catch-22

I will be brief... I've been sober for many months and now I started drinking again. The reason? I can't stand the combined pressures of my job and family life, even when sober. Can't give up my job, because I'll never find another one which pays so well and I need to support my family (I have 4 children - 16, 13, 10 and 7). Any drop in income would be a disaster. The routine of family life is killing me. Alcohol helps me going through this. I don't drink that much... about a bottle of wine every evening, but I know I'm an alcoholic. The only solution seems to be leaving my family and the pressures that go with them and concentrate on my job so I can support them prorperly, without alcohol. It seems to me that it's a matter of either looking after myself and support my family or carry on like this and destroy myself. Don't know what to do. I adore my children and my family and the thought of leaving them is unbereable.

Catch

CarolD

Sorry to see you are in such a situation.

Are you in a recovery program?
Thats where I found new coping skills.

catch-22

No, I'm not in a recovery program. The nearest AA meeting is 50 km away and I just don't have the time to travel such distances. My wife works shifts and is often not at home in the evenings...

sugErspun

Are there any recovered alcoholics in your town?

Tommyh

catch22
You do have other choices.Leaving your family to "take care of your job" is non sense.How about "leaving your family so you can drink?How about
getting a Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous instead and do what it says,get sober and recover?How about driving the 50 km one,or twice weekly and maybe you will find someone in your area to help you?You are looking for reasons to drink,thats what it looks like to me.
Any drop in income would be a disaster?Really?But you buy a bottle of wine every day?
You mention the combined pressures of your family and job as the reason you drink.You drink because you are a alcoholic,because you said you are a alcoholic.Can you deal with it one day at a time?Just for today?I don`t know you but I bet you can.
If the thought of leaving your family is unbearable,drop that thought,it isn`t necessary for sobriety.
we need to be willing to go to any length to get sober,because it`s more than sober,it`s a disease that kills us.Can you accept the fact you are sick with a progressive fatal illness?If so,will you go to any lengths to live?There is a solution.
I`ll help if I can,just let me know.

CarolD

Hmm...
You might want to explore this site

SMART Recovery®

Blessings to you and your family

HappyHippie

I have only been sober for a couple days, but this is probably the fifth time that i've gotten sober. I to, feel the need to drink my unhappy feelings away. I dont think that the only reason you drink is because of the stress in your life. I think that maybe you are using that as a reason to drink, even though, it DOES make you feel better for awhile. Im not trying to be rude or sound harsh. The reply before mine from bballdad was a bit harsh. Anyways, there are other things that you can do to relieve stress sweetie, you should do something that you enjoy, go fishing, read a book, just watch tv, maybe when your feeling down you could write your feelings down in a journal, do something with your kiddos, theres many things to do that are calming, other than drinking. Do you want your kids to see their daddy drinking every night?? Mine did. And i hated it. Im not saying that to be mean, im saying that because im sure the thought has crossed your mind. If you dont have any AA meetings close to your town, why dont you see about starting your own closer to you, because im sure your not the only one that needs an AA meeting to be closer. It could be very successful, and give you something to really be proud of. If you just keep yourself busy, (w/positive activities) and work on relieving some of that stress, i bet you wouldn't feel the need to drink. I at the least think it would help. Sometimes, you've got to try real hard to stay positive, when you let things bring you down, the consequences are or could be, very damaging to you or your life. Stay positive, go work out, do anything just find a way to cope with your stress, and kick its ass!!! Dont keep letting it kick yours! You can do this, i know you can. I may be wrong but it also sounds as if your not happy with your relationship/family. Maybe you should try talking to your wife/girlfriend about how you feel and see if theres anything that she could do to help relieve your stress...you've got to do SOMETHING...you sound miserable, your even thinking of leaving your family. I wish i could help you, but we all gotta do this ourselves, other people are just there to help along the way. You should stay here (at SR) Theres a good bunch of people, that come onto this site, and they have given me absolutely wonderful support and advice. I hope you continue to visit, and keep us updated on how you are doing. I hope that you find someway somehow to get rid of the unhappiness that you have to live with. Good luck dear. Keep trying, your making the first step when you reach out for help...keep doing it. We're always here for you.

Pinkcuda

Instead of asking us, why don't you ask your Family what they think of you bailing on them so you can deal with life. I think it's pretty selfish on your part, but that's just my opinion.
Contrary to what you might think, Alcohol isn't helping you to cope with the stress. It's making things worse.
Besides, do you really believe you would quit drinking if you left???

Hilltopper1972

Dude, my kids and my wife drive me insane about 30% of the time, but such is life! I convinced myself that is why I had to drink about a bottle of wine a night. It is crap man, just another excuse to tell myself it was ok to drink. If you keep this up, you will develop fatty liver, cirrhosis of the liver, and beyond which is a slow painful death. You have 4 beautiful children that need their daddy. Leave them? What are you nuts? The 4 greatest blessings on earth? Smash that bottle tonight and let's get on with the job you started of sobriety. I'll do whatever you need to help you through it as I'm in the middle of mine.

digderidoo

Sorry to hear your situation.

I can speak of myself when it comes to my kids. Sometimes they drive me mental, i have 3 of them, 15,13 and 11. They argue all the time, one of them is hyper and always demanding attention.

The one thing that i know is if i drink, that i definately cannot handle them. Kids are hard work most of the time, but i can definately say that the work is easier without the drink, it takes time to learn. Now most of the time i enjoy their company, but with a couple of drinks in me, even just a couple, they can become unbearable.

Talking to other alcoholics definately helps. 50km sounds a long way from AA meetings, there is usually meetings in most towns and areas. Could i ask whereabouts you are from?? If you'd rather not say then thats fine, but it's worth checking out the meeting search section of the AA uk website.

Paul

Tommyh

catch22,I have been in a situation very close to yours once.
I made the wrong decision,and not only did I pay for it,my wife and one yr old son paid for it.
In 1983,my son was 1 yr old,and I had been on a binge for a while,doing drugs and all the booze I could drink.I was also messing with folks I had no business messing with.I came home and my wife exploded on me like a nuclear bomb.We had a horrible argument,and I took her and my one yr old son to her mom`s and kicked them out.My 1 yr old son did not deserve that.Does your kids deserve you leaving them?
I now see they was interfering with my drinking and drugging.That was the only reason.I came up with excuses,and reasons to try and justify my sick selfish behavior.It was all about me and my drinking in the end.
We got back together and are still together today,but there was many days I was haunted by that episode.The regret,shame,and guilt...it sucks,and I posted what I did to get your attention,you don`t have to follow down the path I choose,but you can if you want too,but it will cost you ,and it will cost your wife and family also.
'There is a better way.

Clutch B

When you were drinking, your problem was alcohol. But when you were sober, your problem wasn't alcohol -- your problem was you.

The Big Book says that alcohol is "just a symptom" of a bigger problem, something mental/emotional/spiritual. That's why so many people go to AA or other recovery programs for help. We alcoholics are still sick until we treat the underlying reasons for our drinking.

Removing the alcohol makes us physically better -- but going to meetings/programs/counselors make us capable of living life without needing to drink.

So please get help -- don't just stop drinking -- but get help for the mental/emotional/spiritual issues that cause you to drink.

Freedom1990

No matter where I go, I'm the first one to get there, and there I am with me!

soidog

Have you talked with your partner and tried to negotiate some individual time off? Have the kids stay with a relative for a night?

catch-22

thank you for all your replies, even the 'harsh' ones. I need them to try and understand. And yes, the problem is obviously in my head, it's me, it's not my job or my family. I need to find a way to rationalise my feelings and get into the right frame of mind. I will think about that. Won't be easy, but I'll do my best. It's been like a breath of fresh air reading all your messages...

Catch

Tazman53

Catch, find a program, if you like AA there are meetings on line, if not AA there are other good ones as well that are mainly online.

You are not alone in this, if you reach out you will find that out.