Tazman53

bodecia have you thought about not doing this alone? I found a group of sober alcoholics who found a solution to thier drinking problem and they shared it with me freely! All I had to do was do what they did, it was not easy, but it was simple and they all helped me along the way. I tried for many many years to stay sober alone and the only thing that led me to was staying drunk! When I put out my hand to other sober alcoholics and asked for help I got it!

bodecia

Thanks Taz
Yes I do know about AA, thanks. I have been to many meetings, both AA and NA. I do not have anything against them, and do find them somewhat helpful, but do not believe they are the only form of help out there.
I am feeling very vulnerable at the moment, and do not really feel safe attending groups, well I could attend them , but I wouldn't be honest if I drank, as I feel I can be here, and then I'd feel like a fraud, and a liar, and that would be counterproductive to me getting better.
And I do not feel completely alone, because I am feeling a connection with others on here. :ghug2

bodecia

Day 3
1.22pm Well I only slept until 1pm today, so that's progress I guess ("progress not perfection" was what they drummed into us at rehab). I really want to achieve something today, because it is when I have got nothing done all day that I get down and feel hopeless, and then I am very vulnerable to that little demon voice.

Cathy31

Hello and well done on day 3! Try a to do list - even 3 key things you want to accomplish today - not drinking being number 1!

The sleeping gets better

Cathy31
x

bodecia

Day 4
3.57pm Only slept until 10:30am today, But didn't manage to get to sleep till after 6am, so feeling tired, but fairly determined not to nap, so that I can hopefully get to sleep tonight, and start getting into decent routine.

Well I've made it to day 4.. again-and it was haarrdd. Harder than last time. Didn't think I was going to make it. But a big part of why I did was imagining the shame of having to come on here and admit that I didn't even make it as long as last time, and have the few people that haven't dismissed me as hopeless writing me off as well.

So I guess alcoholic false pride can be a good thing if you can use it to your advantage.
But I truly am back where I was on my last day 4 including the urge to drink, but minus the dd, she is away until tomorrow, which is good and bad in terms of me staying sober - good, because she is not here annoying me at this very moment which would probably tip me over the edge, and because I want to be 5 days sober when she gets back, as my gift to her and me, and because I do not want to be hungover when she gets back. Bad, because I have that "it's my last day I can do whatever I want without anyone making me feel bad about doing it, so lets get in one last blast" kind of mentality.
I guess I need to focus on the consequences of my drinking, not the initial relief feeling it brings. Even so you would think that the huge consequences would outweigh the small amount of relief for A short time that I feel, but they are fighting about equal - weight in my mind right now.

CarolD

Action....it always helps me keep in balance.

Do positive things....a manicure/pedicure
after doing household chores.

A long bubble bath...scented candle...music
after you finish laundry

Keep in focus..Yes! you too can move forward