Teams

I am 38 years old.I have been a alcoholic since i was 15.Through high school i drank and all i wanted to do was fight.I eneterd the milatary in 1993 to run from trouble caused from my fighting.No branch would accept me execpt the Navy.Needless to say i found a interest and became a Navy Seal.While i was in the Teams i was married and had a son.Needless to say i killed that marriage due to drinking and pure hatred towards life.When i got out i came home to Texas and my problems that i ran from were here waiting for me.Problem lies in the fact i could fight much better and drink twice as much.The years have gone by now and alot has happened.Lost another marriage in 1999 and a very sucessful company because of my meaness and druken state.In 2001 I met a woman that is the only love of my life.I have never cared for another this way.Family,friends past girlfriends Etc..She is very sucessful and her and i started a company again.I have lost her and the company in Bankruptsy....I drank my life away!This is my life in a very small Nutshell.IAm i doomed for the remainder of my life????Completely Lost.

nandm

Welcome to SR and our alcoholism forum!

There is hope many of us here are living proof that a life which seems hopeless right now can be turned into a better life than we had ever dreamed possible. A great place to start if you want to hear how lives were changed is the "stories of recovery" forum.

I am glad you are here. Your new life can be starting today. Have you considered a program of recovery? If you are interested there is a list of recovery programs at the top of this forum.

beingjenagain

I hear ya! I was born an alcoholic and drank acoholically from 15-39. I now have 5+ months sober and have found a whole new world open to me. You have asked for help and that is the start.
Sounds like you don't have anything to lose so what about inpatient treatment? But do know that SR is here 24/7 and someone is always here to "chat" and give their experience strength and hope!
Welcome to SR!!!!!

Teams

I have tried AA just never put my heart into it.I did intreatment in the military for 12 weeks because of a confrontation...I have lost everything in my life other than my actual life and god knows i should have lost that several times.They say a cat has 9 lives,if thats the case mine expired a long time back.No pitty party here just lookin for a glimmer of hope is all!

Celebration1994

Hi Teams.....Alcohol will take all you hold dear and close to your heart. I know for me I drank 30 years and finally decided I was done, just sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was a functioning drunk for all those years. What I found for me was I had to have more desire to not drink, then the desire to drink. I had to ask for help and go to any lengths to not drink, 1 day at a time. I had to take that leap of faith to listen to others that were sober, and had rebuilt and were living a life sober. I took the suggestions and 1 day at a time I stayed sober. I had to look at step 1 and believe it was applicable to me. It's about honesty, openmindedness and willingness for me, on a daily basis to not drink 1 day at a time.

No one is doomed to drink all there life...it is a choice, but for me I could not stop drinking alone. I needed others who had stopped drinking to teach me how they had stopped drinking 1 day at a time. Blessings and Love~Terry

Teams

Has anyone here been lying and deceitful??Im guilty as sin?My friends say its ok i should be proud i was a former Seal.To me i feel like the bottom of someones shoe.

tennis71

Welcome to SR!

It sounds like you have a strong desire to stop drinking which is a good start. Now, what are you willing to do to get and maintain your sobriety?

AA of course is not the only game in town but it is the easiest to access for most people. You might start by attending meetings, finding a sponsor and starting work on the steps.

It is never too late to start, I am 36 and have struggled with sobriety for the past year. I took my 1st drink at 18 and finally surrendered and started recovering late last year after a DUI. I have been through several relapses but I keep coming back to the program and each period of sobriety lasts longer. I have had more sober days this past year than any other period of my life and for that I am thankful.

Again, it is never too late to begin recovery. As long as you are breathing you can do it.

Thanks for sharing and keep posting.

nandm

This is typical behavior for an alcoholic. Honesty is a hard thing to do when we feel shameful for who we are and what we are doing to ourselves and others. You are definately not alone in this feeling but I can honestly say you do not have to continue to feel this way. The Steps of A.A. helped me to let go of the resentment, fear, and shame for the way I had been living my life.

Teams

Thank you so much for the kind words and a hope of inspiration!!

Teams

I wish the best to everyone on this site.Dont know what i was looking for but just thought as a lat effort i would try something new.Best wishes and Gods praise to all that repleid to me.Take Care....

LosingmyMisery

It sounds to me as if you have picked yourself up and started over before. I think you can do it again. Never give up. Put your whole heart and soul into getting sober and I bet you will see amazing results. Its worked for me. It will work for you. I never was successful until I got serious. That is when I finally got sober. Best wishes...

flutter

I hope you stick around, it's great to hang out here

Latte

Anything I put in front of my recovery, I lost.

Stubborn1

I just got around to your post. I used to be very angry. I still think it was a control thing. I knew no matter what I could beat someones butt if they mouthed off or did something I didn't like. Doing my own research it was because I had no control growing up. No one could discipline me. Still can't but I'm nice now. I had to want that too.
It took a while to get out from under that label. I believe you are the legacy you leave behind and at one point I didn't like the thought of what everyone would remember me as at my funeral.
I did a 180. I have my anger under control. That's a seperate issue from alcoholism but they do kinda go hand in hand. I'm more prone to want to fight if I'm drinking so I don't drink.
Your not a bad guy by the sounds of it you just need an opportunity to turn around for the better. Most alcoholics think they are the scum of the earth........you're not. The disease wants you to believe that. Use the time and energy you put forth for anger and drinking into learning to be kind and fight addiction. You just have it mixed up right now.
Being kind doesn't mean your a puss. Ever heard of silent but deadly? You know you could mess someone up, that doesn't mean you have to.
I'm no therapist but if you want it you could have it all. Billy bad a**es die alone. Not a cool way to go.
Prayers.

Impurrfect

(((Teams)))

Welcome to SR! I hope you stick around, there are some great people here.

I'm a recovering addict (crack) but I know, very well, the feelings of shame, guilt, remorse. It's all a part of the addiction. I was pretty content to live my life out as a street-walking crack addict, until I got sick of the consequences.

You were a Navy SEAL, which I think is impressive. I was an RN, but now I wait tables. I just turned 47, and have 18 months clean.

We're never too old to get recovery, but we may be "too dead" if we don't stop. Once we put as much energy into recovery, as we put into getting drunk/high, life starts to get better. It's not easy, but nothing worthwhile usually is. The more you surround yourself with supportive people, the better it is.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Horselover

Hi Teams - I too just found your post. Your last post sounded like you were saying goodbye to SR already. I hope I misread that or you found a better plan. The key word is plan. Have a plan and just try not drinking for the next 24 hours. Post on here when you need to or just read what's been posted. I have gotten so much help from this site. I really feel I owe my life to SR and the good people here. You can change. Anyone can change. I sure hope you come back and that you don't give up. You will always be welcome here and believe me, as bad as you have had it, there are people on this board that are right there with you or came from even worse. No one is hopeless or helpless.

CarolD

Welcome to SR and our Alcoholism Forum

I finally quit drinking at 53 so I know you can stop.
All my fun bottles were empty and it sounds like yours are too.

Prayers coming your way

Cathy31

Hi Teams and Welcome!

I could relate so much to your post...2.5 years almost to the day I felt as you did...now my life is wonderful. I credit God's Grace and the miracle of AA. If you do what is suggested, you can absolutely turn your life around and be TRULY happy.

Give it a try!

Cathy31
x

hope213

welcome to S.R. i am glad you found us & hope you hang out with us for awhile. there is alot of people just like you. the is hope as long as there is life. read around & stay with us. prayers for you.

Tazman53

Teams welcome to SR, no one is beyond hope of recovery, I thought I was lost as well, I had no idea what to do.

I was at the point where I was willing to do anything to get and more importanly stay sober. If you are at that point as well you may try what worked for me.

I saw a doctor and told him the whole 9 yards about my drinking, he told me that I needed to be medically detoxed.

I went into detox!

In detox they told us over and over again "If you want a chance to stay sober go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor!

I went to more then 90 AA meetings in 90 days and got a sponsor.

My sponsor and others in AA with good long term sobriety told me if I wanted a real chance at long term sobriety to work the steps.

I worked the steps and apply them to all areas of my life to the best of mmy abilty today 2 years later, I am still sober and happier then I have been in over 30 years.

Teams I have found that AA is not for people that need it, but for people that want it. If you want happy sobriety I would suggest giving AA another sincere try, if AA does not help then there are other recovery programs that work for others, just keep trying, sobriety can be found by those who are persitant and dedicated.