meadow04

I am feeling really alone right now. For some reason I just can't NOT drink. I am so frustrated but it has become such a routine in my life I feel lost when I try not to drink. I wish I could find the strength because I am afraid that I am doing major damage to my body (liver). This scares me, but I guess not enough to stop. How did you all find the courage to stop drinking. I don't want to wait until it is too late before I get my sh*t together. Any thoughts please. My family does not know so this is my only place to talk to anyone about this. Thanks in advance......
Meadow

Astro

My experience was that I had to come to a place where I simply couldn't take another drink, no matter what. By that time it was too late, I'd crossed too many lines with the people who loved my, I'd given away everything that I thought was important in my life.

Drinking had ceased being an option, I knew I could never safely take another drink again. I know what you mean by it being a routine, I was a daily drinker for 25 years.

What would scare you enough to stop? I never had a DUI, killed anyone, or went to jail. The thought of that scares me enough now. I did give away a marriage, home, dogs, and spending time with my children though, and that was enough to scare me into going to AA and staying sober.

How badly do you want to stop feeling alone? Enough to go to an AA meeting or support group and reach out for help? Let others love you until you can love yourself. There's so much support that's freely available, but you have to ask for it and want it badly enough to do whatever it takes to stay sober.

CarolD

For me to finally quit....
I had to want to more than I wanted to drink.

I found a new fntastic life in the rooms of AA.
People I did not know who were willing to share
on how to live sober.

Why does your family not know about your drinking?
Telling them you need support might be a good start.

nandm

I had to realize that for me drinking was a slow suicide that was not only killing me but taking everyone who cared about me down with me. It was only then that I was willing to do whatever it took to not drink. It was a frightening time for me as I had no clue how to live life without drinking but could no longer go on living while drinking. I could not stand being alone or in my own skin when I wasn't drinking. What helped me and changed all that was I found a recovery program, the one I went to is A.A. and I am still active in it over 7 years later. There is a list of recovery programs at the top of the alcoholism forum.

vegibean

I literally got to such a low point in my life that the choice was to either get better or live a life that I regarded even then as really going lower than I was willing to. I didn't care about my health, I was in a ton of emotional pain but my kids deserved a much better mom. Initially I did it because of them. Now I do it for me.

It's different for everyone, just remember that life goes on no matter what, sober or not. You're the one that has to live with yourself every day. So it's a matter of "what is it going to take YOU to stop?" Only you know.

NewDayNow

Hi Meadow,

This is a very good place to talk. It’s good that you have recognized your use of alcohol for what it is. Please, don’t wait until it’s too late. Stay with us here on this forum.

Your not alone

ed

Tazman53

I could have written that statement, you are not alone!!!!

For me it was not courage.... it was fear!!! I knew I had to quit or die! I also knew I had no idea how to quit because to not drink brought on insanity for me, in order to feel normal and function I had to drink.

Once I knew I was powerless over alcohol and I did not know how to get sober I called a alcohol and drug hotline, they set me up with a doctors appointment the next day. The doctor told me I needed to be medically detoxed in order to even begin to get really sober. Well I had a very long track record of trying to quit my way which proved to me that I had no idea how to get sober so I listened to him and went into detox.

In detox after my head started to clear a little bit they were suggesting that if I wanted a chance at long term sobriety I needed to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor. Well I also had a very long track record of trying to stay sober my way which proved to me that I had no idea how to stay sober, so I listened to them and went to over least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and got a sponsor.

Well it is 2 years later, I am still in AA, I am still sober, I do not go to nearly as many meetings as I used to, I am now sponsoring other men in AA and I am happier then I have been in over 30 years. I spend quality time now with my family and life life on lifes terms sober and happy.

NewDayNow

Ditto

Ed

gravity

On December 16, 2007, I was so full of fear & self-hatred, just coming out of yet another horrendous bender despite again swearing that I would quit or moderate my drinking. I was ready to check myself into the local psych-ward – it was that bad. I felt so alone, so hopeless.

I had to make a decision:

-Keep drinking and, in time, lose everything important to me – my children, wife, health (mental & physical), and career,
-Again, try to quit drinking on my own despite so many failed attempts, or
-Do everything I could to quit, swallow my pride and reach out for help.

AA & SR gave me that initial hope, that I could: 1) quit and 2) live a good life without alcohol.

I don’t mean to sound unkind but I do not believe that you “can’t NOT drink.” Really, you have a decision to make. A good, sober life is right in front of you but it takes reaching out, hard work & patience.

bald2000

Hi, meadow04. May be I am excessively rude, but I think you simply acquit your crave for kaif. Your inner alcoholic always is able to find any reasons for drinking. Kill him and become free.

RufusACanal

..and if you liver is bad, what about the damage done to your brain. Do you want to quit?

Eclipse

It wasn't until I talked to my husband about my problem (which he already knew), I then went to the doctor and told the doctor about my problem that I really did anything about it. I felt I had to tell them to make myself accountable. Otherwise, I could easily just go drink again with no backlash (except to myself, which was bad enough but not enough to stop).

I have been 22 days and feel really good. You REALLY have to want to do it and its too hard to do all alone. Lots of people go the AA route, which I could not bring myself to do, but I know it has been a life saver for so many people. I am also relying on SR so much to keep my sanity.

Bamboozle

meadow...

I took another look at my life in a different light. I was seeing the same thing as I always saw before...but at that point I realized there wasn't one thing about my life that I liked. I really saw for the first time that all of my hopes and dreams were simply that...and nothing more. I had nothing but routine...day to day survival...

I was afraid to quit. I did it anyway. I wanted to become a different person. The only way I could see to do that was to quit drinking.

I've had many starts and stops this year. Right now I'm at my longest period of sobriety. I'm still in the danger zone for relapsing...these past two weeks have been the hardest, and I've relapsed before over lesser emotions...I'm surprised I haven't given in yet.

I live everyday without promises to myself except for one: I'm going to change things in my life to better the experience of living. I cannot guarantee I'll never relapse again.......but, I am finally aware that I need to take care of myself. I want to be a happy person. I am not right now....but I hope to be soon.

Best of luck to you...If you are discovering that you want to quit and cannot do it on your own (this does happen for some), you can try rehab or find someone who specializes in recovery from addiction. Don't get down on yourself. Help is available. You can do this. SR will be here for you when you need to vent. :ghug3

JockLarcher

If you will it, you will find the opportunity, the moment, the company that will allow you to continue the journey of breaking free that you have begun.
Best wishes.
Recognise the light that follows dawn.

Bangoob

Meadow, your family know... It must be some 7th sense they possess, and their realization of your suffering is equally heartbreaking to them. For some strange reason, my wife and 9year-old daughter STILL love me. So does my Westie pet: the worse is that I inwardly feel I don't deserve their love. Everytime I promise to quit, I cause a breech of faith, a scar to their souls, but the humongous mental compulsion to drink is so strong that it is capable to offer me any explication to justify my reckless behaviour. All my folks are decent quiet co-dependants who attempt to alleviate their grief by not exposing my full-blown alcoholism. I'm the sole person responsible for this mess; my loneliness is, I imagine, like that of Lucifer after being blown outta heaven. Still, I know there is hope; I went sober before and will do the same in the future. But it's so painful...

gantz

when it came to myself alcohol was definitely my source of loneliness. Not that my drinking made me unable to see and meet other people. That was quite the opposite as many of my friends drank as much or more than me.

It seemed to actually be a chemical effect of the alcohol itself (after all it is a depressant). I would drink and reach this high point where everything was awesome and I was extremely happy and feeling good, and then eventually after that peak was reach it would start to fade even as I kept drinking.

So I would try to drink harder to bring it back, but instead I started getting dismal empty feelings. Slowly I would start feeling so alone and hopeless...and so my self loathing would continue till I passed out.

When I awoke hungover and still partially drunk those feelings rose up 10 fold and I would beg death to swallow me right then and there.