Kristina

My boyfriend and I broke up today. I've only been sober for three and a half months, and as such have never dealt with great sadness soberly. I don't know how to handle it. I'm overwhelmed by it, and want to just numb it out with wine like I always have before.

sailorjohn

Yeah, it's difficult dealing with those feelings sober, but what are your options? Numb the pain now with your doc and when you get sober again-assuming you do, that is-the pain is still there with some guilt and remorse thrown in. The pain will go away, feel it now, the only way to get over it is to go through it. :ghug3

shugabooga

sorry to hear about your break up, those are never fun. but when God closes one door, he opens another........perhaps not another boyfriend right away, but something else wonderful that you would never have imagined. maybe it's time to take a class or learn a new dance or start a hobby you've always been interested in. or paint your bathroom a new color....something to cheer you up. keep in touch with your friends and stay busy. coming here first was a good move. you'll get the support you need. read a good book or watch a good movie, go for a walk. if bad thoughts come to your mind, imagine them written on a piece of paper and mentally crumble the paper and toss it aside.

take care,

shannon

Isaiah

I'm really sorry to hear about your split.

Glad you came here first. I am the worst person in the worst to dispense break-up advice, but one thing I can say with certainty is that you already did one good thing: you started to put your feelings out first rather than numb them.

I wish you the best in finding out how to keep channeling that overwhelming feeling out of your self so some feeling of peace can creep in. I would write, just let whatever spill onto a page. Maybe that'll work for you too?

I can assure you that getting "numb" isn't going to lead you to any peace. It may offset it for a while, but eventually...

As a full-fledged member of the broken hearted club, you have all my best wishes and support.

-Isaiah

SelfSeeking

Exactly. I just went through something heart-shattering and while I was in the moment, I never thought I would feel better again. I just wanted to blot it all out right away. My sponsor and other AA friends- my Group Of Drunks!- eked me over the hump. When I woke up the next day still sad but more clear-headed, with some perspective, I was soooo grateful that I had not taken that drink. I allowed myself to learn from the experience instead of running away. Couldn't have done it without the G-O-D thing.

psyk0

I'm so sorry you have to go through this during this early phase of your sobriety.

I've had many heartbreaks over the years... feeling as if my life had no meaning at all anymore without "that" person.

All I can say is it will pass, and you'll come out stronger. A LOT stronger.

And whatever you do: DON'T DRINK, how tempting it may seem, it'll make the emotional turmoil even worse, to hellish extents. Distract yourself in any way you can, and as time passes, so will the hurt.
You'll see.

Congrats with your 3 and a half months by the way! That's an awesome achievement

Take good care of yourself.

psyk0

coffeenut

3 and a half months is an awesome accomplishment. You still have your sobriety....and you will become stronger with it.

Drinking will not bring the guy back. Please stay strong!

Cathy31

Hello there, I had the same thing at 6 months - I was DEVASTATED utterly heartbroken (the fact that half of 'it' was fantasy is irrelevant, I really really felt it!)

Thank God I knew a drink was not an option, but it was so unfamiliar being totally overwhelmed by sadness! What did I do - I just felt it. I cried ALOT, I stepped up meetings, I talked about it and it passed...it took a while but it did pass. What I was so happy about in retrospect was that had I been drinking I would've stalked this guy, probbably staged a bit of a suicide attempt ( embarrassing I know, but that's the insanity of my alcoholism when active) EVERYTHING would've fallen apart! Instead I was able to be sad and basically not act in an alcohol induced way which would haev been dangerous and humiliating. And it did pass. And I'm now in the best relationship I've ever had in my whole life! Everything happens for a reason - try and see it as an experiment...THIS is what life feels like - it's uncomfortable but it is real. Please keep us posted.

Cathy31
x

gantz

there is no one thing anyone can say that will make you feel better, and unfortunately there is no one thing you can do either. When it comes to love lost it can almost feel the same as dealing with a death.

Still there is good news! No matter how great he was or how much you were in love with him the feeling will pass. You will feel completely normal again. Right now it is impossible to imagine but I promise you its true. I have had to deal with it 3 times.

For now my best advice for accelerating the healing process is to exercise, pick up a healthy hobby, hang out with friends as much as possible and watch alot of comedy movies.

And always keep in the back of you mind that one day you will wake up and no longer feel the sadness of the break up anymore.

CarolD

Of course you are sad...

Not all loves are forever...perhaps its time to concentrate on YOU.
Well done on your sober time....thats quite amazing.

Tazman53

Kristina know that you are not alone in this, we are here for you, I pray you have not sought solice in the bottle.

The steps and the fellowship helped me through a very rough time with one of my daughters when I had a little less then a year sober. I put it out on the table and I gained strength and hope from others in those healing rooms.

My hope gains strength as I see others stay sober through deaths, divorces, jail time, prison, bankruptcy, etc. I have learned that a problem shared is a problem halfed. I am glad you shared this with us, just know that it will pass far quicker if you stay sober and experience the pain and heart ache. The best way I have found to go through hard times is to experience them, not hide from them.

I hope things are a bit better today for you, a hug for you (((((((Kristina)))))) just to help.

Kristina

Thank you so much, everyone, for your kind words, understanding, encouragement, and "hugs." It's comforting to see how many people have gone through breakups and other hard and sad experiences and stayed sober.

I didn't drink, I know where that will lead me in the big picture, and in this smaller picture I'm sure it would end in drunk dialing and other such embarrassing, destructive actions.

I guess the hardest part is that not only did I not see this coming, I've been working so hard on my recovery program to become a better, healthier, whole person. I feel like "why now when I'm working so hard to change everything?" I thought that I had met my soul mate, and part of my motivation for getting sober was actually being in a real and meaningful relationship that made me want to not repeat that past like I had in so many relationships before.

Last night I went to a couple of meetings and today my best friend happens to be off of work, so we are going to go do girly stuff. So, I'm staying busy.

Thanks again, everyone.

Tazman53

Kristina in case I never said it before, I have always loved your kitty cat pic!!!! LOL

Kristina

Thanks Tazman. It's shameful to admit, but I am a huge LOLcat fan.