getting worse
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: United States
Posts: 38
getting worse
Hi all
I'm new to the forum. Have lurked for ever though. I am 41 and a weekend binge drinker. Or I was just a weekend drinker. It has gotten worse very quickly. I've been drinking since I was 15 years old. I used to drink alot during the week. then it was just weekends. Now, for the past couple of months, I just cannot stop once I start. If someone wants to go to happy hour, I have every intention of having just a couple, it never turns out that way. I keep drinking to blackout, miss work or go in late (like today). I completly lose any sense of responsibility. And this is very bad. I used to never drink and drive. I always had the sense to take a taxi. Well, the one good thing I used to do is gone. I have drunk and drove at least 3 times in the last 2 weeks. I know it's awful and I feel so guilty about it. Very bad. I'm known to my friends as the party girl. I never turn down a beer or shooter. All my friends are drinkers. I've gone to AA a few times over the years, but I never stick with it because I still drank and feel like I am a fraud or wasting others time.
Just wanted to share. Thanks for reading. I feel very low today - again.
I'm new to the forum. Have lurked for ever though. I am 41 and a weekend binge drinker. Or I was just a weekend drinker. It has gotten worse very quickly. I've been drinking since I was 15 years old. I used to drink alot during the week. then it was just weekends. Now, for the past couple of months, I just cannot stop once I start. If someone wants to go to happy hour, I have every intention of having just a couple, it never turns out that way. I keep drinking to blackout, miss work or go in late (like today). I completly lose any sense of responsibility. And this is very bad. I used to never drink and drive. I always had the sense to take a taxi. Well, the one good thing I used to do is gone. I have drunk and drove at least 3 times in the last 2 weeks. I know it's awful and I feel so guilty about it. Very bad. I'm known to my friends as the party girl. I never turn down a beer or shooter. All my friends are drinkers. I've gone to AA a few times over the years, but I never stick with it because I still drank and feel like I am a fraud or wasting others time.
Just wanted to share. Thanks for reading. I feel very low today - again.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,151
Hi Belle and welcome to SRF. There's a great deal of support and understanding here from people who know what you're going through. Please go back to AA. Don't think you're wasting others' time because you are drinking. Not everyone gets sober from their first meeting - I didn't and as they say, " Don't leave before the miracle happens". As you know, alcoholism is a progressive illness. Please get the help and support you deserve. Here are some UK links that might be of use in the meantime:
Alcoholics Anonymous | AA | in England, Scotland and Wales, UK
Unofficial AA UK Recovery Forum - Welcome
Alcoholics Anonymous | AA | in England, Scotland and Wales, UK
Unofficial AA UK Recovery Forum - Welcome
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: far far from home
Posts: 373
Now, for the past couple of months, I just cannot stop once I start. If someone wants to go to happy hour, I have every intention of having just a couple, it never turns out that way. I keep drinking to blackout, miss work or go in late (like today). I completly lose any sense of responsibility.
As to being a fraud, if you have a desire to stop drinking, or even think you may have a problem and even if you only keep this to yourself, stop there, regardless of what you say or do at a meeting the one thing you cannot be called is fraudulent.
Even if your drunk as a skunk in a meeting you still have as much right to be there as anyone in the room.
Good Luck,
C
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 58
Hi belle
I have felt the very same way, actually I had a bad day on Monday and I posted. So many people responded and made me feel better. Please search for it and read because they helped me so much and I'm having another "emotional" bad day. It's been 3 days for me (again for the 100th time) but I re-read the posts and I feel much better.
I learned to function in my own dysfunction for so long I felt alone and isolated. Here, I feel understood ...
I have felt the very same way, actually I had a bad day on Monday and I posted. So many people responded and made me feel better. Please search for it and read because they helped me so much and I'm having another "emotional" bad day. It's been 3 days for me (again for the 100th time) but I re-read the posts and I feel much better.
I learned to function in my own dysfunction for so long I felt alone and isolated. Here, I feel understood ...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 413
Alcoholism is a progressive disease. So if you are an alcoholic, it will continue to get worse if you don't stop drinking.
As far as drinking in AA goes, the third AA Tradition states "The only requirement for A.A. membership is the desire to stop drinking". It only requires the DESIRE to stop. If everyone could quit on their first attempt, there would be no need for a massive international program of assistance. I drank after starting AA, and so have most of my AA friends. It's part of being an alcoholic -- it's our nature to get drunk. We of all people understand and sympathize with this difficulty.
I hope you can find the help you need. There is alot of support on this forum -- and there should also be support in your local area too. You don't have to do it alone.
I'm glad you're here.
As far as drinking in AA goes, the third AA Tradition states "The only requirement for A.A. membership is the desire to stop drinking". It only requires the DESIRE to stop. If everyone could quit on their first attempt, there would be no need for a massive international program of assistance. I drank after starting AA, and so have most of my AA friends. It's part of being an alcoholic -- it's our nature to get drunk. We of all people understand and sympathize with this difficulty.
I hope you can find the help you need. There is alot of support on this forum -- and there should also be support in your local area too. You don't have to do it alone.
I'm glad you're here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: United States
Posts: 38
Thank you all for your kind words. Yes, Carol, I am ready to quit. It is scary that I am losing control every time I drink now. I am a "yet" waiting to happen. I am an at the bar drinker and I know that is a huge problem for me that I go to the bars and expect to have control and not drink. The moment the bartender said what what you like - it's like autopilot - a beer. And then the downward spiral begins. I will go back to AA tomorrow. I feel like major crap right now - physically and emotionally. Blackouts suck.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,511
Hi Belle,
I'm glad you found us and that you are reaching out for support.
Early recovery for me, involved making a lot of changes in my life. It will be worth the effort you put into this!
I'm glad you found us and that you are reaching out for support.
Early recovery for me, involved making a lot of changes in my life. It will be worth the effort you put into this!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Plymouth, MI
Posts: 10
I used to call my drinking buddies "friends", too. THAT is one of the biggest problems when you've decided that you need to quit. Alot of us hang on to old "friends" and still try to "recover". That is not possible. If you hang out with others who do one thing mostly,...you will ALWAYS eventually do that one thing too. My opinion is that in order for you to be at all successful at quiting, you need to drop the drinking friends. And if you cannot or are not ready yet,....by all means....you MUST stop drinking and driving. TRUST ME,....a DUI is something that will destroy you emotionally, spiritually, and mentally as well as financially. Then comes the embarrassment. You will lose your license, along with the ability to get yourself to work,...which means you will have to ask a coworker possibly,....which means they will know you have a DUI,....which means they will immediately suspect you have a drinking problem no matter what you tell them,....its just such a life-altering thing. Not to mention ,.....what if you injure or kill someone???? And for most of us,....DUI's come in 3's. Get one,..and the second is right around the corner,...and the third is almost immediate. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen that very thing happen to people (including me). I lost my license for 12 years. I JUST got it back 3 years ago and that first year I had to drive with a breathalyzer attached to my ignition. You think a DUI is embarrassing? Try getting your oil changed or having auto work done on your car and having to sit right there with the technician or mechanic because every time they have to turn the car on,...you have to blow into it. Or being at a red light in heavy traffic and the breath test machine goes off and you have to pick it up and blow into it as everyone around you stares. You cant even eat anything with yeast in it and then go drive because the machine reads it and fails you. It also reads FAIL (which means, as far as the machine is concerned,...you've been drinking) when you use mouthwash with alcohol in it. NOT WORTH IT.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 58
Originally Posted by ghidrah 
I used to call my drinking buddies "friends", too. THAT is one of the biggest problems when you've decided that you need to quit. Alot of us hang on to old "friends" and still try to "recover". .
ever closer...
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Greensboro, NC
Posts: 361
Like many others, I thought I was reading my own post!
Today at my AA meeting they were talking about the difference between going to a meeting and being at a meeting. Try getting involved. Show up a few minutes early, stay a little while after. That has really helped me. Get involved...you will find that you have great sober friends there.
Today at my AA meeting they were talking about the difference between going to a meeting and being at a meeting. Try getting involved. Show up a few minutes early, stay a little while after. That has really helped me. Get involved...you will find that you have great sober friends there.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Plymouth, MI
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by beingjenagain
Like many others, I thought I was reading my own post!
Today at my AA meeting they were talking about the difference between going to a meeting and being at a meeting. Try getting involved. Show up a few minutes early, stay a little while after. That has really helped me. Get involved...you will find that you have great sober friends there.
Today at my AA meeting they were talking about the difference between going to a meeting and being at a meeting. Try getting involved. Show up a few minutes early, stay a little while after. That has really helped me. Get involved...you will find that you have great sober friends there.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Wow ghidrah!
Thank you for that enlightening post.
I got my first DUI in May. The last drink that got me that DUI is the last one I had. I have never been so humiliated and embarrassed in all my life. luckily for me I did not get an ignition lock as part of my sentence. I had never thought about what would happen if you had to get your car worked on, etc. What about a valet? Does that mean you just can't use one? (Not that I often do, just wondering). How often do you have to blow into it? That is serious!
By the grace of my hp and the fellowship of AA, hopefully I will never have another. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for that enlightening post.
I got my first DUI in May. The last drink that got me that DUI is the last one I had. I have never been so humiliated and embarrassed in all my life. luckily for me I did not get an ignition lock as part of my sentence. I had never thought about what would happen if you had to get your car worked on, etc. What about a valet? Does that mean you just can't use one? (Not that I often do, just wondering). How often do you have to blow into it? That is serious!
By the grace of my hp and the fellowship of AA, hopefully I will never have another. Thanks for sharing!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 43
Hi Bella, welcome to the forum and thank you so much for sharing where you are and what's going on right now.
I'm amazed reading the responses, and how many people respond that they could be reading what you're saying as if it were their own post. I echo that sentiment completely.
I've been a binge drinker for a very long time. Since I started drinking, in fact, as soon as I had one drink, I wanted more and no amount of alcohol was ever enough. My alcoholism progressed when I moved to a new city, was very lonely, and began drinking regularly on my own. (I'd done it before, but "only" a few times a month, as if non-alcoholics ever engage in getting drunk alone at home!). I'm now so grateful for that year of loneliness that accelerated my disease, because it allowed me to hit my bottom and become sober at a relatively young age.
Like you, at the end of my drinking, I started doing things I'd always prided myself on not doing, driving drunk among them. When I started doing these things, I started to become aware that something was very wrong. Thank god you've not harmed yourself or others, and as such, take them as blessings in the sign of big, fat red flags.
If you feel welcome and like AA is a program that could work for you if you really decided to become sober, then absolutely keep going back, even if you're still drinking. In my almost four months going to AA, I've realized that there indeed are a lot of people with a lot of problems and certainly not perfect, but it has been my experience that one thing most members of AA do not do is judge those there who are seeking sobriety.
I'm amazed reading the responses, and how many people respond that they could be reading what you're saying as if it were their own post. I echo that sentiment completely.
I've been a binge drinker for a very long time. Since I started drinking, in fact, as soon as I had one drink, I wanted more and no amount of alcohol was ever enough. My alcoholism progressed when I moved to a new city, was very lonely, and began drinking regularly on my own. (I'd done it before, but "only" a few times a month, as if non-alcoholics ever engage in getting drunk alone at home!). I'm now so grateful for that year of loneliness that accelerated my disease, because it allowed me to hit my bottom and become sober at a relatively young age.
Like you, at the end of my drinking, I started doing things I'd always prided myself on not doing, driving drunk among them. When I started doing these things, I started to become aware that something was very wrong. Thank god you've not harmed yourself or others, and as such, take them as blessings in the sign of big, fat red flags.
If you feel welcome and like AA is a program that could work for you if you really decided to become sober, then absolutely keep going back, even if you're still drinking. In my almost four months going to AA, I've realized that there indeed are a lot of people with a lot of problems and certainly not perfect, but it has been my experience that one thing most members of AA do not do is judge those there who are seeking sobriety.
Last edited by Kristina; 10-09-2008 at 06:51 PM. Reason: typos
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 58
I just found out today that my so called drinking friend had court yesterday for a DUI. Lost his license for a mandatory 45 days, 25 hours of community service, $500+ in fees, a breathalizer in the car for the next year and probation for 2 years. He thinks he got the book .... and guess what is he is doing today? AT HOME DRINKING. At least we're here trying to learn and help one another instead of in his shoes.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: United States
Posts: 38
Good messages in all your posts. I am staying home tonight. It is always, always hard come friday. The phone starts ringing. Heck, got a call to go out tonight - this morning.
I have a date on sat. I do not plan on drinking, but I know how well that's been going. So I will at least be smart from the onset. Take a taxi to meet my date. If I don't have control, then at least I won't D&D and endanger others or myself on the road.
I have a date on sat. I do not plan on drinking, but I know how well that's been going. So I will at least be smart from the onset. Take a taxi to meet my date. If I don't have control, then at least I won't D&D and endanger others or myself on the road.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Plymouth, MI
Posts: 10
I'm not real sure "dating" is something you should be focusing on right now. I know that when I was pretty sure I was an alcoholic, but, still drinking,...anyone new I met through dating was just someone I was introducing to my problem or someone to help fuel it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Originally Posted by belle08
Hi all
I'm new to the forum. Have lurked for ever though. I am 41 and a weekend binge drinker. Or I was just a weekend drinker. It has gotten worse very quickly. I've been drinking since I was 15 years old. I used to drink alot during the week. then it was just weekends. Now, for the past couple of months, I just cannot stop once I start. If someone wants to go to happy hour, I have every intention of having just a couple, it never turns out that way. I keep drinking to blackout, miss work or go in late (like today). I completly lose any sense of responsibility. And this is very bad. I used to never drink and drive. I always had the sense to take a taxi. Well, the one good thing I used to do is gone. I have drunk and drove at least 3 times in the last 2 weeks. I know it's awful and I feel so guilty about it. Very bad. I'm known to my friends as the party girl. I never turn down a beer or shooter. All my friends are drinkers. I've gone to AA a few times over the years, but I never stick with it because I still drank and feel like I am a fraud or wasting others time.
Just wanted to share. Thanks for reading. I feel very low today - again.
I'm new to the forum. Have lurked for ever though. I am 41 and a weekend binge drinker. Or I was just a weekend drinker. It has gotten worse very quickly. I've been drinking since I was 15 years old. I used to drink alot during the week. then it was just weekends. Now, for the past couple of months, I just cannot stop once I start. If someone wants to go to happy hour, I have every intention of having just a couple, it never turns out that way. I keep drinking to blackout, miss work or go in late (like today). I completly lose any sense of responsibility. And this is very bad. I used to never drink and drive. I always had the sense to take a taxi. Well, the one good thing I used to do is gone. I have drunk and drove at least 3 times in the last 2 weeks. I know it's awful and I feel so guilty about it. Very bad. I'm known to my friends as the party girl. I never turn down a beer or shooter. All my friends are drinkers. I've gone to AA a few times over the years, but I never stick with it because I still drank and feel like I am a fraud or wasting others time.
Just wanted to share. Thanks for reading. I feel very low today - again.
Don't know what's in your heart, but maybe you never attended more than a few times because you truly didn't want to stop drinking?
If you want we have and are willing to go to any length to get it....
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