lostnfound1961

I have not had a drink in two years and five months (today) I have been going to meetings once a week for the last five months because my councelor and Doctor advized me it would help me not be so depressed and not drink. It has been SOOOOOOO helpfull. It's like I have a safe haven from the crazy world out there and I thank God for that.

I have heard so meny people in the meetings talk about going back out after years of not drinking and I think No way! but last Friday..... I came real close. My husband stopped drinking almost two months ago and was acting strange on Friday. He had a real bad day at work and was not home when I got there. He told my brother he was going to the store but I was sure he was out drinking and gambleing. I don't know about the gambling but I am sure he did not drink because I would have smelled it or at least mouthwash on his breath. But while he was gone I let my self go down the old road. I could hear the old tapes in my head and tried not to let my brother know what I was thinking or how I was feeling. (My brother is ********)

At first I got a little angry and then sad and hopeless. I hid in the bathroom and cried because I was overwelmed with a sence of hopelessness. I got to a point that I heard my self say, it doesn't matter any more. You may as well get drunk. Its not like anyone cares anyway.

In the old days I would have taken my brother home and then start downing shots of whisky. I would go from sober to sloppy drunk in a matter of minutes. Thats what I wanted to do and I was ready to do it.

What stopped me? well the serenity prayer helped a lot and the fact that I have learned to listen to my self. I listened and said (ARE YOU NUTS)!! IF he is drinking then he needs to deal with it but YOU don't need to through away everything you have worked for because your husband had a drink. and by the way..... YOU HAVE NO IDEA IF HE IS DRINKING!!!

OK sometimes I yell at my self. LOL But the point is, I don't just blindly do what my mined says anymore. I question my self when I start having unhealthy thoughts.

I'm still sober after two years and five months, who would have imagined.
D

Harley3801

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Great post, Lostnfound! You thought it through and as a result you have 2 yrs and 5 mos. That's wonderful!!!

I can remember telling myself that I felt so miserable that I might as well drink . . . and then I thought about starting all over from day one again (or that I might never have another day one) and that kept me going.

I'd tell myself, "well I won't drink today . . . maybe tomorrow". So far, that kind of a tomorrow has never come!

Congrats on your sober time!

CarolD

Congratulations for continuing to move forward ....

Glad to see you again

lizw

That kind of stuff is pretty scary eh?
I'm glad you are ok, sober and intact

Take it easy
:ghug

coffeenut

I think you are more Found...than Lost. Wow....what a powerful post.

It just tells me that no matter how much sobriety you have, you must Always stay strong. Always. Just like you did. You are AWESOME. Thanks for sharing your story. I appreciate it.

Kristina

D,

I'm sorry about your emotional turmoil, but am so proud of you for dealing with it without the whisky. Two years, five months is a huge accomplishment, and it's wonderful that in the past months you've begun to surround yourself with recovery and a sober fellowship.

In my own life, I am constantly amazed by the power of the serenity prayer. Prayer is very new for me, and I am still getting to a place where it feels genuine and effective, but the serenity prayer has always "worked" for me. When I remember to say it in the midst of whatever I'm going through, I immediately feel centered and calmed.

Tazman53

lostandfound great share, congrats on your sober time.

You know I hear a lot of folks in AA say "My best thinking got me here!", so very true, a huge part of staying sober is the ability to honestly look at our selfs and to question our thoughts and ideas before we act on them.

You did a great job doing just that and stayed sober as a result!

I do the same thing, when things get a bit too squirrely for me I will talk it over with my sponsor, someone in the fellowship, or even bring it up as a topic in a meeting.

The serenity prayer.... what a powerful tool!!!! I have found the slower I say it..... the more I get from it.

lostnfound1961

Thank you everyone. It feels good to still be sober. It's funny how you can get to that place and want to just give up, and then when you get to the other side of it, you can see that it would have been such an over reaction, not to mention the worst thing you could do. It had nothing to do with me wanting to get drunk or feeling the buz, I wanted to numb out and not be angry or hurnting and the thing is, if I had drank..... All of those things would be my constant companion, my life would be hell again and it would take an act of God to get back what I have today.

A lot of people in the meetings I go to have refered to alcohol as their best friend. I don't see it that way. I see alcohol as the enemy, a con man.

Alcohol is like a lover who comes to you with the promis to make you anything you want to be. You can have anything and everything. I, and I alone can do this for you. I can help you belong. Be like those others who have friends and laugh. You can be one of the beautiful people. All I ask is that you take one sip....

But in reality...... All alcohol does is take. It takes your youth you pride and self respect. It takes everyone in your life (even you) All It asks is that you take one sip and give up your soul.
D

lostnfound1961

I feel a need to write a song around that.

Harley3801

Be sure to post it for us when you do. I can't sing but I'll hum along.

sugErspun

Thank you. What a great picture of the emotional state which may proceed the first drink for someone who hasn't had a drink in a couple years.

Anger came first...(kind of like "resentment is the #1 offender.....")

Thank you for the share.