My First Real Test Tonight - Looking for support
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Originally Posted by TTOSBT 
Hi all;
First, let me say that I was a closet drinker. I hid my drinking 90% of the time and I did not go out to drink.
...drank while I was at home (sneeking behind my husband and kids backs).
So...yesterday my little disease voice says, "Wow you could drink and no one would know." I know I could hide it from the kids and avoid other people and my phone for a day or so.
First, let me say that I was a closet drinker. I hid my drinking 90% of the time and I did not go out to drink.
...drank while I was at home (sneeking behind my husband and kids backs).
So...yesterday my little disease voice says, "Wow you could drink and no one would know." I know I could hide it from the kids and avoid other people and my phone for a day or so.
You've got a nice stretch of sober time behind you now. Enough that I'm sure you can appreciate the differences in your life now from 5 months ago. I'm sure you're really proud of yourself (you should be!). You KNOW deep down you don't want to blow it. You don't want to lie to yourself any more than you want to sneak drinks behind your family's backs. You don't REALLY want to start that cycle all over again.
Your disease just wants you to think you do.
Hang in there. You're doing SUCH a great job. You CAN keep it up.
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
You said that you and your husband are rarely apart, so this is a 'new' thing for you sober. Every single thing I do for the first time, scares the crap out of me. But then, I am extremely proud of myself for gutting it out. You will be proud of yourself, too.
OH....and I liked your husbands comment about the Big bottle of wine!
OH....and I liked your husbands comment about the Big bottle of wine!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,778
"... to thine own self be true, and it shall follow, like the day the night, thou can'st not then be false to any man."* You know what you should do, you just need to do it. I have faith in you.
:ghug3
*thanks Will, for the good advice! He was a pretty smart old fart, wasn't he?
:ghug3
*thanks Will, for the good advice! He was a pretty smart old fart, wasn't he?
To Thine Own Self Be True
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Thank you guys!
Tenn, yup, I would be missing a great life!
Tryin, :ghug3 girl. I figured if I decided to drink, I would have two choices. I would have to lie to everybody or I would have to get honest (the more likely choice) and introduce myself as a newcomer again, tell all the people that are there to support me, give myself a reason to beat myself up and very likely have another drink to numb that pain, etc, etc. I am keeping what I got today!
Coffeenut (me too by the way!), I am feeling pretty good right now. I will be snuggled in bed in the next half hour and I will have one more day without a drink. My husband is a kook. But a good kinda kook. He just called to say goodnight and ask how my class was, because sometimes I come home annoyed after those classes.
least, Thank you SO much for that entire quote. Beautiful! And thank you for the faith!
So I went to my DUI education class and it was on Recovery and Relapse. How appropriate. I have a very powerful HP.
So I am going to bed.
Thank you all & SR for being here for me:ghug2
Tenn, yup, I would be missing a great life!
Tryin, :ghug3 girl. I figured if I decided to drink, I would have two choices. I would have to lie to everybody or I would have to get honest (the more likely choice) and introduce myself as a newcomer again, tell all the people that are there to support me, give myself a reason to beat myself up and very likely have another drink to numb that pain, etc, etc. I am keeping what I got today!
Coffeenut (me too by the way!), I am feeling pretty good right now. I will be snuggled in bed in the next half hour and I will have one more day without a drink. My husband is a kook. But a good kinda kook. He just called to say goodnight and ask how my class was, because sometimes I come home annoyed after those classes.
least, Thank you SO much for that entire quote. Beautiful! And thank you for the faith!
So I went to my DUI education class and it was on Recovery and Relapse. How appropriate. I have a very powerful HP.
So I am going to bed.
Thank you all & SR for being here for me:ghug2
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
AWESOME!!!!!!
I hardly read a single reply in this thread until I saw the one saying you made it through the evening. When I was drinking I used to get super excited if the family was going somewhere without me! These were the occasions I could do what I wanted to really do, not do that boring maintenance drinking to keep the shakes away, I could really tie one on, I could find oblivion!!! In the end there were days I could not find oblivion!!!
I do not miss those days at all, TTOSBT with time & the steps you will find that you will not have those thoughts, if you read the promises following step 5 one of them is that we will be able to be alone and at peace!!! That does come true and it is an awesome feeling!!! When the family is out now I am able to simply relax, read, meditate or watch the brain sucker aka TV and not have a thought of wanting to sneak a drink.
I hardly read a single reply in this thread until I saw the one saying you made it through the evening. When I was drinking I used to get super excited if the family was going somewhere without me! These were the occasions I could do what I wanted to really do, not do that boring maintenance drinking to keep the shakes away, I could really tie one on, I could find oblivion!!! In the end there were days I could not find oblivion!!!
I do not miss those days at all, TTOSBT with time & the steps you will find that you will not have those thoughts, if you read the promises following step 5 one of them is that we will be able to be alone and at peace!!! That does come true and it is an awesome feeling!!! When the family is out now I am able to simply relax, read, meditate or watch the brain sucker aka TV and not have a thought of wanting to sneak a drink.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,778
TTOSBT, I too am glad to hear you were in good spirits and ready to go to sleep at peace with yourself. That made me smile, and I needed to smile right now. Thanks!
Keep moving forward. Your husband sounds like a good guy! Glad you have his support and a smart, tho self-absorbed, teen. (aren't they tho?)
:ghug3
Keep moving forward. Your husband sounds like a good guy! Glad you have his support and a smart, tho self-absorbed, teen. (aren't they tho?)
:ghug3
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