one glass of wine (or 2 or 3), he says I don't because I would be drinking during the day, hiding bottles, etc. Isn't that "old school" thinking of what people used to think alcoholics were?
I would like to stop drinking but we so enjoy sitting on the porch and embibing in the evenings or going out for Mexican and enjoying 1 or 2 Margaritas. I know I would like to stop but when I do I feel this enormous void. I typed in my city and state to see if there were any AA groups in my area but nothing came up.
When I tell my husband I think I have a drinking problem because I can't stop at one glass of wine (or 2 or 3), he says I don't because I would be drinking during the day, hiding bottles, etc. Isn't that "old school" thinking of what people used to think alcoholics were?
I would like to stop drinking but we so enjoy sitting on the porch and embibing in the evenings or going out for Mexican and enjoying 1 or 2 Margaritas. I know I would like to stop but when I do I feel this enormous void. I typed in my city and state to see if there were any AA groups in my area but nothing came up.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: IL
Posts: 108
If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic.
The above comes from the book titled Alcoholics Anonymous. Two very simple thoughts.
The same book has a preface written by a doctor who describes what an alcoholic is. Was good for me to know ... if I am one, what is one?
Like you, I liked drinking. The problem was that a point and time came when stopping at 1 or 2, was impossible. I didn't get drunk every time I drank in my early years. As I grew older and continued to deal with life the way I was and add on, drink the way I drank, I crossed a line and lost the ability to drink normally.
If you think you have a problem, you might have a problem. Like an old friend used to say to me, if you walk like a duck, quack like a duck and look like a duck, chances are ... you're a duck.
If you come to the conclusion you are an alcoholic, it's not the end of the world. Rather, it could be the beginning of a journey that you never dreamed possible.
Not sure where you live, but your local yellow pages I'm almost certain, will have a number available that you can call to get info on AA meetings. If not, send a PM to another woman on here and she'll be more than happy to help you out with your search.
Good luck.
The above comes from the book titled Alcoholics Anonymous. Two very simple thoughts.
The same book has a preface written by a doctor who describes what an alcoholic is. Was good for me to know ... if I am one, what is one?
Like you, I liked drinking. The problem was that a point and time came when stopping at 1 or 2, was impossible. I didn't get drunk every time I drank in my early years. As I grew older and continued to deal with life the way I was and add on, drink the way I drank, I crossed a line and lost the ability to drink normally.
If you think you have a problem, you might have a problem. Like an old friend used to say to me, if you walk like a duck, quack like a duck and look like a duck, chances are ... you're a duck.
If you come to the conclusion you are an alcoholic, it's not the end of the world. Rather, it could be the beginning of a journey that you never dreamed possible.
Not sure where you live, but your local yellow pages I'm almost certain, will have a number available that you can call to get info on AA meetings. If not, send a PM to another woman on here and she'll be more than happy to help you out with your search.
Good luck.
Retired Pro Drunk
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Saint Paul, MN
Posts: 901
Yes, you're an alcoholic.
Here's what to do next. Go to an electronics store like radio shack or best buy and ask them if they can diagnose a hamster who may have alzheimers.
All sarcasm aside, alcoholism is a disease that can only be effectively diagnosed by a trained health care professional (and not just an MD, someone specializing in substance abuse).
Folks (most of them) here aren't doctors.
Here's what to do next. Go to an electronics store like radio shack or best buy and ask them if they can diagnose a hamster who may have alzheimers.
All sarcasm aside, alcoholism is a disease that can only be effectively diagnosed by a trained health care professional (and not just an MD, someone specializing in substance abuse).
Folks (most of them) here aren't doctors.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
I would go further to say that ONLY you can diagnose yourself. I had friends, doctors, therapists diagnose me many times as alcoholic --but I didn't get anywhere until I took the considerations offered by other alcoholics to heart and answered them honestly to myself.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Here is one of the best ways to figure out if you are an alcoholic that I know of. I have taken it from a thread in the alcoholics 12 step section:
Am I a real alcoholic? Can I always maintain control of my liquor consumption once I have started drinking? These last three paragraphs are here to help us decide for ourselves if we are in fact alcoholic. This definition of an alcoholic does nto include any of our stereotypical thinking of what an alcoholic is. This definition does not rest on "living on skid row" or "drinking all the time." It bases its definition solely on one's ability to always control one's consumption and one's ability to stop drinking altogether if a good reason exists.
Does this depiction roughly identify us? Of course, we don't fit this description exactly. Perhaps we don't expect we will ever exhibit some of these symptoms. Though, we never expected to be exhibiting the symptoms that we are suffering right now. If some of this description is too accurate to deny that it describes us and if we are having these things happen to us, perhaps we are alcoholic also.
These are not rhetorical questions. They are placed here so that we will ask them of ourselves. Our lack of an adequate answer to these questions, that ring so soundly of the truth, shines a bright light on our predicament.
Have we reached the point where little can be done for us? Have we reached the point where there is little hope for our recovery? Having arrived at the point where there is little that can be done for us, where is it that we can turn for a solution? Admitting that we have arrived at this point is the first step in recovery.
Originally Posted by nandm 
But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink.
Here is the fellow who has been puzzling you, especially his lack of control. He does absurd, incredible, tragic things while drinking. He is a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He is seldom mildly intoxicated. He is always more or less insanely drunk. His disposition while drinking resembles his normal nature but little. He may be one of the finest fellows in the world. yet let him drink for a day, and he frequently becomes disgustingly, and even dangerously anti-social. He has positive genius for getting tight at exactly the wrong moment, particularly when some important decision must be made or engagement kept. He is often perfectly sensible and well balanced concerning everything except liquor, but in that respect is incredibly dishonest and selfish. He often possesses special abilities, skills, and aptitudes, and has a promising career ahead of him. He uses his gifts to build up a bright outlook for his family and himself, then pulls the structure down on his head by a senseless series of sprees. He is the fellow who goes to bed so intoxicated he ought to sleep the clock round. Yet, early next morning he searches madly for the bottle he misplaced the night before. If he can afford it, he may have liquor concealed all over his house to be certain no one gets his entire supply away from him to throw down the wastepipe. As matters grow worse, he begins to use a combination of high powered sedative and liquor to quiet his nerves so he can go to work. Then comes the day when he simply cannot make it and gets drunk all over again. Perhaps he goes to a doctor who gives him morphine or some seditive with which to taper off. Then he begins to appear at hospitals and sanitariums.
This is by no means a comprehensive picture of the true alcoholic, as our behavior patterns vary. But this description should identify him roughly. (from the chapter "There Is A Solution" Big Book
This is by no means a comprehensive picture of the true alcoholic, as our behavior patterns vary. But this description should identify him roughly. (from the chapter "There Is A Solution" Big Book
Why does he bahave like this? If hundreds of experiences have shown him that one drink means another debacle with all its attendant suffering and humiliation, why is it he takes that one drink? Why can't he stay on the water wagon? What has become of the common sense and willpower that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters? (from "There Is A Solution" Big Book)
Perhaps there never will be a full answer to these questions. Opinions vary considerably as to why the alcoholic reacts differently from normal people. We are not sure why, once a certain point is reached, little can be done for him. We cannot answer the riddle. (from the chapter (There Is A Solution" Big Book)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Originally Posted by Shanticlare
I'm reading the many experiences people on this site have had and i haven't had the traumatic events like DUI, job performance being affected or relationship problems but I think I drink too much. I can easily drink a bottle, sometimes a bottle and a half of wine, at night. I don't have to, or even want to, drink every night because of how I feel the next day. I also like margaritas (a lot) and won't go to restaurants that don't serve one or the other. Those are the only alcoholic beverages I like. I hate the taste of whiskey, most beers, rum, gin. I take that back, I do like the fattening cordials like amaretto and Bailey's.
When I tell my husband I think I have a drinking problem because I can't stop at one glass of wine (or 2 or 3), he says I don't because I would be drinking during the day, hiding bottles, etc. Isn't that "old school" thinking of what people used to think alcoholics were?
I would like to stop drinking but we so enjoy sitting on the porch and embibing in the evenings or going out for Mexican and enjoying 1 or 2 Margaritas. I know I would like to stop but when I do I feel this enormous void. I typed in my city and state to see if there were any AA groups in my area but nothing came up.
When I tell my husband I think I have a drinking problem because I can't stop at one glass of wine (or 2 or 3), he says I don't because I would be drinking during the day, hiding bottles, etc. Isn't that "old school" thinking of what people used to think alcoholics were?
I would like to stop drinking but we so enjoy sitting on the porch and embibing in the evenings or going out for Mexican and enjoying 1 or 2 Margaritas. I know I would like to stop but when I do I feel this enormous void. I typed in my city and state to see if there were any AA groups in my area but nothing came up.
MAST Test - The Michigan Alcohol Screening Test
Naturally being a resident of the state I am somewhat partial to this test. Thing is, only you can diagnose yourself, most of us were diagnosed by others, but it did little good until we could figure this out on our own. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 88
Hey Shanti,
I was exactly like you. A bottle ( sometimes a bit more) of wine every night. My husband also couldn't accept the fact that I thought I had a drinking problem. But deep down I knew I did. The feelings the next morn etc. etc.
I think you probably do know you are drinking too much or else you wouldn't be posting here. I can promise you that it is much better being sober. I think if I hadn't done something now it would have been much worse and much harder later on. You can do it if you really want to. :ghug3
I was exactly like you. A bottle ( sometimes a bit more) of wine every night. My husband also couldn't accept the fact that I thought I had a drinking problem. But deep down I knew I did. The feelings the next morn etc. etc.
I think you probably do know you are drinking too much or else you wouldn't be posting here. I can promise you that it is much better being sober. I think if I hadn't done something now it would have been much worse and much harder later on. You can do it if you really want to. :ghug3
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hello again...
I replied to your post in Newcomers with a link
I hope you will read that when you find time.
Welcome to our SR Alcoholism Forum
Glad you came over!
I replied to your post in Newcomers with a link
I hope you will read that when you find time.
Welcome to our SR Alcoholism Forum
Glad you came over!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: N. Carolina
Posts: 5
Carol's message
Yes Carol, I did read your message. I just went back and read it again though. Ouch. Thanks for the slap upside the head. I needed that. 
Am I in denial or what? Thank you, thank you.
Shanti
Am I in denial or what? Thank you, thank you.
Shanti
Day One's Can RIP!!!
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Far & Wide
Posts: 244
.
Hi Shanticlare and welcome!
You've gotten some good responses and I can't really add anything . . . but here is a link to AA's website . . . . if you enter the zip code of the area where you live, you'll get a map of central AA offices in your area. If you click on one of the little red flags that pop up on the map, you should be able find a list of AA groups that are closest to you.
Alcoholics Anonymous : Central Offices, Intergroups, Answering Services and General Service Conference Area Web Sites for (US/Canada)
Hi Shanticlare and welcome!
You've gotten some good responses and I can't really add anything . . . but here is a link to AA's website . . . . if you enter the zip code of the area where you live, you'll get a map of central AA offices in your area. If you click on one of the little red flags that pop up on the map, you should be able find a list of AA groups that are closest to you.
Alcoholics Anonymous : Central Offices, Intergroups, Answering Services and General Service Conference Area Web Sites for (US/Canada)
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Originally Posted by Shanticlare
I'm reading the many experiences people on this site have had and i haven't had the traumatic events like DUI, job performance being affected or relationship problems but I think I drink too much. I can easily drink a bottle, sometimes a bottle and a half of wine, at night. I don't have to, or even want to, drink every night because of how I feel the next day. I also like margaritas (a lot) and won't go to restaurants that don't serve one or the other. Those are the only alcoholic beverages I like. I hate the taste of whiskey, most beers, rum, gin. I take that back, I do like the fattening cordials like amaretto and Bailey's.
When I tell my husband I think I have a drinking problem because I can't stop at one glass of wine (or 2 or 3), he says I don't because I would be drinking during the day, hiding bottles, etc. Isn't that "old school" thinking of what people used to think alcoholics were?
I would like to stop drinking but we so enjoy sitting on the porch and embibing in the evenings or going out for Mexican and enjoying 1 or 2 Margaritas. I know I would like to stop but when I do I feel this enormous void. I typed in my city and state to see if there were any AA groups in my area but nothing came up.
When I tell my husband I think I have a drinking problem because I can't stop at one glass of wine (or 2 or 3), he says I don't because I would be drinking during the day, hiding bottles, etc. Isn't that "old school" thinking of what people used to think alcoholics were?
I would like to stop drinking but we so enjoy sitting on the porch and embibing in the evenings or going out for Mexican and enjoying 1 or 2 Margaritas. I know I would like to stop but when I do I feel this enormous void. I typed in my city and state to see if there were any AA groups in my area but nothing came up.
Like you, I haven't had a lot of the traumatic events ("bottoms") that a lot of alcoholics have. No DUIs. No lost jobs. No relationship troubles. No hospital trips. No car accidents. Heck, not even a missed dinner or children's sporting event. About the worst thing I ever skipped out on because of a hangover was canceling a gym appointment with my trainer! LOL And I only did that once or twice... I usually showed up anyway, knowing the workout would do me good. I also never drank during the day. Well, ok, not NEVER, but once or twice - ever. My drinking began after 4 p.m. 95% of the time.
You don't have to have a traumatic event to have a drinking problem. Let's hope you never do! But you CAN have a drinking problem anyway. The fact that you're here, posting and wondering, is a big indication that you probably do.
Forget your husband's opinion. With all due respect, it doesn't matter. YOUR opinion matters. I bet there's a lot about your drinking that he doesn't know. But even if he knows it all, he can't tell you how you handle it... how you feel about it... how your body reacts to it... how your MIND reacts to it. Only you know that.
Your husband's SUPPORT will be a great help, if you can get it. He doesn't need to agree with you, he just needs to accept it. This is about you, not him. Please remember that.
Welcome, and I hope you find our community as helpful as I have found it to be.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Almeria,Spain
Posts: 27
Haven't lost your job........yet
Haven't hidden bottles......yet
Haven't lost a partner.......yet
Haven't been hospitalised....yet
Haven't had a morning drink.....yet
Get the picture?
A bottle of wine or a couple of margeritas a night is not social drinking. I think you know that.
Haven't hidden bottles......yet
Haven't lost a partner.......yet
Haven't been hospitalised....yet
Haven't had a morning drink.....yet
Get the picture?
A bottle of wine or a couple of margeritas a night is not social drinking. I think you know that.
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Originally Posted by eleanor11
Haven't lost your job........yet
Haven't hidden bottles......yet
Haven't lost a partner.......yet
Haven't been hospitalised....yet
Haven't had a morning drink.....yet
Get the picture?
Haven't hidden bottles......yet
Haven't lost a partner.......yet
Haven't been hospitalised....yet
Haven't had a morning drink.....yet
Get the picture?
"So you haven't had any of those horrible things happen to you that other drinkers have had happen. You miss drinking. You miss the fun. You think you have nothing to look forward to now. Well let me tell you what you have to look forward to if you start drinking again (or continue drinking) -
If you haven't lost a job because of your drinking, you will.
If you haven't ruined a relationship or driven a loved one away, you will.
If you haven't gotten a DUI or been to jail, you will.
..."
And so on. Definitely makes you stop and think.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
Originally Posted by Shanticlare
When I tell my husband I think I have a drinking problem because I can't stop at one glass of wine (or 2 or 3), he says I don't because I would be drinking during the day, hiding bottles, etc. Isn't that "old school" thinking of what people used to think alcoholics were?
One of my best friends has never had any trouble with work, the law, his marriage. He owns two homes outright along with a couple 40 acre plots in the Colorado Mountains. He has impecable credit and countless thousands in the bank. He lives the life that many of us dream of. Yet he is chronic. He can not stop drinking. He'll probably be dead or close to it in ten years or less.
The stereotypical alcoholic is just something that has been dreamed up by other alcoholics to minimize their own drinking.
It's highly possible that some of the things you described may never happen to you. Maybe none of it will happen.
The real question is this; "Can you control your drinking with regularity"? "Do you develop an incessive craving for alcohol once started"?
That describes an Alcoholic more than DUIs, Divorce, Lost jobs and bad checks.
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Here's the Mayo Clinic's self-assessment tool: Alcohol use self-assessment: Rate your drinking habits - MayoClinic.com
Answer honestly. This is very similar to the dozens of "Am I an Alcoholic" questionnaires out there.
For me, the biggie was the "can you stop once you start" question. Starting drinking was never my problem... STOPPING was. As the old AA saying goes, one drink is too many and a thousand is never enough.
Keep coming back.
Answer honestly. This is very similar to the dozens of "Am I an Alcoholic" questionnaires out there.
For me, the biggie was the "can you stop once you start" question. Starting drinking was never my problem... STOPPING was. As the old AA saying goes, one drink is too many and a thousand is never enough.
Keep coming back.
judge only yourself
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: osaka, japan
Posts: 67
am i an alcoholic - i also use to ask this alot 2 months ago. its really a hard question, but i figured i needed to start researching it a little. Then I came to the realization that if i had been asking it this much and was always looking up warning signs online that all these were definitely signs i had a problem with my drinking. If your drinking reaches a point where there is concern by yourself or a caring outside source there is definitely a problem.
the issue of a loved one or close friend being an influence on your drinking is also ultra hard. When i was trying to stay sober before and failing it was when i was dating others who drank alot too. It wasnt until i fought to become sober while i was single that i have finally been successful (well for what 2 months so far is worth).
I have still decided to stay single as I fight my demons and do more soul searching. I dont think i will date again until i can find another non-drinker.
Is that the answer for you too? It is not for me to say as everyone works things out differently but its definitely worth searching for the answer within yourself. good luck on your sober journey!
the issue of a loved one or close friend being an influence on your drinking is also ultra hard. When i was trying to stay sober before and failing it was when i was dating others who drank alot too. It wasnt until i fought to become sober while i was single that i have finally been successful (well for what 2 months so far is worth).
I have still decided to stay single as I fight my demons and do more soul searching. I dont think i will date again until i can find another non-drinker.
Is that the answer for you too? It is not for me to say as everyone works things out differently but its definitely worth searching for the answer within yourself. good luck on your sober journey!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
I have to correct myself. I said that what you described were "Consequences of Alcoholism" after re reading this I want to change that to "Consequences of Drinking"
This kind of thing happens to some drinkers,whether they're Alcoholic or not.
This kind of thing happens to some drinkers,whether they're Alcoholic or not.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
I have yet to meet a normal drinker who ever asked "Am I an Alcoholic?" .
I think that should be one of the questions on those "questionnaires" worth like 5 points or something haha "have you ever asked yourself if you were an Alcoholic?" yes? do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars lol
I am of the school that alcoholism is a "self diagnosed" disease, in that I just lied to Drs., Psychiatrists, girlfriends, family etc. if I wasn't ready to stop anyway, by the time I "told the truth" I knew the jig was up.
I have had Psychiatrists diagnose me as a non alcoholic when I was literally hammered every day, and once I had an alcohol councilor strongly suggest that I go to a 1.5 year inpatient alcohol rehab to get "help" when I already had been sober for years...some of these people are incompetent, some just don't have the experience and training, some I could "hoodwink", later on, after I had been sober for some years, I noticed that most of them got smarter and were able to do their job a lot better...kinda like my parents, they were Gods when I was little, got dumb when I was a teen, but somehow regained their intelligence when I hit my 20's...
I went to school in California when they were teaching "new math" so "a few drinks" or "a bottle or so of wine" for me usually meant something completely different then what people thought. like 2-3 beers = a case, a few cocktails, could be around 25, "just one" was usually less then six but more then 3
it comes down to what PinkCuda said: I couldn't tell you which time I would get drunk after I had a few drinks because I didn't know and had no control over it, although it never seemed that way to me, I just thought that that particular Tuesday was fun, and life just had an uncanny knack for making super fun nights always occur the night before I had something important I needed to wake for...like work...
I never understood the word "crave" until after I had been sober for awhile, because if I "wanted" a drink, I took it, no "craving" involved, people who had "cravings" were sick, you know?
I drank after some years of sobriety, and I noticed that I "wanted" a beer every day after work, I noticed if I went and had dinner before I had a beer, I no longer wanted a beer...that's when the light went on for me what "craving" meant...like oh...even if I am hungry my alcoholism is so tricky it will "dress up" my hunger to "want" or "crave" a beer.
it was fairly subtle, and it was only because I had gone some years without drinking I was really able to watch all the tricky little ways like that alcohol would "fool" me into drinking.
now my "drug of choice" is coffee can you tell? and I "want" more now...
Good luck and keep us "posted"
ok...no more puns...I gotta go
I think that should be one of the questions on those "questionnaires" worth like 5 points or something haha "have you ever asked yourself if you were an Alcoholic?" yes? do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars lol
I am of the school that alcoholism is a "self diagnosed" disease, in that I just lied to Drs., Psychiatrists, girlfriends, family etc. if I wasn't ready to stop anyway, by the time I "told the truth" I knew the jig was up.
I have had Psychiatrists diagnose me as a non alcoholic when I was literally hammered every day, and once I had an alcohol councilor strongly suggest that I go to a 1.5 year inpatient alcohol rehab to get "help" when I already had been sober for years...some of these people are incompetent, some just don't have the experience and training, some I could "hoodwink", later on, after I had been sober for some years, I noticed that most of them got smarter and were able to do their job a lot better...kinda like my parents, they were Gods when I was little, got dumb when I was a teen, but somehow regained their intelligence when I hit my 20's...
I went to school in California when they were teaching "new math" so "a few drinks" or "a bottle or so of wine" for me usually meant something completely different then what people thought. like 2-3 beers = a case, a few cocktails, could be around 25, "just one" was usually less then six but more then 3
it comes down to what PinkCuda said:
The real question is this; "Can you control your drinking with regularity"? "Do you develop an incessive craving for alcohol once started"?
I never understood the word "crave" until after I had been sober for awhile, because if I "wanted" a drink, I took it, no "craving" involved, people who had "cravings" were sick, you know?
I drank after some years of sobriety, and I noticed that I "wanted" a beer every day after work, I noticed if I went and had dinner before I had a beer, I no longer wanted a beer...that's when the light went on for me what "craving" meant...like oh...even if I am hungry my alcoholism is so tricky it will "dress up" my hunger to "want" or "crave" a beer.
it was fairly subtle, and it was only because I had gone some years without drinking I was really able to watch all the tricky little ways like that alcohol would "fool" me into drinking.
now my "drug of choice" is coffee can you tell? and I "want" more now...
Good luck and keep us "posted"
ok...no more puns...I gotta go
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