Patience
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: MA
Posts: 20
Patience
Hello everyone. I have been reading these forums off and on for a number of years now, in my struggle to achieve some sort of recovery. I am a chronic relapser, but I feel as if I have finally "got" it.
In the end, I gave away almost everything good in my life. My children, my family, my soulmate, and my friends. Giving my children away (my family and my ex took them from me) was my absolute rock bottom, God willing. The day after the courts awarded temp emergency custody of my children to others, I admitted myself into a 5 day detox program. Knowing that the old "spin dry" hadn't done much for me in the past, I then admitted myself into a 28 day inpatient woman's treatment program and after graduation from that, I did outpatient aftercare M-F 9-3:30 for 8 weeks. I have just graduated.
I am celebrating 100 days of sobriety today. During this most recent journey, I was able to finally forgive my HP (took my mom away while I was pregnant 2 years ago) and pray to him and ask for help. So far, it seems to be working, along with going to AA and rebuiding my network of sober friends. People, places and things have changed completely in my life as well. I am enjoying sobriety.
My only problem is that I find that I don't have the patience I need to sit and wait for more gifts to be received. Every day some gift in some form is given to me, even if it is only 1 more day sober. My oldest daughter is home with me finally as of this week. My family is beginning to trust me again. I got a new job. My car was not repoed. I was given the money to hire an attorney in the custody fight with my ex over my baby. I know more gifts will be received with hard work and time, but I just am getting very anxious because I want my life back. I want my baby back, as well as my soulmate, and the depression of not having them back in my life full time is very overwhelming. I know 100 days sober isn't all that much time, but I am getting very impatient.
Any words of wisdom or advice?
:praying
In the end, I gave away almost everything good in my life. My children, my family, my soulmate, and my friends. Giving my children away (my family and my ex took them from me) was my absolute rock bottom, God willing. The day after the courts awarded temp emergency custody of my children to others, I admitted myself into a 5 day detox program. Knowing that the old "spin dry" hadn't done much for me in the past, I then admitted myself into a 28 day inpatient woman's treatment program and after graduation from that, I did outpatient aftercare M-F 9-3:30 for 8 weeks. I have just graduated.
I am celebrating 100 days of sobriety today. During this most recent journey, I was able to finally forgive my HP (took my mom away while I was pregnant 2 years ago) and pray to him and ask for help. So far, it seems to be working, along with going to AA and rebuiding my network of sober friends. People, places and things have changed completely in my life as well. I am enjoying sobriety.
My only problem is that I find that I don't have the patience I need to sit and wait for more gifts to be received. Every day some gift in some form is given to me, even if it is only 1 more day sober. My oldest daughter is home with me finally as of this week. My family is beginning to trust me again. I got a new job. My car was not repoed. I was given the money to hire an attorney in the custody fight with my ex over my baby. I know more gifts will be received with hard work and time, but I just am getting very anxious because I want my life back. I want my baby back, as well as my soulmate, and the depression of not having them back in my life full time is very overwhelming. I know 100 days sober isn't all that much time, but I am getting very impatient.
Any words of wisdom or advice?
:praying
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: MA
Posts: 20
Forgot to add
I forgot to add that I am seeing an addictions therapist weekly as well as attending weekly relapse prevention groups. I am currently on Wellbutrin and Doxepin for my depression and panic disorder. So I am actively seeking help from my depression and anxiety.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
I too am a very impatient person. I'm getting better at patience as I get older, but still struggle. I'm about where you are now, at 98 days sober, but I was lucky that my 'bottom' was more mental than material/physical. I thought I was losing my sanity, but now that I've got three months sober it's coming back to me.
Patience is hard to learn for us impatient people but it can be acquired. ONly thing I can say is just take things one day at a time, cause that's how you have to live, isn't it?
I wish you success. Please don't give up before the miracle happens.
Patience is hard to learn for us impatient people but it can be acquired. ONly thing I can say is just take things one day at a time, cause that's how you have to live, isn't it?
I wish you success. Please don't give up before the miracle happens.
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
When I feel like I am spinning my wheels, I look back at where I was last December. There were some big, immediate changes but much more subtle ones that took some time.
Have a look at the AA promises:
They are real and are starting to happen for me. Patience and hard work. You will get there.
BB quote from the 1st edition of the BB
Have a look at the AA promises:
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not.
They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
They will always materialize if we work for them.
Alcoholics Anonymous p 83-84
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not.
They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
They will always materialize if we work for them.
Alcoholics Anonymous p 83-84
BB quote from the 1st edition of the BB
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