Rebecca4

I am so privildged to read all your posts, all your experiences.
I consider you to be some of the wisest caring people I know.
If I have a shaky day, I come to your happy home for inspiration.
I have not had a long drinking career.
I have not lost my job..... yet.
I have not lost my house .....yet
I have not lost my partner.........yet.

What I do struggle with though is the constant ruminating and worrying about the stupid things I have done while drinking in the past. These both relate to work and home and family. I cannot often get on with things becuase I constantly go over in mind the last time I fell asleep in the bar when with work colleagues and had to be carried to bed in full view of everyone. Or torturing myself with what if I did something stupid at that party with my friends when I blacked out and they are not telling me.
I cannot put this down to the fact that I have an illness so thats why I did it, or at least not yet.
My past actions are actually making me withdraw from my friends. It is making me lonely. I feel a great sense of shame at work, that I am seen as a joke, even though I work in a very boozy enviroment.

If you have time to advice, or share your experiences, I would be so grateful.

Blessings to you all

x

Bamboozle

Hello, Rebecca.

Have you discussed this with any of your good friends? Good friends will be there for you--please do not isolate. I know it's a bad idea to isolate...everytime I do that I practically drown in the drink.

Reach out. Find people who won't judge you but instead will be part of a good support system. It's important to stay in contact with good people.

CarolD

Glad to see you again....

I found my solution in the rooms of AA.
When I began my formal 12 Step work...
I learned how to live sober and enjoy sobriety.

Steps 4 & 5 erased my guilt so I could
become the healthy sober woman I wanted to be.

And those rooms gave me non judggemental friends
who support me without reservations.

Blessings .

espresso

Hi Rebecca,
Carol's right you will feel so different about the past once you are on the steps;
" Yesterday is a cancelled check, tomorrow is a promissory note, Today is cash in hand so spend it wisely "

lizw

I'm an AA member too and at 3 months sober my life was really uncomfortable for reasons including what you describe.
I got a sponsor and began with the steps.
Not drinking was just the beginning for me.

least

It took me from last December til mid July to finally be able to stay sober. I had so many false starts I was feeling hopeless. But when I wanted to stay sober more than I wanted to drink, I was able to stay sober. Now that I have 98 days sober I feel better and am not afraid or ashamed to look at myself in the morning.

You too can find peace in a sober life. Please consult your doctor about detoxing safely. Try going to several AA meetings before you make up your mind if AA is right for you. There are other recovery programs out there also. With support and determination you too can have a safe and happy sober life.

:ghug3