Chy

Hi Weibe

Good morning, because of the time difference you said you only had 6 hours to go. So here I am hoping you made it! If not try again. I too got were I nearly didn't like the taste, I seemed to at times be forcing myself to take that first drink. Which resulted in many beers later. I also understand about walking by the beer case. I had headed straight for it everytime I walked in the store, I had to break that habit as well, I was shocked at myself one day when I was finally able to go into that store to get some Diet Coke and found myself standing with hand on the door to open that case. Talk about bad habits! I was mortified when I realized what I was doing. But I grabbed my Coke and bolted right out of there. (After paying of course) I don't go there very often for anything anymore.

Keep up the momemntum, the first few days were the hardest for me, but I'm doing it and so can you.

Have a good day!

bubblze30

GOOD LUCK AND JUST REMEMBER EVERY MINUTE COUNTS SO HANG ON TIGHT AND NEVER I MEAN NEVER GIVE IN TO THAT DISESE

wiebe

Hi Chy
No the full 24 didn't happen, some people came by and . . . But I did make it for 20 hours including a night with no alchohal, the first in 5 years. You suffered with this stuff for 20 years and you just hit 90 days. I hope to achieve what you've got.
Hi Bubblze29
Yes I do hold on for hours and then delay for minutes and I won't give in to the disease, or at least I won't stop fighting it.
Wiebe

Don S

Hi, Wiebe,
I distinctly remember my first night in over 20 years without alcohol. The restlessness seemed pretty overwhelming, and I kept looking at the clock and realizing how little sleep I was getting. That is a particular symptom of "detoxing" that can really be an obstacle for many people: "I can't sleep without a drink."

There are a couple of simple ways to dispute that. One is to do things that will help you relax--warm bath, book, hot milk, massage, candles, soft music...uh oh, I'm getting carried away here.

Another is to realize that you may be fixating on, and becoming anxious about, your sleeplessness. So stay awake! All night, if that happens. Big deal. Heck, you used to do it in college, right? And you can nap when your body tells you to. Besides, sober sunrises are beautiful. You may be a little less on top of your job tomorrow, but probably not as impaired as if you were drunk. Besides, taking a "sick day" to achieve sobriety isn't unreasonable. After all, you are dealing with a medical condition.

This is part of a broader anxiety about quitting drinking. People are often scared of what life will be like without it. The threads on this forum board reflect fears of boredom, coping with stress, dealing with how other people will react (just wait until we get close to the holidays!), etc. It WILL be uncomfortable, but all of those things are bearable. Dealing with them as separate issues, and ruling out alcohol as the solution to any of them, is an important step.

How much beer did you drink when you finally did? The reason this is important is that you may have found what your body and mind consider to be your dosage. Anything after that is probably maintenance, although for many people the first drink simply starts another long ingestion that doesn't stop until they're asleep in one form or another.

Taking a close look at when you drank and why may be useful to you in identifying what triggers you to start drinking. If you can stop the starting part, you can stop for good. That means recognizing urges and triggers and disputing them until they pass.

Congratulations on your first day, wiebe. Keep in mind that after about 72 hours without alcohol most of the physiological changes of early sobriety have passed and you are mostly dealing with psychological things. So a 72 hour goal can be an important first step.

Don S

Chy

Well Weibe, you made a start and that's a good thing! Your first night without, and a whole 20 hours is a big step and a great start! You can do this one hour at a time. Get away from watching the clock, fill your day with so much stuff to do you have to keep busy. Make committments for situations that will keep you away from the temptation. Also consider an AA meeting. Now is a good time to start. I noticed the site Ann had appeared to give you some good info. Even though I couldn't read the language, I could tell it was offering you a choice. Make no more excuses for drinking, friends or not, having a beer with son, nope! Like Don said the sleeplessness will get better it took a few weeks for me to sleep versus being passed out. A natural supplement melatonin helped me with it the first few weeks. Think about some of the things Don mentioned and answer them honestly. We are here rooting you on, it may take a few false starts but it will happen if you want it enough. Try reading some of KINDABLUES posts. Boy did he struggle and now he's doing great and has a little over two weeks! Message him, you two can help each other.

Wishing you well today!

In the meantime, try a full 24 hours and just keep being honest, and try, try, try! *hugs*

2stop

Hi Wiebe,
I have been reading over your posts and I see honesty, openness, and willingness..that's HOW it works ya know! You can do this, it just takes some rough starts like Chy said, keep picking yourself back up and you will make it through..one day at a time. My prayers are with you.

wiebe

Hi Don
Sometimes it's one step forward and two steps back. I went out to fix a system and since the guy knew my habits he had a fridge full beer to make sure I stayed until the job was done. Urg! Still on track though, I won't be defeated by a few cans of beer. It took about 6 years to build this rotton situation, I don't mind (and actualy have to) take a few months to get rid of it. In my mind bringing it down to a dull roar (which I have done) is the first phase. The sleep problem isn't a small thing though since I used to be awake for days at a time sometimes before I started drinking, and sleeping pills don't work at all. A sleepless night or two doesn't scare me but having had a collapsed lung a few times, I do have to watch the fatigue level. I was pleasantly surprised to get any sleep at all that first night without the stuff, and will try it again soon. It feels nice in the morning.
Chy, after this message I'm going to look up a few of kindablue's posts. The link Ann sent I had been to already (but there's nothing in my city and when I called the nearest one, it was in a hard to find location in a hard to get to town), and the American home page had a bunch of links that didn't work. That's why I was so happy to find this site. It's great to be able to communicate with people who know how it is to live with this.
2stop, Thanks, and I got my girlfriend laughing when I read her your second quote.
Wiebe

Chy

Here's wishing you have a good day. Glad your making P R O G R E S S!!

You just keep coming back here if this is what is working then!

Don S

Hi, wiebe,
You've identified a specific and very common drinking situation, or "trigger" if you want to call it that. Planning for how you're going to deal with friends who assume you're going to drink is very important.
Recognizing the diference between a dull roar and having your head in the lion's mouth can be helpful, as long as you are tapering off. What benefits do you see from your reduced drinking? How about any drawbacks that it might be helpful to talk about?
In my case, sleeplessness diminished over just a couple of weeks. I also became less concerned about it. I now sleep 2 - 4 hours less than I did before. Mornings are MUCH nicer.
Don S

Chy

Hi Weibe!

Just checking in to see how you are doing! Hope your okay and the days are getting better for you. Let us know how your doing!

wiebe

Since posting this thread I've read all the responses (some of them a few times) and spent a LOT of time reading messages on a lot of different threads and sites. The info has given me a lot to chew on. The thead that stuck in my mind more than any other was started by "disillusioned", and in my mind her question was "how do you deal with a more or less "maintainable" alcohal addiction? The physical destruction is irreversible and terible, but gradual. Let's say that no matter how drunk you get you're not abusive and certainly not a threat to anyone. What if you can manage to maintain living in a modest way and still fuction in a work enviroment (in a limited way)? Then there's the choice between a comfortably numb slip down into the inevitable or the scary new world of being awake again. I know I'm asking a really difficult question, but I'd sure appreciate any input on this. I'd love to wake up sober in the morning (like a few days ago, and many years ago) but what a change from all the comfortable but destructive habits that have become a way of life. Hope to hear opinions on this.
Wiebe

Chy

Weibe,

It's a simple question. Do you want sobriety or not? Do you prefer the hangovers to the feeling good in the morning? I know it is a scary thought having sobriety ruin your drinking but "being awake" again has so much to offer. Change in patterns and habits is definity a hard thing to accomplish but my no means impossible. I can't deal with alcohol anymore, simple as that. I don't like what it has done to me both mentally and physically. I still wake up on some days wondering how bad my hangover is gonna be for the day and quickly snap back to my new reality. I am sober! I know it's hard to let go of that good ole bottle. But you have to decide if it is truly your friend and if it is allowing you to be the person you want to be. It's hard saying good-bye to destructive friends, but nothing will change and only get worse ( and that's a promise ) if you don't give it up. Stopping is the easy part staying stopped is what the challenge is.

For me I deal with my alcohol addiction by staying sober one day at a time, going to meetings, and putting all the effort I have in honestly working the steps.

It IS your choice Weibe, you don't have to quit, you can keep on drinking, but know it only gets worse. If that's the life you choose I'll still be here for you, if you want true peace and happiness, hangover-less mornings then give sobriety a chance. I was in fear of sobriety for many years, I could only explain it that way. I was ignorant in that assumption I couldn't do it, give up my best friend and become a sober person in life.

Gosh, you'll get more opinions and realize this is just mine. You have to do what you can live with.

*big hugs as you find yourself*

wiebe

Hi Chy
If I ever manage to hit 3 months as you have I know the old habits from a lifestyle from the prebooze days will take over again. For most of my life I went to parties & stuff and watched other people get stupid while I drank coffee. The stress and frustration of my kids coming to Holland (my son has ADHD and my daughter was on hard drugs) helped start a habit to ease the stress. The kids are now legally adults and I have a good relationship with them, but part of the past remains in the form of this habit. Yes, I want to quit. Of course. In this forum I've read that the shaking lasts about 3 days and the restless anxiety for about 2 weeks. I've tapered the consumtion down to a point where the shaking would be more annoying than dangerous. All I was trying to say in the last post is that this stupid haze is the reality I have come to accept over the years even though my body is falling apart, it won't fall apart tommorow, not yet. I have to, and WILL, quit. It's procrastination I guess. The feedback here is probably helping more than you know. Keep on keeping on Chy.
Wiebe

Chy

*hands ya a cup of coffee*

Good morning! I think your doing well, keep tappering off to the point you will eventually throw in the towel. How I know that haze that was my reality too my friend. I accepted it for over 20 years and just couldn't get out of it it seemed, I understand I do. Us alcoholics are very good at procrastination, we're the master of deceit!

I was trying to be as delicate as I could but yet making a strong opinion on my last post. I know that sometimes they come out a bit harsh. I just think I have to remind myself by expressing to others why I want sobriety if that makes sense.

I am glad you have a relationship with your kids and I get ya when you say part of it is in the form of this habit. I was a very happy drunk and would give my kids whatever they wanted and allow them to do what they wanted within reason. I never said NO to them cause I was trying to make amends for my drinking. Since I would drink I'd give them what they want so they would still love me. My daughter now 22 has a hard time listening to sober mom sometimes when I just don't open the wallet anymore, she's moved out and on her own going through a second divorce. I have to NOW teach her to stand on her own two feet and it's so hard to not given in to those crocodile tears. My son who is 12 going on 30 is an awesome kid who likes the sober mommy now. So no matter how or when you quit you can build new foundations in your relationships.

You seem concerned about the "old habits from the pre-booze days". Well Weibe you'll learn to deal with those too one day at a time. It's scary getting sober, I know it is, but the wonderful thing is it's never to late to rebuild those bridges and walk a path of serenity, yet sober.

You'll do this, I know you can, and I know your in the working up to it stages and that is a good thing. Keep steping forward, try one less beer each day and you'll make it, you will!

Have a great day!

wiebe

Hey Chy, don't ever worry about being harsh, or more importantly, honest. Pleasant little comments don't help anyone. I come to these boards for some REAL feedback from people who've been there and came out of it. As I'm getting more and more sober I've been reflecting on the past and something you said about raising your kids really stuck with me and I read it repeatedly. When my daughter (almost 21) was on speed I would have had a lot more credibility with both her and the communiy if I had had a coffee sitting in front of me instead of a beer. If I raised my voice to her in that time everyone (including her) assumed automaticaly it was the beer and not her behavior that was responsible. I'm also a happy drunk who is a lot less likely to get upset when drunk than when not, but without the booze I could have been a lot stricter with both her and my son and no-one (including them) would have questioned it. Lots to think about. By the way, what I meant by habits from the past taking over again is stuff like reading books and tinkering with machines. Good stuff. I remmember reading in the big book not to worry to much about habits like coffee and cigarettes, but to concentrate on getting rid of the ONE habit running our lives. Working on that.
Thanks for the post
Wiebe

Peter

Experience has taught me that sometimes even the most passive drinker has great potential to harm others.

Forgetfulness for instance may seem pretty harmless at first glance but in reality has the potential to spawn resentments

And what about the anxiety that others experiences when a loved one is late coming home after stopping to "have a few with friends".

Some so called "passive" drinkers may not even be able to provide the kind of emotional support required by the people we care about.

Alcoholism is deep and complex and the decision to stop drinking has to be a very personal one.

Even if you still think a drunk may not be a threat to anyone think of the potential for harm if he accidentally steps into the path of an oncoming vehicle.

Chy

Yup! for the first part. That was me in a nutshell!

Am working on that ONE habit myself and hopefully will get rid of the cigerettes eventually, one day at a time, one thing at a time....

As they say keep it simple

And you have a great day!

Don S

Hi, Wiebe,
Don't worry about cigarettes? Can this really be in the big book? If ever there was a compulsive behavior which leads to bad health effects, it's tobacco.
Message NOT directed at you, Wiebe! Just seeking understanding from AA'ers here....
Now coffee, I'm still pretty sure is not harmful.
Don

DeaconAA

Change: It won't happen if I keep on doing the same thing over and over, I'll keep getting the same thing over and over.

Change: It won't happen if I want to keep feeling how I feel, as I
keep on doing what I'm doing.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Don A.

Jon

The first 164 pages of the Big Book have not been changed since their initial publication in 1939, and there is no reference to cigarettes at all. It is sometimes suggested by sponsors or at meetings that the newcomer focus on their recovery from alcohol before taking on smoking. By the way, the majority of AA meetings are now non-smoking.

Here is a really cool Big Book search engine that can clear up questions quickly:

http://www.healingresource.org/book.cgi?Display_Welcome