Am I hopeless?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Romania
Posts: 34
Am I hopeless?
Hello my friends!
I did it again. Sober since my dad's birthday (October 5), last Thursday I started a new frightening bender. Lots of "reasons" to justify it, some of them thoroughly contradictory: success with an academic event, my daughter's epileptic seizure (the 3rd since 2006, when she was diagnosed with simple cryptogenic epilepsy and my alcoholism progressed to a new stage), the accidental erasure of a photo folder on my computer and the frustrating but failed attempts to recover it, the startling discovery of the fact that my dad is drinking secretly (although forbidden to by the doctor), stressful paperwork with my job et al. Beer, wine, and plum brandy have been my steady companions for nearly a week. What scares me most is that eversince I acknowledged my alcoholism even a glass of poire (pear cider, almost non-alcoholic) brings about the overpowering urge to go for the hard stuff. God, in three hours' time I have to teach two courses and I'm pretty plastered. I think I'll have to review my pattern of getting back into sobriety: something gets jammed somewhere and I still haven't figured it out. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
Love,
Goob
I did it again. Sober since my dad's birthday (October 5), last Thursday I started a new frightening bender. Lots of "reasons" to justify it, some of them thoroughly contradictory: success with an academic event, my daughter's epileptic seizure (the 3rd since 2006, when she was diagnosed with simple cryptogenic epilepsy and my alcoholism progressed to a new stage), the accidental erasure of a photo folder on my computer and the frustrating but failed attempts to recover it, the startling discovery of the fact that my dad is drinking secretly (although forbidden to by the doctor), stressful paperwork with my job et al. Beer, wine, and plum brandy have been my steady companions for nearly a week. What scares me most is that eversince I acknowledged my alcoholism even a glass of poire (pear cider, almost non-alcoholic) brings about the overpowering urge to go for the hard stuff. God, in three hours' time I have to teach two courses and I'm pretty plastered. I think I'll have to review my pattern of getting back into sobriety: something gets jammed somewhere and I still haven't figured it out. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
Love,
Goob
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 4,469
You are NOT hopeless. But I remember that feeling. I couldn't live with alcohol/drugs and I couldn't live without them. Feeling hopeless is a great place to be. (it was for me anyway). Until I was beat by my addiction I was not ready to do anything about it. Have you tried AA? That is what I do and it has been working for 21 months. Please keep us posted.
ever closer...
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Greensboro, NC
Posts: 361
You are not hopeless...noone is! The first month sucks but know that it will get better and you will learn new ways to cope with the same old things. Unfortunetly many of lifes circumstances do not change but we can change how we react to them. Just go one day at a time! Sending a big (((HUG))) to you
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Hotel California
Posts: 175
In My Humble Opinion
Nope, definitely not hopeless. There is hope for everyone that suffers from the disease. I've been told that one cannot fix a broken tool with a broken tool. My experience has been that you won't be able to solve the problem on your own. I have also been told and believe that "you can't think your way into better actions" but you can "act your way into better thinking". Please go to an A.A. or N.A. meeting. If you get a sponsor and work the steps then things will start to get better.
You know what the problem is and it is so tempting to stay stuck in the problem but the only way out is to focus on the solution which is to find a new way to live through A.A. or N.A.
You know what the problem is and it is so tempting to stay stuck in the problem but the only way out is to focus on the solution which is to find a new way to live through A.A. or N.A.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
No, you're not hopeless at all, just exhausted and frustrated maybe, but not hopeless. I too suggest trying AA. Maybe a frank talk with your doctor too about your desire to stop drinking. Just never give up on yourself! You CAN do this. We want to help you any way we can!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 53
The excuses to drink are always there; they're constants. I've always known that but only recently have I really accepted it.
If something goes wrong at work I want a drink, but if I have a very GOOD day at work I want a drink to celebrate it. If I'm sick I want a drink, but if I'm feeling especially healthy I drink to my health. If I'm depressed I want a drink, but if I'm happy I will drink to comemorate it. *how sick is THAT?*
It's only been a few days since my last drink, so by no measure do I have all the answers, but I have been jumping on the treadmill in the evenings for 20 minutes or a half hour and have found that it eats up my craving. Maybe try to put your energy into something like that. Can't hurt!
If something goes wrong at work I want a drink, but if I have a very GOOD day at work I want a drink to celebrate it. If I'm sick I want a drink, but if I'm feeling especially healthy I drink to my health. If I'm depressed I want a drink, but if I'm happy I will drink to comemorate it. *how sick is THAT?*
It's only been a few days since my last drink, so by no measure do I have all the answers, but I have been jumping on the treadmill in the evenings for 20 minutes or a half hour and have found that it eats up my craving. Maybe try to put your energy into something like that. Can't hurt!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Southwest PA USA
Posts: 339
Goob,
Hopeless- NO!
Scared, confused- maybe.
I'm glad that you're talking about it, though.
My thoughts are with you. It can be especially difficult when your children are involved. When my ex-wife was pregnant, there was a very real chance that we would be having conjoined twins. 14 years later I still remember those days in the OBGYNs office. Fortunately things worked out okay. Epillepsy IS treatable. I had good friend in college who was epilleptic, and as long as he took his medicine, he was all right.
Don't throw in the towel. It's easy to deal with things when you're not dealing wth things. Keep posting here- we care!
Blessings to you and your daughter, my friend!
BHJ
Hopeless- NO!
Scared, confused- maybe.
I'm glad that you're talking about it, though.
My thoughts are with you. It can be especially difficult when your children are involved. When my ex-wife was pregnant, there was a very real chance that we would be having conjoined twins. 14 years later I still remember those days in the OBGYNs office. Fortunately things worked out okay. Epillepsy IS treatable. I had good friend in college who was epilleptic, and as long as he took his medicine, he was all right.
Don't throw in the towel. It's easy to deal with things when you're not dealing wth things. Keep posting here- we care!
Blessings to you and your daughter, my friend!
BHJ
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
Bangoob - that is a question you need to answer for yourself. I will share a bit:
I had to feel hopeless to get sober. Any idea that I had, which included just avioiding the first drink, or being happy without alcohol - ran it's course. The first step (in AA), is that an alcoholic of the type they describe in that book is powerless over alcohol. To me, that is a sad state = it does not paint a pretty picture of the life ahead for an alcoholic who thinks that will power alone is going to get them sober...or that time away from a drink is any indicator of recovery.
I was hopeless..until I was offered a way out. Without that feeling of hopelessness - there is no way I would be sober today...I would probably get some time together, get life straightened out, then drink, and repeat that cycle (at least that is my experience in the past).
Hopelessness is a gift, but it can only be seen in the rear-view.
I had to feel hopeless to get sober. Any idea that I had, which included just avioiding the first drink, or being happy without alcohol - ran it's course. The first step (in AA), is that an alcoholic of the type they describe in that book is powerless over alcohol. To me, that is a sad state = it does not paint a pretty picture of the life ahead for an alcoholic who thinks that will power alone is going to get them sober...or that time away from a drink is any indicator of recovery.
I was hopeless..until I was offered a way out. Without that feeling of hopelessness - there is no way I would be sober today...I would probably get some time together, get life straightened out, then drink, and repeat that cycle (at least that is my experience in the past).
Hopelessness is a gift, but it can only be seen in the rear-view.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 486
Sobriety does take action on your part so think about the following....What have you been doing to try and get sober? Do you think it is working? What are you willing to change to stay sober?
You don't have to do this on your own and as you can tell from the posts here, you have a lot of people who are willing to share their experiences and help you through yours. For me, I know that I cannot stay sober if I try it by myself. I had to take action, I had to become willing to do treatment and AA and I had to reach out to other people who have been there before. It is continuous work but the payoff is that I am sober and I am not creating any more problems in my life.
Keep posting and remember to take it one day at a time!
:praying
You don't have to do this on your own and as you can tell from the posts here, you have a lot of people who are willing to share their experiences and help you through yours. For me, I know that I cannot stay sober if I try it by myself. I had to take action, I had to become willing to do treatment and AA and I had to reach out to other people who have been there before. It is continuous work but the payoff is that I am sober and I am not creating any more problems in my life.
Keep posting and remember to take it one day at a time!
:praying
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Birmingham, AL
Posts: 1,924
Originally Posted by sugErspun 
Hopelessness is a gift, but it can only be seen in the rear-view.
What an opportunity you have to steer away from hopelessness and on to recovery. You are right, excuses are like sand falling through our fingers. It takes effort to be willing. You are no longer alone my friend. Let us know how you do.
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