Beginning to doubt whether AA is right for me
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 600
Beginning to doubt whether AA is right for me
Hi all, just thought i would put some of my thoughts here and wondered how others feel.
I have been attending AA since January, it really has helped. My last drink was on May 30th.
I am now at a point with AA where i am wondering whether the program will benefit me or maybe i should look for an alternative program.
I feel as though the AA program and support network, seems to want to get involved in things that go further than drinking. I realise i have to change my life and learn new strategies to deal with feelings, but it almost feels too intrusive.
I have made some friends there, which is good, but i can't help feeling that those friendships are conditional based really on whether i remain sober and want to stay free from drink. I have become distant with some friends because i do not drink, the AA calls these fair weather friends. Yet at the same time if i started drinking i'm sure i would lose the new friends i have made in AA too.
I struggle with the concepts of the steps. Step 3 is a hard one for me to get my head around, also step 9 about making amense, especially in relation to making amense to those that i feel have wronged me. My sponsor says that i am jumping the gun looking at step 9, but at the same time i wonder whether these steps are necessary for me to stay sober.
Since getting sober, my life has moved ten fold. I do not want to go back to drinking, although i would love to be like a 'normal' person and have a glass of wine with a meal, but the reality is i can't.
I am wondering though whether to go for some sort of counselling through a secular programme, to achieve and keepm my abstinence as there are things within the AA programme that i find hard to deal with and wonder whether they are necessary.
Any thoughts??
Paul
I have been attending AA since January, it really has helped. My last drink was on May 30th.
I am now at a point with AA where i am wondering whether the program will benefit me or maybe i should look for an alternative program.
I feel as though the AA program and support network, seems to want to get involved in things that go further than drinking. I realise i have to change my life and learn new strategies to deal with feelings, but it almost feels too intrusive.
I have made some friends there, which is good, but i can't help feeling that those friendships are conditional based really on whether i remain sober and want to stay free from drink. I have become distant with some friends because i do not drink, the AA calls these fair weather friends. Yet at the same time if i started drinking i'm sure i would lose the new friends i have made in AA too.
I struggle with the concepts of the steps. Step 3 is a hard one for me to get my head around, also step 9 about making amense, especially in relation to making amense to those that i feel have wronged me. My sponsor says that i am jumping the gun looking at step 9, but at the same time i wonder whether these steps are necessary for me to stay sober.
Since getting sober, my life has moved ten fold. I do not want to go back to drinking, although i would love to be like a 'normal' person and have a glass of wine with a meal, but the reality is i can't.
I am wondering though whether to go for some sort of counselling through a secular programme, to achieve and keepm my abstinence as there are things within the AA programme that i find hard to deal with and wonder whether they are necessary.
Any thoughts??
Paul
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
The fellowship of AA is one that provides a framework for recovery, not the final solution. In my experience the alcoholic who wants to live a sober life uses the support of the members, the steps as a guide, and then goes into action by taking the steps and through those steps one's life will change.
I found that all the steps have a purpose and that purpose is to effect a CHANGE in the way we live. I know when I first came to AA I just wanted to stop drinking. I had no interest in God or certainly in making amends to others, after all I was the alcoholic and it was MY BUSINESS what I did with my life! Hadn't all sorts of people treated ME badly? Look at me now, I wasn't drinking and I was so proud of myself! As time went on I realized that I had a part in all my problems and in fact I had hurt all sorts of people with my behavior while drinking. It took me 4 years to make MOST of my amends, and still to this day I will run across someone that I did damage to, but had over looked them.
For me, AA has become a WAY OF LIFE, not my life, but the way I try and live. Many of my drinking friends are still friends today, but there was a period in the beginning that we were distant as I learned who I was without alcohol. I became a friend again, but in different ways than when I was a "drinking" buddy.
My view of what AA is today is nothing like it was in 1999, or in 2002, or in 2005 for that matter. I am not who I was in those years either. In the book of AA you can find the reference to the fact that "alcohol was but a symptom" of our problem. I know that I have discovered that I drank for much different reasons than my non alcoholic friends. That is what made me an alcoholic and makes them "normal" drinkers.
You have done just the right thing in my opinion by using AA to stop drinking, but it is up to you if you use AA to LIVE in a different way. There are certainly many paths that you can choose and I have sober friends who have left AA and seem fine, but they are few compared to the ones who left and are NOT sober and in several cases are no longer looking at the right side of the grass. I just attended a funeral of one of these friends less than a month ago. He was never NOT my friend because he chose to drink again, however he isn't my friend now, but that is because he is dead.
I apologize if I am being overly dramatic, but I can only respond to your questions with my experiences and my views. Any path that you choose has to be right for you, and regardless you are experiencing AA and if other methods don't work you know where the rooms of AA are located.
I wish you the very best, please remember that it most likely took you a few years to become and realize that you had an alcohol problem, don't be surprised if it takes a few years to understand how to live your life sober. AA for me has been a journey and not a destination.
Jon
I found that all the steps have a purpose and that purpose is to effect a CHANGE in the way we live. I know when I first came to AA I just wanted to stop drinking. I had no interest in God or certainly in making amends to others, after all I was the alcoholic and it was MY BUSINESS what I did with my life! Hadn't all sorts of people treated ME badly? Look at me now, I wasn't drinking and I was so proud of myself! As time went on I realized that I had a part in all my problems and in fact I had hurt all sorts of people with my behavior while drinking. It took me 4 years to make MOST of my amends, and still to this day I will run across someone that I did damage to, but had over looked them.
For me, AA has become a WAY OF LIFE, not my life, but the way I try and live. Many of my drinking friends are still friends today, but there was a period in the beginning that we were distant as I learned who I was without alcohol. I became a friend again, but in different ways than when I was a "drinking" buddy.
My view of what AA is today is nothing like it was in 1999, or in 2002, or in 2005 for that matter. I am not who I was in those years either. In the book of AA you can find the reference to the fact that "alcohol was but a symptom" of our problem. I know that I have discovered that I drank for much different reasons than my non alcoholic friends. That is what made me an alcoholic and makes them "normal" drinkers.
You have done just the right thing in my opinion by using AA to stop drinking, but it is up to you if you use AA to LIVE in a different way. There are certainly many paths that you can choose and I have sober friends who have left AA and seem fine, but they are few compared to the ones who left and are NOT sober and in several cases are no longer looking at the right side of the grass. I just attended a funeral of one of these friends less than a month ago. He was never NOT my friend because he chose to drink again, however he isn't my friend now, but that is because he is dead.
I apologize if I am being overly dramatic, but I can only respond to your questions with my experiences and my views. Any path that you choose has to be right for you, and regardless you are experiencing AA and if other methods don't work you know where the rooms of AA are located.
I wish you the very best, please remember that it most likely took you a few years to become and realize that you had an alcohol problem, don't be surprised if it takes a few years to understand how to live your life sober. AA for me has been a journey and not a destination.
Jon
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Paul it is all up to you, all I can say is it has worked for me for over 2 years. If you decide not to use AA any more there will be those in AA that will say "Oh you are going to get drunk!", for some folks that leave that is true, for others it is not.
I will say this, I found something that after 40 years of drinking has worked for me, at this point in time I choose to stick with what I know works for me, no one is exactly the same, you may be just fine, you may not, that is something only you can decide. If you decide to not use AA anymore and do wind up slipping please keep in mind that the doors of AA swing boith ways, you can come in and stay as long as you like, you can go out and stay as long as you like as well, no one is going to tell you that you can not come back.
Dr. Bob in the book "Dr. Bob and the Good Oldtimers" mentions a lady that got sober using the program of AA and then moved on to religion to maintain her sobriety successfully, so it has been done before.
I will say this, I found something that after 40 years of drinking has worked for me, at this point in time I choose to stick with what I know works for me, no one is exactly the same, you may be just fine, you may not, that is something only you can decide. If you decide to not use AA anymore and do wind up slipping please keep in mind that the doors of AA swing boith ways, you can come in and stay as long as you like, you can go out and stay as long as you like as well, no one is going to tell you that you can not come back.
Dr. Bob in the book "Dr. Bob and the Good Oldtimers" mentions a lady that got sober using the program of AA and then moved on to religion to maintain her sobriety successfully, so it has been done before.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Originally Posted by digderidoo 
I feel as though the AA program and support network, seems to want to get involved in things that go further than drinking. I realise i have to change my life and learn new strategies to deal with feelings, but it almost feels too intrusive.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 206
Dig,
I don't have any experience with AA other than reading the Big Book online. I know that it is probably the best solution out there, but by no means the only way to achieve our goal of sobriety. I've felt the effects of being an outcast because I no longer drink and it sucks. I am a bit concerned at something in your tone. Do you want to go back to drinking? It sure seems like you do. That is the trap and it can happen after a 7 days or 7 months you know? I'd keep focusing on what got you here this far as a means to an end.
I don't have any experience with AA other than reading the Big Book online. I know that it is probably the best solution out there, but by no means the only way to achieve our goal of sobriety. I've felt the effects of being an outcast because I no longer drink and it sucks. I am a bit concerned at something in your tone. Do you want to go back to drinking? It sure seems like you do. That is the trap and it can happen after a 7 days or 7 months you know? I'd keep focusing on what got you here this far as a means to an end.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I no longer attend AA to learn how to stay sober, but to learn how to live life on life's terms.
I often heard it said in meetings that the hardest place to work the program is outside the halls of AA, and I finally understood what they were saying.
It's worked for me for several years now, and if it's not broke, don't fix it!
I often heard it said in meetings that the hardest place to work the program is outside the halls of AA, and I finally understood what they were saying.
It's worked for me for several years now, and if it's not broke, don't fix it!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
I am a member of aa, but i also use a huge variety of tools outside of AA including SR. All these things add to my sobriety. For me having an open mind included looking for the gifts that lie in other recovery methods as well.
I really really get your concerns over AA people being "fair wether friends" who's friendship is contingent on your staying sober. Bottom line .... I have found that there are many in the fellowship who are only my friends if I am sober, however I also found a number of very close friends who remained in contact with me and were friends to me despite my drinking when I went back out...if not for them I actually don't know if I would have returned.
Although the level of intimacy in my relationshps within AA is quite deep..."Friendship" is not just the level of intimacy...and as in the outside world, I have a much smaller group of "friends" within AA than the number of the group that are providing me with intimate help.
Not sure I'm saying this right...but the best I could do at expressing this
I really really get your concerns over AA people being "fair wether friends" who's friendship is contingent on your staying sober. Bottom line .... I have found that there are many in the fellowship who are only my friends if I am sober, however I also found a number of very close friends who remained in contact with me and were friends to me despite my drinking when I went back out...if not for them I actually don't know if I would have returned.
Although the level of intimacy in my relationshps within AA is quite deep..."Friendship" is not just the level of intimacy...and as in the outside world, I have a much smaller group of "friends" within AA than the number of the group that are providing me with intimate help.
Not sure I'm saying this right...but the best I could do at expressing this
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: far far from home
Posts: 373
I don't go to AA to make friends, it is a fortunate byproduct of the program at times. I go not to drink. You are not drinking and your life has improved "ten fold" according to your post.
Seems like the program is for you, just my 0.02.
Regards,
C
Seems like the program is for you, just my 0.02.
Regards,
C
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 413
The Big Book pretty much says it all in the forward to the first edition:
I don't think anybody finds this method pleasant. I certainly don't find it pleasant either! There's nothing comfortable about it. I'd LOVE to find an easier, softer way. But it works for alot of people.
My fiance is about to complete 20 years of sobriety. He did it by working these steps and helping other alcoholics work through these steps. He isn't just sober, but he's HAPPY and at peace, living a fulfilled life.
I just haven't heard about any other recovery program that provides similar results. That doesn't mean there aren't any -- I'm sure there must be some.
So for me personally, I'll stick with what works for so many people. I've seen it work. I would be afraid to risk my life (and the lives of others) on something that might not work.
But I wish the best for you with whatever you choose. There is more than "one way" -- AA is just "a way". I hope you find something that works for you!
(All Big Book quotes are from the First Edition of the Big Book)
"We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book."
My fiance is about to complete 20 years of sobriety. He did it by working these steps and helping other alcoholics work through these steps. He isn't just sober, but he's HAPPY and at peace, living a fulfilled life.
I just haven't heard about any other recovery program that provides similar results. That doesn't mean there aren't any -- I'm sure there must be some.
So for me personally, I'll stick with what works for so many people. I've seen it work. I would be afraid to risk my life (and the lives of others) on something that might not work.
But I wish the best for you with whatever you choose. There is more than "one way" -- AA is just "a way". I hope you find something that works for you!
(All Big Book quotes are from the First Edition of the Big Book)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 486
Thanks for posting your questions.
I would say that if you are still on step 3, don't start future tripping on step 9. Focus on where you are now and when you get to step 9 you will be ready to do it as outlined in the program and by your sponsor. They wouldn't be numbered if you were meant to do them in any order that you saw fit.
It has been my experience that the AA fellowship does not abandon you if you drink if you truly want to quit and stay sober. I have relapsed several times and AA, and the people I have met there welcome me back every time because I have the desire to stop. If you don't want to stay sober then things might be different depending upon the views of the individuals that you have become friends with. Although, if you didn't want to stay sober then why would you go to AA to begin with (barring ofcourse the court scholarships).
From your post it sounds like you know that you cannot drink and chances are that your own way of doing things got you to that point. I might suggest that you continue the program as outlined and don't try to personalize, again, it is our methods that got us here to begin with. I am nearing day 30 once again and every time I have relapsed it was because I decided that my way would work - This Time!
My final thought is if you are having serious issues with AA as a program then you are free to try other programs of recovery. Some important aspects that make AA work is the follow up, the fellowship and of course the key ingredient, don't drink. If you are looking around for other programs, see which one have fellowship, follow up and make sure they promote abstinence.
I hope this helps and no matter what, I hope you remain on the path to sobriety.
:praying
I would say that if you are still on step 3, don't start future tripping on step 9. Focus on where you are now and when you get to step 9 you will be ready to do it as outlined in the program and by your sponsor. They wouldn't be numbered if you were meant to do them in any order that you saw fit.
It has been my experience that the AA fellowship does not abandon you if you drink if you truly want to quit and stay sober. I have relapsed several times and AA, and the people I have met there welcome me back every time because I have the desire to stop. If you don't want to stay sober then things might be different depending upon the views of the individuals that you have become friends with. Although, if you didn't want to stay sober then why would you go to AA to begin with (barring ofcourse the court scholarships).
From your post it sounds like you know that you cannot drink and chances are that your own way of doing things got you to that point. I might suggest that you continue the program as outlined and don't try to personalize, again, it is our methods that got us here to begin with. I am nearing day 30 once again and every time I have relapsed it was because I decided that my way would work - This Time!
My final thought is if you are having serious issues with AA as a program then you are free to try other programs of recovery. Some important aspects that make AA work is the follow up, the fellowship and of course the key ingredient, don't drink. If you are looking around for other programs, see which one have fellowship, follow up and make sure they promote abstinence.
I hope this helps and no matter what, I hope you remain on the path to sobriety.
:praying
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
Hey Paul! Congrats on the 4 months! Keep up the great work!
I was about 3 months sober when I really started to question whether I wanted a lifetime commitment to aa. I started to wrestle with the religious connotations since they differ from what I believe. Rather than leave immediately I slowly edged out the meetings and integrated other activities that aided in my continuing sobriety.
Clearly the question is....Is aa keeping you sober? We all know the answer...NO....You are keeping yourself sober....BUT is aa still helping? That is an important question, one worth exploring.
I have been told there are no rules in aa...while I don’t always agree with that assessment , I did take the advice to heart. I found that I was better off without a sponsor as mine was not “all there” so we parted ways around 5 months sober. I didn’t seek another as I had no intention of following the steps. I stayed with aa another 5 months, completing my service commitment and going to meetings that I felt were more suited to me. At 10 months sober I knew that aa was not only not necessary for my sobriety but quite possibly damaging as one cannot help but become immeshed in the dogma. I left, the calls stopped within a week and I no longer have contact with any members except for a funeral I attended a couple of weeks ago. I have never questioned my decision nor felt my sobriety was in jeopardy my decision was built on a solid foundation.
You only have one life....live it with peace in your heart.
Best of luck!
I was about 3 months sober when I really started to question whether I wanted a lifetime commitment to aa. I started to wrestle with the religious connotations since they differ from what I believe. Rather than leave immediately I slowly edged out the meetings and integrated other activities that aided in my continuing sobriety.
Clearly the question is....Is aa keeping you sober? We all know the answer...NO....You are keeping yourself sober....BUT is aa still helping? That is an important question, one worth exploring.
I have been told there are no rules in aa...while I don’t always agree with that assessment , I did take the advice to heart. I found that I was better off without a sponsor as mine was not “all there” so we parted ways around 5 months sober. I didn’t seek another as I had no intention of following the steps. I stayed with aa another 5 months, completing my service commitment and going to meetings that I felt were more suited to me. At 10 months sober I knew that aa was not only not necessary for my sobriety but quite possibly damaging as one cannot help but become immeshed in the dogma. I left, the calls stopped within a week and I no longer have contact with any members except for a funeral I attended a couple of weeks ago. I have never questioned my decision nor felt my sobriety was in jeopardy my decision was built on a solid foundation.
You only have one life....live it with peace in your heart.
Best of luck!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Colorado Springs CO
Posts: 889
You bring up some valid and important points. The process of working the steps is intrusive. Working the steps correctly required me to disclose things about myself I'd have rather taken to the grave. That part of the steps puts off a lot of people. IMHO, of far more significance, working the steps also requires me critically examine the way I think and act and presents a far different set of personal goals than I had when I came in here. Upon entering AA I wasn't concerned with any of that stuff.
I did change though. I don't drink anymore and I no longer WANT to drink. I am much more willing to take part in the process and am more interested in being a more good and helpful person than I have been. Now, I'm interested in living better, just not drinking would not be enough to keep me around.
One thing I forgot to mention - While the prospect of the steps certainly was intimidating, each step I took prepared me for the next. At the beginning, it might SEEM to make sense to be frightened of the steps that are further along but it's really not necessary. Would you ask a 9 year old to pass a trigonometry test?
I did change though. I don't drink anymore and I no longer WANT to drink. I am much more willing to take part in the process and am more interested in being a more good and helpful person than I have been. Now, I'm interested in living better, just not drinking would not be enough to keep me around.
One thing I forgot to mention - While the prospect of the steps certainly was intimidating, each step I took prepared me for the next. At the beginning, it might SEEM to make sense to be frightened of the steps that are further along but it's really not necessary. Would you ask a 9 year old to pass a trigonometry test?
Last edited by collinsmi; 10-08-2008 at 01:09 PM. Reason: forgot something
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Huntington, WV
Posts: 225
I can understand where you are coming from. I have looked for an alternative to AA. For me it was church. Although I still attend church, There is no substitute for being 100 percent honest with another alcoholic. I am also a part of a home group which creates an atmosphere of accountability and friendship i never had by myself. The program of AA was freely given to me when I was desperate and needed help. I feel like you may think you have nothing to offer the program but you are wrong. You have been sober in AA since May so obviously there is a change happening in your life. Sharing that with others is the essence or heart of the program, allowing newcomers the chance to see recovery in action. It has been the attraction part of the programn for me to see old timers still coming to meetings and sharing what happened to them in the past. I know one old timer who had 57 years sober and he still attends meetings. maybe accepting a service position or just volunteering your time to help out will fill a void. I don't like change either, but in order to not return to drinking i have to be completely changed in order to recover. change never takes place without sacrifice and getting out of your comfort zone. Mine kept me drunk for 17 years or so. I hope you consider the benefits to be better than the cons. Thanks for sharing!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi Paul....
I don't know why you can't explore that idea
as a supplement to your AA progress.
Some years ago when SMART came on line
I did use part of their method in conjunction
with my AA committment.
That worked out to my benefit...
Please keep in touch...we care about you...
Well done on your recovery time!
I am wondering though whether to go for some sort of counselling through a secular programme
as a supplement to your AA progress.
Some years ago when SMART came on line
I did use part of their method in conjunction
with my AA committment.
That worked out to my benefit...
Please keep in touch...we care about you...
Well done on your recovery time!
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,861
Step 3 is a hard one for me to get my head around,
making amense, especially in relation to making amense to those that i feel have wronged me.
it almost feels too intrusive.
I am wondering though whether to go for some sort of counselling through a secular programme, to achieve and keepm my abstinence as there are things within the AA programme that i find hard to deal with and wonder whether they are necessary
Next stop: real life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 990
My own experience: I also started attending AA in January. I really believe it kept me sober during my first few months, and taught me a lot of coping skills. But at six months sober I decided it wasn't for me. I just don't like the attitude of my city's AA. (And not to sound bitter, but all those AA "friends?" Not one call or email since I left. The ones I've talked to face-to-face don't believe me when I say I'm still sober.)
In a nutshell, AA is not for everyone, and is not the only option. It's fantastic for a lot of people, but not all. If it's not your cup of tea, there are lot of other programs out there.
In a nutshell, AA is not for everyone, and is not the only option. It's fantastic for a lot of people, but not all. If it's not your cup of tea, there are lot of other programs out there.
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
Paul
I replied on your last thread ref how great your week had been and how your life had been turned around...thanks to AA, the program and God's grace - my words but that' what I got from it and can really relate.
What I'm reading here now seems like a flimsy (to say the least) reason to get out of what's really working for you...why? Think about self sabotage and how well we do it...the steps are vital for you to be able to continue in your *good* life and to help you to *allow* good things to happen to yu - over and over more and more...without wanting to self sabotage/destroy yourself, which if you are like me you WILL do if you pick up a drink again. Without aa - the meetings, program, steps, fellowship, etc I will drink again. Fact. And I will die.
I hope you can re-commit to AA - it works, it's worked for YOU why ever not.
Cathy31
x
I replied on your last thread ref how great your week had been and how your life had been turned around...thanks to AA, the program and God's grace - my words but that' what I got from it and can really relate.
What I'm reading here now seems like a flimsy (to say the least) reason to get out of what's really working for you...why? Think about self sabotage and how well we do it...the steps are vital for you to be able to continue in your *good* life and to help you to *allow* good things to happen to yu - over and over more and more...without wanting to self sabotage/destroy yourself, which if you are like me you WILL do if you pick up a drink again. Without aa - the meetings, program, steps, fellowship, etc I will drink again. Fact. And I will die.
I hope you can re-commit to AA - it works, it's worked for YOU why ever not.
Cathy31
x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Virginia, USA
Posts: 449
Paul, I understand where you are coming from although for a different reason. I know it's hard to break free from AA once you've really invested a lot of time and energy into it. One of the most important things I can tell you as someone who left AA a couple months ago is to NOT automatically assume you will drink again if you leave. People will definitely try and dissuade you from leaving and will tell you that you'll drink again. That doesn't have to be true.
I personally left AA for a few reasons, one being that I was tired of feeling like a failure. The program did not work for me - perhaps because I didn't work it correctly, although I gave it my all for about 4 months. People kept telling me that it was my fault that it wasn't working, and one day I just had had enough. It was causing me more resentments than anything else. I was still drinking while in the program (constant relapses) and continued to do so for a couple weeks after leaving. Once I got rid of the guilt and fear of leaving the program, however, I managed to sober up again and have remained sober since then.
I do give the program credit, however, because it got me out of that horrible pit of alcoholic despair, it helped me re-establish my relationship and belief in my HP (God), and the 4th step helped change my life completely. I still work the first four steps on an as-needed basis.
I stay in contact with some of the people there. No doubt that some people will back away if you leave, but your true friends will stick with you no matter what. I had a few "friends" in the program that broke all contact with me when I left. I didn't mind, because they were as useful as my drinking buddies once were.
The most important thing is to know in your heart and soul that you CANNOT EVER DRINK LIKE A NORMAL PERSON EVER AGAIN, therefore, don't take that first drink no matter what. Don't let that voice fool you. I swear that is one of the things that has kept me sober - not letting myself be fooled again into thinking I can have only a glass of wine.
Good luck with whatever choice you make!
I personally left AA for a few reasons, one being that I was tired of feeling like a failure. The program did not work for me - perhaps because I didn't work it correctly, although I gave it my all for about 4 months. People kept telling me that it was my fault that it wasn't working, and one day I just had had enough. It was causing me more resentments than anything else. I was still drinking while in the program (constant relapses) and continued to do so for a couple weeks after leaving. Once I got rid of the guilt and fear of leaving the program, however, I managed to sober up again and have remained sober since then.
I do give the program credit, however, because it got me out of that horrible pit of alcoholic despair, it helped me re-establish my relationship and belief in my HP (God), and the 4th step helped change my life completely. I still work the first four steps on an as-needed basis.
I stay in contact with some of the people there. No doubt that some people will back away if you leave, but your true friends will stick with you no matter what. I had a few "friends" in the program that broke all contact with me when I left. I didn't mind, because they were as useful as my drinking buddies once were.
The most important thing is to know in your heart and soul that you CANNOT EVER DRINK LIKE A NORMAL PERSON EVER AGAIN, therefore, don't take that first drink no matter what. Don't let that voice fool you. I swear that is one of the things that has kept me sober - not letting myself be fooled again into thinking I can have only a glass of wine.
Good luck with whatever choice you make!
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