family members hurt by my drinking
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: United States
Posts: 38
family members hurt by my drinking
Well, my great plan about not going out over the weekend went very wrong. I did go out, and finally stopped drinking on Monday morning. Thank goodness I was off yesterday. You know, I really never thought my drinking hurt anyone. I mean, I still have friends call me to go out. I'm not dating anyone/no kids. Well, I was told I passed out while out and had to be carried home by my sister and this other woman. The girl told me the next day that my sister was crying saying how she hates to see me like this. Then I get the concerned call from my mom yesterday. Very worried about me. Of course, I was defensive at first. Almost like - hey I'm 41 it's no ones business what I do. And my alcoholc mind is saying well, if I moved out of my sisters place, then no one will know that I'm screwing up. No one will know my business.
Today I got back on the ReVia that my doc prescribed for me but I stopped taking. I'f I can get some energy and get over this depression I'm feeling ( always after I binge) then I'm going to that AA meeting that I intended to get to last week.
Just venting as it seems only other alcoholics may know what I'm feeling. I want to stop, need to stop, but really for the first time - don't know if I can. that point of can't keep doing what I'm doing, yet can't imagine a life without drinking - i.e. parties, cookouts, happy hour. Crazy, stupid thoughts. Never thought I'd be in this deep with my drinking.
Today I got back on the ReVia that my doc prescribed for me but I stopped taking. I'f I can get some energy and get over this depression I'm feeling ( always after I binge) then I'm going to that AA meeting that I intended to get to last week.
Just venting as it seems only other alcoholics may know what I'm feeling. I want to stop, need to stop, but really for the first time - don't know if I can. that point of can't keep doing what I'm doing, yet can't imagine a life without drinking - i.e. parties, cookouts, happy hour. Crazy, stupid thoughts. Never thought I'd be in this deep with my drinking.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,051
Interesting, I found my way into recovery at the age of 41 also, although I had a spouse and children at the time. My ex spent years crying over the chaos I'd create when I drank. Yep, I have a pretty good idea of how you feel, I drank to the point of giving away my home, marriage, and family life.
That's one of the many things that keeps me sober every day, knowing that I'm not so different from everyone else in recovery, or from those who are still active in their disease. I can see the similarities rather than the differences. More importantly though, I'm grateful I finally reached the point where I knew I could never safely drink again, it became a matter of life or death.
A life without drinking? Trust me when I tell you that parties, cookouts, and happy hours are much more fun and interesting when I'm coherent and functioning, rather than having to be carried home. And there's much more to life than activities that revolve around alcohol.
That's one of the many things that keeps me sober every day, knowing that I'm not so different from everyone else in recovery, or from those who are still active in their disease. I can see the similarities rather than the differences. More importantly though, I'm grateful I finally reached the point where I knew I could never safely drink again, it became a matter of life or death.
A life without drinking? Trust me when I tell you that parties, cookouts, and happy hours are much more fun and interesting when I'm coherent and functioning, rather than having to be carried home. And there's much more to life than activities that revolve around alcohol.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
I do think it's typical for us addicts to be in denial about how much we hurt those around us. When I stopped drinking and had to really look at it, it was devastating. But, all you can do is to move forward.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
When I was working in bars....we used to laugh at those
desperate people ...trying to be young again ...using current
teen expressions....the women overly made up, wearing clothes
suitable for their daughters
The forced giggles...trips to ladies in 2's....hair beginning
to wilt...lipstick smeared...flirty and loud.
The party animals left in the corral.
Then I became one too...
I do hope you can find your way Bella
You simply will not beleive what an
awesome adventure AA is.
desperate people ...trying to be young again ...using current
teen expressions....the women overly made up, wearing clothes
suitable for their daughters
The forced giggles...trips to ladies in 2's....hair beginning
to wilt...lipstick smeared...flirty and loud.
The party animals left in the corral.Then I became one too...
I do hope you can find your way Bella
You simply will not beleive what an
awesome adventure AA is.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: United States
Posts: 38
I hate to think what I look like if someone ever videotaped me. I know how I look coming off a bender and it's not a pretty sight at all. Not the put together, woman that started the evening out that's for sure. Except for this time, no one, I mean no one has ever called me out on my actions. I'm a friendly, but I'm sure sloppy drunk so no one really tells me how I looked/acted the night before (well except this time).
And really, what I hope to not forget THIS time is all the BS that stacks up from going out drinking that stresses me out: Laundry not done, having to replace lost debit/credit cards, very inconveniant. Spending money buying lunch every day cuz I didn't go to the grocery store. No tp in the house (thank goodness for boxes of tissues), my dog wondering and whining why all the sudden I have no treats for her like I used to have every day (never made it to buy tp - let alone dog treats). Now I have a balance on my credit cards because I've had to use them while waiting for my lost debit card. Just life stuff that should be simple and I've made it complicated by binge drinking. Damn, I hope this is it for me. Day 3 and my head is still in a fog.
And really, what I hope to not forget THIS time is all the BS that stacks up from going out drinking that stresses me out: Laundry not done, having to replace lost debit/credit cards, very inconveniant. Spending money buying lunch every day cuz I didn't go to the grocery store. No tp in the house (thank goodness for boxes of tissues), my dog wondering and whining why all the sudden I have no treats for her like I used to have every day (never made it to buy tp - let alone dog treats). Now I have a balance on my credit cards because I've had to use them while waiting for my lost debit card. Just life stuff that should be simple and I've made it complicated by binge drinking. Damn, I hope this is it for me. Day 3 and my head is still in a fog.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR belle, sounds to me like you are ready for the insanity to stop!!! I was 52 before I saw my future death if I kept on drinking! I was to the point of drinking evry day because I had to. I started drinking the second I got off work, I would drink about 8 beers just to get home and then sit in my garage by myself to where I would not have to listen to my wife and kids gripe. I did this for 5 years.
Here is the best suggestion I can give you right now since you say you are going to go to an AA meeting. Please understand I have been in your shoes so when I say this it is not to be mean, it is because I know what it takes......... ACTION!!!!
1. Grab the phone book and look up your local AA hotline.
2. Grab a phone and call the number!!!
The person who answers will know exactly what you are talking about because they are a recovering alcoholic, they have been there and done that! They know the feeling of desperation, the hopelessness.......... but they also have found a solution!!!!
If a man answers ask if you can speak to a lady if possible. Ask if you could meet with them at a coffee shop or what ever and talk.
There is a solution for your problem, but it does not come in pill form, it takes work, it takes action, but trust me it is well worth it.
Here is the best suggestion I can give you right now since you say you are going to go to an AA meeting. Please understand I have been in your shoes so when I say this it is not to be mean, it is because I know what it takes......... ACTION!!!!
1. Grab the phone book and look up your local AA hotline.
2. Grab a phone and call the number!!!
The person who answers will know exactly what you are talking about because they are a recovering alcoholic, they have been there and done that! They know the feeling of desperation, the hopelessness.......... but they also have found a solution!!!!
If a man answers ask if you can speak to a lady if possible. Ask if you could meet with them at a coffee shop or what ever and talk.
There is a solution for your problem, but it does not come in pill form, it takes work, it takes action, but trust me it is well worth it.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,777
Towards the end of my short but intense drinking career I was all too aware of the hurt I was inflicting on those I love, but I stupidly and selfishly kept on drinking, partly to drown my feelings of guilt.
I am now working on winning back the respect of my kids and they are proud of me for staying sober. I won't risk picking up again and losing all I've gained in the last 94 days. I have more respect for myself than I've had in the last year and a half and won't risk going back to my old destructive ways. I like myself more these days and don't want to wake up feeling like hell and hating myself!
I am now working on winning back the respect of my kids and they are proud of me for staying sober. I won't risk picking up again and losing all I've gained in the last 94 days. I have more respect for myself than I've had in the last year and a half and won't risk going back to my old destructive ways. I like myself more these days and don't want to wake up feeling like hell and hating myself!
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Welcome belle! You cam e to the right place.
This can be the start of a whole new life and what better time to start than in your early 40's!
I got sober 2 1/2 months before I turned 40 and I am so excited about this chapter of my life! I have been sober a little over 5 months and I could not be happier with the choice. I do not miss that foggy feeling at ALL!
My best advice to you? Grab a schedule (from your first AA meeting). Go through it and highlight every meeting that you could possible make in a week. Then go to as many meetings as you can the first couple of weeks. Find the ones where you are the most comfortable and get the most out of. Definitely choose at least 1 womens meeting. Show up 15 minutes early and stay to help clean up. You will find your way.
I did this the first couple of months and today I have a new family. I can not walk into a local meeting today without being greeted by several people that I know. It is SUCH a great feeling. I feel like I am home.
Keep coming back! It works and you are worth it! :ghug3
This can be the start of a whole new life and what better time to start than in your early 40's!
I got sober 2 1/2 months before I turned 40 and I am so excited about this chapter of my life! I have been sober a little over 5 months and I could not be happier with the choice. I do not miss that foggy feeling at ALL!
My best advice to you? Grab a schedule (from your first AA meeting). Go through it and highlight every meeting that you could possible make in a week. Then go to as many meetings as you can the first couple of weeks. Find the ones where you are the most comfortable and get the most out of. Definitely choose at least 1 womens meeting. Show up 15 minutes early and stay to help clean up. You will find your way.
I did this the first couple of months and today I have a new family. I can not walk into a local meeting today without being greeted by several people that I know. It is SUCH a great feeling. I feel like I am home.
Keep coming back! It works and you are worth it! :ghug3
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
I started having these major revelations just before I quit drinking and it continues today:
-I didn’t think I was really hurting anyone even though I was abandoning my wife & small children for days at a time and my sister was worried that I was dead.
-I thought I was a good dad even though I would go missing for 2 or 3 days and then be miserable for days when I did get home.
-I thought that since I was such a great husband when I was sober (yeah right), my wife should tolerate my weekly disappearances and should help me fix my problems once I sobered up.
-I thought I was such an excellent worker that my boss should forgive me for missing meetings without notice or showing up to meetings still drunk from the night before.
-I thought I wasn’t damaging my health, that I could always bounce back.
-I didn’t believe that I was an alcoholic and that I could quit drinking anytime I wanted to.
My life was based on these fallacies that at my core I believed were the absolute truth. I have had so many revelations, moments of clarity. Everything came tumbling down like a house of cards. Delusion, insanity, rationalization, self-centeredness…it all fits. It is a scary process but at the same time incredibly freeing. I am one of the lucky ones, I know that.
One of the greatest revelations I have had is that I can live a good, sober life. I am 10 months sober and I have never ever felt better. And if I want to keep it, I have to keep working at my program and learning from others.
I was listening to an AA speaker tape today and the speaker said that once we can call something what it truly is, we can then start to recover. I am an alcoholic and I did hurt people. But I can change and I can move on - I am proving this every day.
-I didn’t think I was really hurting anyone even though I was abandoning my wife & small children for days at a time and my sister was worried that I was dead.
-I thought I was a good dad even though I would go missing for 2 or 3 days and then be miserable for days when I did get home.
-I thought that since I was such a great husband when I was sober (yeah right), my wife should tolerate my weekly disappearances and should help me fix my problems once I sobered up.
-I thought I was such an excellent worker that my boss should forgive me for missing meetings without notice or showing up to meetings still drunk from the night before.
-I thought I wasn’t damaging my health, that I could always bounce back.
-I didn’t believe that I was an alcoholic and that I could quit drinking anytime I wanted to.
My life was based on these fallacies that at my core I believed were the absolute truth. I have had so many revelations, moments of clarity. Everything came tumbling down like a house of cards. Delusion, insanity, rationalization, self-centeredness…it all fits. It is a scary process but at the same time incredibly freeing. I am one of the lucky ones, I know that.
One of the greatest revelations I have had is that I can live a good, sober life. I am 10 months sober and I have never ever felt better. And if I want to keep it, I have to keep working at my program and learning from others.
I was listening to an AA speaker tape today and the speaker said that once we can call something what it truly is, we can then start to recover. I am an alcoholic and I did hurt people. But I can change and I can move on - I am proving this every day.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
